Etiquette experts say if you're doing these things at a wedding, you're breaking every unspoken rule

Daily Mail​

10-05-2025

Getting married takes a lot of planning and guests not following a list of simple, unspoken rules could test even the strongest of friendships, say a team of wedding experts.
Nicola Barker, head of buying at Suit Direct has teamed up with etiquette guru Jo Hayes and dating coach Emily Thompson to unveil the list of things that wedding guests should never do.
With many of us gearing up for a summer of ceremonies, receptions, and dress codes, the team have given tips on how to avoid the inevitable guest slip-ups.
From showing up to the reception with an unexpected plus one to getting a little too familiar with the free bar, there are many faux pas that people often fall foul of.
However, the experts say that not all wedding guest mistakes are quite so obvious on the big day.
They explained that some of the worst etiquette slip-ups are surprisingly subtle but can cause major stress for the happy couple behind the scenes.
Here are the most common wedding guest blunders and how to avoid them...
RSVP FAIL AND WEDDING BREAKFAST ETIQUETTE
Emily explained that a tardy RSVP can cause instant chaos for the wedding couple.
'Late-RSVPing is the silent killer of etiquette; it messes with everything from seating charts to catering orders.
'People don't realize how much depends on these final counts.'
Another silent blunder is skipping the nuptials and only turning up for the after party.
Emily said: 'It's just poor etiquette unless you've cleared it with the couple ahead.
'The ceremony is the whole point of the day-where the couple makes their vows and, usually, in front of their nearest family and friends.
'Not being there sends a clear message that you're here for the food and drinks, not for the marriage.
'I've heard couples say it genuinely hurt their feelings to look around during the vows and see empty chairs that later filled up at the reception.
'If for some reason you can't be there for the ceremony, let the couple know ahead of time, and express your regrets.'
Jo added: 'To be invited to a wedding is a great honour. The couple could have invited someone else, giving another person the opportunity to witness and celebrate their vows, had they known you wouldn't show up.
'Intentionally choosing to skip this part of the occasion is disrespectful.'
CAN YOU ALWAYS BRING A PLUS ONE?
One of the most common wedding guest dilemmas is whether you can bring a plus-one if the invite doesn't explicitly say so. In short, if it's not written on the invitation, no plus-one is invited.
Jo said: 'A firm, no. Weddings are expensive events to put on, which often means, limited guest capacity.
'Couples spend a lot of time curating their guest list to ensure they hit the right balance with regard to guest numbers and financial constraints.
'Brazenly assuming one can bring a plus-one, without that plus-one being specifically invited is disrespectful, and dare I say, supremely entitled.'
Emily agreed, adding: 'Your invitation should specify in so many words, 'and guest,' or else your plus-one is strictly not allowed.
'Guests should resist misinterpreting vague RSVP cards to bring along a date on the big day and sit at a table with no setting for their date—awkward for all.
'Couples decide upon their guest lists carefully, balancing venue space with constraints imposed by budget and family politics.
'It isn't just a matter of finances but rather of space and intimacy. Erring cautiously, if there is some uncertainty, an email should suffice as a polite way of clearing up the matter; it's better always not to assume.
'Having someone not invited puts pressure on the couple and their planning team on-the-day—believe me, I have seen this cause chaos.'
'If you're unsure about whether you can bring a wedding guest, Jo explained that asking the wedding couple if it is allowed is only acceptable if you're in a long-term relationship.
'Approaching the couple about potentially bringing a plus-one would usually only be considered acceptable if it is a serious, long-term relationship (a new boyfriend of four weeks usually won't cut it)'
An open bar at a wedding might feel like a golden ticket, but there's a fine line between making the most of it and monopolising it.
Emily explained: 'A good rule is to limit yourself to one drink per hour and definitely don't start drinking until after the ceremony.
'Sure, pre-ceremony cocktails may seem fun, but I have witnessed too many guests slurring through readings or stumbling down the aisle-and that is the type of moment that stays with everyone for all the wrong reasons.'
'For wedding party members, you set the tone for the rest of the evening, so it's respectful to refrain from drinking until it is all clear.
'Also, keep in mind, the couple are paying for that bar-it might seem fun to you to order five shots in a row, but it is costly and somewhat impolite.'
Additionally, Jo gave a stark warning to avoid getting drunk at all costs while attending a wedding.
'Too drunk? Any level of drunk is a faux pax. I don't care if some say it's "culturally appropriate" for their family circle.'
If you want an etiquette expert's perspective, the general etiquette rule is: 'No intoxication.'
'Sure, enjoy a couple of drinks. But be respectful and responsible. Avoid getting drunk.
'As a general rule, I would discourage people from drinking before the ceremony. A small champagne, or a light beer, as they're getting ready, may be ok. But I generally suggest people err on the side of caution.'
WHAT YOU SHOULD AND DEFINITELY SHOULDN'T WEAR
When it comes to what to wear, the line between stylish and inappropriate can be surprisingly easy to cross.
Jo explained: 'Really, the only 'rule' is for women, who should avoid wearing all-white.
'Anything that looks too close to what the bride will be wearing is a no-go. This also includes very light shades of cream or very pale pastels.
'A woman appearing in long, all-white (or, very pale) gown is erring far too close to the bride's outfit and could potentially be trying to steal the spotlight.'
Emily added: 'Another controversial colour is red; Western cultures consider red blatantly conspicuous and would even think it inappropriate if it dressed too 'sexily' for a formal wedding.
'Black is still another colour that presents a challenge. Contemporary weddings may tolerate its use, but the previous generations will link it symbolically with mourning.'
Nicola said: 'The golden rule is simple – dress for the occasion the couple planned.
'That means following the dress code on the invite, whether it's black tie or cocktail – and never assume 'casual' men's jeans and a pair of trainers.
'Even at a laid-back venue, it's still a special event, so I'd always advise to dress slightly up rather than down.'
WHAT TO WEAR: THE DOs
Incorporate Colour Thoughtfully
Before reaching out for a bold floral or a standout shade, take a second to check the couples overall colour scheme.
While you're not expected to blend in, it's thoughtful to avoid matching the bridesmaids or groomsmen.
Choose complementary tones that don't draw too much focus.
Ensure Proper Fit
Re-wear older items only after confirming they still fit well.
Try it on well before the big day. Bodies change and so do tailoring standards.
If it doesn't fit quite right, make sure to get alterations booked in.
Pack Essentials
Even the most carefully chosen outfit can run into last-minute mishaps.
A mini sewing kit, lint roller, and a couple of safety pins can save the day — and someone else's, too.
WHAT TO WEAR: THE DON'TS
Avoid Last-Minute Packing
Hang your outfit as soon as possible and use a fabric steamer to eliminate creases.
Skip Floral Boutonnieres
While it might seem like a sweet detail, floral accessories like boutonnieres are traditionally reserved for the wedding party.
Opt for a stylish lapel pin or pocket square instead — it's a great way to show personality without stepping on the groom's toes·
Reserve Special Looks for the Groom
Unless the invitation specifically calls for it, steer clear of white dinner jackets, statement tuxedos, or anything that might read as 'main character energy.'
These standout styles are typically reserved for the groom and his groomsmen.