Latest news with #MattAbrahams
Forbes
16-07-2025
- General
- Forbes
Secrets Communication Experts Know About Voice, Empathy, And Presence
Secrets Communication Experts Know About Voice, Empathy, And Presence I have spent years interviewing experts who have built their careers around studying communication, specifically how people connect, persuade, and earn trust. These are communicators who work in some of the highest-stakes environments. I spoke with a coach who helps professionals stay composed under pressure, a pioneer in decoding facial expressions, a strategist who teaches leaders how to command attention before they speak, a body language expert who shows executives how to align words with presence, a former FBI negotiator, a psychologist who created a method for precision empathy, and a vocal coach trusted by high-profile performers to lead with tone and timing. Their lessons go far beyond what any manual can teach. Why Do People Freeze in Communication When They Need To Sound Smart? Why Do People Freeze in Communication When They Need To Sound Smart? When I spoke with Matt Abrahams, a Stanford lecturer in organizational behavior, he explained why even experienced professionals go blank when the stakes are high. He's known for helping people stay grounded when speaking in real time. Matt shared his 'What? So what? Now what?' framework, which helps professionals organize their thinking under pressure. 'What?' is your message. 'So what?' explains why it matters. 'Now what?' points to the next step. Many people panic because they rush ahead without first setting the context. Matt encourages people to pause, breathe, and build their message like a jazz musician builds rhythm. For example, if you find yourself freezing during a presentation, take a deep breath, focus on what your core message is, then remind yourself why that message matters before moving to the next step you want your audience to take. This approach helps you stay present and clear even in stressful moments. How Communication Is Judged Before Saying A Word How Communication Is Judged Before Saying A Word Michael Grinder, a leader in nonverbal communication research, taught me that people evaluate us long before we speak. He described this as 'predictive behavior,' where others quickly assess credibility based on posture, eye movement, and energy. He emphasized how much meaning is carried in stillness. A pause at the doorway or a deliberate beat before speaking signals calm and focus. He also explained the difference between relying mostly on what you say and how you appear visually. Relying only on voice without awareness of physical cues weakens your message. Michael trains leaders to control space using purposeful silence and posture. Communicators who align body and message create presence from the moment they walk in. Holding a still posture before speaking not only signals confidence but also invites people to focus on you. How Communication Uses Body Language To Tell The Truth How Communication Uses Body Language To Tell The Truth Nick Morgan, a communication expert focused on executive presence, reminded me that people trust what they see more than what they hear. He explained that when gestures do not match words, people notice. If you say, 'I'm excited' while looking at the floor with crossed arms, it sends a mixed message. Nick helps leaders rehearse by moving through their message so their body and ideas align. The most compelling communicators show what they mean as clearly as they say it. Try recording yourself speaking and watch for gestures or expressions that contradict your words. Then, work on syncing those elements. How Communication Requires Control of Voice To Influence A Room How Communication Requires Control of Voice To Influence A Room Roger Love, a renowned vocal coach who has trained public figures like Tony Robbins, Jennifer Aniston, and Bradley Cooper, explained that voice carries more influence than words alone. When I interviewed him, he broke vocal impact into four key elements. He said pitch signals confidence, pace shapes urgency, volume creates presence, and silence adds weight. He said many people unintentionally undermine themselves by speaking too quickly, too flatly, or too loudly. His suggestion is to record 15 seconds of yourself and ask: Would I follow this voice? Would I trust this person? If not, adjust. Roger emphasized that vocal skill is a technique anyone can learn. For instance, slowing your pace just enough to let key points land and adding variation to your pitch makes your message more engaging and credible. What Communication Teaches Us About Micro-Expressions What Communication Teaches Us About Micro-Expressions Paul Ekman, a world authority on emotion and facial expressions, explained that brief, involuntary movements often reveal what someone feels before they speak. These micro-expressions offer valuable insight, but only if you know how to recognize them. Emotions like doubt or frustration may flash across the face in a split second. Spotting a micro-expression is just the start. How you respond can open the door to honest communication. You might say, 'It seems like you have some hesitation. Can you walk me through what's on your mind?' That approach opens the conversation and builds trust. Ekman's work trains people to pick up on cues that most miss and respond with emotional precision. How Communication Helps People Feel Felt, Not Just Heard How Communication Helps People Feel Felt, Not Just Heard The late Dr. Mark Goulston, a psychiatrist and advisor to business leaders, taught me that connection happens when people feel truly felt. It is more than listening. It means being fully present. I asked him how to create that experience. He said to imagine the other person silently asking, 'Please help me feel like I matter.' That mindset changes how you respond. You hold the silence and reflect their feelings before offering input. Mark called this 'surgical empathy,' a form of empathy that is intentional, focused, and precise. This approach can shift a tough conversation into a meaningful one, whether you're leading a team or supporting a friend. How Communication Uses Tactical Empathy To Change The Tone How Communication Uses Tactical Empathy To Change The Tone Chris Voss, a former FBI negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference, explained that successful communication relies more on emotional safety than persuasion. He introduced me to the concept of 'tactical empathy,' which means acknowledging the other person's feelings and perspective without trying to win them over. He taught that tone shapes outcomes. He often recommends using what he calls the 'late-night FM DJ voice' to create calm and invite openness. He also said that asking, 'Is now a bad time?' gives people more autonomy than 'Do you have a moment?' That subtle shift helps reduce defensiveness and opens people up to dialogue. Chris suggests using calibrated questions like, 'How do you want to move forward?' or 'What challenges are standing in your way?' These questions lead to collaboration because people are more committed to solutions they helped create. Why Great Communication Is About Keeping Things Simple Why Great Communication Is About Keeping Things Simple Every expert I interviewed approached communication differently, but they all emphasized that your message starts long before you open your mouth. Whether learning to slow down and structure your thoughts or shaping your voice to carry the emotion behind your words, small details make a big difference. These are the things people remember. Your body and presence say more than your words ever could. Ask questions to lower defenses and recognize that empathy takes effort and precision. You can learn to read the room, own the moment, and give people something they can feel. Mastering these communication essentials gives you the power to influence authentically and create connections that last.
CNN
03-03-2025
- Health
- CNN
Small talk is good for you. Here's how to get better at it, according to experts
You're standing in line at the supermarket or drugstore when a stranger speaks up. 'Hello, how are you?' the stranger greets you. 'Good, and you?' might be your response. Your conversation partner might proceed to talk to you about something trivial — the weather outside, the latest game, an annoyance during the morning commute or something silly the person's dog did that morning. It's nothing that matters much, but you've suddenly found yourself participating in small talk. Some people might dread the seemingly insignificant conversation or think it's not worth their time, while others may delight in the light exchange. In most cases, especially with strangers or acquaintances, small talk is unavoidable as both parties try to find common ground. 'It's communication that we use to orient and acquaint ourselves with other people, (and) it's the gateway to deeper, richer talk,' said Matt Abrahams, a lecturer in organizational behavior at Stanford Graduate School of Business. 'Chances are, somebody in your friendship group, if not more, you met through a small talk situation.' For people without much practice in small talk, the challenge may feel daunting. But there are ways to get better at this form of communication. And it's worthwhile to try, as the exchanges can positively affect a person's overall well-being, Abrahams said. Here's what experts want people to know about the benefits of small talk. The benefits of small talk People facing the prospect of small talk may put too much pressure on themselves to perform well when meeting someone for the first time. They also may worry about the daunting act of speaking spontaneously, which requires thinking on the spot and responding fast to keep the conversation going, said Abrahams, who hosts the podcast 'Think Fast, Talk Smart,' to share tips for strategic communication. So why should you do it? Whether or not you seek out small talk or avoid it at all costs, research has shown that light conversations with people you don't know well can have beneficial effects on health and well-being, such as boosting your mood and decreasing your feelings of isolation. '(Small talk) is something that we psychologists think is kind of fundamental. It's like (how) we need food, we need water — we need to feel like we belong and that we matter to other people,' said Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, an associate professor in the psychology of kindness at the UK's University of Sussex who has researched the effects of minimal social interactions. Then-US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy declared loneliness an epidemic in the United States in 2023. Daily loneliness affects 1 in 5 adults in the US, the highest level in two years, according to Gallup data from October. By having a light conversation with an acquaintance or stranger, people can feel more connected with one another and have a stronger sense of community, said Sandstrom, whose research has shown that those who have more casual daily interactions, such as talking to a neighbor or a barista at a coffee shop, feel a greater sense of belonging. 'Talking to strangers can feel scary because we don't know what's going to happen, but also that's kind of exciting,' Sandstrom said. 'It's fun and it's nice to have some unexpected thing happen, where we learn something new or see a new perspective.' How to become an expert at small talk In some scenarios, such as an upcoming work or networking event, people can prepare ahead of time for the expected spontaneous conversations, said Dr. Sunita Sah, an organizational psychologist and professor of management and organizations at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. Researching people ahead of time who you know will be at an event and planning questions to ask can help to alleviate nerves, Sah said. In more spontaneous moments, there are tricks to making good conversation. The easiest method is to make an observation about your shared surroundings, which is why people often talk about the weather, or to ask people general questions to learn more about them, Sah said. (That's why people often ask if you did anything interesting over the weekend or if you have any vacation plans.) This kind of conversation isn't a tennis match, where one needs to get the ball back to the other side of the court as fast as possible. Abrahams said he likes to think of this exchange more as a game of hacky sack — in which the goal is to be collaborative to keep the sack in the air. 'You have to coordinate with the other person, so I want to set you up, so then you can set me back up. It's about being interested, not interesting, and that mindset shift is important,' he said. Sometimes slowing down and taking a beat before responding can reduce rambling and give more clarity and structure to an answer. 'People will feel in small talk and other spontaneous speaking situations that they have to respond immediately, (but) you can say, 'Give me a second to think about that.' Or you can ask a clarifying question that gives yourself time to think,' Abrahams added. Like anything, small talk gets better with practice, Sandstrom said. If someone goes a long time without socializing in casual settings, small talk might seem scarier than it is. In her research, Sandstrom found that the more people engage in small talk, the more confident they become in their social skills and the less worried they are about rejection, she said. At the end of the day, small talk is meant to be lighthearted and enjoyable, and a little humor and compassion go a long way, Sah said. 'I personally really love small talk. I think it gives you lovely interactions with people throughout the day that you probably don't want to go deeper with,' Sah said. 'It really does build rapport and trust and some level of friendliness. 'In today's age where everybody can just revert to their phones or go days without speaking to someone, I think that small talk (helps) take away the loneliness aspect.'
CNN
03-03-2025
- Health
- CNN
Small talk is good for you. Here's how to get better at it, according to experts
You're standing in line at the supermarket or drugstore when a stranger speaks up. 'Hello, how are you?' the stranger greets you. 'Good, and you?' might be your response. Your conversation partner might proceed to talk to you about something trivial — the weather outside, the latest game, an annoyance during the morning commute or something silly the person's dog did that morning. It's nothing that matters much, but you've suddenly found yourself participating in small talk. Some people might dread the seemingly insignificant conversation or think it's not worth their time, while others may delight in the light exchange. In most cases, especially with strangers or acquaintances, small talk is unavoidable as both parties try to find common ground. 'It's communication that we use to orient and acquaint ourselves with other people, (and) it's the gateway to deeper, richer talk,' said Matt Abrahams, a lecturer in organizational behavior at Stanford Graduate School of Business. 'Chances are, somebody in your friendship group, if not more, you met through a small talk situation.' For people without much practice in small talk, the challenge may feel daunting. But there are ways to get better at this form of communication. And it's worthwhile to try, as the exchanges can positively affect a person's overall well-being, Abrahams said. Here's what experts want people to know about the benefits of small talk. The benefits of small talk People facing the prospect of small talk may put too much pressure on themselves to perform well when meeting someone for the first time. They also may worry about the daunting act of speaking spontaneously, which requires thinking on the spot and responding fast to keep the conversation going, said Abrahams, who hosts the podcast 'Think Fast, Talk Smart,' to share tips for strategic communication. So why should you do it? Whether or not you seek out small talk or avoid it at all costs, research has shown that light conversations with people you don't know well can have beneficial effects on health and well-being, such as boosting your mood and decreasing your feelings of isolation. '(Small talk) is something that we psychologists think is kind of fundamental. It's like (how) we need food, we need water — we need to feel like we belong and that we matter to other people,' said Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, an associate professor in the psychology of kindness at the UK's University of Sussex who has researched the effects of minimal social interactions. Then-US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy declared loneliness an epidemic in the United States in 2023. Daily loneliness affects 1 in 5 adults in the US, the highest level in two years, according to Gallup data from October. By having a light conversation with an acquaintance or stranger, people can feel more connected with one another and have a stronger sense of community, said Sandstrom, whose research has shown that those who have more casual daily interactions, such as talking to a neighbor or a barista at a coffee shop, feel a greater sense of belonging. 'Talking to strangers can feel scary because we don't know what's going to happen, but also that's kind of exciting,' Sandstrom said. 'It's fun and it's nice to have some unexpected thing happen, where we learn something new or see a new perspective.' How to become an expert at small talk In some scenarios, such as an upcoming work or networking event, people can prepare ahead of time for the expected spontaneous conversations, said Dr. Sunita Sah, an organizational psychologist and professor of management and organizations at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. Researching people ahead of time who you know will be at an event and planning questions to ask can help to alleviate nerves, Sah said. In more spontaneous moments, there are tricks to making good conversation. The easiest method is to make an observation about your shared surroundings, which is why people often talk about the weather, or to ask people general questions to learn more about them, Sah said. (That's why people often ask if you did anything interesting over the weekend or if you have any vacation plans.) This kind of conversation isn't a tennis match, where one needs to get the ball back to the other side of the court as fast as possible. Abrahams said he likes to think of this exchange more as a game of hacky sack — in which the goal is to be collaborative to keep the sack in the air. 'You have to coordinate with the other person, so I want to set you up, so then you can set me back up. It's about being interested, not interesting, and that mindset shift is important,' he said. Sometimes slowing down and taking a beat before responding can reduce rambling and give more clarity and structure to an answer. 'People will feel in small talk and other spontaneous speaking situations that they have to respond immediately, (but) you can say, 'Give me a second to think about that.' Or you can ask a clarifying question that gives yourself time to think,' Abrahams added. Like anything, small talk gets better with practice, Sandstrom said. If someone goes a long time without socializing in casual settings, small talk might seem scarier than it is. In her research, Sandstrom found that the more people engage in small talk, the more confident they become in their social skills and the less worried they are about rejection, she said. At the end of the day, small talk is meant to be lighthearted and enjoyable, and a little humor and compassion go a long way, Sah said. 'I personally really love small talk. I think it gives you lovely interactions with people throughout the day that you probably don't want to go deeper with,' Sah said. 'It really does build rapport and trust and some level of friendliness. 'In today's age where everybody can just revert to their phones or go days without speaking to someone, I think that small talk (helps) take away the loneliness aspect.'
