Woman Secretly Planning to Move Out After Her Wedding. Her Controlling Parents Think She'll Come Back After the Honeymoon
A woman has secretly saved with her fiancé to move out after marriage, fearing her controlling parents will sabotage their plans
Her parents expect her to move back home after the honeymoon, despite her proven independence
She's asking Reddit if she's wrong for hiding the move, admitting she feels guilt but also fears manipulationA woman seeks support from the Reddit community for advice following a difficult decision she's made about her future — and her family.
In her post that has quickly drawn sympathy and support, a 23-year-old woman opens up about the emotional weight of hiding her plans to move out with her fiancé from her overly controlling parents.
"My parents are extremely protective and controlling," she writes. "To the point where I've never been allowed in my youth to have friends over at my house or go to friends' houses without a parent present." She describes her upbringing as suffocating and says it's left her with little freedom to grow or experience independence.
Since 2020, she and her 22-year-old fiancé have quietly been working toward a goal they've kept secret. 'We've been secretly putting away half of every paycheck into a separate account, and we're finally close to reaching our goal,' she reveals.
The plan is to move out together after their wedding, but her parents have different expectations. 'They think I should come back to their house after the honeymoon and live with them again,' she says, adding that this isn't just a suggestion — it's something they expect.
Part of the pressure comes from how her parents perceive her abilities, especially since her brother, who is also 22, has been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. 'They seem to think that because he needs a LOT of care, I must need the same level of care, which isn't true,' she explains. 'I have ADHD, but I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself.'
She paints a clear picture of her independence and resilience. 'I've had the same home nursing job for 4 years, and I've worked multiple jobs at once during COVID while finishing school online,' she shares, noting at one point she worked three jobs at once.
Despite all she's done to prove her capability, her parents still don't believe she's ready to leave. She writes, 'They think I'm not ready for independence and that I'll struggle without them.' But she insists that's simply not the case, and her track record supports her.
Now, with their dream within reach, she's trying to stay focused on the life they've built in secret. 'My fiancé and I have a plan, and we're almost there,' she writes. 'We want to start a family, have a nice wedding, and live our lives without interference from my parents.'
Still, guilt and fear weigh heavily on her. 'I have guilt and a little fear that maybe I'm so tunnel vision on independence I'm not seeing the big picture,' she admits, questioning whether she's making the right decision by keeping everything under wraps.
In a follow-up comment, she adds that she's already been preparing for the move quietly. 'Only bringing what I've paid for and been sneaking things at babe's [place during] 'sleep overs,' ' she shares. 'His folks don't mind as they are being paid for the inconvenience to hold stuff in his room at their house for me plus any apology treats I bring when I have stuff to store there.'
While she knows the risks of keeping her plans a secret, she also fears the emotional consequences of telling her parents. 'I feel like if I tell them, they'll try to sabotage our plans or guilt trip me into staying,' she writes. 'I just want to surprise them with the news when we're ready to move out.'
One commenter reassures her that she's not in the wrong. 'Do not tell them, they will actively try to sabotage you,' the commenter warns. 'Be prepared to lose a lot of your physical belongings unless you have a way to slowly sneak stuff out… be prepared to go low or no contact once you are out of the home to protect yourself.'
It's advice she seems to have already considered. 'I['ve] been trying to tell myself no matter what is said or happened between family and myself I have to follow the plan or I'll never leave,' she says, a line that captures both the heartbreak and determination behind her decision.
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With a wedding ahead and a new chapter within reach, the young woman is holding onto her vision for a future of freedom and peace. She hopes that, one day, she won't have to defend her ability to live her own life.
For now, she remains focused on what matters most — building a life with the person she loves, on her own terms. 'I want to enjoy my marriage, my journey for motherhood, my life as an adult,' she writes, even if it means letting go of the approval she may never receive.
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