"Replaying Fake Arguments In Your Head So You're 'Ready' If They Ever Happen": People Are Sharing The "Harmless" Habits That Are Actually Really Toxic, And My Mental Health Is Thanking Them
It's hard to break habits, and that's especially true when we feel like the habits we've adopted are harmless. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. What appears to be innocuous can ultimately mess with our mental health more than we realize.
From letting toxic family drama slide because "they're family" to overapologizing, these habits can sneak under the radar and leave us feeling drained, stuck, or just plain unhappy.
Sad Asian Chinese man sitting on bed
According to psychologist Wendy Wood, habits are a learning mechanism that wires our brain in a way of repeat and reward.
"All we have to do is repeat something and get rewarded for it, and we're learning a habit," Wood told Behavioral Science. "In research that I've done, we find that about 43 percent of what people do every day is repeated in the same context, usually while they are thinking about something else. They're automatically responding without really making decisions. And that's what a habit is. A habit is a sort of a mental shortcut to repeat what we did in the past that worked for us and got us some reward."
Wendy Wood's quote really stood out to me, especially after diving into this recent post in the r/AskReddit sub that asked, "What's a 'harmless' habit that's actually really toxic?" Some of the responses dove into the impact of capitalism that forces us to prioritize our productivity or rest, while others dealt with internalizing their issues to avoid confrontation or friction. Here's what people had to say:
Note: These submissions have been edited for clarity.
1."Letting family get away with being shitty just 'because they're family.' Not really a habit, I guess, but my life is so much better having cut the toxic ones out."
–u/sarotto
2."Not standing up to people or letting things slide when they bother you."
–u/Possible-Okra7527
3."Today, I stood up for someone after setting a goal for myself that I don't want to be a bystander anymore when abuse happens."
"I was walking up the stairs in my building when I saw a drunk guy screaming at a girl on the stairs, making threats. She was obviously scared. I, a dude myself, first hesitated if it was safe for me to intervene, but decided to do so. I told this guy he had to stop screaming. He started threatening me, so I called the building security, and they took this guy out.
This girl was really thankful and offered me a drink. We chatted, and it turns out she's really nice. She does a PhD on Egyptian mummies, and when I said I've always wanted to go to the museum in town that has mummies on show, she offered to guide me around in the museum next week.So, summary of the story: standing up for someone is sometimes scary, but it might give you lots in return. In my case, a new friend and a personal mummy tour."
–u/LeLittlePi34
4."Not getting enough sleep. Not encouraging others to get enough sleep."
–u/MC1R_OCA2
Related: Doctors And Nurses Are Sharing The Terrifying Things They Witnessed In Hospitals, And I Guess "Grey's Anatomy" Isn't So Far Off After All
5."Not acknowledging your own feelings as they happen."
–u/AproachingAzathoth
6."Thinking there is something wrong with asking for help and that you are less for it. This applies to everything from work to personal issues. I'm Gen X, and we got independence shoved down our throats hard. I actually got in trouble for refusing help at work the other day."
–u/Carmelpi
7."Avoiding the difficult conversations because you don't 'like confrontation' and villainizing the other person for 'being confrontational.'"
–u/CaptainChristiaan
8."I'm in the habit of saying sorry even when I'm not at fault. Did you do something wrong to me? Oops! I'm sorry!"
–u/anonymous-dreaming
Related: "I Thought This Was Normal": People Are Sharing Diagnoses They Received After Someone Else Pointed Out Their Symptoms
9."Replaying fake arguments in your head so you're 'ready' if they ever happen. Feels harmless, but it keeps you stuck in fight mode with people who aren't even there."
–u/PsychologicalDog0522
10."Sweeping problems under the rug to keep the peace."
–u/majesticSkyZombie
"I have no idea how to stop doing this. My whole life, if I try to speak directly on a problem, I get put in my place so harshly that people make it clear I never should have said anything in the first place, so I've learned to just clam up and fume silently.
"It's not just parents or family or friends or partners or coworkers, it's everyone, so I assume my real problem is me wanting things, the changes I want just must make no sense, so there's no point in bringing them up anymore
After a while, you just sort of get to this place where you know you want things to be different, but you're not really sure how, so it makes it easier to stay quiet because you've got no ready solution."
–u/StickOnReddit
11."People who have an upset tone frequently but won't let their partner know what's up. Talked to my buddy about this recently, and the tone is wildly exhausting if you live with your partner. It stifles the house, makes someone guess why you're upset, and overall, these people seem to lack any EQ. A tone can seem harmless, but when they have a tone for days on end and withdraw themselves, they're miserable partners."
–u/klynnyroberts
12."Being relaxed about all kinds of (lack of) privacy because 'I have nothing to hide'. You open so many doors by giving too much info."
–u/Toiletjuffrouw
13."Having a group punching bag, where everyone constantly pokes fun at the same person."
–u/Extension_Winner_130
14."Self-deprecating humor. I was told by a therapist when I was going through a period of depression to avoid it because 'you know it's a joke, but you're brain does not.' So it's just adding to the negative self-talk your brain is already dealing with."
–u/virtualpig
15."Not washing your hands...I've seen too many guys in and out of the washroom who do not wash."
–u/WonderEasy7727
16."I have an 8-month-old, and I only just recently broke the morning scroll habit. It is absolutely embedded in our psyche to be on our phones. I stopped because I used to get up with him so my wife could sleep, make my coffee, and sit down with him. I'd pull out my phone out of habit. He would be sitting there quietly, staring at me with his giant doe eyes and bed head, playing with his fingers and waiting for attention while I wasted precious moments of his babyhood doomscrolling with my coffee. Now I leave my phone in the room when I get up."
–u/Phalus_Falator
17."Casual alcoholism."
–u/MrRWhitworth
18."When someone says, 'I'm the kind of person that just tells it like it is,' as an excuse to be an obnoxious a-hole."
–u/CrumblinEmpire
19."Being a helicopter parent and saying, 'if you've got nothing good to say, don't say anything at all' has given us a generation of young adults who can't think for themselves and can't take criticism."
20.If you have a habit you'd like to share, drop it in the comments.
Also in Goodful: "The Damage Is Irreversible." Doctors And Nurses Are Revealing The "Small" Health Signs That People Should Never, Ever Ignore
Also in Goodful: People Are Sharing Their Biggest "How Doesn't Everyone Know This?" Facts, And I'm Honestly Embarrassed I Never Realized Some Of These
Also in Goodful: This Woman Is Going Viral For Begging Women Not To Get Married Right Now, And Personally, I Couldn't Agree More
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"Replaying Fake Arguments In Your Head So You're 'Ready' If They Ever Happen": People Are Sharing The "Harmless" Habits That Are Actually Really Toxic, And My Mental Health Is Thanking Them
It's hard to break habits, and that's especially true when we feel like the habits we've adopted are harmless. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. What appears to be innocuous can ultimately mess with our mental health more than we realize. From letting toxic family drama slide because "they're family" to overapologizing, these habits can sneak under the radar and leave us feeling drained, stuck, or just plain unhappy. Sad Asian Chinese man sitting on bed According to psychologist Wendy Wood, habits are a learning mechanism that wires our brain in a way of repeat and reward. "All we have to do is repeat something and get rewarded for it, and we're learning a habit," Wood told Behavioral Science. "In research that I've done, we find that about 43 percent of what people do every day is repeated in the same context, usually while they are thinking about something else. They're automatically responding without really making decisions. And that's what a habit is. A habit is a sort of a mental shortcut to repeat what we did in the past that worked for us and got us some reward." Wendy Wood's quote really stood out to me, especially after diving into this recent post in the r/AskReddit sub that asked, "What's a 'harmless' habit that's actually really toxic?" Some of the responses dove into the impact of capitalism that forces us to prioritize our productivity or rest, while others dealt with internalizing their issues to avoid confrontation or friction. Here's what people had to say: Note: These submissions have been edited for clarity. 1."Letting family get away with being shitty just 'because they're family.' Not really a habit, I guess, but my life is so much better having cut the toxic ones out." –u/sarotto 2."Not standing up to people or letting things slide when they bother you." –u/Possible-Okra7527 3."Today, I stood up for someone after setting a goal for myself that I don't want to be a bystander anymore when abuse happens." "I was walking up the stairs in my building when I saw a drunk guy screaming at a girl on the stairs, making threats. She was obviously scared. I, a dude myself, first hesitated if it was safe for me to intervene, but decided to do so. I told this guy he had to stop screaming. He started threatening me, so I called the building security, and they took this guy out. This girl was really thankful and offered me a drink. We chatted, and it turns out she's really nice. She does a PhD on Egyptian mummies, and when I said I've always wanted to go to the museum in town that has mummies on show, she offered to guide me around in the museum next summary of the story: standing up for someone is sometimes scary, but it might give you lots in return. In my case, a new friend and a personal mummy tour." –u/LeLittlePi34 4."Not getting enough sleep. Not encouraging others to get enough sleep." –u/MC1R_OCA2 Related: Doctors And Nurses Are Sharing The Terrifying Things They Witnessed In Hospitals, And I Guess "Grey's Anatomy" Isn't So Far Off After All 5."Not acknowledging your own feelings as they happen." –u/AproachingAzathoth 6."Thinking there is something wrong with asking for help and that you are less for it. This applies to everything from work to personal issues. I'm Gen X, and we got independence shoved down our throats hard. I actually got in trouble for refusing help at work the other day." –u/Carmelpi 7."Avoiding the difficult conversations because you don't 'like confrontation' and villainizing the other person for 'being confrontational.'" –u/CaptainChristiaan 8."I'm in the habit of saying sorry even when I'm not at fault. Did you do something wrong to me? Oops! I'm sorry!" –u/anonymous-dreaming Related: "I Thought This Was Normal": People Are Sharing Diagnoses They Received After Someone Else Pointed Out Their Symptoms 9."Replaying fake arguments in your head so you're 'ready' if they ever happen. Feels harmless, but it keeps you stuck in fight mode with people who aren't even there." –u/PsychologicalDog0522 10."Sweeping problems under the rug to keep the peace." –u/majesticSkyZombie "I have no idea how to stop doing this. My whole life, if I try to speak directly on a problem, I get put in my place so harshly that people make it clear I never should have said anything in the first place, so I've learned to just clam up and fume silently. "It's not just parents or family or friends or partners or coworkers, it's everyone, so I assume my real problem is me wanting things, the changes I want just must make no sense, so there's no point in bringing them up anymore After a while, you just sort of get to this place where you know you want things to be different, but you're not really sure how, so it makes it easier to stay quiet because you've got no ready solution." –u/StickOnReddit 11."People who have an upset tone frequently but won't let their partner know what's up. Talked to my buddy about this recently, and the tone is wildly exhausting if you live with your partner. It stifles the house, makes someone guess why you're upset, and overall, these people seem to lack any EQ. A tone can seem harmless, but when they have a tone for days on end and withdraw themselves, they're miserable partners." –u/klynnyroberts 12."Being relaxed about all kinds of (lack of) privacy because 'I have nothing to hide'. You open so many doors by giving too much info." –u/Toiletjuffrouw 13."Having a group punching bag, where everyone constantly pokes fun at the same person." –u/Extension_Winner_130 14."Self-deprecating humor. I was told by a therapist when I was going through a period of depression to avoid it because 'you know it's a joke, but you're brain does not.' So it's just adding to the negative self-talk your brain is already dealing with." –u/virtualpig 15."Not washing your hands...I've seen too many guys in and out of the washroom who do not wash." –u/WonderEasy7727 16."I have an 8-month-old, and I only just recently broke the morning scroll habit. It is absolutely embedded in our psyche to be on our phones. I stopped because I used to get up with him so my wife could sleep, make my coffee, and sit down with him. I'd pull out my phone out of habit. He would be sitting there quietly, staring at me with his giant doe eyes and bed head, playing with his fingers and waiting for attention while I wasted precious moments of his babyhood doomscrolling with my coffee. Now I leave my phone in the room when I get up." –u/Phalus_Falator 17."Casual alcoholism." –u/MrRWhitworth 18."When someone says, 'I'm the kind of person that just tells it like it is,' as an excuse to be an obnoxious a-hole." –u/CrumblinEmpire 19."Being a helicopter parent and saying, 'if you've got nothing good to say, don't say anything at all' has given us a generation of young adults who can't think for themselves and can't take criticism." you have a habit you'd like to share, drop it in the comments. Also in Goodful: "The Damage Is Irreversible." Doctors And Nurses Are Revealing The "Small" Health Signs That People Should Never, Ever Ignore Also in Goodful: People Are Sharing Their Biggest "How Doesn't Everyone Know This?" 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It is the deepest buried tunnel under the largest water area with the most complex construction site on the whole line. The builders carried out advanced curtain grouting for the tunnel to fill the rock mass fissures, stop water, and reinforce the surrounding rock, ensuring the safety of buried construction. Finally, after 213 days of hard work, the deepest buried tunnel was completed. The Guanggang New Town Depot is the core maintenance hub of Guangzhou Metro Line 10, undertaking the full-cycle maintenance tasks such as train scheduled and temporary repairs and quarterly inspections. Facing the challenges of large-scale construction and multi-disciplinary intersections, the builders adopted the 'hundred zones division + multi-line flow' construction method, and the cluster operation of 24 tower cranes refreshed the construction progress. In addition, Line 10 also innovatively created a characteristic space of 'Each district, one unique color, one unique culture', integrating the cultural genes of the administrative districts along the line into the station space. With the help of BIM and prefabricated technology, it achieved a dual breakthrough in green construction and efficient construction. It is reported that Guangzhou Metro Line 10 is a 'densification line' for the central areas of the four clusters: Tianhe, Yuexiu, Haizhu, and Liwan. After opening, it will seamlessly connect with the Guangfo Line and Line 22, and the newly built hub stations such as Caihong Bridge and Donghu will realize interchanges with multiple lines such as Line 8 and Line 6. It is of great strategic significance for realizing the transfer of population to peripheral urban areas, strengthening the metro connection between Guangzhou and Foshan, and promoting the process of urban integration of Guangzhou and Foshan. Contact Info: Name: Wang Lijuan Email: Send Email Organization: CHINA RAILWAY CONSTRUCTION SOUTH CHINA CONSTRUCTION CO., LTD. Website: Release ID: 89163500 If you encounter any issues, discrepancies, or concerns regarding the content provided in this press release that require attention or if there is a need for a press release takedown, we kindly request that you notify us without delay at [email protected] (it is important to note that this email is the authorized channel for such matters, sending multiple emails to multiple addresses does not necessarily help expedite your request). Our responsive team will be available round-the-clock to address your concerns within 8 hours and take necessary actions to rectify any identified issues or guide you through the removal process. Ensuring accurate and reliable information is fundamental to our mission.
