2 Ways A Narcissist's ‘Golden Child' Struggles In Love, By A Psychologist

Forbes

14-06-2025

Healing from a narcissistic parent's actions isn't easy, but understanding the root of your pain is ... More the first step towards breaking free.
Growing up with narcissistic parents can be a deeply damaging experience. The world is all about them, and they are constantly focused on creating a perfect image of themselves in front of others.
If they have children, they tend to not view them as individuals, but as merely an extension of themselves.
If you have a narcissistic parent, you may grow up not knowing how to create meaningful relationships with those around you.
Narcissistic parents may compete with their children, making them feel like they are 'never good enough.' They may also assign them rigid, damaging roles, such as treating them like the 'golden child,' the one they idolize and show off. This child is expected to succeed, reflect the parent's image and make them look good.
Other children may be treated as the family 'scapegoat,' who is blamed for everything that goes wrong, or the 'lost child,' who is often neglected or ignored.
Here's how a narcissist's relationship with their 'golden child' damages their child's ability to form healthy relationships with future partners.
Children born to narcissistic parents often struggle to have a healthy means of self-expression and connection with others. Alan Rappoport, Ph.D. describes how such children try to preserve their relationship with their parents by attempting to please them constantly. They become 'co-narcissists.'
He suggests that they are often depressed or anxious as they may easily be considered selfish if they act assertively or express their own opinion. They are also punished if they do not correspond to their parents' needs and hopes.
As a result, a narcissistic parent often controls their child's life. They decide what their children should think, feel or do. If they try to assert independence, they may be punished with guilt, withdrawal or criticism. Over time, they learn to stop pushing back because it feels pointless.
Punishment could also include physical abuse, conniptions, blaming, criticism and pure emotional coldness, so much so, that it damages the psychological and emotional development of the child.
As an adult, this can leave them unsure of their own needs and shy away from conflict in relationships. They may find it difficult to stand up for themselves or express honest feelings, fearing rejection or emotional punishment.
To survive their parent's emotional rollercoaster, they may grow up hyper-attuned to others' needs, always trying to people-please or avoid conflict. They often end up neglecting their own well-being for the sake of harmony or validation, but this can backfire in their love lives, as healthy adult relationships only thrive with mutuality, self-respect and authenticity.
A clinical case from 2012 research published in SAGE Open offers a classic example of how narcissistic parents can act in emotionally inappropriate ways:
'The mother took the liberty of interceding on her son's behalf to secure a date for her 37-year-old son. The target of the son's affection denied the man a date, so the mother called to find out why the woman had not wanted to go out with her son. Neither the son, nor the mother found anything inappropriate about this, or other similar incidents.'
This is an example of how a narcissistic parent may keep their child dependent on them, while they use them to fulfill their own emotional needs. This is a form of emotional enmeshment, a dynamic where personal boundaries are highly blurred, to the degree that it cripples the child's sense of self.
Researchers suggest that often, their natural need for connection with their parents renders the golden child powerless to choose their well-being over the relationship.
Additionally, after years of being treated more like an adult than a child, their socio-emotional development may be stunted, as they struggle to have true emotional intimacy with their romantic partners.
In romantic or sexual relationships, the golden child tends to either feel little passion or have very intense, unstable emotions. Even physical intimacy can feel more like a performance where they're being judged, rather than a meaningful exchange between two people.
Moreover, narcissistic parents often foster competition and sibling rivalry, or even compete with their children's romantic partners. They may also interfere in their children's relationships and try to assert dominance. This creates confusion about loyalty and intimacy. Children may feel torn between pleasing their parent and forming a secure bond with their partner.
In adulthood, this can show up as emotional unavailability, guilt around choosing a partner or subconscious sabotage of relationships. The 'golden child' has to walk this thin line between their parent and partner, trying to keep peace between them as both try to secure their sole attention and loyalty.
Such children need space to rediscover who they are beyond the roles assigned to them. Over time, by being less subservient to their parents and becoming more assertive, they can regain their sense of self and repair romantic relationships. However, they must overcome the biggest obstacle — learning to choose and love themselves rather than letting their parent take center stage.
Did you have to grow up too early to appease your parents? Take this science-backed test to find out: Parentification Scale