'My husband was an incel, but we found a way to make our marriage work'

Daily Mirror

03-06-2025

A woman has revealed that as a younger man, her husband was an 'incel' and she has explained what she believes were the reasons behind his early stuggles to form relationships
In recent years, incel culture has forced its way into the public's consciousness - with parents becoming concerned about the content their children are consuming online.
The hit show Adolescence captured attention across the UK when it dropped on Netflix earlier this year, depicting how youngsters can get caught up in the so-called 'Manosphere'. Through the plot about a 13-year-old boy murdering a girl from school, it also explored how toxic narratives about gender can leave a big impact at such an impressionable age.
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An independent study published on the government's Commission for Countering Extremism website, defines incels - involuntary celibates - as "a sub-culture community of men who forge a sense of identity around their perceived inability to form sexual or romantic relationships".
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The so-called movement preys on the naivety of younger men who might be struggling to get a girlfriend. It weaponises their plight and argues that the problem lies with women, not men, with the likes of self-confessed misogynist Andrew Tate leading the charge.
The study, which surveyed 561 incels, alarmingly showed that 38.9 percent of those participating in incel forums suffered from depression, and 43 percent dealt with anxiety - with 21.6 percent saying they regularly had suicidal thoughts.
This correlation between poor mental health and those taking part in the incel online communities was noted as "concerning given the relationship between suicide-risk and depression and anxiety in men" by the study, which also showed that 48 percent of respondents reported the highest levels of loneliness in the survey.
It is no wonder that parents are now on high alert. One parent went looking for advice on a forum for city-based mums and dads, on how to tell if a teenage boy has fallen into an online incel community, writing: "I have a 13 year old DS who I love dearly. I worry all the time about the world he is growing up in. We keep close tabs on friends and online activity but I really worry that he is going to be influenced by terrible outside sources one way or the other.
"I can't be everywhere and he needs to grow up with some freedom and self autonomy. But I worry. Parents who had boys who became incels or failed to launch. Were there signs that you missed? Were you able to intervene? Did they come out of it and change? What would you do differently?"
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The post began a wide-ranging discussion on the forum, with one poster writing a list of what they believed was needed to ensure that a young boy doesn't fall prey to misogyny or incel communities online: "Boys need: A mom at home. Almost zero screen time. Male and female friends, in real life. A good education, either at home or in a private school. Lots of fresh air every day.
"If you're not doing that, you're gonna have a bad time. Bottom line," they wrote.
In one response, another woman revealed that her husband had been an incel, and revealed how they managed to make their marriage work.
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"My husband is a former incel. Growing up, he lacked all of the above and it made him angry and stuck in that failure to launch way.... [the] list is really a good one," she wrote.
"Dh is now 43 happily married because of handsome and smart and was able to grow out of the awful home life. But as a young man missing 100% of [this] list, he was an incel. The environmental part is clear as day for me."
Reduction of screen time for young people is widely acknowledged as generally beneficial for their mental health - but when it comes to those who might have started engaging with online incel communities, it may be even more crucial.
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The CCE's study shows that online forums are often used as "an outlet for expressing misogynistic hostility" and that "analyses of the incel ecosystem have repeatedly demonstrated high levels of toxic and misogynistic language".
One extreme post from an incel forum, previously reported by The Mirror, showed just how negatively some of these young perceive women, and their tendency to ruminate on their sense of themselves as victims of the modern world: "When we are done, women will be erased from public space. They will be locked away in dungeons with no sunlight ready to be used and abused as we see fit.
"We will reduce women's worth to nothing through full automation of female sexual and reproductive labour with perfectly realistic sex dolls that have realistic skin texture, warmth, muscle and fat, as well as artificial wombs which outperform the natural womb of mothers. Women will regret ever challenging us men, for we are superior and more human than them."
Terrifyingly, the CCE study is not the only one pointing out alarming patterns amongst younger people. Vodafone recently conducted research that showed 56 percent of boys between the ages of 11 to 14 are aware of and familiar with influencers like Andrew Tate, who are part of the 'manosphere' and 70 percent of teachers say that there has been an increase in misogynistic language in their classrooms.