Woman Refuses to Pay for ‘Hostile' Stepson's Surgery: 'I Won't Buy My Way into Being His Mom'

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6 hours ago

A woman wondered if she was in the wrong for refusing to pay for her stepson's surgery
On Reddit's AITA forum — where people share real-life dilemmas — she said her stepson has a history of "hostile" behavior toward her and made "mean-spirited" and "offensive" comments
When she did not offer to pay for her stepson's surgery, her husband threatened to end the marriageA woman says she doesn't want to pay for her stepson's surgery after his 'hostile' behavior toward her, and after her husband refused to let her help pay for his college.
A Redditor, who goes by the name Frosty_Woodpecker628, shared that she's always had a challenging relationship with her stepson, whom she called Ethan, in a post on Reddit's AITA subreddit — where people share real-life dilemmas and ask whether they are in the wrong.
Ever since she married her husband five years ago, Ethan, who was 16 at the time and moved in, 'was hostile toward me. He never liked me and had kept me at arms length, and constantly hurt my feelings with his mean spirited, offensive comments about my age or living situation. He made it clear he didn't want me in his life,' she wrote.
When his father was struggling financially, she shared that she offered to help pay for Ethan's college. 'I want to help, but my husband's response? 'You can't buy your way into being his mom.' That hurt. A lot. But okay. I respected their choice and didn't push.'
She shared that her husband's attitude changed when Ethan recently got sick after dealing with an undisclosed medical condition, and was told he needed surgery. 'He reached out to his dad, asking for financial help. My husband came to me and asked if I'd be willing to contribute, hoping this might be a chance to rebuild a relationship. I just said no.'
Her husband couched it as 'this could be the perfect opportunity to make things right between me and Ethan. I said 'I won't buy my way into being his mom, can I?' '
The Redditor shared that her husband 'didn't take it well. He said I was being cruel and petty, and now he's even saying he's 'reconsidering our marriage' because he thinks I should put the pettiness aside and help Ethan regardless. But I still refused.'
In her post, she asked if she's the 'a------'.
The verdict from Reddit? She should be the one reconsidering the marriage.
'Sounds like you're shouldering all the financial responsibility while receiving none of the respect from these relationships. Stand your ground,' the top comment, with 13,000 upvotes. Another replied, 'I'd be reconsidering the marriage and serving papers before her husband honestly. Dude and his kid are both a-------.'
Most felt that she was being used for her financial contributions, as another commenter wrote she was justified 'within the context that your husband and step son have patterns of very s-----, exploitative behavior. They're nice if they need your cash, emotionally abusive if they don't. That's a giant problem. I'm sure this isn't an isolated incident.'
And while one user did suggest that she help out for the sake of her marriage — they questioned if it was worth it: 'If you want to stay in the marriage swallow [your] pride and pain and help. Not because it might make Ethan like you more but because you'd be helping your husband's son and you care about your husband.'
As they continued, 'But from what little you describe here I'm not sure you should want to stay married. It doesn't sound like he respects you very much and he's not contributing. Are you actually getting anything out of this relationship?'
But one commenter had a different take: "She's justified in cutting this whole thing off, but the relationship is already over if she doesn't care about something medically bad happening to her partner's son."
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