Latest news with #LolaMontez
IOL News
4 days ago
- Business
- IOL News
Are relationships declining? Unpacking the shifting landscape of love
Sharon Gordon is the brains behind the Lola Montez Brand leads the adult entertainment Industry and has revolutionized the way business is done. From conceptualization, to brand exposure and product development. Lola Montez is currently a upmarket boutique in Sandton, Johannesburg with services including events, parties, education and e-commerce. Observational trends, from shifting marriage rates to the rise of cohabitation and singlehood, might suggest a diminishing interest in long-term partnership. However, a deeper look reveals that what appears to be a decline is, in fact, a complex evolution in how individuals seek and define connection. This article will explore the contemporary landscape of relationships, examining the statistical shifts, the underlying societal drivers, and the enduring human desire for profound bonds, suggesting that rather than a decline, we are witnessing a significant redefinition of partnership. The Shifting Landscape of Traditional Marriage Globally, the institution of marriage has seen notable changes. Statistics from the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) indicate a general decline in marriage rates across many member countries. In the United States, for instance, marriage rates have reached their lowest recorded point in history since the 1970s. This trend is not isolated to Western nations; available data from regions like Latin America, Africa, and Asia also suggest a gradual decrease in marriage. Accompanying this decline is a significant increase in the median age at which individuals choose to marry for the first time. Decades ago, marrying in one's early to mid-twenties was common; today, it is increasingly in the late twenties or early thirties across developed nations. Factors such as prolonged education, career establishment, and financial independence contribute to this delay. Events like the COVID-19 pandemic also briefly impacted marriage rates, with some countries experiencing sharp drops due to restrictions and uncertainties, though many have seen a rebound to pre-pandemic levels. However, focusing solely on marriage statistics provides an incomplete picture. These numbers do not necessarily reflect a diminishing desire for partnership, but rather a changing preference for the form that partnership takes. The Rise of Cohabitation One of the most significant shifts complementing the decline in marriage rates is the widespread rise of cohabitation. Living together as an unmarried couple has become increasingly common and socially accepted across many parts of the world. For many young adults, cohabitation now serves as the modal first union, often preceding marriage or, in an increasing number of cases, acting as an alternative to it. This trend reflects a desire for a deeper level of commitment and shared life experiences before formalising a union, or a conscious choice to build a life together without the legal or traditional implications of marriage. While cohabiting unions have historically shown less stability than marriages, recent research suggests that the meaning and stability of cohabitation are evolving, with some relationships enduring long-term without transitioning to marriage. This phenomenon also contributes to a decoupling of marriage and parenthood, as more children are born to unmarried, cohabiting parents. The Growth of Singlehood Parallel to the rise of cohabitation is an increase in the number of adults choosing to remain single, or spending longer periods of their lives unpartnered. This trend is driven by a variety of factors: Prioritising Autonomy and Personal Growth: Many individuals are deliberately choosing singlehood to focus on self-development, career aspirations, and personal freedom without the perceived compromises of a relationship. Financial Independence: The ability to support oneself financially reduces the traditional economic incentive to marry or partner. Reduced Social Pressure: Societal expectations to marry or be in a relationship have significantly lessened, allowing individuals more freedom in their relationship choices. Dating Landscape Challenges: Some individuals report dating fatigue or difficulty finding suitable partners through modern dating apps and platforms, leading them to embrace singlehood by default or by choice. While singlehood can be a fulfilling choice, it also highlights a broader societal shift towards greater individual agency in relationship decisions. Underlying Societal Drivers of Change These evolving relationship patterns are not random; they are deeply intertwined with broader societal shifts: Economic Realities: Rising costs of living, student debt, and stagnant wages mean that establishing financial security – often a prerequisite for marriage or starting a family – takes longer. This delays traditional milestones. Changing Gender Roles and Women's Empowerment: Women's increased educational attainment, economic independence, and participation in the workforce have fundamentally altered relationship dynamics. Marriage is no longer a primary means of financial security for women, leading to more equitable partnerships or the choice to remain single. Emphasis on Individualism: Contemporary culture often places a high value on individual fulfillment, self-discovery, and personal happiness. This can lead to a more cautious approach to commitment, ensuring a partner truly aligns with one's evolving identity. Technological Impact: While online dating platforms offer unprecedented access to potential partners, they also contribute to a paradox of choice, superficiality, and a potentially overwhelming dating experience that can lead to burnout. Increased Lifespans: With people living longer, healthier lives, the idea of a single, lifelong partnership starting in one's early twenties may feel less relevant or sustainable. Relationships are seen as evolving over a much longer trajectory. The Enduring Desire for Connection Despite these profound shifts, one fundamental truth remains: the human desire for deep connection, intimacy, and companionship has not diminished. What has changed is the form and timing of these connections. People are still seeking: Quality over Tradition: A greater emphasis is placed on the quality of a relationship, mutual respect, shared values, and emotional fulfillment, rather than simply adhering to traditional milestones. Authentic Intimacy: The pursuit of genuine emotional and physical intimacy remains a core human need, regardless of whether it occurs within marriage, cohabitation, or other forms of Forms of Connection: The acceptance of various relationship structures means individuals have more freedom to define what works best for them, fostering connections that are truly authentic to their needs and desires. The notion that relationships are declining; is an oversimplification. What we are witnessing is a dynamic and complex evolution, driven by economic realities, changing social norms, and a heightened emphasis on individual autonomy and well-being. Marriage rates may be shifting, and cohabitation and singlehood are on the rise, but these trends reflect a redefinition of commitment and partnership, rather than its abandonment. Ultimately, the human need for connection endures. Relationships are becoming more diverse, more intentional, and more reflective of individual choices. The future of love is not one of decline, but one of adaptation and a rich tapestry of connections, each defined by the unique individuals who forge them. The conversation is no longer about whether relationships are worth it, but how we can best navigate and nurture these evolving bonds to find genuine fulfillment and lasting intimacy.
IOL News
04-07-2025
- Health
- IOL News
Sex and pregnancy
I ran a check online to see what was being asked about sex to make sure that I remain relevant. Besides the questions about sex parties and porn the next category that came out tops was about sex and pregnancy. So here it is: Sharon Gordon is the brains behind the Lola Montez Brand leads the adult entertainment Industry and has revolutionized the way business is done. From conceptualization, to brand exposure and product development. Lola Montez is currently a upmarket boutique in Sandton, Johannesburg with services including events, parties, education and e-commerce. The amniotic sac and uterus provide strong protection, and the mucus plug safeguards the cervix. Neither penis, sex toy nor orgasm can harm your baby under normal conditions. Experts from Mayo Clinic, March of Dimes, NHS, and others agree that sex during pregnancy doesn't increase the risk of miscarriage or preterm labour, provided there are no complications Still, conditions like placenta previa, cervical insufficiency, ruptured membranes, high-risk pregnancy or infection mean your OBGYN may recommend abstaining. When to Avoid Sex Sex may be constrained if you have: Bleeding or cramping after sex Broken water (risk of infection) Placenta covering the cervix History of early labour or cervical incompetence High-risk complications (e.g. multiples, hematoma, STI concerns) If in doubt, consult your health care provider. Benefits Physical & Physiological Cardio and fitness Arousal and intercourse increase heart rate, burn calories, and improve circulation, helpful in controlling weight gain and hypertension so it's good for you even if you're not pregnant. Blood pressure & stress relief Activities release oxytocin, endorphins, and improve sleep quality, aiding in stress relief and better mood. Pelvic muscle strength Orgasms engage the pelvic floor, possibly aiding in childbirth and recovery postpartum. Don't forget the Benwa Balls to help with muscle recovery after the baby is born. It is important. Immunological Health Semen can contain paternal proteins and microbes that may help maternal immune Adaptation. Several studies suggest prolonged exposure to a partner's semen before and during pregnancy may reduce preeclampsia (high blood pressure during pregnancy) risk by around 70%. Emotional & Relationship Intimacy Sex maintains emotional closeness and reassures both partners. Dr. Ruth emphasizes that intimacy, even if libido fluctuates, is essential for a strong bond and post-birth relationship Changes Over Trimesters 1st Trimester Common challenges include nausea, fatigue, breast soreness, and libido loss. Some women report increased sensitivity and pleasure due to blood flow. 2nd Trimester Often cited as the 'sweet spot': morning sickness fades, energy returns, belly is small enough for comfort, and libido often increases 3rd Trimester Comfort becomes the main concern, larger belly, positioning, exhaustion. Some regain desire; others don't. Focus shifts to what feels good. Sidelying or woman on top positions are popular and gentle. Myths and Fallacies Miscarriage risk: No credible link most miscarriages are chromosomal Umbilical entanglement from arms overhead: False Inducing labour: There is mixed evidence: o Semen contains prostaglandins, and orgasms release oxytocin hormones used in induction. However, no consistent research proves sex reliably induces labour. It may help only if your body is already ripe for labour. Practical Tips and Safe Practices Communication Check in frequently with your partner about comfort, desire, and concerns. Modify plans as needed. Positioning Avoid lying flat on your back in later pregnancy to prevent pressure on blood vessels, opt for sidelying, woman on top, spooning, or hands and knees Lubrication Hormonal changes can cause dryness, use water-based lube for comfort. Avoid toys that blow air, to prevent air embolism. Condoms and STIs These protect both mother and foetus. Use condoms if new or non-monogamous partners are involved. Watch for warning signs Light spotting or mild cramps can be normal, but stop if bleeding, severe discomfort, leaked fluid, or contractions occur and contact your care provider. Labor Induction: Can Sex Help? The Theory Semen prostaglandins may ripen the cervix; orgasms and nipple stimulation produce oxytocin and mild contractions. The Reality Evidence is inconsistent. Most studies find no strong link between sex and earlier labour onset, except potentially in overdue pregnancies where the body is already preparing Expert view OBGYN Jimmy Belotte: 'Your body must already be prepared … sex alone will not trigger labour.' Communication and Consent Pregnancy shouldn't pressure you into sex if you don't want it. Libido fluctuations are normal. Maintain emotional intimacy with cuddles, massage, or kiss if sex doesn't feel right. When to Contact Your Doctor Reach out if you experience: Heavy or persistent bleeding Fluid leak (waters) Regular contractions Severe pain after sex High-risk pregnancy conditions Always clarify what's safe for your pregnancy with your OBGYN or midwife. Final Takeaways Safety: Sex is safe in most healthy pregnancies and no risk to baby when no complications are present. Benefits abound: Physical, emotional, immunological, and relationship advantages. Listen to your body: Preferences and comfort will evolve trimester to trimester. Stay safe: Use condoms, when necessary, choose comfy positions, and watch for warning signs. No pressure: Sex won't necessarily induce labour and shouldn't be used as a Guarantee. Keep communication central: With your partner and your provider, for intimacy and health. Summary Having sex during pregnancy can be a positive experience for many couples, offering physical wellness, emotional bonding, immune support, and even a deeper connection with your changing body. It's generally safe throughout all trimesters if no complications exist, but must be guided by open communication, comfort, and your care provider's advice. Remember, every pregnancy journey is unique, find what works best for you.
IOL News
20-06-2025
- Business
- IOL News
The state of the adult industry in SA: A market under pressure
I started the Lola Montez Brand over 20 years ago. It was the first of its kind. An adult store that was more boutique than a store that made it safe for women to shop. It was a place where couples could get real advice about their relationship and purchase a range of toys to spice up the bedroom. Sharon Gordon is the brains behind the Lola Montez Brand leads the adult entertainment Industry and has revolutionized the way business is done. From conceptualization, to brand exposure and product development. Lola Montez is currently a upmarket boutique in Sandton, Johannesburg with services including events, parties, education and e-commerce. We went from 1 to 4 stores and back again over the years and recently closed all our bricks and mortar outlets to be online. We still offer the same educated and honest advice. I have wondered for some time now whether it is just me or whether we are all suffering. Yes, there certainly are more players in the market with fierce online competition. If your algorithms aren't perfect, you are nowhere to be found. Don't even think about advertising on social media, you'll be banned faster than you can say Butt Plug. I'm assured it's the same for everyone. The South African adult industry, once dominated by a few brick-and-mortar stores offering high-end, discreet and knowledgeable service, is now navigating choppy waters. A convergence of economic, regulatory, logistical, and digital challenges is threatening the survival of longstanding adult retailers and reshaping the landscape of the industry entirely. The Decline of Physical Retail: A Perfect Storm Retail across all sectors has been under pressure, but adult retail in South Africa faces unique hurdles. High commercial rentals—especially in premium, upmarket areas—have made it nearly impossible for adult stores to compete for desirable locations. Despite a more progressive approach to sexual wellness, adult shops still face stigmas that prevent them from gaining access to malls and retail zones with high foot traffic. Zoning laws and landlord reluctance mean many are forced into industrial areas or low-traffic locations, which impacts visibility and footfall and keeps the industry feeling sleezy. Coupled with rising utilities and security costs due to persistent load shedding and crime, maintaining a physical presence has become financially untenable for many businesses. The shift to online retail, accelerated by COVID-19, has only exacerbated this decline. Regulatory Red Tape and Technical Hurdles Beyond rental issues, South African adult retailers also face harsh regulatory and logistical hurdlesThe South African National Standards (SANS) require that all rechargeable adult toys—those containing lithium batteries—meet strict safety compliance standards. Importers must register, test, and certify each model, even if it's a variation of an existing design. This costly and time-consuming process significantly delays product launches and adds to overheads. Moreover, lithium batteries are considered dangerous goods for air transport, leading to additional courier fees and complex logistics. These costs are passed on to the consumer, making locally-sourced products far more expensive than the same items bought from international platforms—many of which skip compliance and safety procedures entirely. The Online Competition Conundrum Online giants like Temu, Shein, and Wish have further eroded the profitability of local Players. These platforms offer cheap adult toys, shipped directly from overseas, often without duties being paid or regulatory compliance being met. These products are rarely covered by warranties and come with no after-sales service or consumer protections. Consumers, facing their own financial constraints, are increasingly opting for lower-cost alternatives, despite the risks. The result? Local adult stores can't compete on price and are losing market share rapidly. Reputable South African brands that offered education, discretion, high-quality products, and in-store expertise are being edged out by volume-based, faceless e-commerce operations. The Bigger Picture: Industry at Risk This collision of factors—regulatory barriers, high rentals, unfair import practices, and international competition—is having a significant impact on the adult industry as a whole. Once-thriving businesses are closing their doors, scaling back operations, or being forced to compromise on quality to survive. The broader implications are concerning - fewer safe, informed spaces to explore sexual health and wellness, job losses in an already struggling economy, and a decline in consumer rights and product safety standards. What Can Be Done? If the adult industry in South Africa is to survive and thrive, multi-pronged action is needed: Lobby for Fair Access: Retailers and advocacy groups must lobby municipalities and shopping centres to treat sexual wellness retail like any other health and beauty offering. Education is key to breaking down stigma. Simplify SANS Processes: Regulatory frameworks must be reviewed and streamlined for small businesses. Consideration should be given to exemption categories or partnerships for low-risk devices. Local Manufacturing Incentives: Encouraging local production of adult toys could reduce reliance on expensive imports and create jobs. Government incentives for manufacturing could drive innovation and economic inclusion. Consumer Education: Campaigns must highlight the importance of quality, safety, and after-sales support. Consumers need to understand what they lose when they buy from anonymous overseas platforms. Collective Bargaining and Bulk Shipping: Local retailers could form cooperatives to pool resources for compliance testing and shipping, reducing costs and increasing bargaining power with regulators and couriers. Our wholesalers have entered the retail market making competition even more difficult. Digital Excellence and Hybrid Models: Investing in sleek, educational online stores with excellent service, discreet delivery, and local credibility could win back customers. Hybrid models that blend online with experiential pop-ups or events could also offer a future path. Those who have the capital are trying. Temu is still winning. The adult industry in South Africa is at a urgent and coordinated efforts to address the unique pressures it faces—from compliance costs to online competition—it risks becoming an underground or entirely imported market, devoid of trusted local brands and service. Preserving the industry isn't just about pleasure products—it's about access to safe, shame-free sexual wellness resources in a country that needs them more than ever.
IOL News
22-05-2025
- Health
- IOL News
How to increase your sex drive
If you had told me ten years ago that I'd be writing about how to increase my sex drive, I would've laughed. I was confident, sexually active, and honestly never imagined that something so foundational to my identity could change. But here I am, standing firmly in my sixties and navigating a different relationship with sex, desire, and pleasure. Sharon Gordon is the brains behind the Lola Montez Brand leads the adult entertainment Industry and has revolutionized the way business is done. From conceptualization, to brand exposure and product development. Lola Montez is currently a upmarket boutique in Sandton, Johannesburg with services including events, parties, education and e-commerce. Let me say this upfront: losing or experiencing a dip in libido is incredibly common, particularly during perimenopause, menopause, and beyond. It's not about how liberal or adventurous you once were—it's about how your body, hormones, emotions, and environment evolve. And yes, you can absolutely reignite your sex drive, but the journey might look a little different than it did in your thirties. Why Is My Libido Changing? Let's start with the facts. Studies show that approximately 80% of women report changes in sexual desire during the menopause transition. Meanwhile, a significant number of men also report a decrease in libido with age, though the cultural narrative often focuses more on women's 'dry spells.' One study found that over 50% of men and around 33% of women over the age of 70 were still sexually active—having sex at least twice a month. That might not sound like a wild time to some, but for others, it's a promising statistic. Twice a month? Not too shabby. So, why does our sex drive change? Hormones are a big part of the picture. As oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels drop, so does natural lubrication, elasticity of vaginal tissues, and the ability to feel as easily aroused. Some people feel that their bodies suddenly belong to someone else, a stranger who isn't very interested in sex. The Physical Factors One of the most common issues post-menopause is Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM), which causes vaginal dryness, thinning of the vaginal walls, irritation, and even pain during sex. These changes can significantly impact sexual interest and activity. But here's the good news: most of this is treatable. A good lubricant (I recommend the Pjur range available from can work wonders, especially those made for sensitive skin. But more than that, addressing GSM with vaginal oestrogen creams, hormone therapy (HRT), or moisturisers can offer tremendous relief and restore comfort. Additionally, vibrators and other adult toys aren't just 'fun extras.' They're tools of empowerment. Using a vibrator increases blood flow to the pelvic region, which promotes natural lubrication and helps keep vaginal tissues supple. Consider it your gym for sexual health—just more enjoyable. Red light therapy is another treatment I've begun using to improve collagen production and skin texture. Though research is still growing, it's showing promise for restoring tissue health and resilience. Psychological and Emotional Barriers Sex isn't just physical—it's profoundly emotional and mental. Menopause often coincides with huge life shifts: children leaving home, aging parents, career changes, or retirement. Anxiety, depression, body image issues, and a sense of lost identity can all negatively impact your desire. And then there's the cultural narrative. Let's be real: society rarely portrays older women as sexy. We're often desexualized, dismissed, or made invisible. Media reinforces that once we're past our reproductive years, we no longer matter. That's utter nonsense and deeply harmful. It takes courage and community to rewrite that narrative and claim pleasure as our birthright, at every age. How Arousal Changes with Age It's worth noting that even if your libido (the desire for sex) hasn't changed, your arousal response might. You might find it takes longer to get turned on, or that orgasms are less intense or harder to achieve. Again, you're not broken. This is a known response to lower levels of testosterone and oestrogen, which affect sensitivity, lubrication, and blood flow. What helps? Besides vibrators and lubrication, engaging your mind is key. Women's arousal is often strongly tied to emotional and mental stimulation. Erotic literature, fantasy, sensual massage, or simply prioritizing time for yourself can help reconnect you with your body and your desire. Don't suffer in silence – Seek help If changes to your libido or sexual response are affecting your well-being or relationships, please speak to a healthcare provider. There are so many treatment options available now that weren't discussed a decade ago. These include: Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) – for replenishing oestrogen and testosterone Vaginal oestrogen therapy – for targeted relief of GSM Psychosexual therapy – for addressing emotional or relational barriers Pelvic floor therapy – to strengthen muscles and improve sensation And yes, adult toys and high-quality lubricants are not only fun—they're part of a medically sound toolkit. Let's Talk About HRT Here's where I get passionate. I've spoken to more than 30 women recently, and only two were on HRT. Why? Because the myths from that outdated study in the early 2000s still loom large. But here's the truth: new, robust research has debunked those fears. When appropriately prescribed, HRT is safe for most women and offers numerous benefits, including improved libido, mood, bone health, and cardiovascular protection. If your healthcare provider is still operating from outdated data, it might be time to find someone who's menopause-informed and up to date. You deserve care that reflects the latest science, not fear from twenty years ago. If you're ready to reconnect with your desire, here are some practical steps: Prioritize sleep – Hormone balance starts with rest. Move your body – Exercise increases endorphins and body confidence. Eat hormone-supportive foods – Think omega-3s, phytoestrogens, and healthy fats. Schedule intimacy – Yes, even with yourself. Make space for pleasure. Try something new – A different toy, a new book, a guided sensual meditation. Speak up – Communicate with your partner. Be honest. Sex can evolve into something more connected and meaningful. The Bottom Line: Your libido is not a switch that just flips off forever. It's a complex interplay of hormones, mindset, relationships, and lifestyle—and yes, it can be reignited. Sex isn't just about reproduction. It's about joy, intimacy, health, identity, and connection. Your sexuality is still yours, no matter your age. Own it. Explore it. Celebrate it. And if you need a little help along the way? That's not weakness. That's wisdom.
