The No. 1 Sign You and Your Partner Don't Communicate Well, According to a Couples Therapist

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Good communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. However, it's often easier said than done.
A major communication issue couples face often starts before any words come out. Going into a conversation, it's common for people to try to convince their partner or change their mind.
Perhaps you jot down your points down beforehand, as if you're preparing a speech. Maybe you spend the conversation racking your brain to remember what you want to say to prove a point, even while your partner is talking.
It may feel good to be "right," but this habit can sabotage your relationship, according to Orna Guralnik, clinical psychologist and star of the docuseries "Couples Therapy." Guralnik previously spoke to TODAY.com about why people make this communication mistake and how to fix it.
"It's distinguishing between talking to try to convince someone (versus) listening and trying to understand someone,' Guralnik explained.
If you only draw on your perspective with the goal of persuading your partner, this can lead to more misunderstandings and problems.
Instead, Guralnik encourages couples to approach tough conversations by asking questions and practicing active listening. Couples that prioritize this approach are often more successful, she explained.
People may talk to convince their partner because it seems safer than hearing the truth about how their partner feels, their own behavior, or the state of the relationship.
'They don't want to find out that something's not going well. They're afraid of what they're going to learn," Guralnik said.
Some people avoid conflict or negative emotions due to childhood experiences.
However, discomfort is necessary for growth. 'A lot of people spend time avoiding difficult truths, which is a waste," she added.
Honesty is also crucial to be able to empathize — and a lack of empathy is a common reason couples split up, Guralnik noted.
Empathy is the ability to share another person's experiences and emotions. "You have the flexibility to take in information, change, (and) accommodate,' said Guralnik. These are all indicators of being able to communicate effectively and navigate hardships.
If you tend to try to persuade your partner and argue your point, try to focus on being fully present during conversations. Go into it curious and willing to learn something new, Guralnik advised.
Start by checking in on how you're both feeling, then ask open-ended questions.
Active listening involves allowing the other person to speak without interrupting, acknowledging or validating their thoughts, and responding thoughtfully. Pay attention to non-verbal cues, like eye contact and body language.
Finally, be willing to admit when you're wrong.
If you and your partner can't communicate effectively, it may be worth talking to a professional or exploring couples therapy. "When couples get into patterns that are destructive and they can't get out of it themselves ... that's a good time," Guralnik said.
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This article was originally published on TODAY.com