Seeking a Friend, Finding Much More

New York Times

18-07-2025

When Ernesto Apreza and Kyle Labarry met in November 2015, they were both new to Seattle and looking to make friends. After connecting on Grindr, they made a plan to meet up and get to know each other platonically.
The two went to a bar in the city's Belltown neighborhood, where they chatted over Blue Moon beers. There was just one snag in the plan: They both found each other cute.
Mr. Apreza, who is 36 and goes by Ernie, had come out to his family earlier that year and was searching for his place in the queer community. When he met Mr. Labarry, 39, he felt he had found 'someone within the community that was my kinda same wavelength, so to speak.'
One night in December, they went out dancing with friends. They stayed late and ended up kissing on the dance floor. The pair kept their evolving status to themselves for a while. They saw movies with friends and held hands when the theater lights dimmed. On New Year's Eve, they kissed again and officially started dating in January 2016.
For their first Valentine's Day, Mr. Labarry took Mr. Apreza to a cabaret show in downtown Seattle. He was impressed. 'I was like, wow, this white boy has game,' Mr. Apreza said, laughing.
One day in their first few months of dating, Mr. Apreza woke up early in the morning to leave for a work trip. As he grabbed his bags and headed toward the door, he told a sleepy Mr. Labarry that he loved him for the first time.
'It just came out,' Mr. Apreza said.
'It was just sweet and perfect,' Mr. Labarry said.
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In May 2016, Mr. Apreza went on a trip to Disneyland with some of Mr. Labarry's friends from Reno, Nev., where he grew up.
The friends regaled Mr. Apreza with tales of Mr. Labarry's rebellious youth. 'He would hear some of these stories of me being rambunctious, and he's probably like, 'Well, what am I getting myself into?'' Mr. Labarry said, with a laugh.
Over the course of their first spring and summer together, they met each other's families.
Mr. Labarry said he essentially ended contact with his biological parents when he was 18, and was taken in by the family of a close childhood friend. 'I made a conscious decision to pull away from them,' Mr. Labarry said of his biological parents, 'and have a different kind of family relationship with this other group of individuals.' He added: 'And so for me, relationships are really something that somebody decides to do.'
When Mr. Labarry met Mr. Apreza's family, he said he felt welcomed by them — and knew that he had found the right person.
In June 2016, Mr. Apreza moved to Denver to work for the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign. Mr. Labarry arranged to work remotely from there for part of the month, allowing him to visit regularly.
'There was that commitment for us, to think that six months in, it made sense for me to travel every single month for us to be together,' said Mr. Labarry, who now works remotely as a product compliance manager at Zynga, a video game developer. He has a bachelor's degree in economics and human resources from the University of Nevada and an M.B.A. from the University of Washington.
Mr. Apreza was most recently the press secretary to former Vice President Kamala Harris. He currently works as a principal for engagement for the Climate Pledge, which was founded by Amazon and Global Optimism. He has a bachelor's degree in international affairs from the George Washington University and grew up in Everson, Wash.
The couple bought a house together in Seattle's Mount Baker neighborhood, which they moved into in January 2018. That spring, they got a golden retriever named Gigi. In January 2021, Mr. Apreza joined The White House as a senior adviser for public engagement. They moved to Washington, D.C., where they still live.
Throughout their relationship, Mr. Apreza said a constant theme has been Mr. Labarry's 'grounding effect' on him. 'Especially in politics, the work is just kind of very intensive and draining, and sometimes emotional, and I can often just have a conversation with Kyle where I'm just kind of put at ease,' he said.
On Oct. 2, 2022, Mr. Apreza surprised Mr. Labarry with a proposal on a hike in Red Rock Canyon, near Las Vegas. Weeks later, during a walk around the National Mall, Mr. Labarry proposed to Mr. Apreza in Spanish, using a script he wrote with the help of Mr. Apreza's mother and a friend.
On July 5, they were married at Lord Hill Farms, an event space in Snohomish, Wash., by Donald Sims, a family friend who was ordained by the Universal Life Church for the occasion. The celebration included a Chinese tea ceremony as a nod to Mr. Labarry's chosen family, who are Chinese and Korean American.
A reception followed at the venue, where 182 guests ate Mexican food catered by Mr. Apreza's parents, who are from Guerrero, Mexico, and own a small food market business in Bellingham, Wash., and tres leches cake. Some friends performed a dance to Chappell Roan's 'Pink Pony Club.'
Later, they returned to the site of the bar where they first met — now a different business — for an after-party, celebrating their journey from new friends to newlyweds.