Miss Manners: My wild college days have resurfaced online

Washington Post

2 days ago

Dear Miss Manners: I have been married to a very sweet guy for over 15 years now. I have never made a habit of keeping secrets from him, and we have a very honest relationship. However, my lifelong friend recently discovered that something from our college days has surfaced online.
It's a video of my friend and me participating in a wet T-shirt contest during spring break. In an effort to win, we actually both lost our shirts … and bottoms … and got totally naked during the event. We even gave each other a little smack on the booty near the end of the contest.
Well, now it's online. On one hand, we think, 'Oh well, at least we look good, and it's from a long time ago.' On the other hand, it's a bit embarrassing — especially for me, because my husband would find this to be totally surprising and out of character for me.
Should my friend and I tell our husbands? We don't know how most men would react to having an old video of their nude wives show up online!
Better coming from you than having it sent to them by a stranger for hush money.
Miss Manners therefore encourages you to get to him first, laughing it off and attributing it to the folly of youth.
No doubt your husband has blemishes in his own past that he would prefer to forget — of which you might remind him, if he acts anything other than quietly bemused.
Dear Miss Manners: We used to have next-door neighbors we were extremely close with. We had meals together once or twice a week, and even watched their 2-year-old twins for a weekend when they had to leave for a funeral.
They started distancing themselves from us due to politics, and eight years ago, they moved away without even saying goodbye. Recently, out of the blue, we received some random text messages from the wife, and then, by mail, we received graduation announcements for each of their boys.
Given the break in the friendship, which was not our choice, are we obligated to send gifts? I am happy to send a nice note congratulating them on their graduation, but my partner feels we should send gifts.
A milestone announcement is not a subpoena for gifts.
Well, Miss Manners should clarify: It should not be received as one, whether or not that was its sender's true intent.
If your former neighbors really wanted to make a connection with you again, they would have invited you to the ceremony or graduation party. Then you might have wanted to give the graduates presents.
If you do decide to send a present anyway, Miss Manners trusts it will not be a political donation to your preferred party — however tempting that may be.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
© 2025 Judith Martin