Prostitute Falls Asleep During ‘Star Wars'

The Onion

09-04-2025

LOUISVILLE, KY—Expressing a mix of frustration and stunned disbelief at the woman's lack of enthusiasm, local man Ron Broder told reporters Wednesday that the escort whose services he had solicited for the evening fell asleep during Star Wars: Episode IV—A New Hope .
The 40-year-old logistics coordinator confirmed he had paid the sex worker Misty, as she mononymously identified herself online, a sum of $385 to meet him at a nearby Rodeway Inn where he arrived with his own physical copy of the 1977 film in 4k Ultra HD, a Blu-ray player, and an HDMI cable and adapter to connect to the motel TV. Although he paid her for two hours of service, Broder stated that the prostitute dozed off barely 30 minutes into the movie. Misty
'We had just gotten to the part where Obi-Wan reveals his true identity to Luke, when I look over and see her eyes are completely shut,' said Broder, who before settling down on the bed and pressing play had greeted Misty at the door with a smile and told her of the 'special evening' he had planned. 'I did notice she seemed pretty checked out during the scene where the droids are wandering in the desert, but I assumed she would at least stay awake until we were finished.'
'I understand if she wasn't as excited about watching Star Wars as I was,' he added, 'but she wasn't even pretending to be into it.'
The sex worker, who was wearing a faux fur jacket over polyester lingerie, was reportedly sprawled out on top of the motel bed's floral-print comforter, her head lolling to one side as she slept. Looking frantically back and forth from Misty's slack jaw to the screen where Obi-Wan was presenting Luke Skywalker with his father's lightsaber, Broder said he was worried about how much of the film she had potentially missed without him noticing.
As the movie progressed, Broder expressed concern that the woman would sleep right through the cantina scene, and he began to make a mental note of which parts he should rewind to and show her as soon as she woke up. It appeared, however, that these highlights became too numerous for him to remember, because he soon grabbed the motel's complimentary notepad and ballpoint pen from the nightstand and began writing out time codes, including 'Han blasts Greedo (50:53),' 'Millennium Falcon hits lightspeed (56:56),' 'Chewbacca angry (1:00:14),' 'Han blasts intercom thing (1:15:48),' and 'trash compactor (1:19:13).'
'I was hoping she would wake up on her own, but even when I turned up the sound a bit, she just kept sleeping and sleeping,' said Broder, who described how he kept gradually raising the volume until a guest in the adjacent room started banging on the shared interior wall and yelling at him to 'shut the fuck up.' 'Then I realized I was missing the movie too, because I was continually glancing over at her to see if she'd woken up yet.'
Realizing the importance of Misty watching the crucial lightsaber battle between Darth Vader and Obi-Wan, Broder said he considered gently nudging her with his elbow, but before he could make up his mind about whether to do so, the scene had passed and he had become engrossed in the Millennium Falcon's narrow escape from the clutches of the Empire.
When the film neared its end, sources confirmed the night had not gone at all the way Broder had hoped, falling far short of the encounter he had long fantasized about having with a prostitute.
'I'm just disappointed,' said the middle-aged man, who sat in the dim glow of the TV screen and shrugged as Misty slept through the climactic explosion of the Death Star. 'I really thought she was going to like A New Hope . Her bio said she was adventurous, but I guess that was a lie.'
'Well, it's her loss,' he continued. 'I had something wonderful to share with her, and she completely squandered it.'
At press time, the sex worker's pimp had reportedly arrived and sat down with Broder to watch the end of the movie, the two men crying as Princess Leia presented awards to the Rebellion's newest heroes.