No, You Aren't Obligated to Feed Your Kids' Friends, but Here's Why It Might Be Worth It
Once your kid is old enough for playdates, you might find that your days after school and on the weekends are taken up by a rotating cast of friends coming through your door—especially as your children get older. Typically that's a good thing—we can only hope that our kids form strong bonds with their peers, and that our homes feel like a warm, welcoming space—at least until they all start raiding your pantry.
One mom found herself wondering what the proper etiquette is for parents who feel as though they are constantly feeding other peoples' kids. 'Are we expected to be feeding these kids lunch if they are over when my kids are going to eat? Can I just send them home and tell them to come back later? What is protocol these days?' she asked Reddit.
Are Parents Obligated to Feed Their Kids' Friends?
The answer really depends on your family's values—there isn't necessarily a right or wrong way to approach it. If you have the means (and a fully stocked pantry and refrigerator) you might have no problem freely offering food anytime your kid has a playdate or friends over.
'I want my home to feel like a second home to [my kid's friends] so they feel welcome and seen. I'm grateful they show up and spend time with us and feel comfortable,' wrote one commenter.
If you have no issue opening up your home to hoards of hungry kids, one caveat is that you should 'talk to parents first about any allergies or diet restrictions if the child isn't able to clearly and confidently communicate them to me themselves,' as another commenter pointed out.
It's also just as valid to feel as though your budget doesn't allow for many kids other than your own to eat through your weekly groceries—or that you are too busy with chores or taking care of your other kids to prepare a meal for their friends.
'To Have a Village, You Have to Be a Villager'
That being said, if you do decide that you're not able to feed your kids friends, there are some downsides—it might mean giving up a sense of community and camaraderie with other families in your neighborhood.
Parents say, 'they have no village and want a village yet also don't want to take actions that would set the building blocks for said village. A village doesn't just magically appear unless we as parents put ourselves out there somehow. This is exactly how you begin to create a community—providing light snacks or lunch for a few kids and then the hope is that eventually other parents return the favor and you start to build a village,' wrote one commenter.
Providing Snacks for Friends Goes Beyond Satisfying Their Hunger
Sometimes, all it takes is a handful of pretzels and an orange, not necessarily any elaborate meal, to make both your kids and their friends feel happy and comfortable. Depending on your values as a parent, you may create certain boundaries around snacking, like kids aren't welcome to rummage around the cabinets without asking first, or that they have to go home before dinner so you can have some one-on-one family time.
But otherwise, feeding the neighborhood kids doesn't have to be high maintenance task. And it might feel more worth it when you remember that feeding your kids' friends isn't just about making sure that they don't go hungry. It's also about signaling to other kids and parents around you that your family is dependable, and that your home is a safe space.
Even if all you can offer is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, to a child that really needs to feel welcomed and cared for, that sandwich might as well be a feast.
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