3 Steps To Repair Trust In Any Relationship, By A Psychologist

Forbes

6 days ago

Many people believe that once trust is broken, it cannot be repaired, and that one shouldn't stay in relationships where the trust is gone. Despite polarizing beliefs on the matter, many partners still choose to stay and work together to rebuild trust.
One of the major causes of broken trust between partners is infidelity, but breaches of trust can happen for many other reasons. These can include inconsistency between words and actions, one too many white lies or omissions of important information to appear favorable and even subtle manipulation (whether intentional or unintentional) to maintain control of the relationship's outcomes.
Here are three stages all couples must go through to successfully repair broken trust in any relationship.
1. Understanding The Why
A 2022 review of research suggests that rebuilding trust is a slow process but generally progresses in three stages: attributional, social equilibrium and structural mechanisms. Attribution focuses on why the trust was broken in the first place.
When a partner feels betrayed, they often want to understand whether the betrayal was intentional or unintentional. Betrayal in one's control looks like emotional or physical cheating, hiding debts or lying about major issues concerning the relationship itself.
Betrayal beyond one's control may involve situations like forgetting an important date due to stress or feeling overwhelmed, hurting others' feelings unintentionally by making careless comments or blunders made out of misunderstanding rather than malice.
This stage also involves assessing whether one or both partners want to move forward from the incident. That means having an open and non-defensive conversation about whether the situation is salvageable for them.
This is where the betrayed party asks themselves questions like:
When you understand and attribute the betrayal to a forgivable cause, rather than a core character flaw, it becomes the critical first step toward potential repair. The difference lies in whether this is something your partner can change or if it's fundamental to who they are.
2. Restoring The Balance
In a 2013 study published in PNAS found that when a breach of trust occurs early in a relationship, people are more likely to engage in conscious skeptical thinking and are less likely to give the other person 'second chances.' But when the same occurs in established relationships, people may consider it a one-off mistake and are more inclined to forgive and trust again.
It appears that timing and context can shape our emotional responses in a relationship. When a partner feels betrayed, the relationship can feel unbalanced. One person feels deeply hurt, confused and angry while the other may get defensive, feel guilty or even ashamed. These strong feelings lead to reactivity, which gets in the way of open, clear communication.
The goal of this stage is to reestablish a sense of equality and mutual respect as a cornerstone for rebuilding trust. It's also when the person who broke the trust must show up with full accountability, show genuine remorse and offer complete transparency about what happened.
But it's equally important for the other partner to also fully express how they feel regarding the incident and the emotional fallout they're experiencing because of it.
Restoring fairness involves apologies, but is supported through consistent effort and meaningful actions.
It's necessary that both partners feel heard while making amends. This can look like:
Repairing broken trust is a gradual process. Progress may appear slow, but it's important to be patient with yourself and focus on small wins along the way.
3. Committing To Transparent Change
This stage is all about proving to your partner that you are committed to real change and reassuring them that you won't be repeating past mistakes. Rebuilding safety in the relationship starts with assuaging your partner's doubts and fears.
A 2025 review published in the Journal of Family Therapy found that 'fidelity trust' is the most important kind of trust in any romantic relationship, and suggested five recurring elements for rebuilding it:
Everyone has a different threshold for trust based on their past experiences, attachment patterns and childhood. For some individuals, trusting again comes more easily, while for others it is more difficult. Regardless of where you fall on this spectrum, rebuilding trust is possible with consistent effort and patience from both partners.
Curious where your relationship really stands? Take the science-backed Relationship Satisfaction Scale to find out.