This mom ‘de-pilled' her teen son. What is that and why are people praising her?

USA Today

07-04-2025

This mom 'de-pilled' her teen son. What is that and why are people praising her?
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What the emojis in Netflix's 'Adolescence' mean
Since its release, Netflix's 'Adolescence' has sparked widespread discussion, offering a chilling look at the impact of the internet and social media on children.
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As the Netflix series 'Adolescence' continues to spark difficult conversations about social media, "red-pilling" and the manosphere, one mom took to social media to share how she 'de-pilled' her son − and her post is making waves.
The term red-pilled comes from a scene in the 1999 movie 'The Matrix' where a character chooses between a red pill that reveals the realities of the world and a blue pill offering blissful ignorance.
'De-pilling' is meant to undo 'red-pilling." In the context of the manosphere, a web of conservative cultural critics, the "red pill" refers to being awakened to the supposed truth about men and women.
In this mother's TikTok video that amassed over 2.4 million views, she explained how an off-handed comment hinted to her that her son may have been exposed to content that disparaged women. "We were just having a normal conversation, and he said to me 'well, women are gold diggers anyway.' " During their conversation, she asked him questions and he eventually showed her the video where he heard similar comments.
Dr. Gail Saltz, an associate professor of psychiatry at New York-Presbyterian Hospital and Weill Cornell Medical College, says this is the right approach: To be 'inquisitive and curious.'
'If you lecture your child… You shut down the conversation,' she says. 'Try being curious and letting your kid share with you what they're seeing and how they feel about it.'
Hearts, kidney bean: Netflix's 'Adolescence,' toxic masculinity and what these emoji really mean
Know the signs
The first step is to learn the terminology used in the manosphere. In the series 'Adolescence,' detectives learned that emojis – such as hearts, kidney bean and the 100 emoji – had different meanings that nodded to the manosphere.
A TikTok user who commented on the viral video wrote: "Mine said '...well women are supposed to be mothers.' " Another commented her 14-year-old suddenly began using the word "females" instead of women or girls. (The original poster replied: "a very good sign, that's how they're referred to in those videos.")
'It's naïve to think that your child will not see this stuff at some point and so really what you're trying to do is stay open to it and aware that it's there,' Saltz says. 'Educate yourself about the words they're talking about… if you hear the terminology crop up, you're going to know what's going on.'
Apart from terminology, Saltz also recommends parents be aware of behaviors that could point to mental health struggles, such as more time alone with a device, mood changes and poor grades in school.
How to counteract toxic internet culture
The best approach to talking to kids about conspiracy theory, toxic or controversial internet content is to be as direct as possible with curious questions regarding how they feel about what they've seen and where they found it, Saltz says.
She emphasizes the conversation should be an 'exploration, not an interrogation' and recommends asking kids to share concrete sources for what they've heard.
In the viral TikTok video, the mom began her line of questioning by asking her son what women in his life he would consider to be gold diggers.
When he couldn't name one, she pivoted to his sourcing and asked her son what he thought about the men in the videos making these assertions: Do they look like they know what they're talking about? Are they in functional relationships?
'She guided her son in some evidence-based thinking, which is smart because that is the way out of conspiratorial thinking,' Saltz says. "A trusted relationship has the best chance of questioning this supposed truth that this child has been offered as a belief system… Moms are in a good position to do that.'
It's also important to address mental health struggles and possible feelings of loneliness or isolation, and seek professional help, she added.
'Young boys and young men are increasingly lonely, disenfranchised, depressed, anxious and feeling unsupported," Saltz says. "All of those things make them more susceptible to becoming radicalized in these communities."
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Prevention is key
While it's never too late to de-radicalize a child, Saltz says parents can take some preventative measures ahead of time.
Parents can try limiting their child's access to social media by pushing off giving them a smartphone for as long as possible or enforcing house rules that limit smartphone use, including keeping phones in common areas like the living room or handing them back to parents before bedtime.
But the best thing parents can do is have an honest, open and empathetic relationship with their child. If they have this type of relationship from the start, it will be easier to address issues in the future.
It also gives children social-emotional tools for when they're inevitably confronted with one of these videos in an algorithm.
'Start with little kids being like, 'How do you feel? What do you think about those feelings and what do you understand?' ' she says. 'This is just good empathetic connecting and you're helping your child develop those skills for themselves… It gets harder when you get older.'
Contributing: Rachel Hale, USA TODAY.
Adrianna Rodriguez can be reached at [e-mail].