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Yahoo
a day ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
My girlfriend loves me more than I love her. Should I settle at 27, or move on?
Welcome back to 'Ask Amy & T.J.' In this week's column, Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes learn what a Zoomer is — and share some lessons learned in their 20s. We want to hear your questions about being newly single. When is it OK to bring a date around friends who knew your ex? Or post about your new partner on social media? If you have a question for Amy and T.J. about dipping your toes back into the dating pool, email it to askamyandtj@ If you want to hear more from our advice columnists, check out their podcast. Amy and T.J., I realize I might sound like a jerk, but here's my question: Should I be with someone who's really into me if I don't want them as much back? Or should I wait to find someone I'd really like to be with, but will have to work to win over? I'm a 27-year-old Zoomer deciding whether to settle for my current partner or start over and keep looking. What should I do?Gut reaction T.J. Holmes: What's that sound like? Amy Robach: It sounds like he's just not that into his partner! On further thought … AR: By the time I was 27, I'd been married for four years. TJH: Me too. We both got married at 23. AR: And we shouldn't have! TJH: And we shouldn't have! It's not that you can't have your ish together at age 27. But for many people at that age, you haven't necessarily figured out who you want to be yet. So how are you going to be ready to know what you want in a partner long-term? It isn't always a matter of age, though; it's a matter of where you are now and whether you can grow from there. Because by the time you're 34, you might not be the same person you are now. Your partner may not be either — by then they may not like you! AR: I also think that 27 is too young to settle. I know when you're 27, you feel like you've lived so much life — I did when I was 27; I thought I had figured most of it out. But you haven't. And you can't have. So if you aren't already in a relationship where you are so excited about taking the next step with that person, you should wait until you find that person. You've got plenty of time at 27. On the other hand, I do think that your generation — I didn't know you were called Zoomers — is far more picky, and that's not a bad thing. But there is no such thing as a perfect mate. You're never going to find the perfect person. What you want is to find the person who you love and respect enough that you will want to grow with them and be willing to change and evolve with them. You want to find the right person to be on that journey with you, but it's not going to be the perfect person. TJH: It's all about realistic vs. idealistic. A lot of people have this idea — we see it in Love Island USA — this fantasy of someone who makes their heart flutter, who's going to be their Prince or Princess Charming. It's OK to have standards, but if you get too attached to this idealistic expectation, now, any time you date someone, if they're not perfect, you think, 'I shouldn't settle for less.' Settling for less is not the same as being realistic about what you really want in a relationship. Don't let perfect get in the way of good. And sometimes what you have is perfectly good. So, before you make a decision, maybe ask yourself whether you want to throw away the relationship you have to try to get the perfect one. Maybe you can grow to be head over heels? If this woman cares about you that much, maybe eventually you'll realize that you have something special? AR: I think that might be possible. And it's why you need to be honest with your partner. Explain that you're not where they are emotionally yet, but you're not ready to end things. Ask for patience, but make it clear that you can't promise a ring at the end of this. And honestly, your partner might say 'bye' when you come clean. But I think anyone you're dating should get that opportunity to know where your head is and make a decision for themselves. It's not just you making this decision; your partner is in this relationship too. The final word TJH: The key word, though, is settle. Any time you insert that into a sentence regarding the person you're with, I think that's a wrap. That's done, it's over. You can think about being realistic vs. idealistic. But the word 'settle' is a big problem. AR: You should never settle. You can talk to your partner honestly about seeing if your feelings might grow. But don't settle. Because it might just feel like 'settling' right now, early on in the relationship. But if you stay together and you really feel like you're settling, it will turn into resentment and full-blown anger and depression. It can lead to a lot of really negative things. If your relationship is starting at settling, it's not going to end well. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
15-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
My husband moved his mistress into our house. Can our marriage be saved?
Has wedding drama ever affected your relationship with someone ? Email askamyandtj@ about wardrobe faux pas, mother-in-law meltdowns or whether you should walk down the aisle at all. If you want to hear more from our the pair, check out their podcast. Amy & T.J., I am desperately trying to make my marriage work, but my husband isn't. He used to go to a nearby city to see another woman. Now she's living with us. My husband stands up for her, not for me. I do her laundry and found suspicious things in her basket. I have tons of witnesses who have seen them together. I even caught them in bed. I told them I would be burning the bed next time I see them in it. I've been told I could take my husband to the cleaners if I divorced him. But I want to make my marriage work. What should I do?T.J. Holmes: I don't know what's going on in your life, but you shouldn't be in a relationship with this person. He's gonna bring his mistress into the house where he lives with his wife?! Amy Robach: Have you said, 'I don't want that woman in our home?' AR: You have to ask yourself, 'Am I willing to share this man?' Some women might be fine with that and feel like they have an extra girlfriend, someone to help with cooking and cleaning, if that's what's happening in their home. But at this point, you can't say that it's happening to you. You are choosing to live with it and allow it by staying. But is that good enough for you? Do you love this man enough that you're willing to share him? And if that's the case, then stay. But if you're staying, you're allowing it to occur around you and in your home. If you're hanging onto this relationship, you may be deluding yourself about your husband's Robach TH: I think you need to talk to your friends, your therapist, your mom, whoever is around who can support you, because you desperately need it. This is too much. I don't know if you have anywhere to go, but if you're aware that he is fully in another relationship, then I'm sorry, but he has already left you. He may even be trying to force you out. AR: If you're hanging onto this relationship, you may be deluding yourself about your husband's behavior. I think you need to get honest with yourself. This is happening, so what do you want to do about it? I understand you may feel like you don't have a place to go; You may feel trapped, and I feel for you, if that's what you're going through. I can see how that would make you hope that your husband's behavior with this woman isn't what it appears to be, but it almost certainly is. TH: I hope you won't wait for there to be a 'next time' you catch your husband and the other woman in bed. I can't fault you if you feel like you have no other choice but to stay in this situation. But now, the onus is not on him to resolve it, it's on you. AR: We give away our power too much, and you, right now, are giving away your power. You're letting your husband decide what happens within your marriage and outside of it, inside your home. If you're threatening to burn the bed next time, I think you already know that there's going to be a next time. I would love for you to take your power back and make the decision that's best for you. You have to take it upon yourself to stay in this situation or to leave. Because your husband has shown you who he is, you just need to believe him. TH: He's telling you, as clearly as possible, what he thinks about you and the relationship. And it really sucks. I don't envy anybody in your position because sometimes it's difficult to leave for financial reasons. Amy and I have friends who are divorced but have to live together here in New York, because they can't afford to go anywhere. That is really a strain on your mental health and happiness. I can't fault you if you feel like you have no other choice but to stay in this situation. But now, the onus is not on him to resolve it; it's on you.T.J. Holmes AR: And as long as your safety isn't threatened, we're talking about your peace. So, what is the price of peace? I, personally, would rather live in a shack and have peace than to be in a situation like yours, where your husband — who you apparently love — is just blatantly choosing another woman over you, and you have to watch it happen. I cannot imagine the mental trauma that is causing you, and when you have that kind of trauma, it manifests physically. I worry not only about your mental health, but also your physical health. I think your well-being is in jeopardy if you stay in that home. I would suggest you recognize that it's within your power to leave, and do whatever is possible to make that happen. Start planting whatever seeds you need to, financially or logistically, to get the heck out of there. TH: Making a plan is a good place to start right now. Your plan doesn't have to come together overnight, but you've got to start charting a course to resolve this. Yours is almost an explosive, dangerous scenario. You may love him, but the way he's treating you tells me you are not even a consideration in his life. AR: I am honestly begging you to focus not on the love you feel for your husband, but on loving yourself. That's where it starts: When you love yourself and respect yourself, you will never let someone treat you the way your husband is right now. A therapist once told me: When you're assessing whether your marriage is right or wrong for you, ask yourself, 'Is this a relationship that you would want for your child?' If the answer is no, then that's your answer.
Yahoo
14-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
My husband moved his mistress into our house. Can our marriage be saved?
Has wedding drama ever affected your relationship with someone ? Email askamyandtj@ about wardrobe faux pas, mother-in-law meltdowns or whether you should walk down the aisle at all. If you want to hear more from our the pair, check out their podcast. Amy & T.J., I am desperately trying to make my marriage work, but my husband isn't. He used to go to a nearby city to see another woman. Now she's living with us. My husband stands up for her, not for me. I do her laundry and found suspicious things in her basket. I have tons of witnesses who have seen them together. I even caught them in bed. I told them I would be burning the bed next time I see them in it. I've been told I could take my husband to the cleaners if I divorced him. But I want to make my marriage work. What should I do?T.J. Holmes: I don't know what's going on in your life, but you shouldn't be in a relationship with this person. He's gonna bring his mistress into the house where he lives with his wife?! Amy Robach: Have you said, 'I don't want that woman in our home?' AR: You have to ask yourself, 'Am I willing to share this man?' Some women might be fine with that and feel like they have an extra girlfriend, someone to help with cooking and cleaning, if that's what's happening in their home. But at this point, you can't say that it's happening to you. You are choosing to live with it and allow it by staying. But is that good enough for you? Do you love this man enough that you're willing to share him? And if that's the case, then stay. But if you're staying, you're allowing it to occur around you and in your home. If you're hanging onto this relationship, you may be deluding yourself about your husband's Robach TH: I think you need to talk to your friends, your therapist, your mom, whoever is around who can support you, because you desperately need it. This is too much. I don't know if you have anywhere to go, but if you're aware that he is fully in another relationship, then I'm sorry, but he has already left you. He may even be trying to force you out. AR: If you're hanging onto this relationship, you may be deluding yourself about your husband's behavior. I think you need to get honest with yourself. This is happening, so what do you want to do about it? I understand you may feel like you don't have a place to go; You may feel trapped, and I feel for you, if that's what you're going through. I can see how that would make you hope that your husband's behavior with this woman isn't what it appears to be, but it almost certainly is. TH: I hope you won't wait for there to be a 'next time' you catch your husband and the other woman in bed. I can't fault you if you feel like you have no other choice but to stay in this situation. But now, the onus is not on him to resolve it, it's on you. AR: We give away our power too much, and you, right now, are giving away your power. You're letting your husband decide what happens within your marriage and outside of it, inside your home. If you're threatening to burn the bed next time, I think you already know that there's going to be a next time. I would love for you to take your power back and make the decision that's best for you. You have to take it upon yourself to stay in this situation or to leave. Because your husband has shown you who he is, you just need to believe him. TH: He's telling you, as clearly as possible, what he thinks about you and the relationship. And it really sucks. I don't envy anybody in your position because sometimes it's difficult to leave for financial reasons. Amy and I have friends who are divorced but have to live together here in New York, because they can't afford to go anywhere. That is really a strain on your mental health and happiness. I can't fault you if you feel like you have no other choice but to stay in this situation. But now, the onus is not on him to resolve it; it's on you.T.J. Holmes AR: And as long as your safety isn't threatened, we're talking about your peace. So, what is the price of peace? I, personally, would rather live in a shack and have peace than to be in a situation like yours, where your husband — who you apparently love — is just blatantly choosing another woman over you, and you have to watch it happen. I cannot imagine the mental trauma that is causing you, and when you have that kind of trauma, it manifests physically. I worry not only about your mental health, but also your physical health. I think your well-being is in jeopardy if you stay in that home. I would suggest you recognize that it's within your power to leave, and do whatever is possible to make that happen. Start planting whatever seeds you need to, financially or logistically, to get the heck out of there. TH: Making a plan is a good place to start right now. Your plan doesn't have to come together overnight, but you've got to start charting a course to resolve this. Yours is almost an explosive, dangerous scenario. You may love him, but the way he's treating you tells me you are not even a consideration in his life. AR: I am honestly begging you to focus not on the love you feel for your husband, but on loving yourself. That's where it starts: When you love yourself and respect yourself, you will never let someone treat you the way your husband is right now. A therapist once told me: When you're assessing whether your marriage is right or wrong for you, ask yourself, 'Is this a relationship that you would want for your child?' If the answer is no, then that's your answer.
Yahoo
07-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
He cheated, we broke up. Now, his life looks different. Should we try again?
Have a relationship question for Amy and T.J.? Email askamyandtj@ and hear more from them on their podcast. Amy and T.J., My ex and I dated for five years before we broke up. He cheated on me with my colleague. I was rightfully upset. We had even started to talk about a future and marriage. So I didn't want to give him a second chance. But now, it's been two years, and I'm considering going back to him. He seems to have made real improvements in his life. He finally has a job, he bought an apartment and he even has a pet now. I'm not sure how he managed to get his life in order so quickly, but I'm happy for him. I do think I miss him, and I've noticed he's been looking at my social media pages a lot. He's liked almost every single post I've made. Maybe that means something? Should I go back to him or is it a waste of time?T.J. Holmes: All he did was like your posts? You're reading tea leaves. Calm down. Amy Robach: Is he wanting to get back together with you? Are you taking a stab at it? AR: Should you go back to him? My answer is no. You broke up for a reason, and I don't believe that someone cheats out of the blue. It obviously spoke to the quality of your relationship. I don't know what changed so dramatically about him, or what you think changed so dramatically about him. You were dating for five years and just starting to talk about marriage, and he didn't have a job? Now he might be able to pay his bills, but he's still the same person you broke up with. The same person it wasn't working out with. How are things going to change? TH: I think you might be making excuses for wanting him back. I don't think you know who he is now. Who have you been dating since you and he broke up? Who is he dating? Have you been sitting around waiting for him for two years? And now you think he's improved because he's got a f***ing pet, and now he's cool? I don't think anything that you know of has actually changed about this man. AR: That said, if you really still have feelings for him and have been pining away for him for the past two years, then you should be direct and ask him to meet up. See how it feels. But I wouldn't have any expectations that things would be any different now than they were then. Maybe you're feeling lonely, or you're thinking about your biological clock ticking. You might be wondering if he was your last, best option. I think a lot of people love the idea of having a partner, a teammate to go through life with, and it's almost less important who the person is, as long as it's a person you can picture in that idea of a relationship with. But you have to be willing to accept all the bad that comes with the good. And sometimes, that's a matter of experience and maturity. If I were trying to figure this out, I would make a list of pros and cons: all the things that I didn't like about our relationship, and all the things I did like. Really take a good, long look at that list and know what you would be getting into. I would never tell someone not to give love another chance, but go into it with open eyes. Don't wear rose-colored glasses or view the situation through an Instagram filter. TH: I think you're looking for positives when you look at his social media. Job, apartment, pet — OK, welcome to adulthood, big deal! AR: I think you have very low expectations of what is good enough for you. TH: You should raise your own standards. And force somebody to meet them. You can do better than that. You sound like a young person. You're going to be OK. But do not settle for a guy who just does the basics. It sounds like now, he's the guy that you wanted in the beginning. But he might not be the guy who wants you at this point. You might not be attracted to each other at this point. It's been two years — you might not be the same people you were at all. But you can handle this today. If you're into him, there's no harm in reaching out and saying, 'Hello, I've noticed that you liked all my posts. I wonder how things have been going for you? Would you like to have a conversation or go grab a coffee at some point? I'd love to do so.' If he says 'yes,' let's see what happens. If he says 'no, we are done,' move on. TH: Stop following him on social media. That's step one. I know it sounds extreme, but think of it like this: Would you try to quit drinking while you've got a full bar in your house? You get that stuff out of there. AR: Just remember that there was a reason you broke up in the first place. Really try to remember that. Either ask him to coffee and see what happens, or delete everything. This middle ground? That's the worst. Inaction or limbo — that is suffering right there. Make a decision either way and then accept it.
Yahoo
30-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes Give Brutally Honest Advice for 59-Year-Old Man Dating 19-Year-Old Girl
T.J. Holmes and Amy Robach were brutally honest while giving advice to a 59-year-old man looking to "pursue" a relationship with a 19-year-old girl. As part of their 'Ask Amy and T.J.' advice column for Yahoo Life, Holmes, 47, and Robach, 52, shared a letter they received from a fan, which stated, "I'm 59, she is 19. I'll wait while you shake off the obvious initial reaction … She and I have found intimacy at a level we never thought existed while navigating the complexity of falling in love. You guys could not be more correct ... love is indeed messy!" The anonymous person requested some "non-judgmental feedback" about whether he should find a way to make the romance work. "Finding the courage to step off the cliff of 'settling for less,' in hopes of experiencing the kind of love that even the best poets, artists and musicians can't fully describe, is paralyzing!" he wrote. "She and I are currently standing on that cliff.' Celebrity Couples Who Have Surprisingly Big Age Differences: Anna Camp and Jade Whipkey, More Holmes and Robach didn't hold back in their response, which started with a comparison to Bill Belichick, who is 73, and his girlfriend, Jordon Hudson, who is 24. "That's a 49-year age gap for them. It's not a morality thing, but there are 25-year-olds I don't have anything in common with," Holmes noted. "So, how does this work?" Holmes made it clear that he couldn't "in good conscience" show his support. "Love can take so many forms. You never know where you're going to find it, how, when or with whom. Sometimes love just happens and, if you're not hurting yourselves or someone else, who are we to say it's wrong?" he continued. "If you really care about this woman, and love her, think of how much life she has ahead of her and how much she might miss out on by being with a nearly 60-year-old man." Holmes added: "She's going to miss out on being a teenager, on partying with her friends, on so much of the stupid little stuff that's part of our formative years. Don't take that from her." Robach, meanwhile, tried to reason that "it's not so much about the age gap." "I'm not interested in judging who should date whom," Robach noted. "There are people who fill different roles in our lives and the age difference between you might feel comfortable and safe to her right now. But I can't imagine that it's always going to be that way. And it's her age that is a bigger red flag for me." In her response, Robach highlighted the "power imbalance and an experience imbalance," writing, "I see many potential problems for you both because she is so impressionable at this age. Both T.J. and I got married for the first time when we were 23. And I wouldn't advise that either! Because you don't yet know who you are in your teens and 20s. Your brain is still forming, growing and developing until you're 27.' Holmes and Robach attempted to offer insight without judgment by relating it back to their experience as a couple. The pair's relationship made headlines in November 2022 when they were spotted getting cozy with one another while still married to other people. Most Controversial TV Couples With Major Age Gaps: From 'Friends' to 'Gilmore Girls' 'When our relationship was outed, the first and most important thing we had to get was the support of our children, friends and parents. We needed that. Most couples do, especially if their relationship is going to be scrutinized, and you should be prepared that yours might be,' Robach shared. 'The truth is that a 19-year-old doesn't know s***.' She continued: 'She's had almost zero experience, and she's trying to have a relationship with you, somebody who has had decades of different relationship experiences. You know what you want and need, and what you don't. You know what you can give. She doesn't know any of those things yet. She hasn't yet had a chance to explore who she is.' Holmes concluded by clarifying that he isn't saying the man is 'doing anything wrong,' but if he loves her, he should 'let that girl go.' Robach was of the same mindset in her final response. 'You two need to ask a lot of hard questions about what you're willing to sacrifice. You, as the older person, need to think about what impact this could have on someone you love,' she concluded. 'Sometimes love is doing the right thing instead of what you want or need in that moment, but it's doing right by the person you love. It's setting them up for the best success in life.'
