How to increase your sex drive
Sharon Gordon is the brains behind the Lola Montez Brand leads the adult entertainment Industry and has revolutionized the way business is done. From conceptualization, to brand exposure and product development. Lola Montez is currently a upmarket boutique in Sandton, Johannesburg with services including events, parties, education and e-commerce.
Let me say this upfront: losing or experiencing a dip in libido is incredibly common, particularly during perimenopause, menopause, and beyond. It's not about how liberal or adventurous you once were—it's about how your body, hormones, emotions, and environment evolve. And yes, you can absolutely reignite your sex drive, but the journey might look a little different than it did in your thirties.
Why Is My Libido Changing?
Let's start with the facts. Studies show that approximately 80% of women report changes in sexual desire during the menopause transition. Meanwhile, a significant number of men also report a decrease in libido with age, though the cultural narrative often focuses more on women's 'dry spells.'
One study found that over 50% of men and around 33% of women over the age of 70 were still sexually active—having sex at least twice a month. That might not sound like a wild time to some, but for others, it's a promising statistic. Twice a month? Not too shabby.
So, why does our sex drive change?
Hormones are a big part of the picture. As oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels drop, so does natural lubrication, elasticity of vaginal tissues, and the ability to feel as easily aroused. Some people feel that their bodies suddenly belong to someone else, a stranger who isn't very interested in sex.
The Physical Factors
One of the most common issues post-menopause is Genitourinary Syndrome of
Menopause (GSM), which causes vaginal dryness, thinning of the vaginal walls, irritation, and even pain during sex. These changes can significantly impact sexual interest and activity.
But here's the good news: most of this is treatable.
A good lubricant (I recommend the Pjur range available from lolamontez.co.za) can work wonders, especially those made for sensitive skin. But more than that, addressing GSM with vaginal oestrogen creams, hormone therapy (HRT), or moisturisers can offer tremendous relief and restore comfort.
Additionally, vibrators and other adult toys aren't just 'fun extras.' They're tools of
empowerment. Using a vibrator increases blood flow to the pelvic region, which promotes natural lubrication and helps keep vaginal tissues supple. Consider it your gym for sexual health—just more enjoyable.
Red light therapy is another treatment I've begun using to improve collagen production and skin texture. Though research is still growing, it's showing promise for restoring tissue health and resilience.
Psychological and Emotional Barriers
Sex isn't just physical—it's profoundly emotional and mental.
Menopause often coincides with huge life shifts: children leaving home, aging parents, career changes, or retirement. Anxiety, depression, body image issues, and a sense of lost identity can all negatively impact your desire.
And then there's the cultural narrative. Let's be real: society rarely portrays older women as sexy. We're often desexualized, dismissed, or made invisible. Media reinforces that once we're past our reproductive years, we no longer matter. That's utter nonsense and deeply harmful.
It takes courage and community to rewrite that narrative and claim pleasure as our birthright, at every age.
How Arousal Changes with Age
It's worth noting that even if your libido (the desire for sex) hasn't changed, your arousal response might. You might find it takes longer to get turned on, or that orgasms are less intense or harder to achieve.
Again, you're not broken. This is a known response to lower levels of testosterone and oestrogen, which affect sensitivity, lubrication, and blood flow.
What helps? Besides vibrators and lubrication, engaging your mind is key.
Women's arousal is often strongly tied to emotional and mental stimulation. Erotic literature, fantasy, sensual massage, or simply prioritizing time for yourself can help reconnect you with your body and your desire.
Don't suffer in silence – Seek help
If changes to your libido or sexual response are affecting your well-being or relationships, please speak to a healthcare provider. There are so many treatment options available now that weren't discussed a decade ago.
These include:
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) – for replenishing oestrogen and
testosterone
Vaginal oestrogen therapy – for targeted relief of GSM
Psychosexual therapy – for addressing emotional or relational barriers
Pelvic floor therapy – to strengthen muscles and improve sensation
And yes, adult toys and high-quality lubricants are not only fun—they're part of a
medically sound toolkit.
Let's Talk About HRT
Here's where I get passionate. I've spoken to more than 30 women recently, and only two were on HRT. Why? Because the myths from that outdated study in the early 2000s still loom large.
But here's the truth: new, robust research has debunked those fears. When appropriately prescribed, HRT is safe for most women and offers numerous benefits, including improved libido, mood, bone health, and cardiovascular protection.
If your healthcare provider is still operating from outdated data, it might be time to find someone who's menopause-informed and up to date. You deserve care that reflects the latest science, not fear from twenty years ago.
If you're ready to reconnect with your desire, here are some practical steps:
Prioritize sleep – Hormone balance starts with rest.
Move your body – Exercise increases endorphins and body confidence.
Eat hormone-supportive foods – Think omega-3s, phytoestrogens, and healthy fats.
Schedule intimacy – Yes, even with yourself. Make space for pleasure.
Try something new – A different toy, a new book, a guided sensual meditation.
Speak up – Communicate with your partner. Be honest. Sex can evolve into something more connected and meaningful.
The Bottom Line: Your libido is not a switch that just flips off forever. It's a complex interplay of hormones, mindset, relationships, and lifestyle—and yes, it can be reignited. Sex isn't just about reproduction. It's about joy, intimacy, health, identity, and connection. Your sexuality is still yours, no matter your age. Own it. Explore it. Celebrate it. And if you need a little help along the way? That's not weakness. That's wisdom.
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I ran a check online to see what was being asked about sex to make sure that I remain relevant. Besides the questions about sex parties and porn the next category that came out tops was about sex and pregnancy. So here it is: Sharon Gordon is the brains behind the Lola Montez Brand leads the adult entertainment Industry and has revolutionized the way business is done. From conceptualization, to brand exposure and product development. Lola Montez is currently a upmarket boutique in Sandton, Johannesburg with services including events, parties, education and e-commerce. The amniotic sac and uterus provide strong protection, and the mucus plug safeguards the cervix. Neither penis, sex toy nor orgasm can harm your baby under normal conditions. Experts from Mayo Clinic, March of Dimes, NHS, and others agree that sex during pregnancy doesn't increase the risk of miscarriage or preterm labour, provided there are no complications Still, conditions like placenta previa, cervical insufficiency, ruptured membranes, high-risk pregnancy or infection mean your OBGYN may recommend abstaining. When to Avoid Sex Sex may be constrained if you have: Bleeding or cramping after sex Broken water (risk of infection) Placenta covering the cervix History of early labour or cervical incompetence High-risk complications (e.g. multiples, hematoma, STI concerns) If in doubt, consult your health care provider. Benefits Physical & Physiological Cardio and fitness Arousal and intercourse increase heart rate, burn calories, and improve circulation, helpful in controlling weight gain and hypertension so it's good for you even if you're not pregnant. Blood pressure & stress relief Activities release oxytocin, endorphins, and improve sleep quality, aiding in stress relief and better mood. Pelvic muscle strength Orgasms engage the pelvic floor, possibly aiding in childbirth and recovery postpartum. Don't forget the Benwa Balls to help with muscle recovery after the baby is born. It is important. Immunological Health Semen can contain paternal proteins and microbes that may help maternal immune Adaptation. Several studies suggest prolonged exposure to a partner's semen before and during pregnancy may reduce preeclampsia (high blood pressure during pregnancy) risk by around 70%. Emotional & Relationship Intimacy Sex maintains emotional closeness and reassures both partners. Dr. Ruth emphasizes that intimacy, even if libido fluctuates, is essential for a strong bond and post-birth relationship Changes Over Trimesters 1st Trimester Common challenges include nausea, fatigue, breast soreness, and libido loss. Some women report increased sensitivity and pleasure due to blood flow. 2nd Trimester Often cited as the 'sweet spot': morning sickness fades, energy returns, belly is small enough for comfort, and libido often increases 3rd Trimester Comfort becomes the main concern, larger belly, positioning, exhaustion. Some regain desire; others don't. Focus shifts to what feels good. Sidelying or woman on top positions are popular and gentle. Myths and Fallacies Miscarriage risk: No credible link most miscarriages are chromosomal Umbilical entanglement from arms overhead: False Inducing labour: There is mixed evidence: o Semen contains prostaglandins, and orgasms release oxytocin hormones used in induction. However, no consistent research proves sex reliably induces labour. It may help only if your body is already ripe for labour. Practical Tips and Safe Practices Communication Check in frequently with your partner about comfort, desire, and concerns. Modify plans as needed. Positioning Avoid lying flat on your back in later pregnancy to prevent pressure on blood vessels, opt for sidelying, woman on top, spooning, or hands and knees Lubrication Hormonal changes can cause dryness, use water-based lube for comfort. Avoid toys that blow air, to prevent air embolism. Condoms and STIs These protect both mother and foetus. Use condoms if new or non-monogamous partners are involved. Watch for warning signs Light spotting or mild cramps can be normal, but stop if bleeding, severe discomfort, leaked fluid, or contractions occur and contact your care provider. Labor Induction: Can Sex Help? The Theory Semen prostaglandins may ripen the cervix; orgasms and nipple stimulation produce oxytocin and mild contractions. The Reality Evidence is inconsistent. Most studies find no strong link between sex and earlier labour onset, except potentially in overdue pregnancies where the body is already preparing Expert view OBGYN Jimmy Belotte: 'Your body must already be prepared … sex alone will not trigger labour.' Communication and Consent Pregnancy shouldn't pressure you into sex if you don't want it. Libido fluctuations are normal. Maintain emotional intimacy with cuddles, massage, or kiss if sex doesn't feel right. When to Contact Your Doctor Reach out if you experience: Heavy or persistent bleeding Fluid leak (waters) Regular contractions Severe pain after sex High-risk pregnancy conditions Always clarify what's safe for your pregnancy with your OBGYN or midwife. Final Takeaways Safety: Sex is safe in most healthy pregnancies and no risk to baby when no complications are present. Benefits abound: Physical, emotional, immunological, and relationship advantages. Listen to your body: Preferences and comfort will evolve trimester to trimester. 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How to increase your sex drive
If you had told me ten years ago that I'd be writing about how to increase my sex drive, I would've laughed. I was confident, sexually active, and honestly never imagined that something so foundational to my identity could change. But here I am, standing firmly in my sixties and navigating a different relationship with sex, desire, and pleasure. Let me say this upfront: losing or experiencing a dip in libido is incredibly common, particularly during perimenopause, menopause, and beyond. It's not about how liberal or adventurous you once were—it's about how your body, hormones, emotions, and environment evolve. And yes, you can absolutely reignite your sex drive, but the journey might look a little different than it did in your thirties. Why Is My Libido Changing? Let's start with the facts. Studies show that approximately 80% of women report changes in sexual desire during the menopause transition. Meanwhile, a significant number of men also report a decrease in libido with age, though the cultural narrative often focuses more on women's 'dry spells.' One study found that over 50% of men and around 33% of women over the age of 70 were still sexually active—having sex at least twice a month. That might not sound like a wild time to some, but for others, it's a promising statistic. Twice a month? Not too shabby. So, why does our sex drive change? Hormones are a big part of the picture. As oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels drop, so does natural lubrication, elasticity of vaginal tissues, and the ability to feel as easily aroused. Some people feel that their bodies suddenly belong to someone else, a stranger who isn't very interested in sex. The Physical Factors One of the most common issues post-menopause is Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM), which causes vaginal dryness, thinning of the vaginal walls, irritation, and even pain during sex. These changes can significantly impact sexual interest and activity. But here's the good news: most of this is treatable. A good lubricant (I recommend the Pjur range available from can work wonders, especially those made for sensitive skin. But more than that, addressing GSM with vaginal oestrogen creams, hormone therapy (HRT), or moisturisers can offer tremendous relief and restore comfort. Additionally, vibrators and other adult toys aren't just 'fun extras.' They're tools of empowerment. Using a vibrator increases blood flow to the pelvic region, which promotes natural lubrication and helps keep vaginal tissues supple. Consider it your gym for sexual health—just more enjoyable. Red light therapy is another treatment I've begun using to improve collagen production and skin texture. Though research is still growing, it's showing promise for restoring tissue health and resilience. Psychological and Emotional Barriers Sex isn't just physical—it's profoundly emotional and mental. Menopause often coincides with huge life shifts: children leaving home, aging parents, career changes, or retirement. Anxiety, depression, body image issues, and a sense of lost identity can all negatively impact your desire. And then there's the cultural narrative. Let's be real: society rarely portrays older women as sexy. We're often desexualized, dismissed, or made invisible. Media reinforces that once we're past our reproductive years, we no longer matter. That's utter nonsense and deeply harmful. It takes courage and community to rewrite that narrative and claim pleasure as our birthright, at every age. How Arousal Changes with Age It's worth noting that even if your libido (the desire for sex) hasn't changed, your arousal response might. You might find it takes longer to get turned on, or that orgasms are less intense or harder to achieve. Again, you're not broken. This is a known response to lower levels of testosterone and oestrogen, which affect sensitivity, lubrication, and blood flow. What helps? Besides vibrators and lubrication, engaging your mind is key. Women's arousal is often strongly tied to emotional and mental stimulation. Erotic literature, fantasy, sensual massage, or simply prioritizing time for yourself can help reconnect you with your body and your desire. Don't suffer in silence – Seek help If changes to your libido or sexual response are affecting your well-being or relationships, please speak to a healthcare provider. There are so many treatment options available now that weren't discussed a decade ago. These include: Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) – for replenishing oestrogen and testosterone Vaginal oestrogen therapy – for targeted relief of GSM Psychosexual therapy – for addressing emotional or relational barriers Pelvic floor therapy – to strengthen muscles and improve sensation And yes, adult toys and high-quality lubricants are not only fun—they're part of a medically sound toolkit. Let's Talk About HRT Here's where I get passionate. I've spoken to more than 30 women recently, and only two were on HRT. Why? Because the myths from that outdated study in the early 2000s still loom large. But here's the truth: new, robust research has debunked those fears. When appropriately prescribed, HRT is safe for most women and offers numerous benefits, including improved libido, mood, bone health, and cardiovascular protection. If your healthcare provider is still operating from outdated data, it might be time to find someone who's menopause-informed and up to date. You deserve care that reflects the latest science, not fear from twenty years ago. If you're ready to reconnect with your desire, here are some practical steps: Prioritize sleep – Hormone balance starts with rest. Move your body – Exercise increases endorphins and body confidence. Eat hormone-supportive foods – Think omega-3s, phytoestrogens, and healthy fats. Schedule intimacy – Yes, even with yourself. Make space for pleasure. Try something new – A different toy, a new book, a guided sensual meditation. Speak up – Communicate with your partner. Be honest. Sex can evolve into something more connected and meaningful. The Bottom Line: Your libido is not a switch that just flips off forever. It's a complex interplay of hormones, mindset, relationships, and lifestyle—and yes, it can be reignited. Sex isn't just about reproduction. It's about joy, intimacy, health, identity, and connection. Your sexuality is still yours, no matter your age. Own it. Explore it. Celebrate it. And if you need a little help along the way? That's not weakness. That's wisdom.
IOL News
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If you had told me ten years ago that I'd be writing about how to increase my sex drive, I would've laughed. I was confident, sexually active, and honestly never imagined that something so foundational to my identity could change. But here I am, standing firmly in my sixties and navigating a different relationship with sex, desire, and pleasure. Sharon Gordon is the brains behind the Lola Montez Brand leads the adult entertainment Industry and has revolutionized the way business is done. From conceptualization, to brand exposure and product development. Lola Montez is currently a upmarket boutique in Sandton, Johannesburg with services including events, parties, education and e-commerce. Let me say this upfront: losing or experiencing a dip in libido is incredibly common, particularly during perimenopause, menopause, and beyond. It's not about how liberal or adventurous you once were—it's about how your body, hormones, emotions, and environment evolve. And yes, you can absolutely reignite your sex drive, but the journey might look a little different than it did in your thirties. Why Is My Libido Changing? Let's start with the facts. Studies show that approximately 80% of women report changes in sexual desire during the menopause transition. Meanwhile, a significant number of men also report a decrease in libido with age, though the cultural narrative often focuses more on women's 'dry spells.' One study found that over 50% of men and around 33% of women over the age of 70 were still sexually active—having sex at least twice a month. That might not sound like a wild time to some, but for others, it's a promising statistic. Twice a month? Not too shabby. So, why does our sex drive change? Hormones are a big part of the picture. As oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels drop, so does natural lubrication, elasticity of vaginal tissues, and the ability to feel as easily aroused. Some people feel that their bodies suddenly belong to someone else, a stranger who isn't very interested in sex. The Physical Factors One of the most common issues post-menopause is Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM), which causes vaginal dryness, thinning of the vaginal walls, irritation, and even pain during sex. These changes can significantly impact sexual interest and activity. But here's the good news: most of this is treatable. A good lubricant (I recommend the Pjur range available from can work wonders, especially those made for sensitive skin. But more than that, addressing GSM with vaginal oestrogen creams, hormone therapy (HRT), or moisturisers can offer tremendous relief and restore comfort. Additionally, vibrators and other adult toys aren't just 'fun extras.' They're tools of empowerment. Using a vibrator increases blood flow to the pelvic region, which promotes natural lubrication and helps keep vaginal tissues supple. Consider it your gym for sexual health—just more enjoyable. Red light therapy is another treatment I've begun using to improve collagen production and skin texture. Though research is still growing, it's showing promise for restoring tissue health and resilience. Psychological and Emotional Barriers Sex isn't just physical—it's profoundly emotional and mental. Menopause often coincides with huge life shifts: children leaving home, aging parents, career changes, or retirement. Anxiety, depression, body image issues, and a sense of lost identity can all negatively impact your desire. And then there's the cultural narrative. Let's be real: society rarely portrays older women as sexy. We're often desexualized, dismissed, or made invisible. Media reinforces that once we're past our reproductive years, we no longer matter. That's utter nonsense and deeply harmful. It takes courage and community to rewrite that narrative and claim pleasure as our birthright, at every age. How Arousal Changes with Age It's worth noting that even if your libido (the desire for sex) hasn't changed, your arousal response might. You might find it takes longer to get turned on, or that orgasms are less intense or harder to achieve. Again, you're not broken. This is a known response to lower levels of testosterone and oestrogen, which affect sensitivity, lubrication, and blood flow. What helps? Besides vibrators and lubrication, engaging your mind is key. Women's arousal is often strongly tied to emotional and mental stimulation. Erotic literature, fantasy, sensual massage, or simply prioritizing time for yourself can help reconnect you with your body and your desire. Don't suffer in silence – Seek help If changes to your libido or sexual response are affecting your well-being or relationships, please speak to a healthcare provider. There are so many treatment options available now that weren't discussed a decade ago. These include: Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) – for replenishing oestrogen and testosterone Vaginal oestrogen therapy – for targeted relief of GSM Psychosexual therapy – for addressing emotional or relational barriers Pelvic floor therapy – to strengthen muscles and improve sensation And yes, adult toys and high-quality lubricants are not only fun—they're part of a medically sound toolkit. Let's Talk About HRT Here's where I get passionate. I've spoken to more than 30 women recently, and only two were on HRT. Why? Because the myths from that outdated study in the early 2000s still loom large. But here's the truth: new, robust research has debunked those fears. When appropriately prescribed, HRT is safe for most women and offers numerous benefits, including improved libido, mood, bone health, and cardiovascular protection. If your healthcare provider is still operating from outdated data, it might be time to find someone who's menopause-informed and up to date. You deserve care that reflects the latest science, not fear from twenty years ago. If you're ready to reconnect with your desire, here are some practical steps: Prioritize sleep – Hormone balance starts with rest. Move your body – Exercise increases endorphins and body confidence. Eat hormone-supportive foods – Think omega-3s, phytoestrogens, and healthy fats. Schedule intimacy – Yes, even with yourself. Make space for pleasure. Try something new – A different toy, a new book, a guided sensual meditation. Speak up – Communicate with your partner. Be honest. Sex can evolve into something more connected and meaningful. The Bottom Line: Your libido is not a switch that just flips off forever. It's a complex interplay of hormones, mindset, relationships, and lifestyle—and yes, it can be reignited. Sex isn't just about reproduction. It's about joy, intimacy, health, identity, and connection. Your sexuality is still yours, no matter your age. Own it. Explore it. Celebrate it. And if you need a little help along the way? That's not weakness. That's wisdom.
