Help! I Bullied a Woman in High School. Now She's Making My Kids Pay the Price.

Yahoo

19-07-2025

This is part of Revenge Week, a series about how vengeance runs America, from the White House to cheating spouses to that bad boss who totally deserved it.
Our advice columnists have heard many stories about revenge over the years—so we're diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share these classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here.
Dear Prudence,
I enrolled my two boys into an exclusive private school in our new hometown. At a school event I bumped into an attractive woman whom I didn't recognize. She came by and asked if I remember her. It turns out that she was someone I bullied in high school. After that day I noticed other moms slowly avoiding me. I think she must have told them about how I used to bully her. Eventually my boys started coming home, crying and upset that other kids wouldn't play with them. My younger son was not allowed to join a game of hockey during recess because another boy told him, 'My mom says your mom is a b***h.' They are now openly being ridiculed and ostracized at school by their peers. I asked to meet my former classmate and apologized for bullying her as I was young and stupid, although I don't much remember what I did. She smiled at me in a creepy way and said she went through therapy for what I put her through. I haven't told my husband about this woman because I'm a little ashamed at how I used to treat her. Putting my boys into another school is not a feasible option, but I just don't know what to do.
—Remorseful Bully
Dear Remorseful,
So this woman's revenge on your long ago mistreatment of her is to lead her children in a campaign to ostracize and bully your children. Boy, oh, boy does she need more therapy. You're understandably ashamed of what you did and want to keep it quiet, but for the sake of your sons you need to tell your husband about it, and how your misdeeds are being revisited on your innocent boys. Then the two of you need to get in touch with the school administration and get this issue addressed. They should take immediate steps to stop the bullying of your sons.
But what may never stop is your own shunning. You have entered a Hollywood-ready high school revenge story. Twenty years after your reign as a mean girl, you're going to find yourself black-balled at the school bake sales and rejected as class mother. Even if you get the other kids to back off your boys, you've got a tough road ahead since now all the other mothers know just how miserably you treated their friend. Let's hope some parents will decide not to relive the worst of high school, understand people change, and refuse to be drawn into this drama. Leading a campaign to have your children mistreated may eventually backfire on this other mother and she may find herself as the unpopular girl all over again. Let's hope with some intervention, your sons' situation dramatically improves in the fall. You say there is no other feasible option but this school, but if all of you find yourselves isolated and unhappy there, there are always other choices.
—Emily Yoffe
From: Help! The Woman I Bullied in High School Is Taking Her Revenge on My Sons. (Dec. 5, 2021).
Dear Prudence,
My parents and I are huge animal lovers and have been feeding a feral cat colony for a few years now (they are all spayed and neutered). Our neighbor, however, cannot stand them and has been very vocal about it to us. He trapped them for a while whenever they would come into his yard and take them to animal control. However, since they are microchipped to our address, animal control would call us and we would pick them up. Upon their return, the organization that got them spayed/neutered has tried working with our neighbor to no avail. However, last month, two of the cats started acting funny. We took them to the emergency vet only to learn they had antifreeze poisoning and there was nothing we could do but end their suffering. We thought of our neighbor, but wanting to give him the benefit of doubt, we dismissed it as an accident. However, two weeks ago, a third cat acted the same exact way and another vet visit confirmed antifreeze poisoning. We now no longer think it's a freak accident. Several friends and family are telling us to call animal control and report our neighbor. However, we have no proof that it is actually him putting the antifreeze out, only a hunch based on past interactions and experiences. What should we do?
—Neighbors and Animals
Dear Animals,
There's a key piece of information missing here: How big is your 'colony'? If you're talking about more than a few cats, then your neighbor has a legitimate beef that his yard has become a playground and litter box for your brood. No, I'm not defending kitty murder, but it doesn't sound as if you have at all been sensitive to his desire to not be part of the territory of a feral cat colony. Obviously, he does not have the right to kill them, and what you describe is gruesome and awful. You could call the police if you suspect that he's poisoning your cats, but you know they are unlikely to do a forensic analysis of anti-freeze traces around his property. In some communities, there are restrictions on how many animals one can have, so you should look into whether you are violating this restriction before you take this further. Your neighbor has not been amenable to lectures from cat fanatics about why he should put up with your cats in his yard. But it doesn't sound as if you have tried to mitigate the annoyance to him. I suggest before your entire brood sickens and dies, you reduce the number of cats trolling the neighborhood. Your organization should help you re-home these cats. You also should see if you can keep some of the remaining ones inside most of the time. Then go to the neighbor and tell him that you've heard his complaints and there are going to be far fewer cats wandering the neighborhood. That might be enough to check his feline-cidal impulses.
—E. Y.
From: I Have but Nine Lives to Give. (March 26, 2013).
Dear Prudence,
I found out my husband had a months-long affair with an old neighbor. He ended it after we moved away. She emailed, wanting him to come back to visit her, and included naked pictures of herself. I found it after using my husband's laptop to do our taxes. I was enraged. I confronted my husband, and we are now in counseling.
But I can't get the other woman out of my head. She is a teacher at a Christian academy and a high-standing member of our old church. I personally gave her a key to our old house for emergencies. I hate her, and I hate the fact she gets to go along with her perfect fake life after ruining mine.
I have copies of her emails and pics. I want to send them to our pastor and her principal. Someone like her should not be teaching children, and her husband deserves to know the truth. I haven't spoken about this to our counselor or my husband. I think they will want to protect her. I am so angry I can't see straight. I don't know what I should do. Help.
—Truth
Dear Truth,
Your anger makes a lot of sense to me! It also shouldn't be what's primarily driving your actions. Take a look at what you said about how you feel: 'enraged,' 'hate,' 'so angry I can't see straight.' You can't stop thinking about the details of the affair, and you feel like your life has been ruined. The person most directly responsible for this is your husband, but all you say about him is that the two of you are in counseling right now. Your husband is the one who betrayed your marriage vows. He's the one who cheated on you. What she did was not kind, was not honest, and was not the act of a friend—let's not get confused about that. You're angry with her and rightly so. But hurting a friend and cheating on her spouse does not disqualify one from teaching children. One has nothing to do with the other. I'm afraid you might feel like your job is to forgive and eventually forget what your husband did and that therefore the only safe outlet for your pain and anger is this former friend. That would be a mistake, I think.
Tell your counselor about your anger. Tell your husband. Be honest about it. Don't try to downplay or soften it. Don't rush to forgive your husband just because you live with him. It's difficult to allow yourself to be angry with the people you love most. I do not think it will be ultimately satisfying if you try to displace the anger that should rightly fall on your husband entirely on her. I do not think it will address the root cause, and I think you deserve the chance to be honest about your feelings without trying to protect your husband from the consequences of his actions.
—Danny M. Lavery
From: Help! Why Won't My Daughter-in-Law Let Me in the Delivery Room? (Feb. 5, 2018).
Dear Prudence,
I used to be a live-in nanny for the world's most annoying, inconsiderate, intolerant, and rude couple. I stuck through for three months, but had to quit for my own mental health. During this time, I occasionally took revenge by sneaking into their bathroom and dipping their toothbrushes in the toilet. The wife kept a drink bottle by the bedside table and I also put some toilet water into it as well. It made me feel better about my crappy situation at the time but now that I've quit (and regained some of my sanity), I'm consumed with guilt. I heard from a mutual acquaintance that both of them are having some kind of health problems—exactly what, I don't know—and I'm worried I may have caused this. Should I call and confess? We didn't exactly leave on good terms.
—Dirty Problem
Dear Dirty,
This is indeed a crappy situation all around. I'm actually surprised you quit because given your response to what you say was intolerable treatment by your employers, you attempted to cause them grave bodily harm—you all sound perfectly matched! Making people ingest fecal matter without their knowledge is indeed likely to make people ill and leave their doctor baffled. Part of me would love to tell you to rush to confess. However, I will extend you a courtesy that you didn't give your 'inconsiderate' and 'rude' employers. That is, while I think this couple should know the source of their illness, confessing could leave you open to potential prosecution. You may deserve it, but you need to consider the stakes here. So my suggestion is that you pay for a consultation with a lawyer and explain the situation. You also should find out what are the potential medical consequences of drinking toilet water. It may be that the need to get a proper diagnosis for this pair is crucial to their treatment, and you must consider that and bring it to the attention of your lawyer. While your behavior makes my stomach turn, I am slightly heartened that you seem to recognize what you did was an abomination. I hope in the future you recognize that if you're in a poisonous situation, you simply get out without trying to poison anyone else.
—E. Y.
From: Porcelain Revenge. (Feb. 18, 2014).
I recently found out via Facebook that the man who bullied me when I was a teenager is running for public office. At that time he was extremely cruel and acted violently toward me. We spoke once after I graduated from high school, but I've never understood why he targeted me and he seemed to have no remorse. I'd like to make public what he did to me in order to ensure that he doesn't become an elected official.
Solve the daily Crossword