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ABC News
6 days ago
- General
- ABC News
The guilt you feel when you can't do more for an aging parent
Every time Jennifer visits her mum in aged care, she leaves with the same feeling. "I come home to a lovely house, and I feel guilty that I'm sitting, laughing while watching TV, and she can't even get someone to turn the channel," the 69-year-old from regional NSW says. Jennifer was caring for her mum, who has dementia, at home for many years. She felt forced to place her in residential care when the system could no longer provide appropriate support for her and her mum. Jennifer, who asked that we not include her surname for privacy, says home services often wouldn't show up, and the funding wasn't covering the level of care her mum needed. "My beautiful mother had been a single mum of three and cared for me until I left home at 20. "She had been a strong woman who worked all her life until aged 80, and I sadly had to place her with strangers. Carer's Australia CEO Annabel Reid says these feelings are common among carers who wish to do more for their aging parents. "They are trying to make the best possible decisions to care for other people. "They often feel guilty about 'are they doing the right thing?'" Carers may also face other barriers that mean they can't give the support they would like to, Ms Reid says, such as time or logistical constraints, other responsibilities, like caring for children, and inflexible workplaces. "They are key challenges that make it hard for the carer to do the best job they can." Jennifer's mum came to live on her property in a separate dwelling when she was 80 years old. Ten years later, she moved into the main home with Jennifer and her husband after falling and fracturing her hip. "I was working full-time, rescuing animals, dealing with some of my husband's health issues, and caring for mum. "Then we had the floods." Jennifer says it was a tough time. She was getting up several times a night to help her mum to the toilet. She hadn't been away from the property for years. But Jennifer says she would still be doing it today if she could. She's one of three siblings but the only one involved with her mum's care, and says the in-home aged care system let her and her mum down. "There would be days you would make arrangements, like 'I'll go into work today', then [a support] worker wouldn't turn up. "You find it very hard to run your life at all with some certainty." Jennifer travels to her mum's residential care 80 kilometres away three times a week to visit and provide additional support. But the guilt remains. "She was walking when she went in 18 months ago. Now she's gained 10 kilograms, and her cognitive decline has [been noticeable]," Jennifer says. It's common for carers to feel like they can't give everyone and everything in their life the attention needed, says Ms Reid. "Being a carer comes with a lot of stress — there is administration on behalf of the other person, as well as physical care. "We know lots of carers care for more than one person. They are often stretched across multiple people." Ms Reid says the caring load takes its toll. "We often hear from carers that they are placing themselves last. Their own well-being is compromised, including physical and mental health." Aside from competing demands such as work and family, Ms Reid says major barriers to carers include not being connected to support services and navigating complex systems. "I don't know anyone who has had to do [a] My Aged Care application or NDIS application that hasn't found it really hard. Ms Reid says she "feels particularly" for carers in rural, remote and even regional areas. "The logistics shouldn't be overlooked. They can be big and difficult to manage." Feelings of guilt while caring for an aging parent can arise for many reasons, explains Elisabeth Shaw, CEO at Relationships NSW. "There can be guilt for intruding, and maybe not knowing how to get [the caring] right. "Also, the guilt of feeling resentful or overwhelmed, or dropping the ball here and there, just because the next generation is caught up with their own lives as well. "You're not as free to devote yourself to your parent, perhaps as much as you'd like to. "Of course, there are also people who don't want to devote themselves, and they can also feel guilty around that." Ms Shaw says for those who would like to do more but can't, "let that be fuel to make a good decision". "Own where you are up to, and once you have owned it, have an effective plan B. Sometimes by resolving that, you are freed up to take more part in the situation." Ms Reid says carers will feel more supported when they start to recognise themselves as carers. "Most carers consider themselves a sister, or brother, or daughter. "If you are a carer, there are supports out there for you. I encourage them to visit Carers Australia and connect with their local carers organisation, which offer a lot of supports like counselling and peer groups." She also suggests people build up their own local support networks. "If someone can help you with just the smallest of tasks … like picking up some groceries … that can just give you the small breather you need to get through."
The Advertiser
04-06-2025
- General
- The Advertiser
Inside the life of the sandwich generation: Caring for parents and teens
In some cultures, looking after your elderly parents is part of society norm, in others it's mandated by law (like China and France). In Australia, it can be a personal choice, though many are oblivious to their role and don't identify as a "carer" - meaning wellbeing is often overlooked. "They think 'I'm just looking after my parents' or, you know, 'I'm just caring for a child with special needs' ... [and are not] seeking those supports that are available to them, like respite or counselling, or peer groups that may help," said Annabel Reid, CEO of Carers Australia. Most carers will care for years before they seek out assistance, meaning they're usually in "quite a bad place when they seek help", Ms Reid said. The Australian Bureau of Statistics estimates 11.9 per cent of the population were carers in 2024 - including 1.2 million primary carers and 1.9 million carers who were not primary carers - who support a family member or friend who has a disability, mental illness, drug and/or alcohol dependency, chronic condition, terminal illness or who is frail. Read more at The Senior: Linley Wilkie, a journalist with ACM (publisher of this masthead), is the eldest child in her family, "and usually [her] parent's first port of call". "Dad is 83 and Mum is 74. They've been fit, healthy and socially active for most of their lives, however, things took a turn when Dad was diagnosed with melanoma at the end of 2019," she told The Senior. "The ongoing immunotherapy treatment has been amazing, but it ultimately rocked their world and I feel like my status as 'firstborn' grew to include 'carer' at about this point ... on the flip side, care for my teenage sons is daily, filled with the usual things you'd expect in a busy family." The Victorian resident lives an hour and 20-minutes drive from her parents, so teaching them "lifehacks" (like how to do online shopping, how to spot a scam email or how to find Cancer Council support services) and outsourcing jobs like cleaning where she can has been helpful. "When I visit, I'll drive them to the post office, or the bank, and other services they feel more comfortable still undertaking in person," she said. *I think I'd feel incredibly guilty if I wasn't in a position to look after them at the drop of a hat ... not because they'd impress guilt upon me, but because I was brought up to appreciate the importance of people looking after each other - I feel that deeply when it concerns the person who raised me to be who I am today. "I genuinely love caring for them! There's a real sense of pride and satisfaction in seeing them regain their health and independence." Ms Wilkie said she was fortunate to have no financial implications for being "sandwiched between the needs of her ageing parents and growing teenage sons", though she does feel "overstretched" on occasion - a plight of many others in a similar situation. Ms Wilkie said she tries to manage her wellbeing by taking time out for herself, like catching up with friends or watching a favourite television show. "Simple things that give me joy and require minimal effort," she said. "Try not to feel bad for yourself when you're doing the caring while others wait, being able to look after the generations before and after you is part of many modern-day families. Cherish the time you have left with your parents and instil similar values in your children, so that one day, caring for you will come naturally to them (aka the circle of life)!" The latest research around the "sandwich generation" has revealed on average, caregivers spend around 31.7 hours on average per week doing unpaid care for both older and younger generations, juggled with around 21 hours on average of work each week. The Australian Seniors: Sandwich Generation Report 2025 also found nine in 10 of those surveyed had experienced caregiving burnout (emotional and physical exhaustion, sleep issues), 65 per cent of those surveyed were concerned about long-term health impacts of caregiving, though a third of carers reported they did engage in self-care strategies (like regular exercise, seeking support and taking breaks). Join the conversation. Share your thoughts in the comments below, or send a Letter to the Editor by CLICKING HERE. In some cultures, looking after your elderly parents is part of society norm, in others it's mandated by law (like China and France). In Australia, it can be a personal choice, though many are oblivious to their role and don't identify as a "carer" - meaning wellbeing is often overlooked. "They think 'I'm just looking after my parents' or, you know, 'I'm just caring for a child with special needs' ... [and are not] seeking those supports that are available to them, like respite or counselling, or peer groups that may help," said Annabel Reid, CEO of Carers Australia. Most carers will care for years before they seek out assistance, meaning they're usually in "quite a bad place when they seek help", Ms Reid said. The Australian Bureau of Statistics estimates 11.9 per cent of the population were carers in 2024 - including 1.2 million primary carers and 1.9 million carers who were not primary carers - who support a family member or friend who has a disability, mental illness, drug and/or alcohol dependency, chronic condition, terminal illness or who is frail. Read more at The Senior: Linley Wilkie, a journalist with ACM (publisher of this masthead), is the eldest child in her family, "and usually [her] parent's first port of call". "Dad is 83 and Mum is 74. They've been fit, healthy and socially active for most of their lives, however, things took a turn when Dad was diagnosed with melanoma at the end of 2019," she told The Senior. "The ongoing immunotherapy treatment has been amazing, but it ultimately rocked their world and I feel like my status as 'firstborn' grew to include 'carer' at about this point ... on the flip side, care for my teenage sons is daily, filled with the usual things you'd expect in a busy family." The Victorian resident lives an hour and 20-minutes drive from her parents, so teaching them "lifehacks" (like how to do online shopping, how to spot a scam email or how to find Cancer Council support services) and outsourcing jobs like cleaning where she can has been helpful. "When I visit, I'll drive them to the post office, or the bank, and other services they feel more comfortable still undertaking in person," she said. *I think I'd feel incredibly guilty if I wasn't in a position to look after them at the drop of a hat ... not because they'd impress guilt upon me, but because I was brought up to appreciate the importance of people looking after each other - I feel that deeply when it concerns the person who raised me to be who I am today. "I genuinely love caring for them! There's a real sense of pride and satisfaction in seeing them regain their health and independence." Ms Wilkie said she was fortunate to have no financial implications for being "sandwiched between the needs of her ageing parents and growing teenage sons", though she does feel "overstretched" on occasion - a plight of many others in a similar situation. Ms Wilkie said she tries to manage her wellbeing by taking time out for herself, like catching up with friends or watching a favourite television show. "Simple things that give me joy and require minimal effort," she said. "Try not to feel bad for yourself when you're doing the caring while others wait, being able to look after the generations before and after you is part of many modern-day families. Cherish the time you have left with your parents and instil similar values in your children, so that one day, caring for you will come naturally to them (aka the circle of life)!" The latest research around the "sandwich generation" has revealed on average, caregivers spend around 31.7 hours on average per week doing unpaid care for both older and younger generations, juggled with around 21 hours on average of work each week. The Australian Seniors: Sandwich Generation Report 2025 also found nine in 10 of those surveyed had experienced caregiving burnout (emotional and physical exhaustion, sleep issues), 65 per cent of those surveyed were concerned about long-term health impacts of caregiving, though a third of carers reported they did engage in self-care strategies (like regular exercise, seeking support and taking breaks). Join the conversation. Share your thoughts in the comments below, or send a Letter to the Editor by CLICKING HERE. In some cultures, looking after your elderly parents is part of society norm, in others it's mandated by law (like China and France). In Australia, it can be a personal choice, though many are oblivious to their role and don't identify as a "carer" - meaning wellbeing is often overlooked. "They think 'I'm just looking after my parents' or, you know, 'I'm just caring for a child with special needs' ... [and are not] seeking those supports that are available to them, like respite or counselling, or peer groups that may help," said Annabel Reid, CEO of Carers Australia. Most carers will care for years before they seek out assistance, meaning they're usually in "quite a bad place when they seek help", Ms Reid said. The Australian Bureau of Statistics estimates 11.9 per cent of the population were carers in 2024 - including 1.2 million primary carers and 1.9 million carers who were not primary carers - who support a family member or friend who has a disability, mental illness, drug and/or alcohol dependency, chronic condition, terminal illness or who is frail. Read more at The Senior: Linley Wilkie, a journalist with ACM (publisher of this masthead), is the eldest child in her family, "and usually [her] parent's first port of call". "Dad is 83 and Mum is 74. They've been fit, healthy and socially active for most of their lives, however, things took a turn when Dad was diagnosed with melanoma at the end of 2019," she told The Senior. "The ongoing immunotherapy treatment has been amazing, but it ultimately rocked their world and I feel like my status as 'firstborn' grew to include 'carer' at about this point ... on the flip side, care for my teenage sons is daily, filled with the usual things you'd expect in a busy family." The Victorian resident lives an hour and 20-minutes drive from her parents, so teaching them "lifehacks" (like how to do online shopping, how to spot a scam email or how to find Cancer Council support services) and outsourcing jobs like cleaning where she can has been helpful. "When I visit, I'll drive them to the post office, or the bank, and other services they feel more comfortable still undertaking in person," she said. *I think I'd feel incredibly guilty if I wasn't in a position to look after them at the drop of a hat ... not because they'd impress guilt upon me, but because I was brought up to appreciate the importance of people looking after each other - I feel that deeply when it concerns the person who raised me to be who I am today. "I genuinely love caring for them! There's a real sense of pride and satisfaction in seeing them regain their health and independence." Ms Wilkie said she was fortunate to have no financial implications for being "sandwiched between the needs of her ageing parents and growing teenage sons", though she does feel "overstretched" on occasion - a plight of many others in a similar situation. Ms Wilkie said she tries to manage her wellbeing by taking time out for herself, like catching up with friends or watching a favourite television show. "Simple things that give me joy and require minimal effort," she said. "Try not to feel bad for yourself when you're doing the caring while others wait, being able to look after the generations before and after you is part of many modern-day families. Cherish the time you have left with your parents and instil similar values in your children, so that one day, caring for you will come naturally to them (aka the circle of life)!" The latest research around the "sandwich generation" has revealed on average, caregivers spend around 31.7 hours on average per week doing unpaid care for both older and younger generations, juggled with around 21 hours on average of work each week. The Australian Seniors: Sandwich Generation Report 2025 also found nine in 10 of those surveyed had experienced caregiving burnout (emotional and physical exhaustion, sleep issues), 65 per cent of those surveyed were concerned about long-term health impacts of caregiving, though a third of carers reported they did engage in self-care strategies (like regular exercise, seeking support and taking breaks). Join the conversation. Share your thoughts in the comments below, or send a Letter to the Editor by CLICKING HERE. In some cultures, looking after your elderly parents is part of society norm, in others it's mandated by law (like China and France). In Australia, it can be a personal choice, though many are oblivious to their role and don't identify as a "carer" - meaning wellbeing is often overlooked. "They think 'I'm just looking after my parents' or, you know, 'I'm just caring for a child with special needs' ... [and are not] seeking those supports that are available to them, like respite or counselling, or peer groups that may help," said Annabel Reid, CEO of Carers Australia. Most carers will care for years before they seek out assistance, meaning they're usually in "quite a bad place when they seek help", Ms Reid said. The Australian Bureau of Statistics estimates 11.9 per cent of the population were carers in 2024 - including 1.2 million primary carers and 1.9 million carers who were not primary carers - who support a family member or friend who has a disability, mental illness, drug and/or alcohol dependency, chronic condition, terminal illness or who is frail. Read more at The Senior: Linley Wilkie, a journalist with ACM (publisher of this masthead), is the eldest child in her family, "and usually [her] parent's first port of call". "Dad is 83 and Mum is 74. They've been fit, healthy and socially active for most of their lives, however, things took a turn when Dad was diagnosed with melanoma at the end of 2019," she told The Senior. "The ongoing immunotherapy treatment has been amazing, but it ultimately rocked their world and I feel like my status as 'firstborn' grew to include 'carer' at about this point ... on the flip side, care for my teenage sons is daily, filled with the usual things you'd expect in a busy family." The Victorian resident lives an hour and 20-minutes drive from her parents, so teaching them "lifehacks" (like how to do online shopping, how to spot a scam email or how to find Cancer Council support services) and outsourcing jobs like cleaning where she can has been helpful. "When I visit, I'll drive them to the post office, or the bank, and other services they feel more comfortable still undertaking in person," she said. *I think I'd feel incredibly guilty if I wasn't in a position to look after them at the drop of a hat ... not because they'd impress guilt upon me, but because I was brought up to appreciate the importance of people looking after each other - I feel that deeply when it concerns the person who raised me to be who I am today. "I genuinely love caring for them! There's a real sense of pride and satisfaction in seeing them regain their health and independence." Ms Wilkie said she was fortunate to have no financial implications for being "sandwiched between the needs of her ageing parents and growing teenage sons", though she does feel "overstretched" on occasion - a plight of many others in a similar situation. Ms Wilkie said she tries to manage her wellbeing by taking time out for herself, like catching up with friends or watching a favourite television show. "Simple things that give me joy and require minimal effort," she said. "Try not to feel bad for yourself when you're doing the caring while others wait, being able to look after the generations before and after you is part of many modern-day families. Cherish the time you have left with your parents and instil similar values in your children, so that one day, caring for you will come naturally to them (aka the circle of life)!" The latest research around the "sandwich generation" has revealed on average, caregivers spend around 31.7 hours on average per week doing unpaid care for both older and younger generations, juggled with around 21 hours on average of work each week. The Australian Seniors: Sandwich Generation Report 2025 also found nine in 10 of those surveyed had experienced caregiving burnout (emotional and physical exhaustion, sleep issues), 65 per cent of those surveyed were concerned about long-term health impacts of caregiving, though a third of carers reported they did engage in self-care strategies (like regular exercise, seeking support and taking breaks). Join the conversation. Share your thoughts in the comments below, or send a Letter to the Editor by CLICKING HERE.
Yahoo
04-06-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
"Care burnout" is costing Australians their health, careers, and up to $18K a year
9 in 10 Australians in the Sandwich Generation are experiencing signs of burnout, spending on average nearly 30 hours a week caring for older and younger generations SYDNEY, June 4, 2025 /PRNewswire/ -- Australia's "sandwich generation," juggling care for older and younger relatives, faces devastating impacts on wellbeing, reveals the Sandwich Generation Report 2025 by Australian Seniors. A staggering nine in 10 (90%) experience caregiving burnout, dedicating nearly 30 hours weekly—1,500 hours a year—to care, severely limiting personal time. "This report brings a hidden crisis to light; the burnout among sandwich generation carers is unsustainable and demands immediate attention," said Annabel Reid, CEO of Carers Australia. These carers dedicate nearly 30 hours weekly—1,500 hours a year—to care, severely limiting personal time. This impacts social connections (48% affected) and leads to self-sacrifice, with 38% (44% of women) regularly prioritising others' needs. Financial and health tolls mount The rising cost of living intensifies financial strain. Nearly half (49%) find supporting both generations challenging, contributing up to $18,000 annually for ageing parents, while 83% also support younger relatives, often for essential daily living costs like groceries and bills. Concerningly, only 23% access financial support, often due to lack of awareness (39%). The health toll is severe, with many suffering in silence: 70% of carers over 50 report physical symptoms like chronic fatigue and pain. Emotional exhaustion (47%) and sleep disturbances (46%) are common. Nearly half (46%, 55% of women) never take health-focused breaks, with 65% fearing long-term wellbeing impacts. Workplace challenges and gender disparity Workplace pressures are acute: 52% report increased stress, and 53% receive only partial employer support. This forces difficult choices, with 53% choosing between care and career, and 61% (74% for dual carers) facing direct impacts on their financial independence or vital career progression opportunities, often stalling their professional growth. "Carers with supportive workplaces are significantly more likely to have healthy levels of wellbeing," stresses Reid, highlighting benefits for employers. The report underscores gender disparity: 48% of women feel societal pressure to be caregivers, and 64% believe they bear a greater family care burden. Despite challenges, carers seek solutions like exercise (37%) and peer support (31%). Reid emphasises that strong support networks "make a genuine, tangible difference to their wellbeing and ability to cope with these immense pressures." For more information on the Sandwich Generation Report 2025, click here View original content: SOURCE Australian Seniors Sign in to access your portfolio
