
‘My husband spent £60k on his secret fiancé – then was sectioned'
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Dear Katie,
Just before Christmas last year, I suspected that something untoward was going on with my husband.
He kept going out for drives in his car at strange times, and I found one or two Apple gift cards in his pocket, which I initially thought nothing of. But then, one day, I decided to open his glove compartment. To my horror, about 60 Apple gift cards fell out.
I said nothing, but did a bit more snooping and discovered a series of strange cash withdrawals totalling around £30,000 from his Nationwide current account. I didn't confront him about it, as I was scared about his reaction, but I confided in my adult children.
Having discovered the level of withdrawals from his account, I went down to his local branch of Nationwide to report this.
I explained to them that there was unusual activity on his account in the form of daily ATM withdrawals of £500 cash, and asked them to look into the Apple gift cards.
However, I was told that as he was making the withdrawals from ATMs, it was none of their concern. I was told that since it was his account, he would need to come in himself.
A few days, later my children confronted him about it all. He told them that he had been having an affair with a woman he met online.
I already knew he liked to go on Facebook and had been commenting underneath various celebrities' posts – including Agnetha from Abba, Susannah Reid and Sandra Bullock. He seemed to believe that they were personally responding to him, which spurred him on to leave more comments.
But in January 2024, he received a response to one of his comments from a woman called Natasha, who then began messaging him on a one to one basis. They were chatting on WhatsApp and developed some sort of relationship.
He began buying Amazon gift cards and giving them to her – spending £30,000 on these in addition to the Apple gift cards. She said she was going to leave him her entire inheritance and, upsettingly, in the messages she referred to him as her fiance.
My husband was in such a state after this conversation that my children took him to hospital and he was sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
There he was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia, which is a rare form of the disease impacting personality, behaviour, language and speech. Unlike other types of dementia, memory loss and concentration problems are less prominent in its early stages, hence why we had not realised there was anything seriously wrong.
Once my husband was on the hospital ward, the doctor wrote to Nationwide advising them of the scam and that he was sectioned. Since then, Nationwide seems to have taken the situation seriously and has opened a case with its Financial Crime Department.
Bizarrely, they wrote directly to my husband at his home address, even though he is not there.
Despite attempts by myself and his children with numerous phone calls and visits to the branch, we have been unable to get Nationwide to understand the extent of the situation. My husband is still sectioned, and due to his rapidly advancing illness, is now unable to communicate verbally.
Nationwide has now written to my husband telling him that as he has not responded, they will be closing his account on May 13. Unbelievably, it asked him to visit his local branch with a valid ID, which obviously he cannot do.
To date, they have frozen his account but direct debits are still being paid, namely money to run his house and car insurance. If Nationwide closes the account, all these important payments will not be made and with no power of attorney in place, we have no means of accessing money to ensure these payments are met.
This has been and continues to be an extremely upsetting situation for our family to find my husband incapacitated so quickly. This upset has been exacerbated by the attitude of Nationwide in offering no assistance at all.
– Anon
Dear reader,
After living what you would have described as a normal married life for so many years, the rug was suddenly pulled out from under your feet just before Christmas last year when you discovered your husband's 'affair'.
In an almost unbelievable turn of events, he was then sectioned and diagnosed with a rare form of dementia, which has caused his mental state to rapidly deteriorate to the point where he can no longer speak.
He is now receiving one to one care in a home and you say he will never be able to leave due to the degenerative nature of his condition.
After uncovering his horrible secret, I imagine you have been left questioning the integrity of the man you thought you knew, with no hope of an explanation. But you have also had to come to terms with the fact that you have lost him forever because he is never coming back from this seemingly sudden illness.
I'm so very sorry for your loss and all that you have endured over the past few months. This has felt like a dreadfully sad end to what was otherwise a long and happy life together.
I think what's highly likely in retrospect is that your husband's frontotemporal dementia had already kicked in back when he started talking to 'Natasha' on Facebook in January last year. You say he has always been loyal in the past, and all this was extremely out of character, which I totally believe.
It is the case that sufferers of frontotemporal dementia can be more vulnerable to scams due to changes in their judgement and decision-making abilities.
The disease can also affect a person's ability to manage money and assess risk, perhaps explaining why he was suddenly willing to spend £60,000 on a woman he had never met in person, despite previously having a track record of being faithful and financially prudent.
I want to be clear that as an outsider looking in I don't see this episode as an affair at all. It was a cold hard romance scam in which this woman, who was likely part of a criminal enterprise, preyed on your husband at the very moment when he happened to be losing capacity.
People like her are highly trained in manipulation, and can often succeed in casting a spell over people with no known mental issues. So I'm afraid that once in her clutches, with his state of mind, he stood little chance of escaping.
Since you and your husband have always had separate bank accounts, and you did not set up a lasting power of attorney for each other in case one of you lost capacity, dealing with the aftermath of the scam has been horrendously difficult.
You say Nationwide has been extremely unhelpful, which I was sorry to hear, but I'm afraid that it is bound by regulations which state that since you are not named on the account it cannot deal with you.
I note that you said your husband did receive a visit from social services last year in relation to a financial matter, however, you were under the impression they were simply warning him about the messages he believed he was sending to the real Sandra Bullock.
In fact, I believe this may have actually been triggered by Nationwide following all the unusual activity on his account, as under banking protocols, if it suspects someone is being preyed on and may be losing capacity, then it is able to involve the police/social services.
However, social services cleared him as being okay, as did his GP two months before he was sectioned, you say.
Since your husband has lost capacity, he cannot consent for me to discuss his account with Nationwide, which has made investigating his case somewhat tricky. Yet although it has been unable to discuss his account in any detail, I was pleased when Nationwide did confirm that his accounts will be safeguarded and will remain open to allow you to make the appropriate Court of Protection application.
This is now underway, and I have also received confirmation that once it is in place, or in the event of his death (which you have been warned by doctors may not be too far off), we can retrospectively make a claim for a refund under the Contingent Reimbursement Model, which delivers refunds for scams.
Given the situation, I think your husband stands a good chance of getting his money back. Although it won't undo the terrible trauma you've endured in recent months, I know the return of his £60,000 would help, so I'd like to assist you through the process when we're able to proceed. I truly wish you all the best.
A Nationwide spokesman said: 'We can't provide customer information on this case (without authority to do so). However, our staff are trained to spot vulnerability indicators and refer customers to our specialist support team, who will review complex cases like this with the utmost care.
'We work closely with local police and refer to social services as appropriate based on the facts of the case. We review all cases on an individual basis to help support victims through really difficult periods.'
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Sky News
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'He was going to kill me': More strangulation cases recorded by police but many investigations falter
Around 70% of non-fatal strangulation cases in the last year have been dropped due to evidential issues, exclusive data shared with Sky News shows. It is now three years since it became a standalone offence in England and Wales, in a landmark piece of legislation designed to protect domestic abuse victims. Data from the Institute for Addressing Strangulation (IFAS) shows that police are implementing the offence widely - but outcomes for victims are mixed. Warning: This article contains references to domestic abuse and sexual assault 'Sarah' - whose name has been changed to protect her identity - vividly remembers the first time her ex-partner strangled her, one year into their relationship. She said: "He was drunk, and he climbed on top me. He put his hands around my throat, and he pinned me down with the strength of his body." Terrified, she begged him repeatedly to stop, but he carried on. "I remember I just felt really numb and scared, but it was weird, it felt like an out-of-body experience." Afterwards the only words he spoke to her were 'look what you made me do', she said, and then when the ordeal was over, he carried on with his day as if nothing had happened. This was the beginning of a pattern of abuse that continued throughout the rest of their relationship, happening on at least 30 more occasions, Sarah estimated. It became so normalised He strangled her when she was pregnant. He strangled her whether her children were in the house or not. It always happened during sex, though Sarah was only later able to recognise that this was rape after talking to the police, because for her it had become so normalised. And, always, he told Sarah it was her fault - that she had somehow 'made' him do it. She later went on to suffer a miscarriage because of the physical abuse. 'A form of control' "Looking back now I can see it was a form of control. He got off on knowing that he was in control, and he liked seeing me upset," she said. "I thought that he was going to kill me because he used to threaten it to me. It was very, very scary." This fear of death is common among victims of strangulation and is a recognised tool of control and intimidation. A US study found that victims of domestic abuse were seven times more likely to be murdered by their current or former partner if there had been an incident of non-fatal strangulation beforehand. But this form of violence often leaves no obvious external signs of injury, meaning in some cases perpetrators could only be investigated for less serious offences like common assault, which did not reflect the severity of the crime. What are the possible effects on health? 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There were 39,360 recorded crimes in 2023/24, on average 66 offences per 100,000 people compared with 50 per 100,000 the year before, an increase of 20%. "Survivors who work with us have recognised time and time again how important it is to be able to see strangulation as a standalone offence and have the opportunity to progress with criminal justice proceedings," Harriet Smailes, co-author of the report, told Sky News. The volume of crimes recorded suggests that the offence is being widely recognised and reported by police - and the number resulting in charges, at 12%, is high compared to some other offences. However, a significant number of investigations result in no further action due to evidential difficulties. This can happen if police or prosecutors do not believe there is enough evidence to proceed, or if the victim does not support the investigation. This was the outcome in three in five investigations overall, including one in five investigations where the victim did support police action. Outcomes were similar in both years of available data. "In around half of cases, there are no external, physical, visible signs of injury. That's not to say that there aren't internal injuries that can't be seen just with the naked eye," said Ms Smailes, who is a research officer at IFAS. "It might be that that visible injury isn't present at the time of evidence capture that might develop over time, or because there's a difference in how individuals show bruising, for example those of different skin tones. That can contribute towards there not being enough perceived evidence to be able to progress with a police case," she said. In some cases where a victim disengages from police proceedings, it may be that they did not feel supported and believed in the process or felt that there were "too many obstacles". 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Investigators not only have to secure detailed evidence rapidly but also present the best possible case so that prosecutors and juries understand how an abuser is operating, she said. "That can be a challenging job, for a police service that's under pressure, trying to deal with a myriad of priorities. I know many investigators are passionate about getting this right." "We know we're up against it when it comes to securing convictions, but we're determined to improve," she added. Fewer than half were convicted Separate research by IFAS has found that in the first year under the new legislation, only around half of the number of offences charged by police were prosecuted, and less than half of those secured a conviction. Overall, 47% of the 1,437 prosecutions of non-fatal strangulation and suffocation offences in the year to June 2023 resulted in conviction, based on data from the Ministry of Justice (MoJ) from all courts in England and Wales. 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Daily Mail
2 hours ago
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Five members of same family jailed for 17 years over £136,000 fake armed robbery plot at Post Office
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The court heard that money from a safe and a CCTV hard disc had already been removed by Kahlon's cousin Sukhvir Dhillon, the husband of Ramandeep Dhillon and son of Sunaver Dhillon, before the staged robbery. Police analysis of Kahlon's phone showed he was in regular contact with Sukhvir Dhillon, 38, the court heard. Her Honour Judge Lindsey Rose said of the family's fake robbery: 'It meant many resources were deployed to the Post Office when they could have been deployed elsewhere where they may have saved others, all because of your greed and conniving in pretending this was an armed robbery.' Kahlon was initially arrested and appeared at Isleworth Crown Court charged with the armed robbery of Ramandeep Dhillon and Sunaver Dhillon before the inside job was revealed. Kahlon indicated at a pre-trial review that he was willing to plead guilty to the bogus charge before the prosecution requested he was not arraigned. Sentencing Kahlon, Judge Rose said: 'You were the fall guy for this, the robber who failed at his role. 'You were even willing to enter a guilty plea that would have seen you serve a sentence of years' imprisonment for a crime you didn't commit.' The judge said Kahlon was 'hoping to be paid handsomely by Sukhvir Dhillon' for keeping quiet, adding that the family's lies were 'maintained over the investigation and prosecution of Mr Kahlon'. Detectives from the Met's Flying Squad identified Kahlon from CCTV, tracking him to a nearby car which was registered to him. Kahlon's DNA was also found on a metal fence that he cut himself on as he fled the scene. Elroy Claxton, mitigating for Kahlon, said his client became involved in the plot because of 'an overpowering of his mind by brotherly love'. He added that Kahlon was 'remorseful' and denied ever having a firearm in his possession or transferring money over borders. An audit by the Post Office found that the actual amount of money missing from the store was around £136,000 - none of the money was ever recovered. The court heard that some of the stolen money may have been sent to India and Canada while they travelled to those countries. Sentencing the family, the judge said: 'You carefully planned a false robbery at a time when you knew the maximum amount of money would be at the Post Office. 'You lied and lied again to try to get away with this.' Judge Rose said the Dhillon family's expenditure and lifestyle far exceeded their income. The judge told them: 'You enjoyed multiple expensive cars, holidays and houses - including a very large house in Virginia Water that enjoyed an expensive renovation.' Sukhvir Dhillon, of Lyne Road, Virginia Water, was sentenced to five years' imprisonment for his part in the conspiracy after being found guilty of the same charges as Kahlon at Isleworth Crown Court on March 27. Sentencing Sukhvir Dhillon, Judge Rose said: 'You were the person that was the lead of this offence, you planned what would happen, organised it and put everyone in place.' Sunaver Dhillon, mother of Sukhvir Dhillon, was sentenced to three years and one months' imprisonment for her part in the conspiracy after being found guilty of the same charges as Kahlon. Sentencing her, Judge Rose said: 'You went to work to give an air of authenticity to this crime, making sure the safe was open and using your role as sub-postmistress to make sure the maximum amount could be taken.' Ramandeep Dhillon, the wife of Sukhvir Dhillon, was sentenced to two years and five months' imprisonment for the same charges. Sentencing her, Judge Rose said: 'You were no doubt brought in for your acting abilities, happy to play your part in acting scared and upset by this fake robbery. You even lied about there being a gun.' Another family member, Mandeep Gill, 45, was sentenced to two years and four months' imprisonment, after being found guilty of conspiracy to pervert the course of justice and conspiracy to money launder. Gill was not brought into the conspiracy until after the false police report was made, with prosecutor Richard Reynolds adding that her role was 'lesser than the others'. Mr Reynolds said the conspiracy was a 'particularly cynical plan' in light of the Post Office Horizon controversy, adding that it came at a time when 'public awareness and concern around the Horizon scandal was at its absolute peak'. A Post Office spokesperson said: 'We want to publicly thank the Metropolitan Police for its very thorough investigation into this staged armed robbery which was solved using CCTV footage, DNA evidence and other data to identify those involved with this crime.'


Daily Mail
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- Daily Mail
Businessman accused of assaulting ex-girlfriend and Miss Universe finalist Chloe Othen claims she told him another boyfriend beat her up
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