Man Invites Best Friend to Be Groomsman in His Wedding. The Unexpected Response Left Him Stunned
A man declined being a groomsman for his best friend of 15 years
The man's reason for rejecting the role is not wanting to deal with the "hassle." He'd also rather spend his paid time off "somewhere quiet" instead of on wedding festivities because he's "introverted"
Users on Reddit understood why the bride was "irritated" and the groom took personal offense to the decision, arguing that the man's refusal to be in the wedding party is "selfish"A man is refusing to be in his best friend's wedding party.
The man, 26, asked Reddit users in a post on the platform's "Am I the A------" forum why everyone is making a "big deal" over him rejecting his friend's request for him to be a groomsman. The original poster (OP) has known the groom for more than 15 years, and has been "super close" with him and his five other groomsmen since they all grew up together. However, their tight bond isn't enough for the man to take on any wedding party responsibilities.
"I said no. I don't really have a concrete reason for saying no. I just really don't need the hassle and I'm rather introverted," the man explained. "I'd rather use my PTO (paid time off) to go vacation somewhere quiet rather than have to go to all the extra events associated with the wedding."
The man didn't think much of his rejection because he still planned on attending the wedding and after-party as a guest.
"Apparently my declining to join the wedding party caused bigger issues than I could've imagined," he said.
Not only has the groom taken the groomsman rejection as "a personal slight," but the bride is also "irritated" because the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen will no longer be even.
"I've gotten texts and calls from a few of my friends and the maid of honor asking to reconsider," the OP wrote.
The groom hoped his friend would have a change of heart after learning how much him being a groomsman would mean to him and his fiancée. So, he asked again but received the same answer.
"[He] got so angry after I declined a second time that he said 'I shouldn't bother coming at all,' " the OP said. "I really don't think this is as big of a deal as people are making it out to be. But my friend and his fiancée are acting like I objected to the marriage itself."
The OP asked the forum if he was really in the wrong, and fellow Reddit users agreed that he was because he only had "selfish" reasons for declining the position.
"Obviously YTA (You're The A------)," one Redditor commented. "Hey man, I know we've been super close since we were 8, but I can't be bothered to be there for you on one of the most important occasions of your life. Yeah, no real reason, I just don't feel like it."
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"The friend feels like it's a personal slight...because it is," another individual wrote. "It was a selfish decision that you had every right to make (as the 'it was an invitation, not an obligation' crowd will tell you), but that doesn't mean it's an inconsequential decision. You chose a theoretical quiet vacation over being there for your friend's very real big life change (do you even know what 'all the events associated with the wedding' are and if they would require you take time off?)."
Fellow introverts also jumped into the comments section to argue that sometimes people have to "suck it up" for their friends on special occasions, even if it's "socially draining."
"We have GOT to stop with this notion that we should never be inconvenienced by other people. Part of having meaningful, lifelong relationships is showing up for other people during big times in their lives, good or bad," someone said. "Telling someone you've been close to for 15 years that you can't be bothered to be their groomsman for no other reason than you'd rather spend your PTO doing something else is akin to telling them they don't matter to you."
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