How menopause can damage marriages, relationships

Herald Sun

5 days ago

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Fractured friendships and strained marriages are among the hidden tolls of menopause, as experts call for a 'Me Too-style' movement to push the topic into the spotlight.
New research from News Corp's Growth Distillery has revealed the profound impact menopause is having on the lives of Australians, with nearly one in five of women saying it is eroding their mental health.
The research commissioned for the Can We Talk? campaign, in partnership with Medibank, found a quarter of all Gen X ranked it as a top stressor.
Experts say the mental health effects of perimenopause and menopause often interfere with work, relationships and daily life, but are too often misdiagnosed or misunderstood.
Women's health psychologist Leanne Mulheron said it was a 'discombobulating, challenging time' that could be a 'make or break' for many relationships.
'There's a reckoning that happens for many women because they don't have the capacity to keep managing how they were before … and that can mean re-evaluating relationships,' she said.
'Menopause is like living in your house during renovations – our brains change so much with fluctuating hormones but we're still having to parent and be friends and be carers.'
A lack of understanding from partners and spouses, dwindling libido and pain during sex could also cause tension.
'Menopause is often shrouded in lots of shame, so sometimes women endure painful sex, or continue having sex despite having no desire to,' she said.
'There's a huge impact from a relationship point of view.
'Communication is key, and being explicit about how people can support you.'
Ms Mulheron said a Me Too-style movement could fuel much-needed awareness and support for women.
'If we all just got up there and said 'this is what's happening to me', it could pave the way for more conversations and validate how women are feeling,' she said.
Monash University HER Centre Australia director and psychiatrist Professor Jayashri Kulkarni said many studies showed a sharp rise in mental health issues in perimenopause, and added that suicidal ideation was 'frighteningly common'.
Professor Jayashri Kulkarni
But some women were being misdiagnosed with conditions such as bipolar disorder.
She said hormonal fluctuations could be a tipping point for many issues women grappled with.
'You get the arguments of 'women in midlife have complicated lives ... it's not the hormones, it's the life things',' Professor Kulkarni said.
'Of course, it's all the life things, but there is a tipping factor.
'The woman who was coping before, suddenly can't cope.
'The tipping factor, we think, is the hormonal shifts in the brain that create the chemistry and circuitry changes that lead to mental ill health.'
She said it was critical to build understanding and education about the symptoms – including anxiety, brain fog, depression, rage, loss of confidence, paranoia and fatigue – as well as
treatments.
Podcast host Alex Merton-McCann, 53, said she suffered through 'hormonal chaos' for years,
which manifested in depression, anxiety, brain fog and withdrawing from friends and family.
Alex Merton- McCann (centre) with her friends Paula Woodcock (left), and Maddie Thomson (right). Picture: Julian Andrews.
'I hit really dark times but initially no-one, including my doctors, realised it was hormone related,' she said.
She found herself unable to continue with her podcast, The Grown Up Girls Report, in which she ironically explored the topic of menopause.
While her husband had been very supportive, she said he didn't have the 'tools' to help her
navigate the period.
So she turned to her friends who helped normalise her experience.
'I felt like I was flying blind but my friends got me out of the spiral,' she said.
'The shared experience is so powerful.
'I finally feel like the windows are open again now.'
Meanwhile, some big businesses are starting to take action to help women navigate the challenges.
Medibank is offering staff – 70 per cent of whom are female – a fully-funded telehealth service including a consultation with a doctor and a personalised care plan.
Dr Shona Sundaraj, Medibank group medical director and GP, said up to 50 per cent of women in perimenopause or menopause experienced new or heightened symptoms of anxiety.
'We need to educate women about the connection between menopause and anxiety,' she said.
'We must encourage open dialogue and work to destigmatise mental health issues during midlife.'
Tips from GP Dr Shona Sundaraj, Medibank Group medical director, on navigating menopause
Educate yourself and others
Understanding what menopause is – and isn't – helps reduce fear and stigma. There's a lot of false information out there — lean on reliable women health resources like The Jean Hailes Foundation and educate yourself and family and friends who are supporting you.
Learn about common symptoms, like hot flashes, mood swings, sleep disturbances and memory fog.
Trusted information
Read from reputable sources or consult healthcare providers. Share what you learn with your loved ones. Normalising menopause helps create space for honest conversations.
Prioritise physical health
Lifestyle choices can ease symptoms significantly. Back to basics is really important: good food, quality sleep and body movement, in particular strength training, is crucial at this stage of life.
Exercise boosts your mood, maintains bone density and supports sleep. A balanced diet should focus on calcium, vitamin D, fibre and whole foods. Try to minimise intake of processed foods that will add to belly weight gain.
Sleep hygiene is important. Create a calming bedtime routine and limit screen time before bed. Talk to your doctor about hormone therapy, supplements or other treatments if needed.
Talk with friends and family
Don't carry the emotional load alone, it also helps if your loved ones are aware of the changes you're going through. Help them understand what support looks like for you – even if it's just listening.
Practice self-compassion and flexibility
Menopause can be unpredictable, and some days will be harder than others. Just remember, peri-menopause and menopause are normal stages of life and any woman that is in her 40s or beyond is going through it with you. You're not alone.
Give yourself permission to rest, say no, or adjust plans. Remind yourself this is a phase, not a personal failing. This is a normal stage of life. Just like childhood, puberty or having children.
Empathy is important
Perimenopause and menopause doesn't signify ageing, it's a transition in life. We need to acknowledge that quite often women at this stage of their life are at the peak of their careers, while looking after teenage children and helping elderly parents. This can compound how women manage. Let's create space, understanding and empathy for women in their 40s to 50s.
Can We Talk? is a News Corp awareness campaign, in partnership with Medibank, helping Australian families better tackle mental wellbeing. To follow the series and access all stories, tips and advice, visit our new Health section.