Shark! Celebrity Infested Waters review — Get Me Out of Here! but in the sea
Shark! Celebrity Infested Waters (ITV) marks 50 years since the making of Jaws, which it said made them one of the most feared and persecuted animals on the planet. And what better way to educate the public about them than transporting seven celebrities 4,000 miles away to the Bahamas to say repeatedly how frightened they are? Especially Helen George, aka Trixie in Call the Midwife, who revealed that she has a phobia about putting her head under water and then was required to go in an underwater cage circled by bull sharks. Er, Helen, maybe have a word with your agent. Wouldn't you be better off with a gig on Celebrity Sewing Bee?
And what better way to calm their nerves than by introducing them to one of their instructors, Paul, who is missing an arm and a leg because they were bitten off by, yes… a bull shark! Cue exaggerated 'gulp' faces all round.
This smacks of I'm a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here but in the water, not the jungle and with no Ant and Dec. And, hopefully, no horrible, performative eating of animals. I can't imagine anyone will tuck into a bowl of shark's fin soup.
Anyway, there's also Sir Lenny Henry, Lucy Punch (aka the brilliant Amanda from Motherland), Ross Noble, Ade Adepitan, Rachel Riley and Dougie Poynter from McFly — but by the end of episode one only one of them had been bitten. Noble took a slight nip on the leg from a lemon shark and the comedian was quite funny about it. 'When you've been through something like that you view life differently,' he said, observing the barely visible graze to his wetsuit.
If this show does help undemonise sharks then all power to its elbow — even if it does mean watching George surrounded by stingrays and shouting, 'It's coming right for my vagina!' No word yet on whether the stingray's lawyer is suing for defamation. Hopefully it will end the ridiculous phrase 'shark-infested waters'. Sharks live in the sea — it's us who invade their sanctuary. Fair play to the title's accuracy, though: these waters are indeed 'celebrity-infested'.
Wouldn't it be an interesting twist on I'm a Celebrity if, instead, the sharks were the ones snacking on some celebrities' genitals, declaring, 'Yuck, absolutely disgusting'? I daresay ratings would soar.
★★★☆☆
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