A little acceptance can go a long way
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I literally ran into my ex-wife when I was backing up my car in a shopping mall parking lot. She got out of her car, took one look at me and laughed. She said, 'I'm not going to report this, and neither should you.' I laughed too. Both our cars were old beaters and we both had better vehicles at home.
Then we went for a pizza and now we're dating again.
I'm just writing to say some people have a crazy attraction for each other and if they finally learn to enjoy each other's foibles, it's the way to peace.
Now, when people remark on us getting back together — while we vote differently, go to different churches, eat different foods and so on — we just laugh and say,'We don't know why we love each other. We're not alike at all and we agree on nothing, but we do enjoy being together.'
Now our differences don't matter — they're just interesting.
However, we do agree on one thing. Our favourite saying for making peace and leaving disagreement alone is to say in a kind voice, 'let it be' — just like the Beatles song.
— Found Way to Peace, Charleswood
Dear Found the Way: Dr. Phil McGraw made headway with a great number of couples when he put forth the idea that people don't have to be in harmony in their thoughts and beliefs — and that includes politics and religion.
He believes the sooner they realize that, the sooner their love relationships and friendships can succeed.
It certainly reduces the frequency of arguments when people can shrug their shoulders and say, 'OK, I don't think the same, but I respect your right to disagree and think for yourself and I still love you as much.'
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm excited right now about a girlfriend of my older sister with whom I had a secret fling with when I was 16 and a virgin. She was hot and I had a muscular young body from weightlifting. She was older and had some real sexual experience, but it didn't go well at all.
She never called me back, probably due to my lack of experience and no moves, but now I'm 20 and I have a lot more to offer.
However, this woman contacted me last week and said she still dreams about my perfect body at the beach and would like to see me again.
She told me she rented a place near Grand Beach this month and asked if I would like to drive up and get together and go back to the dunes there to have some fun together.
I'm older and recognize it is an invitation to hook up again, but last time we did that she didn't answer my calls afterwards. Still, I reluctantly told her I would come this time, thinking I could make a better memory for her.
But now I'm having second thoughts and wondering if I should ask her why she never talked to me after the first time. I didn't dare ask her then.
— Feeling Nervous, Selkirk
Dear Nervous: This woman does seem somewhat predatory, so don't let her use you again.
This recent communication was a bold invitation to go on a sex date to improve her memory of how it ended. She no doubt remembers your perfect 16-year-old body and thinks you might have more experience now to add to the visuals.
What a user. Don't give her the chance to do this to you again. She's not worthy of a second try.
Save your erotic experiences to share with somebody who cares about you and deserves to be with you intimately and in every other way.
Please send questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Maureen ScurfieldAdvice columnist
Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.
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