Michelle Obama says good parenting involves knowing that your kids are 'not your friends'

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27-06-2025

Michelle Obama says good parenting means understanding "that your children are not your friends."
Parents must hold firm on their boundaries since kids will always test how far they can push.
"All they have time for is to outlast you, to wear you down," the former first lady said.
Michelle Obama says parents shouldn't give in too easily to their kids' demands.
On Wednesday's episode of the "IMO" podcast, which she cohosts with her brother, Craig Robinson, Obama spoke about how parents can enforce rules around screen time and social media use for their kids. The episode featured guest Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist and author of "The Anxious Generation."
In response to a listener's question about the challenges she faced in managing her daughters' digital habits, Obama said that parents should "understand that your children are not your friends."
She said it's important for parents to set clear boundaries that they believe in and that they stick to "all the time," since kids are always testing how far they can push before adults cave.
"They're waiting for you to go back on your word. They're waiting to see how long it will take. How many times can I outlast you? Because, as I say, they've got time on their hands. Kids don't have jobs. They have no responsibility. They are not paying bills. All they have time for is to outlast you, to wear you down," the former first lady said.
Reflecting on their upbringing, Robinson added that their mother believed saying no wasn't enough.
"I was just thinking about how our parents parented and what my mom would say about saying 'No' is that it's not just saying 'No,' it's holding your 'No' accountable," Robinson said. "It is explaining why you're saying 'No,' and it's outlasting your kids."
That's why parents need to be steadfast in their willingness to do the hard things needed to keep their kids safe, Obama said.
"You will be disappointing them, and scaring them, and making them hurt, and arguing with them, and doing all the things that you don't wanna do with your best friends," Obama said. "But in the end, as parents, we are responsible for securing the safety and the health of the children we bring into this world."
Drawing on his experience working with Gen Z, Haidt said that many of those in their 20s often say they're grateful their parents delayed giving them phones or social media access.
"What you'll never hear is a 23-year-old Gen Z saying, 'I wish my parents had given me a smartphone and social media in middle school,'" Haidt said.
Even though it may be difficult to keep kids off social media, it'll be worth it in the end, he said.
Obama and Robinson aren't the only ones who have spoken up about the impact of social media and screen use on kids.
In a January 2024 interview, Penélope Cruz called social media "a cruel experiment on children, on teenagers."
"It's so easy to be manipulated, especially if you have a brain that is still forming," Cruz told Elle.
In May, Kate Winslet's Gen Z daughter, Mia Threapleton, said she has "never had" social media and doesn't want it, adding that her mom encouraged her to make a list of pros and cons for joining Instagram when she was 14.
"The cons completely outweighed the pros for me," Threapleton said.
This comes as several countries around the world — including Australia and Norway — are exploring ways to implement stricter controls on social media use for kids.
A representative for Obama and Robinson did not immediately respond to a request for comment sent by Business Insider outside regular hours.
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