'Geriatric' band Patchwork joke Glastonbury too soon after village fete
South London band Patchwork are not playing on Glastonbury Festival's Pyramid Stage this year, keyboardist Marc Harris has clarified to Metro, during what was an alarming morning for the funk collective.
As Glastonbury confirmed the stage times of their 2025 lineup this morning, the Worthy Farm festival also chucked in a curveball: a mysterious band called Patchwork, billed to perform on the famed Pyramid Stage at 6.15pm on Saturday, June 28.
Patchwork is organiser Emily Eavis' fake band name which will end up being a famous act, just as in 2023 mystery band The Churnups resulted in a surprise set from huge rock band The Foo Fighters.
Alas, Glastonbury isn't on the cards this year for the Putney-based musicians; even if they are Google's first answer to 'Patchwork band' – something ticketholders are frantically searching this morning.
'It's always been a dream, of course, after a decade of shambling pub gigs in southwest London, often with more band members than audience… but we knew our day would come…' Patchwork's Marc joked to Metro.
'The band is always ready to play, just hoping we will have recovered from the village fete in St Mary Bourne the week before.
'Clearly geriatric bands are all the rage now and with a combined age of over 500 we certainly qualify, but we could have done with a bit more notice.'
Marc, 60, who has been playing with the band for 10 years alongside founding boutique travel agency Africa Odyssey and making his own symphonies, requested Metro add that the real Patchwork will be performing at The Half Moon in Putney on Wednesday evening (tickets here, for those who missed out on Glastonbury this year).
While the Half Moon is no Pyramid Stage, the band will be rocking out to covers of funk and soul classics for a spirited crowd. Not one to miss.
Keys basher Marc forms Patchwork alongside vocalist Gemma Dorsett, drummer Patch Zahara, trumpeter Nick Steele, guitarist Dom Liversedge, vocalist Rory Barnett, bass player Rob Oatley, and sax players Charlie Somers, Ed Butterworth and Roger Chetwode.
While Marc and co. will not be heading to the Pyramid Stage this year, it's rumoured the band behind the Patchwork clue could well be US sisters HAIM.
Robbie Williams has also been cropping up in fan speculation as he is currently on tour and mysteriously posted a picture of himself at Worthy Farm in the 90s. More Trending
Other names like Green Day, Sam Fender, The Cure, and the long begged for Pulp have all been mentioned as possible surprise acts.
Alongside the mysterious Patchwork band, the Pyramid Stage also teases a huge 'TBA' on Friday at 5pm.
The confirmed Glastonbury headliners this year are The 1975 on the Friday, Neil Young on the Saturday, and Olivia Rodrigo on the Sunday, with Sir Rod Stewart taking the legends slot. Charli XCX will also be performing on The Other Stage, with Raye in the sunset Pyramid Stage slot on Saturday.
Glastonbury will take place at Worthy Farm from Wednesday June 25 to Monday June 30. Tickets are now sold out, but the BBC will be covering the action live and on iPlayer.
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