Marriage Diaries: Should I get a prenup for my second wedding or trust my husband-to-be?
Should you be planning the end of your marriage before you've even tied the knot? This is the question that's been plaguing me for the past few weeks. I'm 58 years old, and next March will be marrying Steve, 60. It will be a second wedding for both of us: I have three young adult daughters and he has a son.
Steve and I are taking great pleasure in planning the next stage of our lives together. But – in between conversations about which location would suit our intimate ceremony, and what dress I should wear as a 50-something bride – I can't help but wonder whether we should get a prenuptial agreement. I'm so preoccupied about this decision that it's been keeping me awake at night.
I've been fully open with Steve about my dilemma. He's quite relaxed about the subject, and isn't offended (at least, that's what he tells me) but doesn't think a prenup is necessary. I think this comes down to how we both experienced the end of our last marriages.
My divorce from my ex-husband came through six years ago. It was nasty and protracted and expensive, mostly because my ex tried to hide money abroad and attempted to bully me into submission when I was hoping to appeal to his – ultimately absent – better nature.
In the end, I had to hire a top family law firm. After a draining process – which ended up in court with a finance dispute resolution – I received a fair settlement. But it cost me the best part of £50,000 and a whole lot of tears.
On the other hand, Steve's experience of divorce was far more pleasant. He and his wife had an amicable 'no fault' settlement, which barely involved lawyers. His son was also grown up, so it was less traumatic for everyone.
After the sale of the London marital home, my children and I moved into a small cottage in West Sussex which I decorated with great care: I feel happy and settled here. I love my current home so much that Steve has agreed to move in with me while he rents out his Yorkshire house.
When it comes to our respective finances, Steve and I are comfortable, but neither of us are rich: I'd say that financially, we are in a similar situation. We are both self-employed in the arts world and our properties are worth about the same.
Prenuptial agreements didn't used to be binding in the UK, but I've consulted a lawyer who has told me that – done the right way – they can be. The problem is, setting up a legally watertight agreement could cost up to £4,000.
My best friend is telling me that I'm being cynical and defeatist. Having known me for most of my life, she agrees that Steve is a far nicer man than my ex. I should embrace this happy new path with joy, she says, and not throw shade on the occasion by being negative. But she hasn't been through the pain of divorce: she hasn't seen how a white-wedding day can turn into a miasma of bitterness and hatred.
I'm just not sure I could go through all that again. All I really care about is keeping this well-loved roof over my head, should we separate – this basic security is everything to me.
'We're both nice people,' says Steve. 'In the worst-case scenario we would sort it out, and I would never take your home from you.' But is it naive to believe this statement, uttered when things are at their rosiest?
Surely one of the gifts of reaching midlife is learning from experience, and not making the same mistakes again. Should I listen to my gut and instruct a lawyer? Or am I being negative and doomy – and would my time (and money) be better spent on booking a super-luxurious honeymoon?
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an hour ago
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After Florian Wirtz's record-breaking £116m move to Liverpool was confirmed, who is YOUR club's most expensive signing ever?
Money, money, money. It makes the world go round, and it definitely makes the football world go round. First there was Willie Groves. Then there was Alf Common. Then Denis Law. Trevor Francis. Paul Pogba. Now, there is Florian Wirtz. The 1970s saw a quick increase in the price of British football transfers, but those kind of fees were nothing compared to today. Signings over £100million are now common, and the latest has gone through in the form of Bayer Leverkusen's Wirtz joining Liverpool for what could be £116m - another record. And that number will likely carry on rising. Yet big money does not equal success. Just ask Philippe Coutinho. But how much is each club actually spending? Who have they taken punts on... and have the moves worked out? Here, Mail Sport rates every Premier League club's record signing. And no sitting on the fence - it's either a hit or a miss. Wirtz put pen to paper on a deal that has been one of the most talked about moves of the summer so far Arsenal - Declan Rice, £105m Declan Rice was one of the most sought-after midfielders in world football when he joined Arsenal in the summer of 2023. Fresh off captaining West Ham - his boyhood club - to Europa Conference League success, he was linked with the likes of Bayern Munich and Chelsea, but opted to join the Gunners for £105m plugging a huge midfield gap and locking himself in as an Emirates ever-present. He is yet to lead them to a trophy, but he remains one of the best midfielders in Europe and has started to add goals to him game, finding the net nine times last season and establishing himself as a genuine No 8 rather than a defensive midfielder. Arsenal fans will remember his two free-kicks against Real Madrid that signalled perhaps the best night at the Emirates, and, at 26, he still has room to get better too. 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The Brazilian, leaving fans stunned at his pricey arrival given the club almost collapsed just over a decade prior, left Porto for the south coast and bagged 10 league goals in his first season. Andoni Iraola will, in truth, want more, but the 25-year-old is often heavily supported in terms of goals by the likes of Antoine Semenyo, James Tavernier and Justin Kluivert. A good first year, but work still to do. Verdict: Hit Brentford - Igor Thiago, £31m You'd be forgiven for asking: who? Like Bournemouth, Brentford needed a new No 9 to fill big shoes last summer and had money ready to spend ahead of the £40m sale of Ivan Toney to the Saudi Pro League. Who would be Bryan Mbeumo's new partner in crime? Well, Igor Thiago was the man chosen, signing ahead of time in early 2024. He didn't officially join until the summer, but he suffered a ligament injury in his right knee in his last game for former side Club Brugge, and then hurt a knee meniscus in pre-season with Brentford. He didn't debut until November and then got an infection. The rise of Yoane Wissa helped ease pressure on him to get fit, but he has played just eight times so far and is yet to score for the Bees. Verdict: Miss Brighton - Georginio Rutter, £40m Paying a record fee for an attacking midfielder was always going to be a risk for Brighton considering one of their best players - Joao Pedro - already played in that position. But it has paid off. Though he missed the end of the season after picking up an ankle injury in March, he chipped in with eight goals before that and became a fan favourite at the Amex and someone Fabian Hurzeler could regularly rely on. With Pedro linked with an exit, Rutter could kick on even further next season, and perhaps even establish himself as a proper bargain. Verdict: Hit Burnley - Zeki Amdouni, £15.9m A different Burnley had just been promoted to the Premier League two years ago, playing tidy football under Vincent Kompany in a complete contrast to what top flight fans had become accustomed to under Sean Dyche. With high hopes, they spent decent money and Zeki Amdouni arrived from Basel in Switzerland, hoping he would lead their attacking charge. Things didn't go to plan, however - for Burnley or Amdoundi - with the Clarets going straight back down on the back of a dismal top flight campaign. In that time, the Moroccan scored five league goals in 34 league games, finding himself more in and out of the team as the season progressed. Upon Burnley's relegation, he left. He joined Benfica on loan and scored seven goals in 24 games, mostly as a substitute. Upon the expiry of that loan he is now back at Turf Moor - take two begins. Verdict: Miss Chelsea - Moises Caicedo, £115m The man who is currently the holder of the most expensive transfer in British football history - but not for long. Eyebrows were raised when Chelsea coughed up a mighty £115m for Moises Caicedo two years ago, with the midfielder rejecting Liverpool to sign for the London club. At first, he struggled, and the move was looking like a disaster. But it didn't take too long for him to find his feet, and the Ecuadorian was one of the Premier League's standout players last season. Whether it was from right back of defensive midfield, Caicedo found a way to stamp his influence on games and is still only 23. Verdict: Hit Crystal Palace - Christian Benteke, £32m The furthest back we have gone so far - back to August 2016, when Christian Benteke arrived at Crystal Palace from Liverpool. He had endured a tough time at Anfield after impressing at Aston Villa. Still, he was hoping to inject live back into his career and he did just that at Selhurst Park. The Belgian scored 37 times across 177 appearances for Palace, shining during the Covid period. The big man will always be known for his late winner against Brighton in the 2020-21 season, and he eventually left in 2022 to join DC United in the MLS. Verdict: Hit Everton - Gylfi Sigurdsson, £45m Gylfi Sigurdsson was another player who was looking to climb the ranks again, having rejoined Swansea City on the back of a quiet period at Tottenham. He made the leap, though, to Everton in August 2017 in what was meant to be the start of an exciting period under Farhad Moshiri. Recruitment was muddled, however, with no real plan seemingly in place and Wayne Rooney and Davy Klaassen - also No 10s - also signing that summer despite the Toffees' defensive struggles. The now-35-year-old failed to pull up too many trees in Everton blue, but did play more than 150 games for the club. That was until he didn't feature during the last year of his contract, with a reason why never officially revealed. Verdict: Miss Fulham - Emile Smith Rowe, £35m Perhaps the harshest call on this list, Emile Smith Rowe, like many others, had a mixed first season with the Cottagers after making the leap from boyhood club Arsenal. Called up by England in 2021 and breaking into the Arsenal team, the world seemed the midfielder's oyster until injury curtailed his progress and he struggled to get back into the reckoning. Arsenal reluctantly sold him to Fulham, and he started like a steam train after Marco Silva described his arrival as a 'statement signing'. But things slowed down, and he managed six goals in his debut year. Silva has called for more consistency next season, so there is still time to turn the 'miss' verdict around. Verdict: Miss Leeds - Georginio Rutter, £35.5m The only man to feature twice on this list, but in two different ways. Leeds spent big on Rutter to bring him in from Hoffenheim but it was wrong place, wrong time for the player. An unknown attacking midfielder, he penned five-and-a-half year deal in January 2023 but struggled to help the Whites stay up, and they were relegated with Rutter struggling for minutes. He didn't leave right away, though, and improved in the Championship, proving a reliable player for Daniel Farke as one of the best players in the second division before making the jump to Brighton last summer. Verdict: Miss Liverpool - Darwin Nunez, £85m This was the Premier League champions' most-expensive signing before Wirtz. What could have been. Nunez tore Liverpool apart at Anfield when playing for Benfica, and his pace and power resulted in the Reds splashing out over £80m to make him their new No 9. Liverpool fans were excited and compared Nunez to Erling Haaland, who arrived at the same time. He got off on the front foot, scoring in the Community Shield win over Manchester City, before things went slightly wrong. He was sent off for headbutting Joachim Andersen just a matter of games into his Liverpool career and, despite heroic moments against the likes of Newcastle and Brentford, his poor form and notable misses have meant his Anfield career could well be over. He has scored 40 goals in three years - and may not get another. Unfortunately for Nunez - as he's used to - it's a miss. And he will be pleased to no longer hold this accolade. Verdict: Miss Manchester City - Jack Grealish, £100m Jack Grealish's Manchester City career seems to be coming to a sorry end, with the forward left out of Pep Guardiola's squad for the Club World Cup after his boss told him to find another club. He was the Premier League's hottest property when he swapped Aston Villa for City in 2021, becoming the most expensive English player of all time - a record now broken by Rice. He has gone onto win five major trophies, including both the Premier League and Champions League, but many are of the opinion that his days as a maverick wide star are long behind him. Just seven starts came last year, and, despite the team success he has contributed to, it's hard to argue that he hasn't failed to live up to expectations - whether that's his fault or not. Verdict: Miss Manchester United - Paul Pogba, £100m Is there anything more Manchester United than losing one of your most talented academy players ever for next to nothing, seeing him become a success elsewhere and signing him back for £100m, only for it to not work out? It was a world record transfer fee that the Red Devils paid to get Paul Pogba back from Juventus, and he spent six years at United without really doing too much. Some called his attitude into question, and his inconsistencies were big red flags for many before United eventually cut their losses in 2022, when he left for nothing. Verdict: Miss Newcastle - Alexander Isak, £60m Newcastle coughed up £60m for Alexander Isak in 2022 and it's probably one of the best signings they have ever made. He was impressing at Real Sociedad but his fitness record was a huge concern, with Callum Wilson already missing plenty of game time through injury. But the calculated gamble has paid off in style, and the Swede is now one of the best strikers on the planet. He has scored 21 and 23 Premier League goals in the last two seasons respectively, and the Magpies will be happy they have him tied down to a deal that runs until 2029, because the sharks aren't going to stop circling. Liverpool continue to be linked. Verdict: Hit Nottingham Forest - Elliot Anderson, £35m Elliot Anderson only joined Nottingham Forest because of risks of PSR ruling breaches. He was a Magpie through and through, but made the leap and has only kicked on from the exciting start he had made to his career on Tyneside. Odysseas Vlachodimos - remember him? - went the other way for £20m, but that has only represented major success for Nuno Espirito Santo and his men because they now have a gem on their hands. Versatile and still just 22, Anderson will be in the England set-up before you know it and could well leave the City Ground for a much larger fee in the near future. Verdict: Hit Sunderland - Didier Ndong, £13.5m (until Enzo Le Fee..) Without doubt the worst signing on this list - and Sunderland will be glad that last year's loanee star Enzo Le Fee has now broken the club record, making his temporary stay from Roma permanent for £19m. But we've got to discuss Ndong. He stood as Sunderland's record signing for nine years, having joined in 2016 when the Black Cats were relegated from the top flight. He stuck around when they were relegated, too - playing a total of 54 times. His contract was terminated in 2018 when he failed to turn up for training for months on end. Sunderland were in League One at the time, and managed to get him off their wage bill ahead of the climb that saw them return back to the top flight for this season. Verdict: Miss Tottenham - Dominic Solanke, £65m Dominic Solanke scored 16 goals in 45 games for Tottenham in his first year after joining from Bournemouth, with nine of those coming in the Premier League. Five, though, came in the Europa League, which helped Ange Postecoglou's side end their 17-year trophy drought. He - and Spurs - would have hoped for a better goal return, but it was a season badly impacted by injury and his work off the ball and record in big games aren't to scoff at. A fully fit Solanke, playing under a new manager that did wonders for the likes of Mbeumo, Wissa and Ollie Watkins, could prove to be a real star. Verdict: Hit West Ham - Lucas Paqueta, £51m It's certainly still one that could go either way. In terms of pure football ability, Lucas Paqueta is West Ham's best player and he has shown that on more than one occasion. His name is etched in history after assisting Jarrod Bowen's winner in the Conference League final in 2023, and he could have moved to Manchester City that summer. But things seemed to fall apart when an investigation into alleged breaches of betting roles commenced. He will continue to play a key role for the Hammers until he either moves on or isn't allowed to play - and there has been no sign that that will happen so far. He has been charged by the FA, but denies them and continues to fight to clear his name. Verdict: Hit Wolves - Mateus Cunha, £44m Another sour end to what was an electric spell, Matheus Cunha has now moved onto pastures new after forcing his way out of Molineux for a move to Manchester United. He spent two years with Wolves as a permanent player, first joining on loan, enduring a slow start until he established himself as Wolves' most talented player, if a little hot-headed at times. The Brazilian had notches 29 goals in 83 Premier League games by the time he left, and won the hearts of fans, who still cheered his name after it became clear he would be leaving.
Daily Mail
2 hours ago
- Daily Mail
Angela Rayner's workers Bill 'is a wrecking ball for the UK economy' that could wipe out struggling businesses, Tories warn
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But it also contains a raft of other measures, including the end of zero-hours contracts, strengthened redundancy rights, more flexible working and the power for ministers to take companies to employment tribunals on behalf of employees even if they do not want to sue. The Bill has led to tensions in the Cabinet, with Chancellor Rachel Reeves trying to dilute the measures as she battles to revive a moribund economy. Asked by The Mail on Sunday this weekend if she was working to limit the economic damage which Ms Rayner's measures are expected to cause, the Chancellor did not deny she was trying to mitigate the effects, saying: 'We talk all the time to businesses.' In the open letter, Shadow Business Secretary Andrew Griffith says he has been moved to act because he is 'genuinely concerned that British businesses are being sleepwalked into disaster' and the Tories cannot oppose it alone In the open letter, Shadow Business Secretary Andrew Griffith says he has been moved to act because he is 'genuinely concerned that British businesses are being sleepwalked into disaster' and the Tories cannot oppose it alone. He writes: 'We need more voices to persuade the Government to listen. The Government's own calculations – which many consider to be an underestimate – say this will cost British businesses £5 billion a year and the economy 50,000 jobs... This is not good for the economy. I know it and every business I speak to around the country knows it. 'I urge you to please share this letter with others, seek advice on the impact of the Bill from your professional advisor and encourage business groups to speak up clearly on your behalf.' Speaking to this newspaper, Mr Griffith said: 'The economy badly needs the growth that only business can create. Yet Labour's Bill for Unemployment is a trade union charter that will increase strikes, slash jobs and raise prices. 'Going back to 1970s-style domination by the unions is the very last thing Britain needs right now and shows just how little this socialist government understands business. Angela Rayner is taking a wrecking ball to the UK economy.' He was echoed by a chorus of leading business figures, including Lord Karan Bilimoria, founder of Cobra beer and UK chairman of the International Chamber of Commerce. He said: 'Making it easier for workers to strike will inevitably increase their number and frequency. This is like the 1970s, and look where that got us. We were called the sick man of Europe. 'We don't want to go back in time. Of course, you want fair employee rights, but there's got to be a balance. If you create the environment this bill is putting us on the path towards, it's going to be very damaging to business and our economy.' He called on the Government to 'think twice' before pushing ahead with the reforms. Luke Johnson, entrepreneur and former chairman of Pizza Express, said: 'At a time when unemployment is rising, the economy is weak and the number of failing businesses is on the increase, introducing a new swathe of burdensome regulations is, to me, little short of madness. 'In the 1970s our country was going broke and we had to go to the International Monetary Fund for a bailout. 'It feels as if we are headed back towards that period. I lived through that time. But a lot of the MPs writing and supporting this bill are too young to remember what it was like. '[Angela Rayner] doesn't even speak the same language as people who work in the private sector. She has no clue what it's like to build a business and have your house on the line if you go broke, or struggling to pay wage bills and bank loan repayments each month. 'She just doesn't care. She only ever talks to people in the public sector, civil servants and trade unionists. But eventually, their ideology is going to collide with reality and unfortunately, they are going to drag the economy into a serious recession.' Alex Veitch, of the British Chambers of Commerce said: 'There remains a high risk of unintended consequences that could limit employment opportunities and economic growth.' And Luiza Gomes, from the British Retail Consortium, said: 'Maintaining a 50 per cent threshold for strikes is important to ensure ballot results legitimately and accurately reflect the consensus amongst workers, rather than the minority view.' A Labour spokesman said: 'The public will see right through the sheer hypocrisy of a party that crashed the economy and family finances now opposing better rights for workers. 'Labour do not think it's fair for workers to be sacked without any good reason or denied sick pay from the first day they are ill. The Tories and Reform need to explain why they do. 'These measures are developed with business, and good for workers and the economy.'
