What it's like to go to an 'anti-dating apps social'
It's a Tuesday night in Soho, London, and I'm standing in a room with 200 single people who are looking to meet new people.
I'm at a Bored Of Dating Apps (BODA) singles social, an event aimed at those who feel disillusioned with dating apps (who isn't?) and are in search of IRL connection. Singles' nights are having a moment. With "swipe fatigue" on the rise, it's not difficult to see why offline events are taking off. 79 percent of Gen Z daters and 80 percent of millennial daters feel burnt out by dating apps, according to a 2024 Forbes study. In my 2025 non-fiction book The Love Fix, I explore the myriad reasons why dating feels so hard right now and why so many of us are feeling drained, rather than sustained, in our quest to find connection. "Hell-scape," "Hell. On Earth.," "Harrowing," "Soul-destroying," are just a few of the choice words people used to describe the current dating scene when I researched my book.
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Singles nights across the U.S. and UK, are selling out and racking up waitlists. One popular event in London, "Dinner for 100," had over 3,000 applications for one of its events (which can only accommodate 100 people). So, what's all the fuss about? When BODA asked me to come along and host one of their singles socials, I thought I'd give it a whirl. I'd already dipped my toe in the offline dating pond, with a life drawing class for single people, and had found it a refreshing and restorative experience.
BODA was founded by freelance journalist Jess Evans in January 2022 who had just come out of a break-up which had left her heartbroken. Evans thought she'd set up an in-person dating social in her home city of Liverpool, UK. At the time, she envisaged it being a one-off event. "I was very much like, this is just going to be a bit of fun, it'll be a good laugh, and let's just see who turns up. I had no intention of making it into a business," Evans tells me. "All I wanted to do was meet someone. I just wanted to be off the apps."
After the breakup, Evans had launched straight back into swiping on the apps, and found the experience completely draining. "This is just, for me personally, was totally destroying my mental health, which just was not working for me." That first social attracted nearly 300 people, which Evans did not expect. "Honestly, I was terrified. I was a journalist by trade so I'd never put on an event in my life."
From there, Evans continued hosting Liverpool-based events before branching out to other UK cities and eventually launching different types of socials, such as yoga rooftop sunset events. Evans' original goal to meet someone in real life also had a happy ending. "This wasn't long after lockdown and COVID-19, so people were desperate for community, people were lonely (and still are), but particularly at that time, I felt really lonely, especially at weekends, and I had no single friends." This absence of single pals is a major strand of the BODA philosophy — the events aren't just about romance, they're about finding new single friends and a community of people who are in the same boat.
"I had no intention of making it into a business. All I wanted to do was meet someone. I just wanted to be off the apps." - BODA founder Jess Evans
Today, BODA runs socials in London, New York, Amsterdam, in addition to a number of UK cities: Manchester, Liverpool, Birmingham, Leeds, Sheffield, Glasgow, and Guildford. There are supper clubs, bookshop meet-cute sessions, sober socials, coffee shop meet-cutes, drinks socials, sauna socials, paddle boarding, yoga, dances, and hikes.
As I made my way to my first ever BODA social, I must admit I felt a bit nervous. I'd picked out a cute outfit to wear — a black velvet dress (cue the inimitable Alannah Myles song), paired with a bold red lipstick. My role as host was to welcome every attendee as they arrived at The Little Scarlet Door, a bar in the heart of Soho, London.
I handed each guest two cards, the size of business cards. The first card entitles the attendee to a "Dutch courage shot" which can be redeemed at the bar for either an alcoholic or non-alcoholic shot. The catch is: you have to do the shot with a new connection — be it, romantic or platonic.
The second card is the "congrats you're fit" card. For the non-Brits, "fit" means "hot" in British slang. There's a space on the card for you to add your number — useful if you get chatting to someone who you'd like to keep in touch with. But, if handing over a card doesn't feel natural to you, it's perfectly fine to ask them for their number.
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I see a vast array of faces — some people attending with friends, and many more coming solo. 97 percent of attendees attend alone, which might feel a little bit nerve-wracking, but ultimately it gives you a greater chance of stepping outside your comfort zone and talking to fellow singles at the event (which is kind of the whole point). Many admit that they're feeling nervous or a little unsure of what to expect. At this particular event, it's a bar social, so people are chatting by the counters, and sitting outside. It's heartening to see people making connections, hitting it off with people, swapping numbers and making plans to meet up again.
During my hosting experience, I met countless people who also felt nervous, or even vaguely terrified. I found it reassuring to know I wasn't alone in feeling a bit anxious about it all. Putting yourself out there takes vulnerability and confidence — you should feel proud of yourself for overcoming those fears and showing up.
So, the burning question: did I meet anyone? Yes I did. I've attended a total of three BODA socials — once as a guest, twice as a host. Attending as a guest forced me to step outside my comfort zone — I was no longer hosting, I wasn't needed on the front door, so I had to get out there and mingle. I'll be honest: the introvert in me wanted to go hide in the bathroom and wait for the evening to be over. I had to give myself a mental pep talk: "Rachel, you are a 36-year-old woman in control of your life, you can talk to a few strangers in a bar." At my first BODA social I ended up exchanging numbers with someone, who I went on a few dates with. And at my second social (where I was attending as a guest), a guy asked me for my number. While none of those connections have led to anything long-term, it feels good to get out there and talk to people in real life, to feel proactive about dating, to get a break from the interminable sofa-swiping. Plus, it's always a nice boost to get approached by interesting people who want to get to know you.
It feels good to get out there and talk to people in real life, to feel proactive about dating, to get a break from the interminable sofa-swiping.
Past BODA attendees often send Evans updates on relationships which started at BODA — there have been engagements, weddings, and many more happy endings. Evans ended up having her own meet cute at one of her socials. She met her partner Liam at one of her socials and the two of them will be getting married this week.
This is a question that's come up a lot when I talk about BODA and it's a very valid one. There's been much discussion about straight men's reluctance to show their faces at IRL dating events. As Moya Crockett writes in a piece for The Londoner aptly named "Where are all the men?", there's a number of reasons why hetero guys aren't as forthcoming as straight women: "Some men might be too embarrassed to ask their mates to go to a singles night together, and too intimidated to go alone." In the same piece, Crockett adds that many men have expressed their feeling that speed dating sounds a bit "cringey," that many guys "just want to go for a pint," while others "are sceptical about what they perceive as attempts to profit from their singledom."
Dating apps aren't exactly not-for-profit organisations, right? As I write in The Love Fix, "The big-bucks business of love existed long before the internet. In 1897, W. T. Stead – a newspaper owner and editor who later died on the Titanic – launched The Wedding Ring Circle, which published catalogues of single people in the area, listing their interests and hobbies."
At a recent BODA event, I had a particularly illuminating conversation with a straight man in his 30s who'd come along with a male friend. He told me that he wasn't nervous about being rejected at these events, but what did fill him with fear was the idea of being explicitly rejected in front of his friend. "Do you think that has something to do with masculinity?" I asked him. He didn't hesitate in confirming that it had everything to do with masculinity.
The tickets for each BODA event are split by gender — early bird female tickets, early bird male tickets, then general male and female tickets. Early bird tickets are £20, and general tickets are £25. The organisers aim to get a good gender split for each event — women's tickets tend to sell out sooner than the men's tickets, which organisers put down to men being last-minute ticket buyers. So, who exactly are the socials aimed at? Evans says, "BODA socials are inclusive to anyone of any sexuality."
"BODA is obv about romance, but friendship and community too, so that involves absolutely everyone coming together," she adds.
If you aren't necessarily looking to make new single friends, and are looking for a dedicated queer dating space, there are lots of LGBTQ singles nights popping up, such as Sappho Events, Hunbun's Love Lab, not to mention gay and lesbian speed dating events. And if bar socials aren't quite your scene and you're looking for sober dating, there are plenty of non-drinking socials to choose from: bookshop meet-cutes, coffee socials, to name a few.
From one single person to another: what have you got to lose?
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