‘My husband spent £60k on his secret fiancé – then was sectioned'
Dear Katie,
Just before Christmas last year, I suspected that something untoward was going on with my husband.
He kept going out for drives in his car at strange times, and I found one or two Apple gift cards in his pocket, which I initially thought nothing of. But then, one day, I decided to open his glove compartment. To my horror, about 60 Apple gift cards fell out.
I said nothing, but did a bit more snooping and discovered a series of strange cash withdrawals totalling around £30,000 from his Nationwide current account. I didn't confront him about it, as I was scared about his reaction, but I confided in my adult children.
Having discovered the level of withdrawals from his account, I went down to his local branch of Nationwide to report this.
I explained to them that there was unusual activity on his account in the form of daily ATM withdrawals of £500 cash, and asked them to look into the Apple gift cards.
However, I was told that as he was making the withdrawals from ATMs, it was none of their concern. I was told that since it was his account, he would need to come in himself.
A few days, later my children confronted him about it all. He told them that he had been having an affair with a woman he met online.
I already knew he liked to go on Facebook and had been commenting underneath various celebrities' posts – including Agnetha from Abba, Susannah Reid and Sandra Bullock. He seemed to believe that they were personally responding to him, which spurred him on to leave more comments.
But in January 2024, he received a response to one of his comments from a woman called Natasha, who then began messaging him on a one to one basis. They were chatting on WhatsApp and developed some sort of relationship.
He began buying Amazon gift cards and giving them to her – spending £30,000 on these in addition to the Apple gift cards. She said she was going to leave him her entire inheritance and, upsettingly, in the messages she referred to him as her fiance.
My husband was in such a state after this conversation that my children took him to hospital and he was sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
There he was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia, which is a rare form of the disease impacting personality, behaviour, language and speech. Unlike other types of dementia, memory loss and concentration problems are less prominent in its early stages, hence why we had not realised there was anything seriously wrong.
Once my husband was on the hospital ward, the doctor wrote to Nationwide advising them of the scam and that he was sectioned. Since then, Nationwide seems to have taken the situation seriously and has opened a case with its Financial Crime Department.
Bizarrely, they wrote directly to my husband at his home address, even though he is not there.
Despite attempts by myself and his children with numerous phone calls and visits to the branch, we have been unable to get Nationwide to understand the extent of the situation. My husband is still sectioned, and due to his rapidly advancing illness, is now unable to communicate verbally.
Nationwide has now written to my husband telling him that as he has not responded, they will be closing his account on May 13. Unbelievably, it asked him to visit his local branch with a valid ID, which obviously he cannot do.
To date, they have frozen his account but direct debits are still being paid, namely money to run his house and car insurance. If Nationwide closes the account, all these important payments will not be made and with no power of attorney in place, we have no means of accessing money to ensure these payments are met.
This has been and continues to be an extremely upsetting situation for our family to find my husband incapacitated so quickly. This upset has been exacerbated by the attitude of Nationwide in offering no assistance at all.
– Anon
Dear reader,
After living what you would have described as a normal married life for so many years, the rug was suddenly pulled out from under your feet just before Christmas last year when you discovered your husband's 'affair'.
In an almost unbelievable turn of events, he was then sectioned and diagnosed with a rare form of dementia, which has caused his mental state to rapidly deteriorate to the point where he can no longer speak.
He is now receiving one to one care in a home and you say he will never be able to leave due to the degenerative nature of his condition.
After uncovering his horrible secret, I imagine you have been left questioning the integrity of the man you thought you knew, with no hope of an explanation. But you have also had to come to terms with the fact that you have lost him forever because he is never coming back from this seemingly sudden illness.
I'm so very sorry for your loss and all that you have endured over the past few months. This has felt like a dreadfully sad end to what was otherwise a long and happy life together.
I think what's highly likely in retrospect is that your husband's frontotemporal dementia had already kicked in back when he started talking to 'Natasha' on Facebook in January last year. You say he has always been loyal in the past, and all this was extremely out of character, which I totally believe.
It is the case that sufferers of frontotemporal dementia can be more vulnerable to scams due to changes in their judgement and decision-making abilities.
The disease can also affect a person's ability to manage money and assess risk, perhaps explaining why he was suddenly willing to spend £60,000 on a woman he had never met in person, despite previously having a track record of being faithful and financially prudent.
I want to be clear that as an outsider looking in I don't see this episode as an affair at all. It was a cold hard romance scam in which this woman, who was likely part of a criminal enterprise, preyed on your husband at the very moment when he happened to be losing capacity.
People like her are highly trained in manipulation, and can often succeed in casting a spell over people with no known mental issues. So I'm afraid that once in her clutches, with his state of mind, he stood little chance of escaping.
Since you and your husband have always had separate bank accounts, and you did not set up a lasting power of attorney for each other in case one of you lost capacity, dealing with the aftermath of the scam has been horrendously difficult.
You say Nationwide has been extremely unhelpful, which I was sorry to hear, but I'm afraid that it is bound by regulations which state that since you are not named on the account it cannot deal with you.
I note that you said your husband did receive a visit from social services last year in relation to a financial matter, however, you were under the impression they were simply warning him about the messages he believed he was sending to the real Sandra Bullock.
In fact, I believe this may have actually been triggered by Nationwide following all the unusual activity on his account, as under banking protocols, if it suspects someone is being preyed on and may be losing capacity, then it is able to involve the police/social services.
However, social services cleared him as being okay, as did his GP two months before he was sectioned, you say.
Since your husband has lost capacity, he cannot consent for me to discuss his account with Nationwide, which has made investigating his case somewhat tricky. Yet although it has been unable to discuss his account in any detail, I was pleased when Nationwide did confirm that his accounts will be safeguarded and will remain open to allow you to make the appropriate Court of Protection application.
This is now underway, and I have also received confirmation that once it is in place, or in the event of his death (which you have been warned by doctors may not be too far off), we can retrospectively make a claim for a refund under the Contingent Reimbursement Model, which delivers refunds for scams.
Given the situation, I think your husband stands a good chance of getting his money back. Although it won't undo the terrible trauma you've endured in recent months, I know the return of his £60,000 would help, so I'd like to assist you through the process when we're able to proceed. I truly wish you all the best.
A Nationwide spokesman said: 'We can't provide customer information on this case (without authority to do so). However, our staff are trained to spot vulnerability indicators and refer customers to our specialist support team, who will review complex cases like this with the utmost care.
'We work closely with local police and refer to social services as appropriate based on the facts of the case. We review all cases on an individual basis to help support victims through really difficult periods.'
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
The Independent
10 minutes ago
- The Independent
Tories deliberately trying to fuel hatred against asylum seekers, Yousaf says
The former first minister of Scotland has accused the Tories of 'deliberately trying to fuel hatred' against asylum seekers by presenting them as a threat to women and children. Humza Yousaf said politicians like Robert Jenrick were 'reviving the old colonial lie that people from the east are somehow dangerous savages'. Mr Jenrick, the shadow justice secretary, has said he supports 'every peaceful protest outside an asylum hotel' and later attended one in Epping, where an asylum seeker was charged with sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl. Demonstrations against asylum seekers staying in hotels have sprung up across the UK, including in Scotland, with those attending claiming they are making their communities less safe. Mr Jenrick, who previously ran for the Tory leadership, said small boat crossings in the English Channel amounted to a 'national security emergency', adding: 'The truth is that mass, uncontrolled immigration has been fuelling crime and made women and girls less safe. ' In a video posted to social media, Mr Yousaf hit back at the Tory claims, saying it was 'predatory men' who posed a danger to women, rather than people from any one group, such as asylum seekers. He said: 'As a father of three girls, let me tell you that it's not asylum seekers I'm worried about when it comes to my daughter's safety – it's men, predatory men, who come in every colour, every religion, are from every background. 'Of course, those who do commit heinous crimes against women, be they asylum seekers or those who have lived in the UK for 10 generations, they should and must feel the full force of the law. 'But when you purposely single out asylum seekers, as the Tories are doing, you're not interested in protecting women, you're deliberately trying to fuel hatred. 'You're reviving the old colonial lie that people from the east are somehow dangerous savages.' The former SNP leader said such rhetoric has turned 'fear into mobs who are ready to set fire to hotels housing asylum seekers', in reference to a riot in Rotherham last year in which a man who attempted to set fire to an asylum hotel. 'It leads to bricks through windows,' he added. 'It leads to fire bombs aimed at vulnerable families who've already fled war and persecution. 'And here's the truth, violence against women is committed by men from every walk of life. 'Blaming asylum seekers doesn't make women safer, it just makes society more divided, more suspicious, more willing to turn on the most vulnerable. 'What the Tories are doing isn't about women's safety, it's about stoking fear. It's the oldest populist trick in the book, let's make sure we don't fall.'
BBC News
11 minutes ago
- BBC News
Prolific burglar who plaTyneside businesses jailed
A serial burglar who plagued dozens of businesses has been jailed after breaching three suspended prison sentences with his latest Thoburn, 44, smashed windows and raided five "small independent" businesses in Monkseaton, North Tyneside in June stealing hundreds of pounds including cash from a charity jar, Newcastle Crown Court the time Thoburn, who had previously been jailed for eight years for sexually abusing a 12-year-old girl, was subject to suspended sentences for similar break-ins in Gateshead and Thoburn, who had more than 150 offences on his criminal record, was jailed for three years four months after admitting multiple burglaries. In the early hours of 2 June, Thoburn broke into two delis, a fish and chip shop, barber business and bakery in Monkseaton, prosecutor Antonia Adie total he stole about £1,700 in cash, including £58 from a tip jar and £40 from a charity box, as well as causing hundreds of pounds worth of damage, the court of the businesses suffered further losses as they had to be closed for repairs and clean ups after Thoburn's "messy" searches, Ms Adie barber shop owner said the break-in had had a "significant emotional and financial impact" on the "small family-owned business", while the fish and chip shop manager said he was "left feeling really annoyed and angry". 'Failed to register' Thoburn was subject to three suspended prison sentence orders at the time made by two magistrates' courts and the crown court, the prosecutor related to burglaries of a beauty salon, butcher shop, pottery studio and three barber shops in a one-night spree in Gateshead in November in which he stole cash and items worth £2,250, the court heard. He has also used a hammer to smash his way into Greggs at the Viking Centre in Jarrow and a cafe in South Shields a week also admitted multiple breaches of sex offender requirements because, as a homeless convicted child abuser, he had failed to register at a police station every seven order was made to last indefinitely in 2016 after he was jailed for six counts of engaging in sexual activity with a child, the court heard. 'Left misery in wake' Judge Amanda Rippon said Thoburn had 70 burglaries on his record and a further 30 or so he had asked to take into consideration, which meant by her calculation he had been convicted of raiding at least 100 businesses. She said he targeted "small independent" firms, many of whom operated on a "knife-edge" and needed "every penny" they earned."You left misery for the owners in your wake," the judge told Thoburn, adding the impact was "long-lasting and significant".Judge Rippon said she accepted much of his offending stemmed from a drug addiction caused by "awful abuse" he was subjected to as a she said he had to "come a point" when he acknowledged the damage caused in his past but made "a choice to no longer let that define who you are and what you do".She said other judges and magistrates had tried to give him a chance with suspended sentences but he was not ready for the help they offered. Follow BBC North East on X, Facebook, Nextdoor and Instagram.
The Sun
11 minutes ago
- The Sun
Man in his 50s found dead inside home after ‘disturbance' on street as teen, 19, and pensioner, 76, among three arrested
A MAN in his 50s has been found dead inside a house after being hurt in a "disturbance" on the street. Cops arrested a 29-year-old man on suspicion of murder. A 19-year-old woman and a 76-year-old man were also arrested on suspicion of assisting an offender. Cops scrambled to a home in Mansfield Woodhouse, Nottinghamshire at 6.20pm on August 17. Paramedics called them to the scene after finding a man dead. He had been hurt in a "street disturbance" the day before at 10.30pm. Detective Chief Inspector Ruby Burrow, of Nottinghamshire Police, said:'Our sympathies remain with the victim's family and friends in the light of this tragic incident, and our specially trained officers will continue to support them. 'We've now arrested three suspects in connection with this man's death, including one man on suspicion of murder. 'While our investigation is progressing, we are still urging anyone with information – no matter how insignificant it may seem – to get in touch with us without delay. 'I'd also like to take this time to reassure local residents that although this has likely caused a degree of local concern, we believe this is an isolated incident with no wider risk to the public.' The three suspects remain in custody as the investigation continues.
