‘Revolving door': Gross response to star's photo says it all

News.com.au

3 days ago

OPINION
As soon as I saw the photos of Tammy Hembrow and Bailey Smith over the weekend, I could already predict the comments.
But it wasn't long before they actually appeared … worse than I'd imagined.
The fitness influencer, 31, and the AFL star, 24, were snapped having a casual lunch together, and apparently that was enough to spark a rampant, sexist pile-on.
You see, it's been eight weeks since Hembrow and her ex-husband Matt Zukowski announced their divorce, after seven months of marriage.
So predictably, the internet was not happy that a woman – who, God forbid, is a MOTHER – enjoyed a date with someone else 'so soon' after a break-up.
The sexist backlash
Under every article and new Instagram post she shared since the 'news' broke, were the same tired jabs.
'You can't be alone, can you?' read one – as if singledom is somehow morally better and the ultimate display of self-love. (I'm so sick of this narrative by the way … that a woman must go through a forced period of isolation after a break-up or else she'll never truly find herself.)
Then there were the 'revolving door' comments.
'Who's this then? I can't keep up,' someone else said, despite definitely keeping up with Hembrow's dating life, parasocially invested in every detail.
'He's like seven years younger,' other comments criticised – the same people who probably have their dating app filters set to men 10 years older than them.
Then came the mother-policing.
'Such a bad, bad example for her kids. They'll be ashamed of her when they grow up and read how many dudes mum had,' one wrote.
'Can't even believe a mother would do it honestly. Have a break lady,' another said.
And of course, there was just straight-up slut-shaming.
One comment, from a journalist, stopped me in my tracks yesterday.
In a particularly judgey article, they suggested her bed in one of her recent Instagram posts looked like it had been 'given a good thrashing' and therefore, Smith had 'accomplished his mission'.
I nearly vomited in my mouth when I saw the journo was a woman. It just shows how deeply internalised misogyny can run.
The gross double standard
The speed of the pile-on reveals more about us than about her.
Because when a man in the public eye hops from one relationship to another, he's a 'lad' or a 'player' or even seen as a 'catch'.
But when a woman, especially one who's beautiful, successful, and posts on her own terms, does it – she's 'desperate' and 'a bad mother'.
This is the ugliest form of the relationship and sexual double standard.
And it's not even hypothetical.
Hembrow's ex, Zukowski, has previously boasted about having over 100 sexual partners (which he literally kept track of in his phone), appeared on a dating show where he dated multiple people in a few weeks, and since then, has had multiple public relationships.
Another one of her exes, Matt Poole, with whom she shares a daughter, Posy, has also been more publicly linked with other women, including reality star Bella Cicero and Annelyse Oatway, who he recently welcomed a child with.
Meanwhile, Reece Hawkins, father of Hembrow's other two kids, Wolf and Saskia, has been engaged to London Goheen, dated OnlyFans model Ruby Burciaga, and recently, fitness influencer Olivia Kelly.
Nobody has been inundating their social media with advice to 'have a break' – and yes, they're all high-profile influencers too.
Yet Hembrow, who has had several long-term, serious relationships, is treated as if she's done something terrible for simply trying to move on.
'Deeply patriarchal beliefs' behind pile on
According to psychologist Carly Dober, this double standard stems from 'deeply patriarchal beliefs and attitudes about women's sexuality and romantic lives'.
'Historically, women have been judged more harshly for sexual activity than men, and in many cultures, religious and traditional beliefs restrict female sexuality,' said the psychologist, who works at Enriching Lives Psychology.
This sort of public shaming, especially when repeated as it is with Hembrow, can lead to feelings of 'shame, anxiety, and low self-esteem' in women.
Leave Hembrow be, please
I can't believe that in 2025, we're still seeing the message that a woman's worth depends on her chastity and that a mother can't also be a sexual or romantic person.
At the end of the day, Hembrow is a grown woman and has every right to pursue love just like anyone else.
And even if she just wants a cheeky rebound or a one-night stand – let her. It's none of our business, and last time I checked, it's not a crime.
If a woman's dating life upsets you so much, ask yourself why you care so deeply.
You might think your comments are about concern, but they're really about control.
And frankly, it's time you let that go.