When a Close Relationship Becomes ‘Enmeshment'
'Everything used to be an emergency. 'Oh my gosh, you need me right now? I need to answer you,'' recalled Ms. Chase, 73, who lives in Greene County, Va., 30 miles north of Charlottesville. 'I had to take care of everybody.'
She liked being needed, but at one point she found herself working seven days a week as the sole breadwinner. Only later did she realize that she wasn't taking care of her own needs. In fact, she wasn't even sure what those needs were.
Ms. Chase was experiencing 'enmeshment,' a term that describes a relationship lacking emotional and psychological boundaries. The term has gotten attention in recent years, with numerous videos exploring it on TikTok; a Reddit forum dedicated to 'enmeshment trauma'; and books offering advice on 'untangling' yourself and working through the tough feelings that can arise.'It's terrifying to set those boundaries,' said Jordan Pickell, a psychotherapist and the author of a book about enmeshment that is set to publish in 2026. 'Because what would that mean about me as a person?'
What exactly does 'enmeshed' mean?
An enmeshed relationship has a lack of clear boundaries, leading to blurred individual identities.
There can be pressure 'to feel, think and act similar,' said Terri Cole, a psychotherapist and the author of 'Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.'
In the process, people in these relationships become disconnected from their authentic selves. 'You get to a point where you don't even know who you are,' she said.
Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
16 hours ago
- Yahoo
Child Protective Services Investigated Her 4 Times Because She Let Her Kids Play Outside
Parenting expectations are often unreasonably high—and so is the number of people who believe that kids can't handle anything on their own. Passersby too often see an unsupervised child and assume they are unsafe. So they call the authorities, who also often share those super-sized fears. Then parents get investigated simply for trusting their kids with some age-appropriate, location-appropriate independence. Because of this frustrating cycle, I frequently get letters like the one below. When people ask why I spend so much time trying to pass Reasonable Childhood Independence laws, it's for people like Emily Fields and her children. Fields is a mom in small-town Virginia who responded to my nonprofit Let Grow's call for parents willing to speak to child protective services about why such laws are necessary. (Virginia unanimously passed its Reasonable Childhood Independence law in 2023.) This letter is presented as a stark example of how little trust our country has in its parents and children anymore—and how misanthropic neighbors can weaponize the state at will. *** Myself, my husband, and our three children (currently aged 12, 11, and 9) moved to southwest Virginia in 2017 when the kids were 4, 3, and 7 months. When my youngest began walking, I would let the three of them play in the backyard in our small, rural community while I would garden or read outdoors. There are no forested areas, and four unfenced yards all meet together with ours. Our new neighbors said the kids were welcome to play in their yards as well. In spring 2018 (our kids then aged 5, 4, and 18 months), we received our first visit from child protective services (CPS). A neighbor called to report that my children were unsupervised and that I was allowing a baby to climb the front porch steps by himself. I laughed and gestured at my toddler and said, "Yes, he is allowed to walk up the steps, I admit it!" That one did not result in a formal investigation being opened, but they did investigate our home for food, bugs, toys, etc. In late 2019 (the kids now 6, 5, and 3), we had our second visit from CPS, again alleging that the children were inadequately supervised because they were allowed to play in our yard and in the yards of our neighbors. This one did result in a formal investigation, and I was told people would be driving by our house periodically to make sure I was supervising the kids as they played. During that visit, I was told that children could never be left alone, inside or outside the home—EVEN IN THEIR OWN BEDROOMS—until they were 13 years old. Social Services said specifically that I had to be in each room with them at all times until they were 13. That investigation ended without incident. Our third CPS visit happened in May 2021 (ages 8, 6, and 4). This one was the result of a specific (adult-supervised!) incident, with a bitter neighbor trying to make our lives hard by using the government as a weapon. She again alleged inadequate supervision, claimed the children were allowed to wander all over the neighborhood, and said they tried to enter strangers' homes. She included an accusation that we permit the children to abuse animals. During this visit, the social services worker acknowledged that our home was clean, that the children were happy, well-fed, polite, and well-spoken, but said the children had to be supervised 100 percent of the time when outdoors. When I asked what constitutes supervision, she said that I had to be visible to my neighbors when the kids were outside, regardless of whether or not I could see the children. I asked where that was found in the Virginia law. She replied that it isn't in the Virginia law, but that Social Services has its own set of rules. They came up with a written action plan and required all adults in the house to sign it (which included my sister at the time), saying that the children would be supervised. My husband and sister were very frightened that the situation would escalate due to small-town politics (the person who reported us had previously been a law enforcement officer and was well known in the community), so we all signed. This investigation was again closed. That last visit was when I knew I had to get involved with Let Grow to change the laws in Virginia. I was already familiar with their work, which is partly why we had these run-ins with CPS. I was practicing "masterly inactivity"—watching from a distance and letting my kids make decisions and learn how the world works, intervening only when necessary to keep them safe. I believe my children have a right to independence. They have never been seriously hurt and have never hurt anyone (or anything) in their practice of independence. But their right to practice it was challenged over and over again. One afternoon shortly after getting in touch with Let Grow, my children were playing outdoors on our neighbors' hill, a place they are allowed to play. Another neighbor (who does not own the hill) stopped in the street and called them over to her. She told them they couldn't play there and that they had to go home. The children told her they did not have to go home and that they had their parents' and the property owner's express permission to play there. She was immediately upset that they were talking back to her and asked if she was going to have to "call the police and get your parents in trouble." This obviously scared the children, and they began to walk home, in tears. Meanwhile, I was standing at the kitchen window watching the kids talk to a neighbor, not understanding what was happening until I saw one child visibly upset. I immediately walked out of the house, and the neighbor (who, coincidentally, is a social worker) drove off without speaking to me about her concerns. Since that time, even with the legislation we helped to pass, my kids are hesitant to exercise their independence. Few people know that parents have the right to decide what their children are capable of handling. I have equipped my kids with a "license" that they keep on them when they roam our small, rural neighborhood. It says across the top in big, bold letters "MY PARENTS KNOW I'M HERE" and includes information about SB1367 (Virginia's Reasonable Childhood Independence law) as well as my name and phone number. My children have been stopped by neighbors, produced their license, and thankfully were then left unbothered. As they age, their confidence and understanding grow, and they venture further and further out with the assurance that they have the right to walk and bike the streets of our neighborhood just as much as the adults they see exercising every day. My children and their friends benefit greatly from being allowed independence and from organizations that fight to protect that right. The post Child Protective Services Investigated Her 4 Times Because She Let Her Kids Play Outside appeared first on Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
a day ago
- Yahoo
Virginia Lottery Mega Millions, Pick 3 Night results for Aug. 8, 2025
The Virginia Lottery offers multiple draw games for those aiming to win big. Here's a look at Aug. 8, 2025, results for each game: Mega Millions Mega Millions drawings take place every week on Tuesday and Friday at 11 p.m. 02-06-08-14-49, Mega Ball: 12 Check Mega Millions payouts and previous drawings here. Pick 3 DAY drawing at 1:59 p.m. NIGHT drawing at 11 p.m. each day. Night: 6-0-9, FB: 3 Day: 9-9-8, FB: 6 Check Pick 3 payouts and previous drawings here. Pick 4 DAY drawing at 1:59 p.m. NIGHT drawing at 11 p.m. each day. Night: 9-9-1-6, FB: 4 Day: 6-5-0-3, FB: 4 Check Pick 4 payouts and previous drawings here. Pick 5 DAY drawing at 1:59 p.m. NIGHT drawing at 11 p.m. each day. Night: 0-0-4-7-2, FB: 4 Day: 9-1-3-9-6, FB: 9 Check Pick 5 payouts and previous drawings here. Cash4Life Drawing everyday at 9 p.m. 08-09-42-44-52, Cash Ball: 02 Check Cash4Life payouts and previous drawings here. Cash Pop Drawing times: Coffee Break 9 a.m.; Lunch Break 12 p.m.; Rush Hour 5 p.m.; Prime Time 9 p.m.; After Hours 11:59 p.m. Coffee Break: 11 Prime Time: 07 Rush Hour: 14 Lunch Break: 05 Check Cash Pop payouts and previous drawings here. Cash 5 Drawing every day at 11 p.m. 03-07-08-21-26 Check Cash 5 payouts and previous drawings here. Feeling lucky? Explore the latest lottery news & results This results page was generated automatically using information from TinBu and a template written and reviewed by a Center for Community Journalism (CCJ) editor. You can send feedback using this form. This article originally appeared on Staunton News Leader: Virginia Lottery Mega Millions, Pick 3 Night results for Aug. 8, 2025 Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
a day ago
- Yahoo
Mega Millions winning numbers for Aug. 8: $166 million jackpot
The Mega Millions jackpot rose to over $166 million for the drawing on Friday, Aug. 8, after no one matched all the winning numbers in the drawing on Tuesday, Aug. 5. If someone matches all six numbers on Friday, they will have the option of a one-time cash payment of $75.2 million. There have been four Mega Millions winners this year, with the most recent being the June 27 win in Virginia of a jackpot of $348 million. Before then, on April 18, an Ohio player took home a $112 million jackpot, a lucky lottery ticket holder in Illinois took home a $344 million jackpot on March 25 and another lucky person hit the Mega Millions jackpot on Jan. 17 for $113 million. Here are the winning numbers from the Mega Millions drawing on Friday, Aug. 8, 2025. Mega Millions winning numbers for 8/8/25 The winning numbers for Friday, August 8, will be posted here once drawn. Winning lottery numbers are sponsored by Jackpocket, the official digital lottery courier of the USA TODAY Network. Did anyone win the Mega Millions? Any Mega Millions winners will be posted here once announced by lottery officials. To view the list of past winners, visit the Mega Millions website. How to play the Mega Millions To play the Mega Millions, you have to buy a ticket. You can do this at a variety of locations, including your local convenience store, gas station or even grocery store. In some states, Mega Millions tickets can be bought online. Once you have your ticket, you need to pick six numbers. Five of them will be white balls with numbers from 1 to 70. The gold Mega Ball ranges from 1 to 24. If you're feeling especially unlucky or don't want to go through the hassle of picking, you can ask for a "Quick Pick" or an "Easy Pick.' These options let the computer randomly generate numbers for you. Mega Millions tickets now include a built-in multiplier, which increases non-jackpot prizes by two, three, four, five, or 10 times. Before, players had to pay an extra dollar to add the "Megaplier.' Where can you buy lottery tickets? Tickets can be purchased in person at gas stations, convenience stores and grocery stores. Some airport terminals may also sell lottery tickets. You can also order tickets online through Jackpocket, the official digital lottery courier of the USA TODAY Network, in these U.S. states and territories: Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Idaho, Maine, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Puerto Rico, Washington, D.C., and West Virginia. The Jackpocket app allows you to pick your lottery game and numbers, place your order, see your ticket and collect your winnings all using your phone or home computer. Jackpocket is the official digital lottery courier of the USA TODAY Network. Gannett may earn revenue for audience referrals to Jackpocket services. Must be 18+, 21+ in AZ and 19+ in NE. Not affiliated with any State Lottery. Gambling Problem? Call 1-877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY); 1-800-327-5050 (MA); 1-877-MYLIMIT (OR); 1-800-981-0023 (PR); 1-800-GAMBLER (all others). Visit for full terms. Fernando Cervantes Jr. is a trending news reporter for USA TODAY. Reach him at and follow him on X @fern_cerv_. This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Mega Millions winning numbers for 8/8/25: Jackpot at $166 million
