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Forbes
27-04-2025
- Health
- Forbes
Happiness At Work Is Overrated: Why Happy Employees Aren't The Goal
Just as the weather changes, seasons shift, and the stock market fluctuates, happiness is similarly volatile for the typical person. Pursuing happiness isn't just a personal quest anymore. It's also become a common corporate talking point. "Happy employees" is a well-intentioned goal, but often a misguided leadership, well-being, and talent strategy. Happiness at work is frequently mistaken for engagement. Yet, while they share similarities, they are distinct. Confusing the two can leave organizations and individuals alike feeling disappointed. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines happiness as "an emotion of joy, gladness, satisfaction, and well-being." In simpler terms, happiness is fleeting. It's a short-term emotion, not a long-term foundation. Many companies offer perks and financial incentives to boost short-term moods. These initiatives may create momentary spikes in satisfaction, but they don't build a strong, sustainable workplace culture. True happiness at work is born from culture, not surface-level perks. There's no question that happiness is vital for people's well-being. In the workplace, it can lead to higher productivity, improved talent retention, and better mental health. But here's the paradox: pursuing happiness often makes people more unhappy. Research published in Emotion found that "valuing happiness could be self-defeating because the more people value happiness, the more likely they will feel disappointed." Happiness is intangible. It's not a measurable target like quarterly revenue, miles run, or weight loss. When organizations fixate on happiness as a goal, they set themselves up for inevitable disappointment. When challenges arise, as they always do, employees may question their capabilities or the organization's leadership, ultimately fueling feelings of burnout, disengagement, and dissatisfaction. Worse yet, overemphasizing happiness can create a performative culture where employees feel pressured to fake positive emotions. Research published in the British Medical Journal found that faking happiness at work increased stress levels and was associated with greater risks of depression and various cardiovascular issues. The desire for satisfied employees is commendable. Every CEO and high-level leader should care about the well-being of their people. However, the way many organizations chase happiness is imbalanced and unsustainable. Happiness at work is the byproduct of something deeper. Happiness at work can't be bought. It must be cultivated, starting with building a culture of fulfillment and meaning. Think of fulfillment as the experience of growth, mastery, and contribution. Think of meaning as the belief that your work matters beyond yourself. Movements like the Great Resignation and Quiet Quitting weren't driven solely by financial factors. They were also responses to a lack of purpose and connection at work. Research shows that meaningful work improves mental health, resilience, engagement, and overall performance. Here's how leaders can start building cultures rooted in fulfillment and meaning: Growth doesn't happen in comfort. In sports, nobody remembers the games that teams won easily. They remember the hard-fought victories against tough opponents that required every ounce of effort. In marathons, it's not the 26.2 miles themselves that matter most. It's the transformation needed to cross the finish line. The same principle applies at work. Challenging your people may create short-term discomfort, but overcoming obstacles creates lasting fulfillment and impact. Employees become more resilient and engaged when pushed to grow, not shielded and coddled from struggle. Raise your standards and set higher expectations. Your team will rise to meet them. Investing in your people isn't just about compensation. It's about growth. In areas like artificial intelligence, leadership development, and career advancement, providing skill-building opportunities signals that you see your employees as long-term assets, not short-term expenses. Too often, organizations invest heavily in technology and infrastructure but neglect the development of those who use them. Shifting even a portion of that investment toward human development delivers a far greater payoff over time. After all, technology doesn't innovate—people do. Recognition fuels meaning and fulfillment. Invite your employees to co-create initiatives, from wellness programs to cultural improvements. Acknowledge their contributions authentically and consistently. Too many employees feel invisible, like easily replaceable parts rather than valued pieces. According to a Gallup analysis, under recognized employees are twice as likely to say they'll leave their organization within a year. Recognition doesn't have to be complicated: honest, specific, and individualized acknowledgment is what matters most. Recognition from leadership carries exceptional weight. The same Gallup analysis found that acknowledgment from an employee's direct manager or the CEO is among the most powerful retention drivers. Even a simple, handwritten note, as Chevron CEO Mike Wirth frequently does for team members, can impact loyalty and morale. For CEOs and senior leaders, the temptation can be high to manufacture happiness. But happiness isn't something you can orchestrate from the top down. Your role is to create an environment where people can maximize their potential, contribute meaningfully, and grow. When that happens, happy employees follow—naturally and authentically. Happiness isn't given. It's built. As Viktor E. Frankl wrote in Man's Search for Meaning, 'It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness.' Focus on building fulfillment and meaning. Happiness will take care of itself.
Forbes
05-04-2025
- General
- Forbes
5 Rare ‘Marriage Lessons' No One Talks About — By A Psychologist
Here's what long-term couples may know about marriage that you don't. These five marriage lessons ... More are often missing in mainstream advice, but will always serve you well. Most marriage advice tells you to communicate well, keep the spark alive and never go to bed angry. While these lessons are crucial, if you ask couples who've been together for decades, they'll likely also share a different set of truths — ones that aren't always easy to hear, but make all the difference. Here are five rare but real marriage lessons that can help couples stay connected for life, regardless of its ups and downs. 'Be honest' is the gold standard of marriage advice. But honesty without care can become cruelty with a 'moral' alibi. The couples who make it long-term aren't just transparent — they're tactful. They tell the truth, but they thoughtfully choose how they tell it, especially when the truth could bruise. Honesty without emotional attunement can become a weapon in relationships, with truth being used as blunt force, not a bridge for connection. A 2019 study published in Emotion found that it isn't just positive emotion that predicts marital satisfaction, but the shared experience of it — what researchers call positivity resonance. This includes mutual care, emotional synchrony and subtle cues like tone, eye contact and body language. Even in conflict, couples who stayed emotionally in sync reported stronger, more satisfying marriages. So, in lasting relationships, honesty is shaped by tone, timing and care. The delivery matters as much as the content, if not more. Here's what kind honesty looks like in practice: Brutal honesty may clear your conscience, but it can also break your connection. What truly holds marriages together is truth delivered with tenderness. Even the happiest couples can have disagreements. What sets them apart is how they fight. Rather than letting arguments spiral, they put mechanisms in place to protect the relationship. These aren't one-size-fits-all rules. They're co-created, shaped over time and refined through experience. A 2024 study published in Contemporary Family Therapy introduced the idea of 'Jointly Negotiated Conflict Resolution Strategies (JNCRS),' drawn from over 1,000 individuals with 40+ years of marriage under their belts, from across 48 countries. The most common strategies included listening, avoiding escalation, clear communication, compromise, quick resolution and intentional cooling off. What mattered most wasn't the method, but the mutual care behind it. While every couple crafts their own unique blueprint, here's how these strategies may play out in real life: The couples who go the distance aren't the ones who avoid pain. They're the ones who protect the 'us,' even when the 'me' feels tender, tired or torn. At some point, most couples arrive at the same realization: your partner can't be your soulmate, therapist, best friend, financial planner or emotional anchor all at once. These expectations don't create love — they create pressure. The real shift happens when you stop trying to be two halves completing each other, and instead become two whole people choosing to build something together. This encourages gratitude and appreciation for your partner as they are, rather than focusing on needs they haven't fulfilled. Here's how to begin letting go of unrealistic expectations and find support beyond your relationship: Not all roles need to be filled by one person. The strength of a good marriage lies in knowing it doesn't have to be 'everything' to be enough. When couples enter harder seasons of life, many come to realize that sustaining the relationship often requires letting go of parts of themselves that no longer serve the 'us.' A 2018 study published in Developmental Psychology followed 169 newlywed couples over the first 18 months of marriage, tracking shifts in personality traits like neuroticism, agreeableness and conscientiousness. It found that changes — like becoming more conscientious, less reactive or more agreeable — predicted higher marital satisfaction over time. In fact, how people changed mattered more than who they were at the start. The couples who evolved — adapting in ways that supported their relationship — were more likely to feel secure and fulfilled. This kind of growth might look like: The couples who make it through don't just survive change — they welcome it. Ultimately, marriage isn't just about growing old together, but about growing up together. No one warns you about the grief you could experience in marriage. Even the healthiest couples grieve the loss of earlier phases — the spontaneity of pre-kid freedom, the youth you once shared, the ease of laughter before life got heavier. This grief can take many forms, and naming it is often the first step toward moving through it. In these moments, you might: This grief can come with tears, confusion or a quiet sadness you can't explain. For many, healing begins not by painting over the past, but by honoring it. Be it by revisiting old photos and cherishing memories or talking about what you've let go of, you can reminisce while growing together. And growth, by its nature, leaves something remarkable behind. Curious which marriage lessons your relationship needs most? Take this research-backed test to find out: Marital Satisfaction Scale
