Latest news with #Desperate
Telegraph
2 days ago
- General
- Telegraph
The Midults: I'm having an affair with a married man from the tennis club
Dear A&E, For the past two years I have been having an affair with a man I met through my tennis club. I've fallen madly in love with him and feel desperate to be with him. We meet a couple of times a week – usually at my house – as I am divorced and my teenagers are at school or staying with their father. He says that he loves me and wants us to have a life together but he is married with smaller children and is totally paranoid about anyone finding out about us. I'm panicking and feeling more and more fraught. We are both in our mid-40s. Am I wasting my time? –Desperate Dear Desperate, Fraught, panicking and… desperate are not how we are meant to feel when we are in a mutually loving, healthy relationship. What do you expect us to say in answer to your letter? 'Sounds like the dream'? What would you say to your sister, daughter or best friend, were they to find themselves in a similar situation? In short – to pull off the plaster quickly – you are listening to his words rather than being informed by his actions, which are sneaky, shifty and do not indicate the intentions of a person planning a future with you. We are very sorry. You ask if you are wasting your time. We do not have a crystal ball but you are not spending it well or wisely. You are not looking after yourself. You are not respecting yourself. If we were betting women, we would say that, yes, it seems that there is a good chance that you are wasting your time. But are you prepared to do anything about it? When 'mad' becomes the operative in 'madly in love' we can find ourselves in deep trouble. You are not there yet, but the longer this goes on, the fewer resources you will have to call on. You risk becoming a person you don't recognise. This stuff has the power to do that to all of us. These situations make us less than we are. Because we are getting less than we deserve. They prey on loneliness and fear. They prey on the parts of us that are broken rather than whole. Here's part of the why: we say this with no judgment, but you are the bad guy in this scenario as well as him. Another woman is being wronged and, at some point, that may bite with you and your conscience. We are sure you did not plan for things to go this way but, farther down the line, you may need to accept that the fantasy of great love was just that: an affair rather than a forever romance. Staying in this is a way of protecting yourself from the realisation that this is just a grubby affair with a married guy you met at the tennis club. Often, it's only after the fact that we realise someone has been flicking crumbs in our direction while they have their cake and eat it. From your longer letter, this does not feel like love. It feels like deceit. Heady? Yes. Healthy? No. Our advice is to be realistic and to act accordingly. You may not be able to bear a total cut-off right now – although that is what we would recommend. You could say, 'Come back when you're separated,' but that still holds you hostage by leaving the door open for you to hope and message and reduce yourself further. Manage your expectations. Invest less time. Lose the narrative. Try to be strict with yourself with regard to fantasising. See if some emotional distance can help you move towards living in a different way. Get busy. Breathe deeply and reclaim your dignity. You are complicit in your own heartbreak. You did not sleepwalk into this: you knew he was married. You say in your longer letter that you felt very alone after your divorce and this brought you back to life. But is this the life you want? Who does this make you? How long do you wait? Don't you deserve to be the leading lady in your own life? Start setting up a life you can enjoy and be proud of. Work on your house, your fitness, your career. See films and go to gigs and plays. Jump in lakes and run down beaches. Do joyful things with your children. See friends but do not talk about him in a bid to sell the situation to those you love. That is unlikely to work and is something you may regret. Build up everything so that if and when this implodes, you have created your own safety net. You may need it. And we want you to show yourself that you deserve it. Good luck, Desperate. You'll be OK.
The Herald Scotland
22-06-2025
- Politics
- The Herald Scotland
Sorry, Russell Findlay: your Dirty Harry act won't wash
My question is this: what on earth gave him the idea that such a leader would be a good fit for Scotland's problems? Be it drug-related mortality, burgeoning mental illness, alcoholism, deaths of despair, etc: is Clint Eastwood the man for the job to sort that lot out? Perhaps his strategy is that desperate times call for desperate measures. And therein lies the obvious title for his own subsequent and inevitable misery memoir: Desperate. Frankly, I won't be buying Desperate either, as I have little patience for the catalogue of lame excuses found in political obituaries. Archie Beaton, Inverness. Referendum was on devolution Martin Redfern from the 'almost in England' town of Melrose denies Pete Wishart's claim that Yes nearly won the 2014 referendum (Letters, June 15). Oh, how memories fade. Running into the vote it was generally accepted that Yes was winning. The unionist parties panicked big time, 'swallowed the wasp' and came together to buy off some of the 'fearties' (those who may fall victim to the numerous Projects Fear) in Scotland with yet more deplorable devolution. Has Mr Redfern forgotten 'the Vow'? The Smith Commission? In the end the question unofficially changed from Yes or No to Scottish independence to one of more 'buy-off' devolution. There was never a vote on independence whether or not the Queen 'purred'. Frank Cannon, Glasgow. Simple questions Alan Ritchie's "simple question for the taxman" (Letters, June 15) raises various questions, such as (a) why should well-off pensioners like me receive the winter fuel payment, and (b) why shouldn't parents have to pay for their offspring's education, given that parenthood is a lifestyle choice? George Morton, Rosyth. Read more letters Rob quangos to pay schools Education Secretary Jenny Gilruth has published the Scottish Government's national guidance on how to tackle escalating levels of bad behaviour and classroom violence. Teachers have been asking for help for far too many years but were ignored by the SNP-dominated Scottish Government. Disruptive pupils should not be allowed to affect the education of others and hinder them achieving their full potential in life. Those causing disruption need to be taken out of class and put into specialist facilities with specialist staff. This will require additional finance. Where will this come from? Easy, the Scottish Government needs to stop spending money on its army of spin doctors, special advisors, equality, diversity and inclusion staff, climate change committees, quangos and lots more and spend it on education. A report last month revealed that the Scottish Government spends an estimated £6.6 billion funding quangos every year. The SNP always talks a good game but always fails abysmally in practice. Clark Cross, Linlithgow. Slash the boats Illegal immigrants gathering in northern France are reported to be fighting each other, with crimes committed by them against French men and women. Unlike legal migrants we do not know their provenance or status. It's the duty of government to defend the realm and the citizens within it. Illegal migration across the Channel in inflatables must be stopped for the safety of the public. The weak point of the gangs is their use of inflatables. Deflate them and it's no-go. What is required is the use of the army. Platoons of well-briefed men should cross the Channel by air or sea at dawn and disable every inflatable they can find by the simple expedient of slashing them. The process could be repeated daily until the migrant gang masters give up. Alas the Government seems more concerned about protecting far-off countries rather than our own borders. William Loneskie, Lauder. Repression in Hong Kong I was interested to read this week that in Hong Kong, the China Labour Bulletin has been forced to close its doors. It was founded in 1994 by Han Dongfang, a Chinese railway worker originally from Shanxi who founded the gōngzìlián, a federation of workers autonomous from the "official unions", in the days of Tiananmen Square in Beijing. Affected by the repression of June 4, 1989, he had spent 22 months in prison, where he had contracted tuberculosis. Expatriated to the United States for treatment, he was not allowed to return to Beijing and in 1993 he arrived in Hong Kong as an exile. The following year, Han Dongfang created the China Labour Bulletin precisely to support labour movements in China with the aim of making trade unions truly representative and providing accurate information on Chinese workers' activism. In addition to commentary and research, the CLB website monitored strikes and industrial accidents across the country. At its headquarters in Cheung Sha Wan, the China Labour Bulletin employed more than a dozen full-time employees and initially received grants from a range of government or quasi-government entities, as well as trade unions and private foundations. Now Hong Kong's new rules have made it a "threat to national security" to also receive subsidies from abroad to carry out activities of this type. The voice that relaunched the battles of simple workers who are victims of injustice in China is extinguished. Since Beijing imposed a security law on Hong Kong in 2020, about 60 civil society groups have disbanded or been forced to stop their activities. The West, as usual, never makes a fuss when money is involved and so rich dictatorships like China and Saudi Arabia do whatever they want. B McKenna, Dumbarton. Are Super Off-Peak fares in danger? (Image: Colin Mearns) Beware threat to Super Off-Peak ScotRail's upcoming scrapping of peak fares is good news, but (here's the proviso), only as long as scrapping of peak will not (unlike last year's trial on ScotRail), be accompanied by the quietly-slipped-in abolition of Super Off-Peak. Super Off-Peak needs to be protected. The 12-month trial on ScotRail in 2023/2024 abolishing peak fares actually increased travelling costs for many trips and round-trips. This is because the very many journeys which would never have been taken during peak time anyway (weekend and bank holiday travel are examples) no longer had the advantage of the Super Off-Peak discount which they had had before the implementation of the trial. The abolition of peak was completely unnecessarily accompanied by the abolition of Super Off-Peak. Simplification does not necessarily mean better. Elsewhere in Great Britain, the quietly-slipped-in abolition of Super Off-Peak as part of fare restructuring which is (allegedly) intended to decrease travelling costs has actually resulted in an increase. People and groups should always check if any proposals for changes to fares structures include the abolition of Super Off-Peak. (The word "simpler" and the word "better" are not synonyms). As happened with the 2023/2024 ScotRail scheme abolishing peak fares; as has happened with fares changes on LNER, changes to public transport fares and ticketing are often used as an opportunity to quietly slip in an abolition of Super Off-Peak, so actually often increasing travelling costs. Super Off-Peak is a valuable resource for the travelling public. Don't let Super Off-Peak on Great Britain's railway network be killed off. Russ Underhill, Burnt Oak, London. Fight the benefit cuts People with arthritis are at risk of being hardest hit if the UK Government's planned cuts to the Personal Independence Payment (PIP) go ahead. The devastating impact of the proposed welfare changes could see 77% of people living with arthritis who claim PIP – Adult Disability Payment in Scotland – lose this vital support altogether. We need to speak out against them – and urgently. Life costs more for disabled people. Benefits like the Adult Disability Payment can help with the extra costs of everyday tasks or getting around. It's a lifeline. Pushing thousands into poverty due to proposed changes to these proposed changes will make life even harder for people already struggling to pay for care, cover their bills or heat their homes. We have a chance to stop the cuts. MPs could be voting on these plans this month, so we need your readers to act now and share their concerns with their constituency MP. Versus Arthritis is urging anyone who is concerned about these proposed changes to disability benefits to contact their MP and ask them to protect people with arthritis now and vote against the cuts. Your readers can contact their MP direct by post or email them by visiting the Versus Arthritis website and entering their postcode. Deborah Alsina, Chief Executive, Versus Arthritis, London.
Los Angeles Times
16-06-2025
- Business
- Los Angeles Times
UC Irvine in talks to take over Orange County Museum of Art: L.A. arts and culture this week
UC Irvine and Orange County Museum of Art have signed a nonbinding letter of intent, which, if approved by the University of California Board of Regents in the fall, would bring the museum under the university's control, effectively merging it with UC Irvine's Langson Institute and Museum of California Art. The news comes two months after OCMA's CEO, Heidi Zuckerman, announced her intention to step down in December, and a week before the museum launches its 2025 California Biennial, 'Desperate, Scared, But Social,' set to run Saturday though Jan. 4. 'This represents a thoughtful next step in OCMA's evolution,' said OCMA board chair David Emmes in an email. 'Partnering with UC Irvine would offer new opportunities to strengthen our mission, expand educational impact, and position the museum as a lasting and dynamic cultural anchor for the region. We look forward to next steps and the possibilities of this collaboration.' The $93-million, 53,000-square-foot OCMA building, designed by Morphosis, debuted in October 2022 as the crown jewel of the Segerstrom Center for the Arts in Costa Mesa — a full 35 years after it was announced as an ambitious plan by the small Newport Harbor Art Museum. Its opening drew more than 10,000 visitors in its first 24 hours, and admission for the first decade of operation was made free thanks to the financial largesse of Newport Beach's Lugano Diamonds. Cracks soon began to appear, though, as architectural critics and columnists, including The Times' Carolina Miranda, noted that the pricey building did not seem to be fully finished. OCMA's contemporary collection has a broader scope than UC Irvine's, which focuses on California art, including early 20th century California Impressionism. If the merger happens, UC Irvine would no longer build a planned new museum on its campus and instead fold that effort into OCMA. UC Irvine is in the early stages of searching for a director for its museum, but the parameters of that search are likely to change, too. OCMA has not yet launched its search for Zuckerman's replacement, so the two efforts would probably be combined. No logistics for how that might work are yet available. A merger would add the impressive Buck Collection to OCMA's treasures, which real estate developer Gerald Buck bequeathed to UC Irvine upon his sudden death in 2017. Buck had amassed more than 3,200 paintings, sculptures and works on paper by some of the state's most important artists, including Joan Brown, Jay DeFeo, Richard Diebenkorn, David Hockney and Ed Ruscha. 'OCMA has long contributed to the cultural vibrancy of our region, and UC Irvine is honored to explore this promising partnership,' said UC Irvine Chancellor Howard Gillman in an email. 'As a university committed to discovery, creativity, and public service, we see great potential in combining our strengths to expand access to the arts, deepen engagement with California's artistic legacy, and support new generations of creators and scholars.' The Board of Regents will vote on the merger in the fall. In the meantime, both institutions are in the exploratory stages of figuring out how a merger would work. I'm arts and culture writer Jessica Gelt looking to merge with some vacation time this summer. Here's this week's arts roundup. Naked LunchVidiots hosts the local premiere of a new 4K remastering of David Cronenberg's 1991 adaptation of William S. Burrough's quasi-autobiographical novel. 'I'm not trying to do 'Naked Lunch' literally,' Cronenberg told The Times upon the film's release. 'I'm doing something else. I'm writing about writing, so in a way I'm writing about the process of writing 'Naked Lunch.' ' But even that is motivated by something Burroughs says in the book: 'There is only one thing a writer can write about: what is in front of his senses at the moment of writing … I am a recording instrument … I am not an entertainer.' The film's star, Peter Weller, will be in attendance, signing his new book, 'Leon Battista Alberti in Exile.'7:30 p.m. Monday. Vidiots, Eagle Theater, 4884 Eagle Rock Blvd. ParadeMichael Arden's triumphant Tony-winning 2023 Broadway revival of Alfred Uhry and Jason Robert Brown's musical drama proved that one of more challenging works in the modern musical repertory is an indisputable classic. This breathtakingly ambitious show tells the story of the 1913 trial of Leo Frank, a gross miscarriage of justice that culminated in his antisemitic lynching. While parsing the social and political context, the musical never loses sight of the protagonist and his wife, finding room for the heartbreaking personal side of an American tragedy that reveals the dark side of our collective past. Tuesday through July 12, Ahmanson Theatre, 135 N. Grand Ave., downtown L.A. Queer LensWith a provocative title that centers queer imagery within established photographic history since the mid-19th century, this exhibition will examine the ways in which the accessibility and immediacy of camerawork have shaped perceptions of LGBTQ+ people. Organized chronologically, 'Queer Lens' spans from 'Homosocial Culture and Romantic Friendships, 1810-1868' to 'The Future is Queer, 2015-2025,' with sections covering language and identity, the gay liberation movement, the AIDS crisis and through Sept. 28. J. Paul Getty Museum, 1200 Getty Center Drive, L.A. President Trump made a grand red carpet appearance at the Kennedy Center premiere of 'Les Misérables' on Wednesday. This marked the first time the president has attended a show at the theater since firing its board and installing himself as chairman. With First Lady Melania Trump on his arm, the president took his seat in the president's box. The Washington Post reported that he was greeted by boos before 'cheers and chants of 'U.S.A.!' sought to compete.' The following day, the White House Office of Communications issued a press release titled 'President Trump, First Lady Met with Standing Ovation at Kennedy Center,' which went on to describe 'thunderous applause.' A video in the Post story depicts a different reality. Miami City Ballet is bringing Tchaikovsky's 'Swan Lake' to the Segerstrom Center for the Arts' Segerstrom Hall for five performances June 20-22. It's a special version of the classic ballet choreographed by Alexei Ratmansky — the former director of Moscow Bolshoi Ballet who left Russia in in 2008 and later became an artist in residence at both American Ballet Theatre and New York City Ballet. Ratmansky reimagined 'Swan Lake' using historical information and archival documents dating to an 1895 premiere at St. Peterberg's Mariinsky Theatre, choreographed by Marius Petipa and Lev Ivanov. That revival, based on an 1877 ballet titled 'The Lake of the Swans,' became the favored version going forward, and Ratmansky has used this historical context to anchor his interpretation, with music played live by Pacific Symphony. Tickets are available at Orange County Museum of Art is throwing a free block party from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. on Saturday, to celebrate the opening of its 2025 California Biennial, 'Desperate, Scared, But Social.' The event will feature a curator-led tour of the exhibit as well of plenty of food trucks and artist-themed snacks at the museum's cafe Verdant. Guests are also invited to make their own risograph posters and zines and to craft screen printed tote bags and shirts. A concert for the whole family will kick off at 7 p.m. with performances by the Linda Lindas, Seth Bogart & The Punkettes and Brontez Purnell, as well as a reunion by Emily's Sassy Lime. Saatchi Art, an online gallery with two L.A.-based executives, is celebrating its 15th anniversary. CEO Sarah Meller and Director of Sales and Curation Erin Remington have built the platform into an online marketplace that helps launch careers including that of Jackie Amezquita, who started out with Saatchi and last year won the Audience Award at the Hammer's Made in LA Biennial. With curfew exemptions from L.A. City Council, performances resumed Thursday night at the Music Center but audiences were reluctant to return downtown. L.A. Opera said attendance at 'Rigoletto' was 554, roughly 1,000 less than its projected attendance. Center Theatre Group said slightly more than 300 ticket holders showed up for 'Hamlet' at the Mark Taper Forum, which seats 739 and had been at 85% capacity (about 630 seats filled) prior to the introduction of a curfew. A representative said the company heard no reports of problems getting in or out of downtown. — Jessica Gelt Times music writer August Brown interviewed Beach Boys co-founder Al Jardine about Brian Wilson, who died last week at 82. 'I just lost my best friend and mentor. It's not a good feeling, but I'm going to carry on and continue to play our music and perform with the Pet Sounds Band,' Jardine told Brown.
Straits Times
05-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Straits Times
My Perfect Weekend with singer-host Daphne Khoo
Singer-host Daphne Khoo during an arts and craft session (left) with her friends, and with her family at West Coast Park (right). PHOTOS: COURTESY OF DAPHNE KHOO Who: Daphne Khoo, 38, also known as Haneri Milliona, is a Singaporean singer and host. The former Kiss92 radio DJ has curated music and artists for a new Saturday afternoon series at bar and club Rasa Space called Sync, which started on May 24. Each week features DJ sets, live performances and spontaneous collaborations across house, R&B, nu-disco, funk and more. The series is designed as both a platform and a gathering space: social, experimental and welcoming. It is also family-friendly, with a kid-friendly zone, and runs from 2 to 7pm. Khoo, who is single, was a contestant on the first season of reality singing contest Singapore Idol (2004 to 2009) and has released an album, Desperate (2007), as well as a number of singles, including Y Didn't You Say So in 2002. 'I try my best to get extra sleep over the weekends. It is close to impossible because I'm always doing something. But weekends are the time when I catch up on sleep and see my friends and family. One of my most beautiful weekends was when I went with my family to West Coast Park. We flew a kite together, my dog ran around and my sister's eight-year-old daughter was climbing this massive structure. That moment was significant to me because I love her very much. I've watched her grow up, which is an amazing honour and blessing. I was climbing with her, and we had a little heart-to-heart talk while we were at it. It was just a perfect bonding time. Any time I get to spend quality time with friends and family over the weekend, that's something that I cherish very much. Over the weekends, I spend a lot of time rearranging my room to make it my safe space. My room is modular, so if I want to do something, I can move things around easily. Sometimes, I just lie down and watch movies on the projector on the ceiling. Whenever I see myself happy and comfortable, I picture myself in my room. I am satisfied with what it feels like and looks like to me, and I think that's important because it helps me spend time alone. To be honest, I am terrible at taking downtime. But I am lucky to have friends who will remind me and book me to do nothing, like to have 'nothing' days when we basically sit around, watch television shows and talk. Doing nothing has been life-changing in my adulthood. It has given me better work-life balance. Sunday is my day to hang out with friends. We usually try to do something sporty together or an activity. We're in a pickleball phase and so is the rest of the world. Sometimes, we just go to the gym together or go bowling.' Join ST's WhatsApp Channel and get the latest news and must-reads.
