What I learnt attempting to do luxury Lake Como for less

Times

03-05-2025

I've always lived beyond my means, enjoying luxuries I can't afford. This has led to two things: first, marrying someone with even more expensive tastes than mine, whose moisturiser bill alone could feed a family for a week. Second, it's the reason I identify with one of my favourite songs: Eartha Kitt's Champagne Taste.
For those unfamiliar, it's a story about a poorer man trying to court the singer by fulfilling her expensive tastes on a budget she describes as 'beer-bottle pockets'. The most scathing lines are: 'Do you wanna take me cruising on an ocean liner, to places I long to see?/Well, with my champagne taste and your beer-bottle pockets/ Don't forget to write me when you get there in your row boat/ When you've paddled across the sea without me.'
My identification with Kitt's pain couldn't have been more evident than when I chose to surprise my partner for his 40th birthday with a trip to one of the world's most glamorous and expensive destinations, Lake Como — somewhere we'd always longed to go.
Recent holidays had included a beachfront suite at a five-star resort in Goa and a staffed private villa with friends in Morocco. But now with eye-watering mortgage payments to make and a resolution to be less extravagant to cover them, I resigned myself to having to stick to a three-star budget.
That would mean none of the trimmings: no luxurious lake-view hotel with terrace, premium rental car or fine dining.
When we boarded our easyJet flight to Milan and were faced with a sea of orange, I longed for the calming blue of British Airways, but the price we paid was £480 rather than BA's £700, including the more expensive easyJet seats (ie the front row).
As I sipped my bloody mary in a brand new Airbus, I realised what a no-brainer it was to go budget. The staff were lovely and the flight departed and arrived on time. What more do you need?
It wasn't long until my blissful budget breeziness turned into a no-frills nightmare. To save money I'd booked a rental car via a comparison website, getting a deal on a Fiat 500. I'd worried about fitting my overweight frame and luggage into such a small car, but ultimately the price of £42 for five days — and the Italian heritage — convinced me that there was no better vehicle for our Italian adventure.
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Unfortunately I'd used American Express to pay on a comparison site, but Goldcar doesn't accept Amex for the in-person deposit. After a couple of hours of negotiating we were in danger of missing our birthday dinner reservation, so were forced to accept that sometimes cheaper isn't better and that we'd have to take the train to Como, digging deep into our new budget-friendly selves.
I loathe trains in the UK, and certainly didn't want to take one on holiday.
What a fool I was. Although the plastic seating was decidedly less glamorous than the interior of the pearly white Fiat 500 I'd envisaged, it was absolutely fine as a means to get us to our destination — on time too. After a quick change at Saronno, we were in Como within 90 minutes, for £20 between us.
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Pulling our luggage along in the intense heat, I did miss the air-con of a car, and having sweat rolling down my face wasn't quite the entrance I'd planned.
Then we walked past the stunning five-star Albergo Terminus hotel, and I pondered whether my next budget-based decision would be a hideous mistake. During peak season the sort of room we dreamt of would cost £500 a night, so I'd opted for another first — a one-bedroom self-catering apartment.
I'd never understood the appeal before. For us, holidays mean a lovely hotel, breakfast, and linen changed daily. So as we unlocked the door to our lakefront pad on Viale Geno, I was relieved to see my partner's face light up. It was beautiful, with a wooden kitchen, Fifties-ish decor and a private balcony looking directly on to the lake.
Our joy made me wonder if I'd been wasting thousands on hotels over the years. For an equivalent suite with a balcony we'd have spent £3,000 for four nights. This apartment was £900. What fools we'd have been to spend more.
Alas, the rental car problem and walk to the apartment meant we didn't make it in time for our pre-booked birthday meal. It was now after 10pm on my partner's 40th, during peak season in a busy town where reservations were essential.
There was nothing for it but to take a chance. We strolled into Como centre and broke the number one rule of any savvy traveller by walking into the first restaurant we saw, near the station, in the most touristy part of town.
We sat lakeside in Ristorante Cervo and ordered in dread, watching tourists file along the busy thoroughfare, expecting a cold culinary atrocity. But to our delight, out came a piping hot pizza, worthy of the finest Italian trattorias in the world. The pepperoni was perfect, the tomato tantalising, the mozzarella mouthwatering, the base brilliantly crispy. They even brought us a birthday cake (ristorantecervo.it). It was an unexpectedly wonderful end to a day fraught with foreboding.
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I was starting to question every piece of travel advice I'd ever given myself. Budget airlines are OK? Rental cars aren't needed? Hotels aren't necessary? Eartha Kitt is wrong?
But could we sustain this low-cost loveliness for the rest of our trip?
I was determined to know, so the next day I decided to push myself into an even more extreme discomfort zone: a picnic. I loathe picnics. I don't like sitting on the floor, drinking warm wine with congealed dips and stale bread, nor the grass stains on your bottom. I prefer a proper smart restaurant with upright seating. There were plenty around, but they were expensive. So off we trotted, full of hope, to what reviews say is Como's best sandwich shop: Passion. We took our prosciutto, cheese and salad sandwiches, plus beers, to a shaded area of the lake to rest, relax, and fully participate in the picnic lifestyle.
Was it the most fabulous lunch I've had? No. But it came with a priceless view that stopped us looking at our phones; we just talked and took it in. (I did get a grass stain on my cream chino-ed backside, but you can't have it all.)
What you can have, with a budget mindset, is a trip that makes you more creative and adventurous.
With no car in which to go off exploring, we rode the town funicular instead, (£3 one-way; atm.it) ascending 700 metres to the pretty village of Brunate. By driving, we wouldn't have been able to experience so many Italians elbowing everyone out the way to get to the seat with the best view of the mountains. Nor could we have admired the village's Bellavista hotel with its ornate ceilings.
Had we been staying in a luxury hotel, would we have even gone out? We might well have stayed put to get our money's worth. Luxury rarely inspires bravery.
And bravery was what we needed on our final day, when we decided to head over by ferry to Bellagio. After going out for a check on the usually chaotic ferry queue, we discovered many departures weren't happening that day (as is often the case), so we decided to take the hour-long bus journey instead.
No money in the world would have made me miss seeing my partner turning green as we hung on for dear life while the driver went Formula 1 along narrow lakeside roads, flinging passengers around with every hairpin bend. Some were whooping with fear; I was doing so with delight. Not only was it cheap, but the entertainment was thrown in. I'm not sure many would describe this bus-shaped rollercoaster, with the constant fear of a watery death, as 'entertaining', but I certainly found it so.
We spent the afternoon browsing Bellagio's amazing shops, including Quelli della Pelle, where we bought a set of garlic-shaped, hand-painted salt and pepper shakers,and enjoying our customary afternoon beer with a view, this time at the Grand Hotel Villa Serbelloni. Then we took the slow ferry back to Como — a nearly two-hour cruise passing the attractive villages of Tremezzo, Lenno and Cernobbio. At about £18 it is quite possibly the cheapest and best Como sightseeing trip you could want.
Passing gorgeous villas and hotels with the sun on our faces and the breeze through our hair, we were blown away by the lakefront art nouveau architecture. It was a low-cost experience we simply wouldn't have had by road.
As our trip ended, we didn't even consider taking a taxi to the airport, instead opting for the train again. We'd been truly bargain-basement brainwashed.
Eartha Kitt may have been fabulous in so many ways. But will she ever truly know what her champagne tastes made her miss out on?
Cristo Foufas travelled independently. Four nights at the Lake Front View on Viale Geno is from £875 (airbnb.co.uk). Fly to Milan