Are YOU dating a manchild? Relationship expert reveals questions you can ask to find out

Daily Mail​

4 days ago

Sabrina Carpenter released a very-pointed new song entitled Manchild last week, in which she sings about a 'useless' and 'stupid' guy.
It came on the one-year anniversary of her hit Please Please Please, where she begs who we can only assume was then-boyfriend Barry Keoghan (who made a cameo in the music video) not to embarrass her.
In her latest release, she pokes fun at the way the 'manchild' dresses, says 'half his brain just ain't there,' and accuses him of always seeking her out despite her not choosing him.
And while 'manchild' may not be a scientific term, dating app Hily relationship expert Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, PhD explained that it is a very real thing - often used to describe an emotionally immature person.
'A manchild acts more like a child as opposed to an individual his own age,' Dr. Cohen told DailyMail.com.
'In especially problematic scenarios, the manchild may be intentionally acting in an incompetent manner so as to evoke the need for their partner's care.'
She went on to explain that more than actual incompetence, a partner who depicts the traits of a 'manchild' usually does so as a manipulation tactic.
So how can you tell if your partner is emotionally immature before you get too involved?
And how do you differentiate between a man and a manchild? Dr. Cohen suggested asking your partner these questions.
How do you deal with tough moments?
People often say, 'If you don't want me at my worst, you don't deserve my at my best.' But just how bad are those 'worst' moments?
Dr. Cohen explained that assessing how your partner deals with setbacks and losses can be a big indicator of their emotional maturity.
'Do they have some solid coping strategies? Or do they just kind of wing it?' she encouraged people to consider.
'Their answer can tell you a lot - like if they're self-aware, whether they stick it out when things get rough, and how well they keep their cool (or not).'
If it seems like they're always bailing when things get tough, they might just do the same thing during arguments or hardships in the relationship.
What does self-care mean to you?
In Carpenter's song, she sings, 'Never heard of self care,' in reference to the 'manchild.'
Dr. Cohen said asking about your partner's self-care routine can actually help you better understand how they take care of themselves - which will in turn tell you a lot more.
'You'll get a sense of what they need, how they handle things, and maybe even how they deal with stress or think about mental health,' Dr. Cohen said.
'It's a pretty simple question, but it says a lot!'
A mature partner should take the time to really think about their needs - not give you whatever cookie-cutter answer they believe you're looking for.
What are you most proud of? And how did you make it happen?
'This two-parter is a super easy way to get the lowdown on your match,' Dr. Cohen explained.
'You'll hear about their big wins and how they handled any curveballs along the way.'
She also said that you'll get a better sense of whether your partner is capable of rolling with the punches.
And most importantly, it can show you just how ambitious they are - not just about their career but about their life.
If your partner can't think of something they're proud of it's an indicator that they've never really aimed for anything - and odds are you don't want a partner who lacks ambition.
What have you learned from your past relationships that's helped you grow as a person?
According to the expert, this is one of the best way's to get a sense of how much self-awareness your partner has going on.
Do they immediately jump to calling their ex 'crazy' or do they admit that there were times they could have shown up better as a partner?
'Basically, you're seeing if they've taken time to reflect, process the ups and downs, and figure out how to do better next time,' Dr. Cohen said.
'It's not about perfection - just about being real and ready to grow.'
If they blame their exes for everything or say they've learned nothing, odds are they're not very emotionally mature.
What are your current goals?
This may feel like an interview question, but it can provide great insight as to where your partner sees their life going.
Dr. Cohen said that it doesn't matter if they talk about their five-year plans or just their New Year resolution like making more time for friends or picking up a new hobby.
She explained that there are no right answers.
'It's just a chill way to see what's on their mind, how they set goals, and what they're into right now,' she said.
'Plus, you get a peek at how they think about things - no pressure, just good vibes.'
But if you see that your partner is giving super vague answers and hasn't thought much about their future, odds are they won't know how to build one with you.