Taskmaster star ALEX HORNE: ‘I'm embarrassed to order fizzy water – I've got reverse snobbishness about it'
I won't name the pub I was first served in, where I grew up in Midhurst, East Sussex – because I was underage and I think it's still going. There's an argument for there being a pub that serves underage people in every town, because at least you know where everyone is.
On my 21st birthday, I was at the top of Machu Picchu in Peru with my mate Mike, and he'd smuggled a bottle of champagne. [ Alcohol is banned within the ruins.] It was my grandpa's funeral that day as well, and because I couldn't go we toasted him there.
My wife Rachel [a newsreader] and I went to The Comedy Store in London on our first date. I knocked a pint of beer over her shoes and it was just swimming around for the whole show. I'm not clumsy, but sometimes I don't realise how tall I am [he's 6ft 2in]. We're still together 26 years later.
Rachel is trying to keep me alive as I near my 50s. The first drink I have every day is a probiotic thing she gives me. The next is a pint-sized smoothie, which is sometimes nice and sometimes not.
I had a very nice evening with Sporty Spice recently at a charity quiz. Me, Mel C, her partner and my wife ended up in a pub, and Mel got behind the bar to pull pints – because she's a Spice Girl they didn't mind.
I sat next to David Suchet and his wife on a flight the other day, too. We were all off to Morocco, and he said he was going to treat himself to a men's djellaba robe. So I decided to treat myself to one, too.
I'm embarrassed to order fizzy water – I've got reverse snobbishness about it. When there's a bottle of water with a sell-by date, I think that's nonsense. It says it's come from a mountain, you know, two million years ago, but it goes off in April.
On Taskmaster I've drunk a lot of bad things. The comedian Nabhaan Rizwan made a cocktail in a bin that hadn't been cleaned. So I was forced to drink bin juice. That was grotty.
After a few drinks I'll probably sing the Liverpool FC Mo Salah song, to the tune of Sit Down by James. I'm a Liverpool fan, but I'm not a karaoke person. Or a campfire singer.
Greg Davies [Horne's co-host on Taskmaster] and I went on a notorious camping trip in 2020. We met up near Whipsnade Zoo and got merry on vodka Red Bull. I can't recall much of what happened – except the lions roaring.
The person I'd most like to have a drink with living or dead is my friend [the comedian] Tim Key, who is very much alive. We used to live together but don't get to see each other very often now. Having a drink with him is always the most pleasure I get, apart from having a drink with my wife.
The best advice I've ever been given over a drink was when I married Rachel. The wedding was in Northern Ireland, where she's from, and a family friend took me to one side in the toilet. Drink in hand he said, slightly threateningly, 'Look after her.' It was good advice, and I have.
My signature drink is a White Russian, because it is basically milk. Rachel and I were at uni together, and we had a Russian-themed party with a bathtub full of it, made using milk, Kahlúa and chocolate powder. We would just dip our glasses in.
I'd have WKD served at my funeral, because my first TV role was in the WKD adverts in the early 2000s. It's awful – I'm in a karate lesson, and the instructor makes me pull his finger. He farts then the ad says, 'Have you got a WKD side?'
Alex Horne's children's book The Last Pebble is out now (Walker Books, £7.99). or call 020 3176 2937. Free UK delivery on orders over £25.
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