I had wild sex with interior designer I hired for home makeover after divorce – she wants to move in but I can't commit
I'm just not ready and am still navigating my way through the minefield of my divorce.
I'm a man of 41 and I travel with my job. It's well-paid but being away from home was the price I paid for my marriage — my wife cheated on me.
She's 36 and had a pregnancy scare at a time when I knew it couldn't be mine, which meant the truth came out.
I demanded to see her phone and before I could even click on the messages she started to spill everything.
She admitted having countless men because she'd been lonely and while I understood that it had been hard as I was away so often, I also couldn't forgive the lies and deceit.
She moved into a flat and I kept the house — but it reminded me of her so much that I decided it needed a makeover.
A young woman of 28 had started an interior design business and I saw her work on our local Facebook page.
It looked good so I suggested she come over for a consultation.
She was full of enthusiasm about what she could do and I liked her company so I opened some wine. After our second bottle and lots of flirting, I went in for a kiss.
I wasn't sure how she'd react but she was all over me and we went upstairs and had sex.
I had been so off women since my wife but she reignited a spark in me and it felt amazing.
She's now transforming my house every day and doing the decorating, it's great. But she also wants to stay over. I've not had the place to myself for two weeks now.
The sex is great but I don't want to commit.
DEIDRE SAYS: You need to be clear about how you feel. It may just be a fling for you but perhaps her emotions run deeper. It's only fair to be honest.
She may decide then that it's purely business and it may be better to leave it at that. I'm sorry to hear your wife cheated on you. You clearly loved her and it will take some time before you are ready for another relationship.
Talking to an impartial counsellor will help. My support pack called How Counselling Helps explains more.
You can find support from the Divorce Recovery Workshop (drw.org.uk), which runs sessions to help you to get over the trauma of divorce.
MARRIED LOVER'S SO GOOD IN BED
DEAR DEIDRE: DO I stick with seeing a man who is great in bed but won't leave his wife, or the man who can offer me everything except sex when I want it?
I've been seeing a married man for four years. We hook up whenever he's in town. I'm a woman of 40 and we met when he came for an appointment at the firm where I'm a receptionist.
We went out for a drink one evening and ended up having the best sex together. He told me he was married and didn't want anything serious.
Since then, I've met a guy online who is lovely. He is good looking, 43, and runs his own business.
He asked me to go on holiday with him but I haven't committed yet.
We've had a bit of fumbled sexual play only once. He says he has low testosterone levels so sex is a problem for him but for me, it's a big part of a holiday. I have a high sex drive. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: You're the married guy's booty call so he's a no. Sex with him may scratch the itch but he's cheating and you're enabling him to do that.
If the other guy is a free agent and you like him, talk to him about checking in with his doctor to see whether his testosterone levels can be improved.
It's a shame for anyone so young to not be enjoying a good sex life if they have the chance. My pack Reviving A Man's Sex Drive will help.
DEAR DEIDRE: MY habit of sending girls sexy text messages has blown up yet another relationship.
I thought I was happy and that this relationship had a chance but it doesn't take much to turn my head.
I'm a guy of 32 and my now-ex is 29. We met at a padel court where she was partnered with me.
She was lively and pretty and when we won our match, we celebrated with a drink in the pub and I then asked her for her number.
We started dating but I kept my options open and would chat to other women. I'll ask them for nude pics and sometimes I send explicit pictures to them too.
When I was texting a girl online one evening, my girlfriend snatched my phone and the cat was out of the bag.
She dumped me there and then. I'm a first-class idiot.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have to decide what it is you really want. Are you after a quick fling because the single life holds more appeal for you? Or do you want that long-term relationship?
If it's the latter, you need to commit and make your relationship as exciting as it can be so that you're not interested in anyone else. Perhaps you've witnessed bad break-ups through your family so this self-sabotage is ensuring girlfriends don't get too close?
My support pack Can't Be Faithful? explores this in more depth.
SCARED TO MEET HIS SICK MOTHER
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner's mother suffered a brain injury in a car accident three years ago and I'm dreading meeting her. My partner says she's unpredictable and can lash out. He says it's a little like dementia.
She's only 50. My partner's dad looks after her at their home and they have carers come in.
I'm 25, my boyfriend is 27 and we've been together for six months. My family have met him and they like him.
His sister is having a 30th birthday party and we are invited, along with their parents and my partner's brothers and their families.
My partner says I must ignore anything his mother says because she can upset people. They aren't going to tell her I'm going until the last minute because she freaks out when she doesn't know somebody.
I'm unsure how to handle the situation. Do I go in, hug her or do I not go near her?
I want to meet his siblings and his Dad but I'm scared that I'm going to say the wrong thing or upset his Mum. I'm dreading what should be a happy occasion.
DEIDRE SAYS: This can still be a very happy occasion and it's a good chance for you to get to know his family.
As she's your partner's mother who he loves very much, he is the person best placed to know how you should greet her so involve him.
Take her some flowers so that if she recognises a kind gesture, it will help. It will also give her something to focus on, rather than you.
Don't expect much acknowledgement from her but the family will appreciate it. After that, take the lead from everyone else and try to relax.
For further help and support, talk with headway.org.uk (0808 800 2244), a brain injury charity.
And try to enjoy the party!
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