‘Adoption shouldn't be a substitute': Kathryn Weaver's mission to promote adoption as a first choice and reframe how society views family

Tatler Asia

05-05-2025

You can't go into adoption half-hearted. You've got to be fully committed to it and to everything it brings.
- Kathryn Weaver -
She adds that she is also asked whether it is possible to adopt a child without health issues. 'Frankly, it's very difficult to get a healthy baby, as those are not really the children going into the system,' she says. Numbers from Hong Kong's Social Welfare Department for the end of December 2024 show no 'normal and healthy' children available for adoption, with most having complicated family backgrounds, being older, or having health issues or disabilities.
Weaver and her husband were 'very open-minded as to what child we would want,' she says. 'We were open to gender, age up to a point—our cut-off was three and a half—and we were open on ethnicity and disability, as well as background.'
Above Kathryn Weaver is a Front & Female Awards Hong Kong 2024 nominee (Photo: Alex Macro)
That first call matched Weaver and Macro with Max. He was ten months old at the time—he's now six—and was Indian-Indonesian by ethnicity. Max's mother was a foreign domestic worker who had given him up for religious reasons and because she wanted to continue working and didn't think she could with a baby. A month after matching, Weaver and Macro took him home.
They were matched again with a second child, but chose not to accept this match, a three-and-a-half-year-old girl with a history of abuse, some medical complications and behavioural issues. Weaver says that had Max not been part of the family already, they would have adopted her, but they didn't think it was fair on him. 'That was probably one of the hardest decisions we've ever made—and we didn't make it lightly,' says Weaver.
Most recently, they were matched with their four-year-old daughter Roxie, who they adopted when she was two and a half years old. Roxie spoke Cantonese and was from a background more typical of the children generally found in Hong Kong's adoption system—with a parent or parents struggling with substance abuse.
As white parents with children of different races, Weaver and Macro have faced challenges. Max was denied a visa for the UK on two occasions, apparently because authorities believed he was going to be left there. 'That was a huge amount of prejudice,' says Weaver. 'And every time we go through [airport or border] security, we get questions and sent to the special security area because we all look different.'
However, she adds that 'one of the benefits of interracial adoption, which isn't for everybody, is that it makes it much easier to talk about adoption with your children. It's not something that you ever have to make a decision as to whether to reveal or not. We talk very openly about it and in a very positive way.'
[Adoption] shouldn't be the substitute to having biological children and I feel strongly about that, as somebody who can have my own children but chose not to, and to adopt instead.
- Kathryn Weaver -
Weaver frequently fields other questions from those curious about adoption related to the children's 'real parents' and whether Weaver is able to love her children 'like they were her own'. 'I don't think anyone means offence by that but I think you know that if you go into adoption, you go into it wholeheartedly; these are our children, this is our family and I think a lot of people find that a difficult concept,' she says.
There is a lot of naivety around the process and reasons for adoption, and these are conversations that Weaver is keen to drive. But mostly, she says that she wants 'adoption to be considered as a first choice or as just one way of creating a family. It shouldn't be the substitute to having biological children and I feel strongly about that, as somebody who can have my own children but chose not to, and to adopt instead.'
Weaver and her husband have been together for more than 20 years and, while they always wanted children, she said that they were not bothered about making 'mini mes' and continuing bloodlines. 'Every child should have a loving home and there's a lot out there that don't. We thought that was a far better use of our parenting and time and energy than adding more bodies to this overpopulated world.'
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