I'm 19 and only want to have sex with women twice my age – is this normal?
Most of my mates have been dating girls for the last few years, but no one I have met has ever attracted me — that is until I met this older woman.
I am 19 and I have never had a girlfriend my own age.
This woman is 38. I met her when our train was delayed and we spent an hour on the platform chatting. I ended up buying her a cup of tea and we then boarded the train together.
I couldn't believe my luck when she said she was travelling to the same city as me. She was sexy, sophisticated and knew exactly what she wanted.
Once we got off the train, she invited me back to her flat. After a couple of drinks, we ended up having amazing sex.
Afterwards I told her how old I was and she couldn't believe it.
She thought I was 26. She said she was only into casual sex and didn't do serious relationships.
We only met up again a couple of times. I was disappointed but it didn't last long as I met another stunning woman in a club a few days later.
I knew she was older; she told me she was 41 but she didn't look it. We had a great time dancing and drinking.
We have been messaging ever since and are going to meet up at the same club next weekend. I am hoping it will end up with us having sex.
I don't want anything serious but wonder if it is normal for guys my age to be attracted to women who are a lot older.
Understanding open relationships
DEIDRE SAYS: It is not unusual to be attracted to older people. Older people are often more confident, which is attractive.
They may also be sexually confident – but you are less likely to develop a lasting relationship with them.
While there may be specific reasons behind your attraction, as long as you are both consenting adults and looking after your sexual health, it is probably not worth overthinking it.
It's worth bearing in mind though that these women will have a lot more life experience than you.
So do be wary of anyone who tries to take advantage.
My support packs Learning To Love and Age-Gap Relationships fully explain the issues you may face.
SHOULD I LET FRIEND HELP ME PARENT EX'S BABY?
DEAR DEIDRE: ONE of my best friends says he loves me and, even though I am pregnant by another man, he doesn't mind that my baby is not his.
I promised myself I was through with relationships after my partner left me when he found out I was expecting.
I was heartbroken but decided to focus on my future with my child. My family and friends have been so supportive.
This particular pal, who I've known since school, has been amazing. I am 27 and he is 29. I really do like him and he says he loves me.
He is cool about me being pregnant by another man but I am scared of being hurt again. It has taken me a while to come to terms with my partner leaving and I don't need any more stress.
I keep wondering whether to give him a chance and perhaps turn our friendship into something more.
DEIDRE SAYS: There's no rush to turn your friendship into a relationship until you are both sure.
He is a good friend who is being supportive and, if he is willing, he can continue as he is without you needing to take things further right now.
It is important that you allow yourself time to settle into a routine of being a new mum once your baby arrives.
It will also give your friend an opportunity to see the realities of the responsibilities that come with a newborn.
FEAR I'M ABUSER JUST LIKE MY DAD
DEAR DEIDRE: MY dad abused me when I was a child and I'm scared I have inherited the trait.
My partner wants me to move in with her and her five-year-old son – but what if I turn into my father?
I am a 33-year-old guy and my girlfriend is 30. We met on a dating app almost a year ago and get on really well.
Her son seems to like me, too. His dad left when he was a baby and it has just been him and his mum ever since.
My father was a big boozer, and I vowed I would never be like him – even though I do enjoy a drink. It is not a problem for me but I worry I have my dad's taste for it.
While I love my partner and her son, I am frightened about living with them. I think perhaps I would be better off alone. It would be safer.
DEIDRE SAYS: I am sorry you were abused. Like you, many survivors end up worrying that they are destined to hurt children because of what happened to them – but this is a myth.
You are your own person, not your father, and you deserve to enjoy the kind of happy family life that was sadly denied to you in childhood.
Talk to your partner about how to handle any family pressures before you make the decision to move in.
Seek support through NAPAC – National Association For People Abused In Childhood (napac.org.uk, 0808 801 0331).
XMAS ALREADY RUINED BY KIDS
DEAR DEIDRE: IT'S only August but my family are already arguing about Christmas.
My adult son and daughter don't get on – and as usual I am stuck in the middle.
I was widowed five years ago and ever since my husband died we have always alternated Christmases between my son and his kids and my daughter and her family.
My daughter is already looking at venues to have Christmas dinner out but my son says he won't be going because it is too expensive. He says he will be having a budget Christmas in his own home.
I'm 65. I have offered to pay for him and his family, just to keep the peace but he is a proud man and won't accept any charity from me.
I have tried to reason with him but he just gets so angry so I have had to back down.
I used to love Christmas but I am starting to think it is going to be a disaster this year. I may miss out on seeing my lovely grandchildren and I know they will be disappointed too.
I just wish my son and daughter could clear the air. They still have months until the big day. Surely it isn't too much to ask.
DEIDRE SAYS: It isn't, but it is important to stay neutral rather than get caught up in their battles, which may be childhood rivalries being replayed.
Say how unhappy the arguing makes you and point out that Christmas is supposed to be the season of goodwill.
They have time to sort out the issue themselves or to let it go unresolved but, either way, it is their choice.
You may miss out on seeing one set of grandchildren this year and decide to be with the ones who need you most. Vow to make Christmas different next year.
My support pack Worried About Christmas will help.
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