I was too nervous to perform in bed & thought my 8-yr relationship was over… an orgy with FIVE strangers relit the spark

Scottish Sun

06-05-2025

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FEELING the spark draining from their romance, Tom and Lauren decided opening up their relationship and trying sex with other couples would rekindle the flame.
But their first attempts at swinging proved a flop after Tom's erectile dysfunction prevented things from going to plan.
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Lauren and Tom decided having a bit of extra help to return to swinging would be useful
Credit: Instagram/@tom.and.lauren69
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Tom found the advice from therapist Effy really helpful to get his confidence back
Credit: Paul Groom / Channel 4
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Grace, Naomi, Georgie, Aaron, Jem were some of the residents on hand to help couples
Credit: Paul Groom / Channel 4
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The couple have been together for eight years and are engaged
Credit: Instagram/@tom.and.lauren69
It left the couple, both 32, feeling desperate - especially as Lauren was keen to live a non-monogamous lifestyle.
Tom and Lauren, who have been together eight years and are engaged, decided heading on National TV for specialist help was the only way forward and signed up to Channel 4's Open House: The Great Sex Experiment.
'We'd tried a couple of times and unfortunately had some bad experiences,' Lauren said.
'Tom just didn't feel comfortable naked. While the couples were amazing and I was a lot more open, Tom just wasn't.
'So we thought with the show having experienced non-monogamous people and a therapist, it would be a good way to try again.'
Lauren had brought up the idea of swinging because she is bisexual and felt 'something was missing' in a monogamous relationship.
Their plans were put on hold when Tom was diagnosed with the heart condition Bicuspid aortic valve, where the main valve in his heart doesn't function properly. It's the same condition that Arnold Schwarzenegger has.
The couple were advised by doctors to avoid anything that could cause a high heart-rate - meaning no swinging - and that Tom had to stop going to the gym, leading him to put on weight and his confidence plummeted.
Once things were back on a stable footing, the couple decided to sign up for Open House: The Great Sex Experiment for a fresh start when it comes to swinging.
The 48-hour luxury retreat mixes therapy with opportunities for couples to try out a non-monogamous lifestyle and meet like-minded people.
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Tom credits being able to speak with non-monogamy therapist Effy with helping him to understand that erectile dysfunction isn't uncommon and to realise that he did want to explore swinging with Lauren.
'It was really throwing me off the deep end going on the show but that was what I needed,' he said.
'The therapy forced me to confront things, like looking after myself, and Effy hit nerves which is why I break down on the show.
'But she also helped me to get back into the swing of everything. I know that the swinging is helping our relationship and it's given me confidence that I don't need Lauren right next to me to be confident.
"Our communication has improved so much and we're so much stronger.'
On the first night, Lauren and Tom took FIVE singles back to their room in a bid to have group sex.
The group sex was initiated by Tom, who had been set a challenge by the therapist to invite some residents back in a bid to improve his confidence.
Despite being incredibly nervous, Tom was able to perform thanks to lots of attention focused on his erogenous zones.
Therapy boost
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The couple spent 48 hours in the luxury retreat seeing if they could make swinging work
Credit: C4
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Effy spent about four hours with the couple to help work through their issues
Credit: Paul Groom / Channel 4
At the time, Tom was 19st 6lbs, which had left him feeling incredibly body conscious.
Tom said: 'The therapist got me to feel quite strong and be in a place to engage in group sex where I hadn't been before.
'Meeting the residents has really opened up my eyes to what our life could be like. They made me feel so welcome and comfortable.
'Having a chance to open up about my issues has shown me that I'm not the only one at all.
'It reminded me that a lot of people struggle with it at different times. I don't need to see a naked person and think that I don't know what I'm doing.
'Once I was in my head about not being able to perform, that's where it would all go wrong, and then it would become difficult to do what I wanted to do.'
As a former gym addict, Tom admits that he used to have his top off all the time to show off his ripped physique, but now worries people will stare at him for the wrong reasons.
Since filming the series, he has dropped to 16 and a half stone, which has helped him feel more comfortable exploring swinging.
'The show has opened my eyes and it's helped me massively to have the motivation to make changes,' Tom explained.
Bonus bonk
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They stopped swinging when Tom was diagnosed with a heart condition
Credit: Instagram/@tom.and.lauren69
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A mix of singles and veteran non-monogamous couples were on hand to help
Credit: Paul Groom / Channel 4
The couple have continued to explore the world of swinging and attended several parties.
Lauren said: 'It was absolutely a bonus to end up having sex. I think it all came down to the help the therapist gave us when it came to our communication.
'The residents were so supportive of us. Even at a normal swinging event, having sex with other people is a bonus rather than a given.
'Our biggest worry was that we'd go on the show and none of the residents were going to be interested in us.'
Finally, having successful group sex has strengthened the couple's relationship, even though they thought the show might have the opposite effect.
'Lauren told me afterwards that she thought that the show was going to break our relationship,' Tom said.
'Instead, it's made me realise that I do really want this type of lifestyle. I like the after effects like cuddle and the stories. Plus, it's a way for me to learn new things to bring back to our bed.
'Our sex life now is so good. I didn't imagine this would happen.
'It's brought us closer together. It's really given us our spark back.'
Parental woes
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They were nervous to tell their parents about going on the show
Credit: Instagram/@tom.and.lauren69
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Tom stopped going to the gym when he was diagnosed with a heart condition
Credit: Instagram/@tom.and.lauren69
One downside about going on Open House, for a lot of people, is that it shows explicit sex scenes - and there's the possibility of parents watching.
But for Lauren and Tom, they were shocked to discover their parents were very supportive and were even considering watching their episodes.
She said: 'I was actually pleasantly surprised by the reaction of both our mums. They were so supportive.
'It's not a show they would normally watch and we've explained to them how explicit it is. We suggested they watch the previous serious to make a decision on if they'd actually want to watch us on the show.
'Obviously we can't stop them from watching if they want to.
'Our dads weren't really bothered, but have said 'good for you'.'
The couple hope that the show will help people understand that being in an open relationship doesn't mean you'll have sex with everyone.
'People seem to think that we're at orgies with thousands of people every weekend and that's just not the case,' Lauren said.
'We like to get to know someone before we jump into bed with them. It's no different from being single and having a one-night stand.
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Lauren proposed a non-monogamous relationship because she likes girls and boys
Credit: Instagram/@tom.and.lauren69
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The show sees veteran singles and couples help newbies to open relationships
Credit: Instagram/@openhousethegreatsexexperiment