Barack Obama Has Eye-Opening Take On Parenting Girls vs Boys—He's Right

Newsweek

17-07-2025

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Barack Obama appeared on wife Michelle Obama's podcast this week, and the conversation turned toward parenting—specifically, how boys are being raised in today's world.
The father of two daughters—Malia, 26, and Sasha, 23—admitted that he might have struggled raising a son and suggested that a lack of emotional support and guidance for boys is creating ripple effects across society.
"Those of us with daughters, we've got to have good guys out there... not necessarily to get married, but to make sure that what we're learning isn't undermined," Obama said on the "IMO" podcast.
"If you're not thinking about what's happening to boys and how they're being raised, that can actually hurt women."
He went on to argue that boys who feel unseen or undervalued are more susceptible to harmful ideologies.
"That then makes them more interested in appeals by folks who say, 'The reason you don't feel respected is because women have been doing this, or this group has been doing that.' And that is not a healthy place to be," he said.
Obama's comments—which had amassed 9.1 million views at the time of writing after being shared to wife Michelle's Instagram account—come amid growing public discussion around masculinity, emotional development and male loneliness.
Clinical Director at New York Behavioral Health, J. Ryan Fuller, Ph.D. agrees with the former president's statement and warns the stakes are high.
"Failing to properly raise boys will have deleterious effects on their mental health, economics, procreation and life expectancy," he told Newsweek. "In recent years, we have seen dramatic increases in young men living at home, unemployment, and significant increases in loneliness, isolation, opioid use and suicide."
Indeed, a UK Biobank study found men living alone had over twice the risk of dying by suicide compared to men living with partners, independent of loneliness levels, which was also linked to self-harm.
Furthermore, a Gallup poll covering 2023-2024 showed 25 percent of young American men under 35 reported feeling isolated—a higher rate than their female peers.
Fuller explained that the problem lies not just in neglect, but outdated parenting norms that treats boys as emotionally stoic or naturally aggressive. Essentially, the "boys will be boys" blanket statement still lives on.
But ignoring boys' emotional development are wide-ranging and deeply personal. Erik Larson, owner and PMHNP-BC at Larson Mental Health, told Newsweek that boys who are not taught to recognize and name their emotions grow up with a distorted perception of themselves and others.
"In therapy, this manifests as difficulties with trust, shallow self-esteem and a desire for control in interpersonal relationships," he said. "Such men often do not realize how much they avoid vulnerability, even with themselves, until they are faced with a crisis."
For boys who feel unseen or unheard, toxic ideologies can offer a seductive alternative.
They provide defined roles, simple answers, and easy outlets for personal frustrations, drawing in those who grew up quiet but crave recognition.
AI, Fuller argued, also adds fuel to the fire. "I am particularly worried about the levels of social isolation, loneliness and anger that are growing with the rise in social media use and the very real risk of AI chatbots replacing real friends," he said. "AI chatbots won't reject them and will endorse their ideas."
President Barack Obama and his daughters, Malia, left, and Sasha, watch on television as First Lady Michelle Obama takes the stage to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention, in the Treaty Room of...
President Barack Obama and his daughters, Malia, left, and Sasha, watch on television as First Lady Michelle Obama takes the stage to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention, in the Treaty Room of the White House, Tuesday night, Sept. 4, 2012. More
HUM Images/Universal Images Group via Getty
For parents seeking to make a change in the family home, both experts agreed that it starts with listening.
"We need to start by learning to listen to boys, not to correct or direct, but to understand," Larson said. "This requires patience and specific skills from adults. The task is not to silence them, not to dismiss what they say, but simply to be present and listen."
Fuller encouraged parents to go beyond "tough love" and instead embrace clear boundaries.
"Teaching young men to develop a healthy set of values... express their feelings, problem solve... and be resilient can help prepare them to be healthy, happy, contributing members of society," he said.
As Obama stated, boys may have historically benefitted from privilege, but assuming they'll be fine simple because they're male is no longer realistic.