Is it still rude to start eating before everyone has been served?

Telegraph

01-07-2025

There is a very particular kind of social panic reserved for those served first at a restaurant. The food arrives at the table, the victim in question thanks the waiter, before looking around the table to see – to their horror – that no one else has been served. Suddenly, they find themselves facing one of the greatest British dilemmas of all time: to start or not to start?
Last week, the predicament was claimed to have been solved by scientists at City St George's, University of London. A study of 2,000 people discovered that starting to eat before everyone else receives their food is no longer the social faux pas we might think it is.
After various tests and interviews, the scientists discovered that a fascinating double standard exists when it comes to our mentality around the crippling conundrum. Though we think it would be deeply inappropriate if we, ourselves, started to eat before others, most of us actually don't mind if someone else tucks in ahead of us. It's a classic British contradiction in which we hold ourselves to higher moral standards than the ones we hold others to.
Does this herald a new age, one in which the days of waiting for everyone's food to arrive are long gone? Apparently not, according to the experts.
'There may now be science that suggests it's acceptable to start eating the moment the food is served, but science should not overrule civility,' says etiquette expert William Hanson. 'And the same clause we have with etiquette applies to this research: sometimes one has to break the rules, or in this case the data, to do the most well-mannered thing.'
In a scenario where dishes are served at different times at a restaurant, Hanson explains that the responsibility lies with those who have yet to be served, who can then indicate to others that they can start. 'The impetus is on those who have been left without to signal to those who have been served that it is OK to begin while they wait,' he says. 'Although the served diners should start to eat at a glacial pace until the rest of the food arrives.'
The idea of waiting for others before beginning to eat is relatively modern, Hanson explains. Before the Victorian era, those at the table didn't wait, mostly because kitchens in large houses were built far away from dining rooms to protect diners in the event of a fire breaking out in the kitchen. 'Thus the etiquette was that once [hot] food was served, you could begin eating it,' explains Hanson. 'As you were served in rank order, with guest of honour first and then host, this was totally acceptable.'
The idea of waiting for others was only introduced during the 19th century, he explains, when kitchen safety improved and means of keeping dishes warmer for longer were discovered.
Hanson admits that the concept of table manners is a flexible thing, that 'table manners change as life changes,' but maintains that waiting for others before starting to eat is one of a small number of rules upon which the whole of British society is built.
'The key manners that are essential for anyone to follow remain,' he says. 'Wait until everyone has been served before you start eating, try to keep pace with those around you, so you finish at roughly the same time, don't make a noise when eating, and ensure you speak to the person on your left as equally as the person on your right.'
Among Telegraph readers who commented under our news story, the response is split into Team Wait and Team Start. 'Manners are not science based, so this is all nonsense,' exclaims one reader going by the name of Thomas Tank, who forms part of Team Wait – the side of the comments who are sticklers for tradition. 'If it is bad manners, by cultural interactive norms, [then] it is.'
'An individual typically feels uncomfortable eating his food on his own, and it's always the talking point round the table. It's bad manners,' agrees reader Ian Richards.
On the other side of the comments section is Team Start – those who are less concerned by the Victorian precedent. ' The Royals eat straight away whilst hot. Daft to sit there getting cold until the last is served. Get on with it!' says Tim Parry. 'I like my food piping hot, so if I am served a hot dish first I prefer to start immediately,' agrees fellow reader Jeffrey Hobbs. 'In my experience, dining companions will in any case tell the first person to be served that they should not wait.'
JM Evans points out that it depends on the type of food served in the restaurant: if it's a cold salad, he would wait, but if it's a hot meal, the dilemma becomes all the more profound. 'I've had this conversation many times with my wife over the years', he says. 'If I've ordered a salad I probably would wait but I'm sitting there while my food goes cold to wait for someone else's food to then arrive piping hot.'
Debrett's traditional etiquette advice states: 'Do not start before everyone has been served.'
'It seems to me the whole purpose of having a meal is ideally you are eating together at the same time,' says Debrett's editor Liz Wyse. 'If you pick up your knife and fork and get around to it as soon as your food arrives, it can look a little greedy. It's good manners to wait until other people have given you permission to start.'
But there's more at stake here: Wyse warns that tearing up etiquette rules could be the start of a troubling slippery slope when it comes to how we treat those around us. 'If we start ditching everyday mundane manners, it's a sure step to trouble starting,' she says.
'Just being completely oblivious to the people around you is a dangerous tendency, because the less you are aware of people, the more likely you are to transgress and do things that really harm them.'
Ultimately, she explains, table manners are more about the connections you make than the rules themselves. 'I think traditional manners where you are conscious of other people and you wait to be invited to start eating have evolved for a good reason,' she says. 'I don't see there is any necessity for anyone to tuck into their food the minute it hits the place setting.'
'Slowing people down, making people more aware of each other, means that hopefully out of that comes a connection rather than a mechanical process of getting some food inside you.'