Tom Daley on the 'Lonely' Times Behind the Olympic Successes

Newsweek

a day ago

Tom Daley photographed for his documentary - Tom Daley - 1.6 Seconds.
Tom Daley photographed for his documentary - Tom Daley - 1.6 Seconds.
Warner Bros. Discovery, Inc
"It was a very lonely period because no one really understood."
British diver Tom Daley was thrust onto the world stage at his first Olympic Games in 2008, age 14. What remained hidden from the public was the strain success at a young age put on him. "It was a very lonely period because no one really understood." Daley reflects on his diving career and life in the new documentary Tom Daley: 1.6 Seconds (Olympics.com). "Growing up, you think you know everything.... It's only when you look back, you realize you knew absolutely nothing." Daley also had to contend with losing his father and coming out as gay. "It was quite scary to finally, actually, come out. Because I knew that it wasn't just going to be telling my family. There was going to be public opinion." And he recounts being bullied while growing up. "I almost felt guilty for being bullied at school. I'm really grateful and really lucky to be in the position that I'm in, yet I'm having this really rough time." Though revisiting the past was hard, the keen knitter is proud of his documentary. "It would be really cool for my kids to have something to look back on and see what happened in my diving career."
SUBSCRIBE TO THE PARTING SHOT WITH H. ALAN SCOTT
ON APPLE PODCASTS OR SPOTIFY AND WATCH ON YOUTUBE
Editor's Note: This conversation has been edited and condensed for publication.
Tom Daley of Great Britain with his gold medal won with team mate Matty Lee of Great Britain in the Men's Synchronised 10m Platform Diving at the Tokyo Aquatic Centre at the Tokyo 2020 Summer...
Tom Daley of Great Britain with his gold medal won with team mate Matty Lee of Great Britain in the Men's Synchronised 10m Platform Diving at the Tokyo Aquatic Centre at the Tokyo 2020 Summer Olympic Games on July 26, 2021 in Tokyo, Japan. More
Tim Clayton/Corbis via Getty Images
What struck me watching the doc is how young you were when we all were introduced to you. What was it like seeing a lot of this old footage while doing the documentary?
It was the first time that I'd seen most of that footage, if I'm being honest. Obviously, the Olympic stuff I had seen, but the home video stuff and all the footage—I was reacting for the very first time that I'd ever seen that. It was very surreal to look back at my whole life in that way. I remember watching it back the first time—I was very emotional. Because I was like, "Oh my gosh. This is all the stuff that I did and had to go through." And I kind of felt sorry for younger me and how I was thrust into this thing, not really knowing how to deal with any of it. Not really having any advice or knowing anyone that was going through the same thing. Because growing up in a small town of Plymouth, there weren't many people around that had had any similar experience.
That's really it, how watching the doc we can feel how much you were thrust into the spotlight.
I look back at it now as a parent as well. My oldest son turned 7 at the end of June, and that was the age I started diving. And I look at that, and I think, "Oh my gosh. That was the age where I started doing all of this stuff." I mean, with Robbie, if he wanted to, great. But it seems so young. And I only thought of it as being young now as a parent, because when I was growing up and I was doing it, I was like, I knew everything. I was an old person. As you're growing up, you think you know everything. And then it's only when you look back, you realize that you knew absolutely nothing. And it was a wild ride to go on, I'll tell you that.
Queen Elizabeth II meets the Olympic diving team including Tom Daley (R) at a reception held at Buckingham Palace for the 2008 Great Britain Olympic Team on October 16, 2008 in London, England.
Queen Elizabeth II meets the Olympic diving team including Tom Daley (R) at a reception held at Buckingham Palace for the 2008 Great Britain Olympic Team on October 16, 2008 in London, England.
Tim GrahamWhy did you want to do the documentary now?
Once I released my book in 2021, right after the Olympics in Tokyo, they approached me to do a little bit of a retrospective about my whole career and things like that, because there's so much footage out there from various documentaries that I've done in the past. But then it got to a point where they were like, "Oh, do you want to do something where you look back on everything?" And I was like, "Yeah, that would be great. But also, surprise! I'm also going back to dive again for another year." And it was one of those things that just—I don't know—it always feels weird when people approach you to do things like that. Because you're like, "Oh, what? Who would care? Who's interested in any of that?" But then I actually thought about my kids in that moment. Like, you know what? It would be really cool for my kids to be able to have something to look back on and see what all happened in my diving career. So, if anything, it's like a token—a thing for them, really.
The doc also reveals things that I don't think a lot of us knew, like your experience with going back to school after the Olympics, and the bullying you were subjected to. What was it like watching all of that?
Very lonely, honestly. It was a very lonely period because no one really understood. I had my best friends—Sophie, who is still my best friend today, who I never spoke to about diving. She's there to be, like, "Yay! That was great." But she doesn't have any interest in knowing what's going on within it. Well, maybe she does have interest. But she doesn't see me just as a diver. She's my best friend. So I think that's something that's really quite nice to have, and I'm really grateful for her. Obviously, I had my parents and my diving teammates, but no one really understood what it was like to be that young when I was going away on team competitions, because they were all so much older than I was at the time. So there was nothing that we had ever in common. So it was a very lonely existence. I almost felt guilty for being bullied at school, because I was like, I never want to bother anyone about this. I'm really grateful and really lucky to be in the position that I'm in, yet I'm having this really rough time. It was like being pulled from one side to the other of like, "Yay, great. I'm succeeding in this." But then, "Oh no, I'm being pulled this way." It was this constant back and forth. It was quite difficult to have that moment where I was just like, "You know what? I feel very alone. I don't really know what to do." That's part of the reason why I think I kept finding myself putting on this other personality to be able to hide from that bit of me that was really struggling. Because I never really wanted to confront it, whether that was being gay, being bullied, knowing that my dad was terminally ill, and having all these things that I had to deal with. I never wanted to come across as the person that felt sorry for himself, because I felt so grateful and lucky to be in the position I was and I didn't ever feel like I was in a position to ever complain about that.
How was it grappling with your own sexuality while dealing with all of that at that time?
It's really difficult. Going through childhood and growing up is difficult anyway, for anyone. We have all of these things pulling us in different directions, telling us what we should be, shouldn't be, how we should portray ourselves. But it was very difficult to explore who I was sexually because I was always really worried about being caught. Because you know what society says that you should be. So then when there's something wrong with you or you're slightly different, you feel like, "Oh, gosh, I can never actually explore that side of me, because I don't want things to go wrong." And then I was getting advice from different people where it was—it just felt very lonely and a very difficult thing to have to go through and navigate. It was also one of those things that I couldn't tell anyone that I was struggling with that side of things, because as soon as I told someone, that meant I came out, and I wasn't ready to do that. So it was quite scary to finally, actually, come out. Because I knew that it wasn't just going to be telling my family. There was going to be public opinion, and it was scary. But [I'm] very grateful and lucky that it did go way better than I had expected.
It's touching in the doc to see the impact your father had on you, and the impact of his passing at such a young age. How hard was it looking at that old footage, and what impact do you think he had on your Olympic success?
My dad was a great guy, and he taught me so many valuable lessons I didn't even know he was teaching me at the time. Mainly to not care what anyone else thinks. As long as the people around you are happy and healthy and you're not hurting anyone, you're doing well. And he taught me so much about perspective. But seeing those videos back for the first time when they first came up, oh my gosh, it took me out. I was not ready to be hit with that straight away. I don't know if anyone else feels the same as me, but I feel guilty sometimes about the fact that, as I'm getting older—I lost my dad when I was 17, and of course, I like to think that he comes into my head every single day. But then there's some times where he doesn't—then I'm like, I don't want to forget about him, but I don't know how to feel about it being so present all the time. And just seeing that documentary and knowing that that's there for me to be able to always look back on and cherish those memories is pretty special.
Tom Daley (L) and Dustin Lance Black pose at the PFLAG 50th Anniversary Gala at The New York Marriott Marquis on March 3, 2023 in New York City.
Tom Daley (L) and Dustin Lance Black pose at the PFLAG 50th Anniversary Gala at The New York Marriott Marquis on March 3, 2023 in New York City.
Bruce Glikas/WireImage
There's also the impact of your husband, Dustin Lance Black. From the doc it does feel like so much of your life aligned after meeting him, from your marriage to even your Olympic games.
Yeah, it gave me a sense of perspective. Of realizing that I'm more than just a diver. That diving isn't what matters most in life. It's all of the stuff on the outside. It's your friends, it's your family, it's feeling loved and supported. And without that, it's really difficult to succeed and not put the tons and tons of pressure on yourself. But when you go into a competition knowing that you're going to be loved and supported regardless of how you do, it's so incredibly freeing, and allows you just to be able to fly in the way that you never thought that you even possibly could.
You've accomplished so much at such a young age. What do you do now?
Honestly, I spend all my time knitting. There's lots of knitting that happens, which is great. Made with Love, my knitting business, is where my passion lies, and I want to keep expanding. But I also have done different TV hosting things. I just finished shooting a TV show in the U.K. called Game of Wool, which is basically like the knitting version of [The Great British] Bake Off. It's like a competition show. I'm hosting, and then there's two judges, 10 contestants. Each week, someone gets cast off—if you're a knitter, that is a knitting pun, when you cast off your work from your needles. It has been really fun. There's lots of things that we've been doing and working on with that. So yeah, we'll see what comes from that. But ideally, to work in TV hosting and expand my Made with Love passion.
Britain's Tom Daley (L) knits in the stands next to Lois Toulson during the men's 3m springboard diving semi-final during the Paris 2024 Olympic Games at the Aquatics Centre in Saint-Denis, north of Paris, on...
Britain's Tom Daley (L) knits in the stands next to Lois Toulson during the men's 3m springboard diving semi-final during the Paris 2024 Olympic Games at the Aquatics Centre in Saint-Denis, north of Paris, on August 7, 2024. More
OLI SCARFF/AFP via Getty Images
How often do people ask you to randomly knit them things?
Oh, all the time. I get asked to knit things all the time. And if I knit you something, that means that you're really important. Because I'm so busy with knitting things all the time for different people and different things. I do just genuinely love it. An ideal day would literally just be sitting by a pool—actually, I've done that my whole life—maybe on the beach, let's say. And just knitting the whole day. It's just so therapeutic to me. I often look forward to going on long-haul flights just to be able to have uninterrupted knitting time.
Wow. You are going to be a great senior citizen.
I know! I'm so ready for being a senior citizen. Well, kind of. Not really. But yeah, I feel like I'm going to be able to pass the time. As long as my hands are still working nicely as I get older.
What do you ultimately hope people take from this documentary?
I mean, there's so many different things. I think, obviously, never giving up on your dreams and working as hard as you possibly can toward them. But also accepting help, keeping people around you and being able to keep those open lines of communication. Being able to really have a support system around you—whether that's family, whether that's friends—and realize a sense of perspective that you're more than just what you do. And if you take a step back or take a break from what you do, and you see it from a different perspective, it really allows your perspective to shift when you go back into it. So I think that's one thing that I hope people take away from the documentary.