I've fallen for co-worker after we had hot sex – but I haven't heard from him since we hooked up
I'm an accounts assistant for a law firm. We have three offices and one of the lawyers from another office is gorgeous.
I don't have a lot of self-confidence and I didn't think he'd notice me, but I always know when he's in the office because the scent of his aftershave is incredible as he walks by.
I'm 27 and he's 31. Things changed after our work family day. It's always a social time where staff families gather to enjoy outdoor games, a barbecue . . . and a free bar.
It always takes place at a big country hotel and I was delighted to see my crush arrive alone.
We were on the same rounders team and when I hit a rounder, he gave me a high-five.
We won the game and then he and I walked back to the bar together.
Later, there was a live band and we spent the night dancing together.
The alcohol went to my head so we walked outside for some air — that's when he kissed me.
He then took me by the hand and we went up to his room.
I kept having to pinch myself that this was happening.
We had sex and it was lovely to be lying in his arms later.
The next morning he gave me a lift home and I sent him a text saying I'd had a great night.
Understanding the impact of ghosting
He said the same but I've not heard from him since.
I don't want to come on too clingy but I really like him and I want to see him again.
DEIDRE SAYS: He may be attached already or perhaps concerned about having a relationship with a colleague. Some companies frown upon this sort of thing.
Send him a message and ask when he's next coming over to the office and could you see him again? At least then you'll know one way or the other.
If he meets you, don't allow it to be geared around having sex again – unless of course that is what you want. But it sounds like you are looking for more.
Instead, suggest you go out for a coffee together – nothing too heavy – and then you'll get an idea about whether he would want to take things further and start dating.
If he's only interested in fun then you might have to accept that he's not who you are looking for.
My support pack Finding The Right Partner For You will help.
SEXUAL NEED IS GETTING TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL
DEAR DEIDRE: MY mind is constantly on sex and I pleasure myself so much, I'm worried I'm going to get caught. I did it four times at work today.
I'm a 26-year-old guy and I exercise a lot at our staff gym. I like to keep myself fit but when I'm not in a relationship, I enjoy looking at pornography.
Currently I'm having a dry spell and I have the urge more and more to go into the male toilets and get sexual relief.
After masturbating twice this morning and twice this afternoon, my boss asked if I was feeling OK because I was gone for so long.
I read in a health magazine that high testosterone from working out can increase sex drive. Is that my issue?
DEIDRE SAYS: High testosterone can increase your libido but it can also work the other way too, decreasing your sex drive.
My guess is more that you have an addiction to pornography.
Be mindful that you could be jeopardising your job even if you don't get caught. Your long periods away from your work station are being noticed.
Rather than giving in to sexual relief when it comes into your mind, distract yourself by talking to a colleague or go and get a coffee.
You might benefit from a course on pornography addiction run by Pivotal Recovery. See pivotalrecovery.org.
I THINK MY GIRL'S GOING TO CHEAT
DEAR DEIDRE: I LOOKED over at my girlfriend's phone on the train and saw a message from her best mate saying: 'Don't do anything stupid. You've got a decent guy there.'
When we got in from work, I waited until she went for her shower and I saw a message from another guy, suggesting that they meet for sex.
There were some explicit messages from my girlfriend to him too.
I don't know why she'd do this. Our sex life is OK – or at least it is for me. My girlfriend seems happy to have sex with me although I've never known her to have an orgasm.
She is only my third sexual partner. I don't want to lose her. She's 27 and I'm 26.
DEIDRE SAYS: She is betraying you even if this is only an emotional affair and she hasn't met the guy.
At the moment, you're playing detective. It's clear she isn't acting with integrity so you have to speak to her, or risk this situation getting worse.
Tell her that you noticed her phone message from her friend and you are worried she's doing something underhand. Listen carefully to what she has to say.
If she stops with the secretive behaviour and you're prepared to forgive her, then you have a chance to get things back on track .
My support pack called Understanding Female Pleasure might give you more confidence in the bedroom.
GRUDGE MIGHT PUSH HER AWAY
DEAR DEIDRE: RECENTLY I married for the second time but my husband has fallen out with my daughter because he hates her partner, who has a drug addiction.
He is a difficult character but I can't say anything because I'll lose touch with my daughter – and she's just had a baby girl who is the apple of my eye.
I'm a woman of 57 and my husband is 60.
My daughter suggested that they come over for Sunday lunch but my husband told me that he won't tolerate her partner for more than an hour.
I didn't want the embarrassment of throwing them out when the time was up so I told my daughter it wasn't appropriate, then I had to say why. My daughter has sent my husband a horrible text message saying she only wanted to do something nice and saying that he didn't deserve to be a grandparent.
I'm heartbroken. How can I make things right?
DEIDRE SAYS: It starts with your husband.
Find a quiet moment to talk to him and explain how important your daughter and granddaughter are to you and although you both may not want to be around your daughter's partner, you can't choose who she lives with.
Ask whether he would compromise and, if so, a picnic or an outdoor meeting might be better.
At least then your husband can busy himself by pushing the pram and can go home when he's had enough.
If he agrees, ask your daughter whether she'd go along with this idea too. She needs to know that your door is open for her.
If her partner doesn't change his habits, the stress of his addiction may mean that this relationship won't last and she will need you.
They can also find support through wearewithyou.org.uk, a charity offering support for addicts and families.
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I don't want to come on too clingy but I really like him and I want to see him again DEAR DEIDRE I've fallen for co-worker after we had hot sex – but I haven't heard from him since we hooked up DEAR DEIDRE: ALL my dreams came true at once when I ended up in bed with my work crush after our big summer event. I'm an accounts assistant for a law firm. We have three offices and one of the lawyers from another office is gorgeous. I don't have a lot of self-confidence and I didn't think he'd notice me, but I always know when he's in the office because the scent of his aftershave is incredible as he walks by. I'm 27 and he's 31. Things changed after our work family day. It's always a social time where staff families gather to enjoy outdoor games, a barbecue . . . and a free bar. It always takes place at a big country hotel and I was delighted to see my crush arrive alone. We were on the same rounders team and when I hit a rounder, he gave me a high-five. We won the game and then he and I walked back to the bar together. Later, there was a live band and we spent the night dancing together. The alcohol went to my head so we walked outside for some air — that's when he kissed me. He then took me by the hand and we went up to his room. I kept having to pinch myself that this was happening. We had sex and it was lovely to be lying in his arms later. The next morning he gave me a lift home and I sent him a text saying I'd had a great night. Understanding the impact of ghosting He said the same but I've not heard from him since. I don't want to come on too clingy but I really like him and I want to see him again. DEIDRE SAYS: He may be attached already or perhaps concerned about having a relationship with a colleague. Some companies frown upon this sort of thing. Send him a message and ask when he's next coming over to the office and could you see him again? At least then you'll know one way or the other. If he meets you, don't allow it to be geared around having sex again – unless of course that is what you want. But it sounds like you are looking for more. Instead, suggest you go out for a coffee together – nothing too heavy – and then you'll get an idea about whether he would want to take things further and start dating. If he's only interested in fun then you might have to accept that he's not who you are looking for. My support pack Finding The Right Partner For You will help. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. SEXUAL NEED IS GETTING TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL DEAR DEIDRE: MY mind is constantly on sex and I pleasure myself so much, I'm worried I'm going to get caught. I did it four times at work today. I'm a 26-year-old guy and I exercise a lot at our staff gym. I like to keep myself fit but when I'm not in a relationship, I enjoy looking at pornography. Currently I'm having a dry spell and I have the urge more and more to go into the male toilets and get sexual relief. After masturbating twice this morning and twice this afternoon, my boss asked if I was feeling OK because I was gone for so long. I read in a health magazine that high testosterone from working out can increase sex drive. Is that my issue? DEIDRE SAYS: High testosterone can increase your libido but it can also work the other way too, decreasing your sex drive. My guess is more that you have an addiction to pornography. Be mindful that you could be jeopardising your job even if you don't get caught. Your long periods away from your work station are being noticed. Rather than giving in to sexual relief when it comes into your mind, distract yourself by talking to a colleague or go and get a coffee. You might benefit from a course on pornography addiction run by Pivotal Recovery. See I THINK MY GIRL'S GOING TO CHEAT DEAR DEIDRE: I LOOKED over at my girlfriend's phone on the train and saw a message from her best mate saying: 'Don't do anything stupid. You've got a decent guy there.' When we got in from work, I waited until she went for her shower and I saw a message from another guy, suggesting that they meet for sex. There were some explicit messages from my girlfriend to him too. I don't know why she'd do this. Our sex life is OK – or at least it is for me. My girlfriend seems happy to have sex with me although I've never known her to have an orgasm. She is only my third sexual partner. I don't want to lose her. She's 27 and I'm 26. DEIDRE SAYS: She is betraying you even if this is only an emotional affair and she hasn't met the guy. At the moment, you're playing detective. It's clear she isn't acting with integrity so you have to speak to her, or risk this situation getting worse. Tell her that you noticed her phone message from her friend and you are worried she's doing something underhand. Listen carefully to what she has to say. If she stops with the secretive behaviour and you're prepared to forgive her, then you have a chance to get things back on track . My support pack called Understanding Female Pleasure might give you more confidence in the bedroom. GRUDGE MIGHT PUSH HER AWAY DEAR DEIDRE: RECENTLY I married for the second time but my husband has fallen out with my daughter because he hates her partner, who has a drug addiction. He is a difficult character but I can't say anything because I'll lose touch with my daughter – and she's just had a baby girl who is the apple of my eye. I'm a woman of 57 and my husband is 60. My daughter suggested that they come over for Sunday lunch but my husband told me that he won't tolerate her partner for more than an hour. I didn't want the embarrassment of throwing them out when the time was up so I told my daughter it wasn't appropriate, then I had to say why. My daughter has sent my husband a horrible text message saying she only wanted to do something nice and saying that he didn't deserve to be a grandparent. I'm heartbroken. How can I make things right? DEIDRE SAYS: It starts with your husband. Find a quiet moment to talk to him and explain how important your daughter and granddaughter are to you and although you both may not want to be around your daughter's partner, you can't choose who she lives with. Ask whether he would compromise and, if so, a picnic or an outdoor meeting might be better. At least then your husband can busy himself by pushing the pram and can go home when he's had enough. If he agrees, ask your daughter whether she'd go along with this idea too. She needs to know that your door is open for her. If her partner doesn't change his habits, the stress of his addiction may mean that this relationship won't last and she will need you. They can also find support through a charity offering support for addicts and families.
