I couldn't stop catching feelings after good sex with unsuitable men
The sex had been intense – not just because my lover clearly knew how to get a woman off, but because our emotional connection had felt really strong, too. Like the moment we were lying in bed looking at each other as he stroked the hair off my face and said I was 'so beautiful'.
John and I knew each other through social circles but had never spent much time together outside parties.
Eventually, he got my number from a common friend and I was thrilled to hear from him.
One night, he made his move by asking if he could come over to 'hang out'. I immediately said yes.
He showed up at my doorstep and we spent hours in my bedroom – talking, cuddling and having the aforementioned incredible sex.
My pal and I then poured over every tiny detail of this event.
To me, John's intimate touches – and I don't mean the sexy ones – were a sign of something special.
X Factor icon Diana Vickers and Metro's dating expert Alice Giddings dive into your wildest sex, love, and dating dilemmas – every Tuesday.
Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. And be sure to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode.
You can also join the fun on our WhatsApp Group Chat here – share your dilemmas and Diana and Alice may just give you a call.
I was smitten.
Later that same week, I ran into John at a bar – but, while he did acknowledge my existence, he didn't exactly act like I was 'The One'. In fact, he treated me more like a mate than a woman he had shagged.
I wasn't stupid. I knew that him turning up at 10pm for our 'hang out' hadn't been a great sign of long-term commitment; but both the sex and the post-coital moments had been so good that I had convinced myself it must have meant something.
My pal had agreed – his behaviour surely signalled that he liked me, at the very least.
Oh, how naive I was.
When this all happened, I was in my early 20s and I didn't understand then what I know now.
I had misinterpreted a great sexual connection for a romantic one.
The amazing sex had made me catch feelings – or, at least, made me hope for them.
This is all too common; and so I think it's important to admit that how we feel about sex, casual or otherwise, can be really hard to grasp sometimes.
In other words: A great shag can make you confuse the reality of a sexual spark with the possibility of serious romance.
I've had my fair share of this.
Sam* and I hooked up in a bar on a summer night, as was often the case before dating apps took over.
He was hot, I was horny and he lived nearby.
I had no expectations of our time together beyond sex – of which we had plenty – so I was caught off guard by his gentle and sweet demeanor.
I was even more surprised when Sam's mates came home from the club and he introduced me to them – while holding his arm around my waist and telling them that he'd found someone 'really special'.
I proceeded to have drinks with the lads in their living room, before returning to bed with my lover in the early hours of the morning.
Round two was even hotter, because my feelings had crept out to say hi. Tragically, though, Sam and I never saw each other again.
We had exchanged numbers – on paper, rather than in our phones – and I lost mine the next day.
I waited and hoped that he would call since I now couldn't, but he never did. I was gutted for weeks – not just because I felt embarrassed and rejected, but because my mind had already imagined something more between us.
Even now, I can still feel a faint sting of disappointment at how things played out.
But here is what I have learned.
Firstly, both John and Sam deserve part of the blame.
You can absolutely be cuddly with a one-night-stand or a casual shag – but if you are, make it clear to the other person that this is not a sign that you want more.
These men gave me false hope.
From my own experience, I have found this behaviour to be more prevalent among men than women – though it certainly happens on both sides.
I have comforted endless friends who felt upset because they confused sexual affection with real emotion, or because they'd been deceived by someone who wasn't upfront with them.
But that said; your sexual partner is not the only guilty party.
Let's be honest: I jumped the gun a lot.
I was young and eager to find my 'big love' so I often forgot to ask myself if I actually liked the guy I had slept with – or just wanted one of those rom-com endings.
Now, when I think back to some of the guys who I thought were 'The One' – who in reality were barely 'The One That Night' – it makes me laugh. More Trending
But I could have saved myself a lot of grief – not to mention confusion – if I had been brave enough to admit to myself that sometimes great sex is just great sex.
If you're a romantic, it might feel alien to imagine that some people are affectionate lovers even if they have no romantic feelings but we all act differently in the sack.
The trick to knowing the difference is being honest – with both yourself and your lover.
View More »
*Names have been changed
Do you have a story you'd like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
Share your views in the comments below.
MORE: Guys are excited to hook up with me — until they see my bunkbed
MORE: Euro 2025 victory parade: The Lionesses gave us a world of joy and the celebrations proved certain men do not speak for all
MORE: Labour's school guidance is Section 28 all over again for LGBTQ+ people
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Metro
an hour ago
- Metro
Doctor Who legend 'becomes latest star to sign up for Strictly Come Dancing'
A Doctor Who legend could be the next to step into the Strictly Come Dancing ballroom as Alex Kingston has reportedly signed up. Fans are desperate to know which celebrities are taking part in the 2025 series, with huge speculation that Dani Dyer is also on board. All we know at this stage is that all of last year's professionals will be back, and they'll be joined by two new pros: Alexis Warr and Julian Caillon. This will mark the dancing competition's return after a difficult year, following investigations into conduct and a shake-up of the professionals. The celebrity cast is a closely guarded secret until the BBC makes its official announcement, which usually lands in early August. Wake up to find news on your TV shows in your inbox every morning with Metro's TV Newsletter. Sign up to our newsletter and then select your show in the link we'll send you so we can get TV news tailored to you. However, an insider told The Sun that 'bosses are delighted to have snapped up' the Doctor Who star, 62. 'She's a real talent and will add a lot, it's always exciting to have a prestigious actress on the cast,' the source added. 'It's the first time Alex has done a reality show of any kind, but she's a huge fan of the show and couldn't resist the opportunity.' Alex portrayed beloved time traveller River Song across David Tennant, Matt Smith, and Peter Capaldi's eras of Doctor Who, primarily in the 11th Doctor's run. Mysterious and flirtatious, River's timeline was flowing backwards to the Doctor's, creating a puzzle that even the Time Lord struggled to solve. Before this, she appeared in the US drama ER from 1997 to 2005 as Dr. Elizabeth Corday alongside George Clooney. Other notable work includes her Bafta nomination for The Fortunes and Misfortunes of Moll Flanders, as well as Arrow and A Discovery of Witches. Alex has shared in the past how she would love to do Strictly, having discussed it at length with her friend Sarah Hadland. The Miranda star, 54, took on the competition last year and finished as runner-up with pro dance partner Vito Coppola. 'Sarah Hadland and I talked about how much we'd like to do Strictly Come Dancing,' she said in 2019. 'Then I discovered she's a trained ballet dancer. 'Hang on a minute! That's not fair!' So, I can't do it on a season when she is on it!' Maybe Alex could do one better than her friend and take home the Glitterball trophy, although we're sure she'd say 'spoilers' to that. Strictly is set to return this Autumn, with Love Islander Dani and model Ellie Goldstein also speculated. Ellie, 23, would be the first person with Down's syndrome to appear on the competition after doctors said she would 'never walk or talk' when she was born. Having worked as a model since the age of 14, she has defied expectations, landing the cover of Vogue and having a Barbie inspired by her. The model previously told Metro: 'People like me lead to change slowly in the industry.' More Trending 'People need to know about me and my condition. We need more disability representation out there.' Other celebrities in the Strictly 2025 rumoured lineup include Stacey Solomon, Vicky Pattison, Paul C Brunson, Helen Flanagan and Gladiators star Nitro. Metro has reached out to the BBC and Alex's team for comment. View More » Strictly Come Dancing returns on BBC One later this year. Got a story? If you've got a celebrity story, video or pictures get in touch with the entertainment team by emailing us celebtips@ calling 020 3615 2145 or by visiting our Submit Stuff page – we'd love to hear from you. MORE: Strictly star Wynne Evans confirms split from fiancée only weeks after proposal MORE: Ncuti Gatwa admits he has one big regret about being in Doctor Who MORE: Strictly star announces major career change to star in 'dark' Hollywood thriller
Scottish Sun
an hour ago
- Scottish Sun
I live in a tiny floating house on a secret UK island home to famous rock stars, lagoons & even its own sauna
PLAIN SAILING I live in a tiny floating house on a secret UK island home to famous rock stars, lagoons & even its own sauna A WOMAN has shared an insight into her life living in a tiny floating house in the middle of a huge city. The island which was once home to famous children's authors and rockstars, is just 400 metres long. 5 Linda lives in a floating house on The Thames Credit: Into Their Space 5 Tagg's Island is home to 62 houseboats Credit: Into Their Space 5 Linda also has Airbnb's on the island that she rents out to guests Credit: Into Their Space Linda, who is originally from South Africa, purchased a house on Tagg's Island, a tiny island in the River Thames back in 2019. The floating home was originally built in the 1980s, but she knocked it down in 2024 and decided to completely rebuild it and turn it into a "tropical oasis". "I just felt like island living, like you see in the Caribbean, could be here in the UK", she told Into Their Space. Her driveway is packed with gorgeous tropical plants, immediately transporting you to an exotic haven, and the home has huge floor to ceiling windows that have a gorgeous view of the Thames. "Living on the lagoon is all about communing with nature and quieting down and going tech-free, so I was very keen that the lounge area would have a view on the lagoon", she said. She added the she loves to sit in her reading chair with her morning coffee, and watch swans or early morning rowers pass by. Despite only being 60m2, Linda has room to fit a king four-poster bed into the house and the place is even fitted with a sauna. "It's a beautiful little redwood sauna, the benefits are great!", she said. The floating home also has a huge flat roof, that Linda and her husband use to sunbathe on in the summer. "We love our rooftop. My husband is always up there, whiling away the hours stringing his guitar, reading a book or listening to YouTube videos", she said. We're being kicked out our Chelsea houseboat to make way for swanky 'mega' barge - fees cost MORE than property itself As well as living on the island, Linda also owns the two floating homes next to hers, and rents them out to guests. She decided to buy both homes because she was worried about somebody noisy moving in, and has now quit her 9-5 to focus on the guest accommodations, as well as working as a management accountant and a commercial director. Linda adores her life on Tagg's island, as she is able to escape the hustle and bustle of city life, whilst still being super close to the centre of London. "It's a different way of life, you just commune with nature, and you're just up the road from theatres and local amenities", she said. Pros and cons of living on a house boat Houseboats can be cheaper than buying a home on dry land but doesn't come without risks. You may be able to get a special type of mortgage for a boat, but it can be more difficult than getting a traditional home loan and have higher rates of interest. You won't pay stamp duty when buying a boat to live on, and you can move to a different location whenever you want without having to sell up. You might even be able to live in a location where you wouldn't be able to afford a bricks and mortar house. But space can be more limited, and the value of houseboats can generally go down over time, like a car or motorbike. A licence which you need from the canal and river trust can cost anywhere between £510 and £1,100 a year depending on the size of the boat. There are likely to be ongoing costs for maintenance and mooring as well as fuel, a boat safety certificate and, of course, insurance. There's always something that needs to be done on a boat – from engine servicing to treating rust spots, not to mention emptying the toilet and filling the water tank. Energy bills could be higher on the boat than a home as they are generally harder to insulate. If your boat is moored permanently, it will typically be in the lowest tax band, with single occupants benefiting from a 25% reduction. However, if you're happy to move every two weeks as a 'continuous cruiser,' you won't have to pay this Tagg's Island is home to 62 houseboats, some of which are three storeys high. Houses are not permitted to be built on the island, which is accessible by a single track road bridge. It's only half a mile upstream from Hampton Court Palace and you can get fantastic views from the island. The island is home to some of the Thames' most expensive houseboats, and has had a number of famous residents, including Peter Pan author J.M Barrie and the theatrical duo Gilbert & Sullivan. In 1986, Pink Floyd guitarist David Gilmour bought a houseboat named The Astoria on the island, and the band used it as a recording studio. 5 The island is in the middle of the Thames Credit: Alamy
Metro
2 hours ago
- Metro
Major Emmerdale couple get back together - but heartbreak might follow
When Lewis Barton (Bradley Riches) learned about brother Ross (Michael Parr) and Steph Miligan's (Georgia Jay) failed relationship, he decided to play Emmerdale match maker and get them back together. Lewis has an excellent skill in being able to read people – having deduced that Moira Dingle (Natalie J Robb) killed his mum based purely on Moira and Ross' reactions to him. As a reader of people, once he learns that Ross and Steph were once a thing, he immediately knows it's not over. He sets about getting them back together. Steph and Ross broke up after Steph's mental health declined having learned that her grandfather had abused her mother as a teenager, and she was the result. Their relationship couldn't survive her trauma. Having seen what Lewis is up to, Steph's mum Ruby (Beth Cordingly) gets involved, encouraging Steph to give things with Ross another go. Ruby and Lewis are on a mission to make this happen, with Lewis cleverly orchestrating a scenario where Ross must give Steph a lift to her therapy session when her car breaks down. The trick works and their reunion seems to be going swimmingly when once alone, Steph tells Ross she is ready to take things to the next level and hints they head upstairs. More Trending That one night is enough to seal the deal, and Steph delights her family with the news at breakfast that they are back together. But things were never going to be that easy and their new bubble is threatened by a big lie. Want to be the first to hear shocking EastEnders spoilers? Who's leaving Coronation Street? The latest gossip from Emmerdale? Join 10,000 soaps fans on Metro's WhatsApp Soaps community and get access to spoiler galleries, must-watch videos, and exclusive interviews. Simply click on this link, select 'Join Chat' and you're in! Don't forget to turn on notifications so you can see when we've just dropped the latest spoilers! During a heart to heart, Ross tells Steph that he hasn't been with anyone since they broke up. There's the big whopper – what he should have said is that he had a night of passion with the local GP. So, here's hoping Manpreet (Rebecca Sarker) now keeps her mouth shut. Manpreet is put to the test when she goes for lunch with Ruby and Lewis, who dig for gossip about her love life. View More » With no skin in the game, Manpreet has nothing to lose by being honest. Will Steph and Ross be over again before their second chance has even begun? MORE: All Emmerdale video spoilers for next week as locals face medical emergencies MORE: Robert makes huge sacrifice to save himself from John in early ITVX release MORE: 27 Emmerdale pictures for this week confirm concerning Charity development
