What Is a Golden Retriever Boyfriend?

Cosmopolitan

2 days ago

Once upon a 2023, Taylor Swift debuted her NFL beau and a new genre of It Boy was born: the golden retriever boyfriend.
Okay, so technically Tay and Trav neither coined nor created the term—golden retriever boyfriends were already making the rounds on TikTok at least as early as 2021. But when the pair first stepped out as a couple nearly two years ago, the golden retriever boyfriend trend was catapulted to peak relevance, with Travis Kelce remaining one of the most recognizable pop culture representations of this coveted brand of male lover today. If you're just catching up, allow us to fill you in.
'A golden retriever boyfriend is the human equivalent of a tail wagging, wide-eyed pup who lives to love you,' explains 'Streethearts' host Tiff Baira, a relationship expert, matchmaker, and author of Modern Dating for Dummies. 'He's sweet, loyal, emotionally available, and basically imprinted on you after the third date.'
In short, he's every girl's dream. …Or is he? While GRBF status is generally flaunted as the premiere tier of boyfriends, the term is—like all things—ultimately a bit more nuanced than any given social media algorithm lets on.
So here, for your edification, is everything you need to know about golden retriever boyfriends—from what the term really means to how to know if you have (or want) a GRBF of your very own.
'A golden retriever boyfriend is loving, positive, energetic, loyal, and uncomplicated,' says matchmaker and dating coach Blaine Anderson, founder of Dating By Blaine.
'He remembers your coffee order, sends good morning texts unprompted, and genuinely enjoys helping you build IKEA furniture,' adds Baira. 'He's not playing games; he's the overly nice and caring type who puts you before himself.'
In general, yes, this makes him the dream guy. That said, the 'uncomplicated' nature of the GRBF that Anderson highlights can, in some interpretations, denote a somewhat guileless romantic partner who gives his love and devotion freely—if also blindly and arguably with little discernment.
'There may also be an undertone of 'nice guy,'—specifically as opposed to 'bad boy'—perhaps implying the golden retriever boyfriend is the guy you settle with after having your heart broken by a bad boy,' Anderson adds. In general, however, the term carries positive connotations. 'You date the golden retriever guy because you don't want to waste time on moody losers,' says Anderson.
As for how the trend got started? 'The term 'golden retriever boyfriend' definitely gained traction on TikTok, where women proudly showed off their partners as the ultimate romantic prize,' Baira explains. 'These were the guys who happily did whatever their girlfriend said.'
And in an era of dating app burnout and doomscrolling,'golden retriever boyfriends became a symbol of hope in a dating landscape flooded with horror stories,' says Baira. 'Amid all that chaos, the GRBF became a mythical figure—an aspirational fantasy. Someone who might actually treat you like the princess you are.'
'If you're wondering whether you're with a golden retriever boyfriend, the signs are usually wagging right in front of you,' says Baira. 'He lights up when he sees you, offers to carry your bag without being asked, and says, 'let me know when you get home' like it's a sacred ritual.' In short, 'There are no games, no ego—just someone who wants to be near you, build with you, and see you shine.'
On the flip side: 'Does he make you worry he's cheating? Have you come to expect he won't buy you dinner? Does he only text at 10pm?' asks Anderson. In that case, you do not have a golden retriever boyfriend!'
Meanwhile, all that glitters is not necessarily gold(en retriever). As with any highly coveted good, knockoffs abound—and can be tricky to spot. Enter, 'the wolf in golden retriever clothing—the guy who seems endlessly kind and selfless but secretly has an agenda,' says Baira. 'If his niceness comes with strings attached, like using your connections, expecting money, or subtly manipulating you, he's not golden; he's gold plated.'
In other words, 'Sometimes the nice guy isn't actually nice at all,' Baira extrapolates. 'If he makes you feel like you owe him for his kindness or if his affection feels performative or transactional, that's a clear sign it's not real golden retriever energy.'
Some other red flags signalling you may be with a fake golden retriever? 'He's only sweet in public, performs affection when people are watching, and suddenly goes cold the second you're alone,' says Baira. 'He expects praise for basic things like texting back or showing up on time. He might flood you with compliments but makes subtle jabs when you're shining too bright.'
While, generally speaking, golden retriever boyfriends are thought of (and/or paraded on social media as) the best of the best in male companionship, the reality is that golden retriever boyfriends are not necessarily the right match for everyone.
'While every relationship is nuanced and there's no universal good or bad, it's important to remember that golden retriever energy still needs to match your energy,' says Baira. 'Just because someone is nice to you doesn't mean they're right for you.'
For example, look no further than the infamous, perennially relevant Sex and the City love triangle between Carrie, Big, and Aidan. 'On paper, Aidan was everything: warm, loving, emotionally present, always chasing Carrie,' says Baira. 'But that's just it. She didn't want to be chased; she wanted to be challenged. And no matter how hard she tried to make him the one, he wasn't.'
Dating coach Grace Lee, founder of A Good First Date, adds that to some, golden retriever energy may feel stifling. 'Doting affection can breed contempt. At first, it feels amazing to be adored so completely. But over time, you might feel overwhelmed—or even guilty,' she notes. 'He's so focused on making you happy that his own needs seem to disappear.' Naturally, this can lead to an unhealthy dynamic in which one partner constantly feels like they need space and the other feels under appreciated.
All of which is to say, golden retriever boyfriends can be amazing if that kind of person is the right match for you, but be wary of staying in something that's not the right fit just because it feels safe.
Meanwhile, Lee also notes that the Very Online nature of the golden retriever boyfriend archetype may set unrealistic expectations or encourage people to perform a specific role in a relationship that can mask the real needs, desires, and issues couples need to address in order to actually forge and maintain a healthy partnership.
'The hashtag acts as a checklist—for both the boyfriend and the girlfriend,' says Lee. 'If you're a GRBF, that means you're a 'good boyfriend.' And if you're a good boyfriend, then you don't have to worry about the relationship falling apart. You've met the criteria. You're safe from rejection. On the flip side, having a GRBF is proof that you're desirable. You must be the kind of person who deserves that level of devotion. Instead of confronting your insecurities, you point to the list.'
Ultimately though, a relationship with a golden retriever boyfriend can of course be the gold standard experience it's hailed as online—as long as we all remember that TikTok is not real life and try not to get too lost in the sauce chasing trendy labels or trying to make our real-life relationships fit some over-the-top fantasy projected on social media.