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Forbes
28-07-2025
- Lifestyle
- Forbes
4 Reasons Why Every Couple Needs A ‘Third Place' — By A Psychologist
If you've been feeling more like business partners or roommates than lovers or teammates, maybe you ... More don't need a couples' retreat. Maybe you just need a third place Most couples understand the value of quality time, communication and shared goals. But one subtle relationship enhancer that often gets overlooked is the 'third place.' Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, a third place refers to a space that's neither home (the first place) nor work (the second), but a neutral, communal environment like a park, café or community center, where people can gather, unwind and connect. While this idea has long been discussed sociologically, recent research now gives it empirical backing. A national U.S. survey found that people who perceived third places as accessible in their community also reported a significantly higher quality of life. For couples, this is especially relevant: when shared third spaces are part of their routine, relationships benefit from the same upliftment. These environments create opportunities to shift out of 'logistics' mode and into deeper connection. Without them, partners often slip into functional patterns that make them feel more like co-managers of life than co-creators of joy. When couples lack shared spaces outside their domestic and professional lives, their relationship begins to feel like a two-person to-do list rather than a living, breathing bond. Third places act as buffers, offering novelty, lightness and the kind of presence that relationships need to thrive. If you're wondering what a third place for couples looks like, then think of that little tea shop you both love, the hobby class you took on a whim or the book club you attend together. A third place is, in short: Here are four reasons why the third place is a silent powerhouse for couple wellbeing. 1. It Interrupts The 'Home Loop' When couples interact primarily within the home environment, their conversations often become dominated by logistical and task-oriented matters such as finances, household chores, parenting duties and duties of being children themselves, requiring them to check on and care for their parents. Left unchecked, this functional mode of interaction can dull emotional intimacy and create relational fatigue. A study published in the Journal of Service Research, examining the role of commercial third places such as cafes, gyms and community centers, found that individuals experiencing a loss of social support often turn to these spaces with the sole purpose of reestablishing emotional connection and companionship. These settings effectively serve as compensatory environments, offering psychological relief from isolation and emotional strain. For couples, third places work the same way. You don't need a major crisis to feel sapped out of emotional energy; the home can gradually deplete emotional energy simply by being tied to responsibility. Stepping out together brings novelty and casual, playful connection in a way that is not mediated by problem-solving or planning, helping shift the dynamic from task-based talk to relational presence. 2. It Decreases Emotional Dependence In Love Often, without meaning for it to happen, romantic partners become each other's primary source of emotional support. However, when your partner becomes your go-to person for every emotional need, it's a recipe for emotional strain and imbalance in the relationship. In fact, research shows that people fare far better when they distribute the fulfillment of their emotional needs across multiple relationships. Having different go-to people for different feelings, perhaps one for sadness and another for anxiety, supports better psychological health and emotional regulation. Researchers suggest that diversifying one's emotional network, even among the same number of close connections, tends to be more adaptive and sustainable than overly relying on one's partner. Shared third places naturally expand one's emotional network. Whether it's a pottery class or weekend hike, being in socially open settings offers moments of connection with close friends, strangers, acquaintances or even with the environment, which can help regulate your mood. While it's important to rely on them too, these small exchanges relieve your partner from being your sole 'emotional container,' creating a more balanced, less burdened relationship. 3. It Strengthens Your 'Couple Identity' Third places tend to bring people together like few other spaces can. Couples who develop rituals around a shared third place, such as a Sunday art class or a weekly farmer's market, actively reinforce what researchers call 'couple identity clarity.' This is the extent to which partners share a coherent understanding of who they are as a unit. According to a 2020 longitudinal and experimental study, higher couple identity clarity is associated with greater commitment and a reduced likelihood of relationship dissolution over time. By repeatedly engaging in experiences that are distinctly 'theirs,' couples build a stable narrative of their joint identity, rooted in shared meaning and chosen rituals. A third place, then, doesn't just offer leisure, it becomes a relational anchor that helps partners remember and reinforce who they are together. 4. It Activates The Brain's Reward System Through Shared Novelty Third places offer couples the chance to experience something entirely new together. Novelty enhances dopamine release, which is the brain's feel-good neurotransmitter. It's not just about doing something new every time, it's also about doing it together. A series of experiments demonstrated that couples who engaged in novel and mildly arousing activities, ranging from lab tasks to everyday shared adventures, reported significantly higher relationship satisfaction compared to those who didn't. And the effect wasn't incidental; it was directly tied to reduced boredom and a refreshed sense of connection. That's exactly what a third place offers. Whether it's a weekly trivia night or trying out a pottery class, it creates a shared neural 'high' that couples begin to associate with each other. Over time, these experiences condition the relationship with excitement, keeping it emotionally nourishing even in long-term partnerships. 3 Ways To Create A Third Space For Each Other A third space doesn't have to be fancy or far away. All it needs to do is to offer ease, joy and a break from your usual rhythm. Here's how you can build one into your relationship: 1. Make it predictable. Choose a regular time to visit your third space. This could be a weekly Sunday morning, a mid-month evening or the first Saturday of every month. Predictability builds anticipation and turns it into a shared ritual. Think: the same café every Friday evening or a recurring local event you both enjoy. 2. Make it enjoyable for both. It shouldn't feel like a compromise or a chore. Try activities you're both curious about. Instead of one person performing while the other spectates, opt for experiences that involve mutual participation. It could be something like browsing a local bookstore, hiking a favorite trail or joining a couples' dance class. The third space works best when you both want to show up. 3. Keep it low-stakes. There should be no pressure. You're not going there to fix anything, solve problems or have 'the talk.' A good third space invites lightness and presence. It might be a silent walk or even just sitting on a park bench with ice cream. The key is not focusing on the outcome, and just 'being' together. Your relationship can't grow if it only lives inside your calendar and kitchen. A third place offers much-needed room to breathe. It lets you step out of the patterns that keep you stuck and into the spaces that let you remember why you fell in love in the first place. Do you think your relationship could benefit from a third place? Take the science-backed Relationship Flourishing Scale to find out.
Time Out
11-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Time Out
Café culture reimagined: how matcha, music and mindfulness are redefining nightlife
Picture this: a Sunday morning pulsing with fresh beats, the scent of ceremonial-grade matcha in the air, and a room full of people swaying, boogieing or simply sipping in peace over pastries and hash browns. This was the vibe at Mix and Matcha 's debut event, a sober morning gathering blending wellness rituals, electronic music and community connection. Matcha-fuelled, music-charged and hangover-free. Held at Bourke Street Courtyard, the free (but fully booked out) session featured specialty coffee and a genre-hopping DJ set that moved from hip hop and baile funk to Afro house and amapiano. Designed as a gentle yet energising antidote to nightlife fatigue, the event offered something refreshingly new: a third space for early risers, burnt-out partygoers and caffeine connoisseurs alike. Think of it as an alternative to Zumba, a more joyful way to queue for your matcha or a soft substitute for the Friday or Saturday night you didn't quite make. As many of us collectively age out of sticky club floors and Sunday comedowns, partying culture is shifting. Since the pandemic, Australians have begun drinking less – nearly 30 per cent less than just seven years ago. The appeal of loud clubs and long lines is giving way to something calmer: mornings filled with movement, flavour and connection. And if you're going to line up for coffee, why not add good beats and friendly faces? Enter the rise of the ' third place '. Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, the term refers to social spaces beyond home (the first place) and work (the second). Traditionally, that meant pubs, bars or churches, but today, a new wave of cafés is redefining what these spaces can look like, by day and night. They're inclusive, multipurpose and often alcohol-optional, offering low-pressure ways to connect, create, or simply be. Across Melbourne, more cafés are embracing this shift and reimagining what going out can feel like. At Café Tomi in North Melbourne, weekends transform with Winter Night Labo: a low-lit mix of live jazz, vinyl listening and experimental desserts. The mood is slow, cosy and a world away from overstimulating club nights. In Brunswick, Osoi takes a community-first approach. One weekend might feature a mellow DJ set; the next, a corgi-led dog walk called Lattes and Leads, where coffee meets companionship in the most wholesome way possible. The café also offers self-reflection cards, affirmation decks and postcards by local illustrators as part of a considered atmosphere that invites guests to slow down and check in. 'These little details are an intentional invitation to bring you into the present moment,' says co-founder Nguyen. 'Osoi', Japanese for 'slow', is designed to help you do exactly that. Over in Cremorne, On Air brings energy to the early hours with weekly Espresso Sessions – DJ-led morning parties that blend fitness, fun and discovery. The café partners with running clubs and hosts the Listening Lounge Café, a relaxed Saturday morning hangout with paninis, smoothies and rotating DJ sets. One collaboration, Cremorne Run Club, kicks off at 8am and wraps just in time for the café's breakfast mix. Then there's Good Measure, a day-to-night hybrid where On Decks DJ sets from Thursday to Sunday soundtrack your evenings without the chaos. Think natural wines, vibey soundscapes and baristas pulling flat whites late into the night. It's a space where music and conversation can coexist. No thumping basslines, no headaches. The venue also champions local and Australian producers, both on the menu and in its playlists. These venues aren't replicating clubbing; they're offering a different kind of buzz. One where friendships form in daylight or early evening, conversations flow easily and your body feels better the next day, not worse. Whether it's 9am or 9pm, third places are emerging as thoughtful, creative alternatives to what nightlife and daylife can be. For anyone craving connection without chaos, they offer something rare: warmth, rhythm and room to just be. Turns out you don't need next-day hangxiety or a 2am HSP to feel like you've had a night to remember – just good beats, great brews and a room full of people who came for the vibe.
Mint
04-06-2025
- General
- Mint
The importance of ‘third places' in a disconnected world
A 25-year-old client tells me, 'I spend all my week working from home and then on weekends I'm binge watching, spending time on my couch. Sometimes I order food, I rarely head out. When I was in college, I used to be out every day, meeting friends, making plans. Now I feel lifeless and trapped, I don't know what needs to change." Another 53-year-old client says, 'I recently joined a dance class, and I can't tell you how alive I feel. The shadow of the pandemic continued to haunt my life. My work is hybrid so I'm at my office twice a week and rest of the days I'm working from my home. I have forgotten what it's like to be in spaces that are neither home nor work. I listen to podcasts, chat with friends online, play on my console and yet feel isolated and unhappy although there isn't any reason particularly to be sad." Also read: Navigating grief after a personal loss Over the last decade, and more so in the last two years, my clients have been talking about this feeling of disengagement and disconnection. The thread that connects all of them is that they spend all their time either at home or at their workplace. And this seems true across age groups. Complicating it is the fact that even at home, people are spending more and more time alone, glued to their devices or eating alone. My 25-year-old client said that while they order food from the same restaurant, her father, mother and she watch separate shows in their own spaces. As I hear clients talk about this, I wonder if our loneliness, lack of aliveness, disengagement and lethargy is linked to the loss of 'third places", a term that is attributed to sociologist Ray Oldenburg in his 1989 book The Great Good Place. Our first place is the place we live and the second place is our workplace/school/college. Using this lens, our third places are spaces beyond these two, which could be the neighbourhood salon, gym, a place of worship, park, bookstore, grocery store, restaurant or community centre. In the book, Celebrating the Third Place: Inspiring Stories about the 'Great Good Places' at the Heart of Our Communities (2001), Oldenberg writes, 'The nature of a third place is one in which the presence of a 'regular' is always welcome, although never required. Membership is a simple, fluid process of frequent social contact, renewed each time by choice of the people involved." These are places that offer us familiarity, community, warmth, connection and micro interactions. They allow us a sense of ease, help us relax and offer engagement, either in short bursts or long duration which we can choose. In my neighbourhood, the dosa place is one of my favourite third places as is the bookstore I visit regularly. Both offer enough opportunities for interaction along with a sense of belonging and comfort, and in a strange way it feels like I can park all my worries, life's agonies at the doorstep and step in to a different world. I often suggest that clients think about these spaces from a lens of what rejuvenates and energises them. Then look at them from a perspective of shared interests. One client mentioned how she found a third space in the company of friends with whom she started discussing meditation at the park, and another joined a food lovers' community to find connection, friendship and joy. The road to building long-term engagement, community and a sense of vitality lies in these third places. While online delivery and technology is bringing a massive sense of convenience, it is taking away our social fitness and eating into our third spaces. Also read: Why strong social connections matter more than ever Finally, we need to choose and make room for these spaces, even on days when ordering in and lying on the couch feels tempting. Sonali Gupta is a Mumbai-based psychotherapist. She is the author of the book You Will be Alright: A Guide to Navigating Grief and has a YouTube channel, Mental Health with Sonali.
Edinburgh Reporter
01-06-2025
- Business
- Edinburgh Reporter
Edinburgh's Expanding Espresso Elite
In a column last summer, I featured what I then considered to be Edinburgh's best specialty coffee places; its 'espresso elite'. These were (in no particular order) The Source, Beatnik, Lowdown, Little Fitzroy, Cult Espresso, Williams and Johnson, and Origin. That list was far from exhaustive. Pleasingly, high quality new coffee spots continue to arrive in the city, while several established places continue to serve tasty brews. This new list includes a new spot, as well as one of the city's specialty coffee pioneers. There are , it should be noted, many other places serving fine coffee in the city. What the list shows is that the availability of high quality coffee continues a steady rise. It's all part of a general shift in the UK towards coffee, evident since the 1990s. In this sense the UK is starting to resemble continental Europe where cafes are often very numerous. Despite Brexit, we are becoming more European in this aspect. It also illustrates the way in which cafes are much more than places to drink coffee; they are for many work and study hubs, and what the sociologist Ray Oldenburg termed 'third spaces' by which he meant publicly accessible locations where social interaction can take place. Ante Ante, on Haddington Place, is a compact basement coffee spot with a clear focus on standards, complementing Spry, the highly rated wine bar, on the floor above. On my first visit, my coffee was brought to me as if it was a goblet full of a liquid with immense religious significance. Though, what I imbibed did not produce a spiritual awakening, it was richly flavour-packed. My taste buds at least experienced something divine. The care and attention expended on it had been worth it. Ante is clearly a high class addition to the coffee scene. 1b Haddington Place, EH7 4AE. Cafēn Cafēn has, in a few short months created a definite buzz, not least among others in Edinburgh's coffee scene. All those I've asked have been very impressed. In all my visits, I've been served consistently excellent brews, showing off the interesting range of beans they stock. As with some of the very best places, this includes a real focus on different brewing methods, beyond espresso. The only drawback of this instant popularity is that seats can be difficult to find. It's well worth it if you can. 44 Dundas Street, EH3 6JN. Room & Rumours Room and Rumours in the Old Town initially attracted a lot of attention for its highly rated donuts but this should not eclipse the very fine coffee that they serve. This is made with skill and precision with their under the counter machine. Room and Rumours rotate the coffees they are using, changing every few weeks. These have included beans by Clifton Coffee, based in Bristol, and Girls Who Grind; an all female roastery. More recently, they've offered Hundred House Coffee, ethically sourced from sustainable, eco-conscious growers from around the world. In all cases, the quality of the coffee served has been outstanding, a testament to the consistency of their friendly and knowledgeable baristas and the well chosen beans. Arch 13, 25 East Market Street, EH8 8FS. Artisan Roast Artisan Roast, established in 2007, is one of Edinburgh's specialty coffee pioneers. I left Artisan Roast off the list last year as I felt there was a degree of inconsistency across its four venues. This seems to have been addressed and over the last few months I've been served superb cups at all four. I'd pick out their Bruntsfield Place location as consistently the best of the bunch, while their original Broughton Street branch has a distinct bohemian vibe. It's good to see that they have maintained a strong position after all these years. 138 Bruntsfield Place, EH10 4ER. Detour Espresso This place is marked by its lively, welcoming vibe. Manager Matt Rees has created an engaging place that attracts a substantial band of regulars. Many of them are students and academics from the university, on the other side of the Meadows. Detour is something of a creative hub, with a writers group meeting there, regular art exhibitions and a well curated selection of books available. Their customers are attracted by the interesting music choices, the varied discussion and banter – and by the coffee. This has, I feel, gone up a notch or two in recent years. A tribute to a small, well trained barista team. 39 Argyle Place, EH9 1JT. Fauna Fauna, and its sister café (Heart and Bottle, near Holy Corner) make excellent use of beans by the highly rated London-based Redemption Roasters. Redemption helps provide 'prison leavers with the skills they need to gain secure and meaningful employment'. Fauna's Turkish/ Greek pastries make a great accompaniment to their coffees: especially their very moreish cinnamon dusted vanilla bougatsa. The café itself is long and thin, with an uncluttered feel. The minimalist décor creates a cool and calming atmosphere on a bustling city centre street. Fauna's arrival was part of a post-Covid revival for specialty coffee in the centre of Edinburgh. 19a Queensferry Street, EH2 4QW. Cairngorm Cairngorm in Melville Place is one of the most elegant places to drink specialty coffee in Edinburgh. Cairngorm is also close to Dean Village and other fantastic spots to wander towards, clutching a cup of one of Cairngorm's well crafted brews in your hand. Established in 2014, Cairngorm manifests some of the trends we see in the coffee scene, including a general mainstreaming of specialty coffee. Cairngorm's original basement bar on Frederick Street, which eventually closed in 2023, opened when specialty coffee was something new and edgy. Specialty coffee is no longer an underground movement – literally in Cairngorm's case. 1 Melville Place, EH3 7PR. Like this: Like Related
Forbes
03-04-2025
- General
- Forbes
3 Reasons Why You Should Find Your ‘Third Place' — By A Psychologist
The key to social well-being might lie in finding your 'third place.' Here's why these social hubs ... More are essential for happiness in an increasingly lonely world. Between the demands of work and the comfort of home, there's another space where life happens — a place where you can unwind and connect. This is what sociologist Ray Oldenburg called the 'third place' — a setting outside of home (the first place) and work (the second place) that offers community and a sense of belonging. Oldenburg introduced the concept of the 'third place' in The Great Good Place (1989), highlighting how public spaces like coffee shops, bars and bookstores facilitate social connection. He later expanded on this in Celebrating the Third Place (2000), showcasing real-world examples of their impact. Oldenburg identified key traits of third places: they are neutral ground, open to all, free from status pressures and encourage lighthearted conversation. Think of Central Perk from the TV show Friends — the coffee shop where the characters gathered daily, not just for coffee but for connection, comfort and a break from their everyday lives. This is a classic example of a third place: familiar yet energizing, social yet pressure-free. Whether it's a café, a park, a library or a gym, your third place is somewhere you frequent — a space that allows you to reset and recharge. Here's how having a third place impacts your well-being and how to find your own. A third place can be a powerful tool for combating loneliness by offering individuals a space to connect with others. For many, especially those who may lack strong social support networks, third places offer a sense of belonging. Engaging in social interactions in these settings provides a sense of community, making people feel seen and connected. Research published in the Journal of Service Research found that third places, like malls, diners or cafés, help combat loneliness by providing spaces for social interaction and emotional support. Researchers suggest these environments can create 'commercial friendships' between consumers and staff, especially in older adulthood. Additionally, third places can help create rituals and traditions among friends, which are vital for nurturing strong friendships. By routinely meeting up in the same place — whether it's a weekly coffee at a café or an afternoon walk in the park — individuals create a sense of consistency and connection. These rituals offer a structured way to maintain and deepen friendships, providing both emotional and social benefits. Over time, these traditions become more than just meetings; they evolve into significant emotional touchstones, contributing to overall well-being and combating loneliness. Research published in Applied Research in Quality of Life shows that when third places are accessible to a community, it enhances their quality of life. The sense of community and belonging that comes from engaging with such spaces plays a crucial role in shaping your emotional well-being. These spaces provide a sense of security where you can connect with others freely, knowing you can be yourself without the pressures of life. In a third place, you're also more likely to find yourself surrounded by people who share common interests or values, which creates a safe environment where people tend to feel understood and appreciated. This can contribute to feelings of comfort and confidence, as you might be able to find solace in knowing you belong to a group that values you, whether it's a group of regulars at a coffee shop or a group at a local gym. Additionally, third places allow you to engage in activities you enjoy, often with those you care about. Whether it's participating in a local book club, enjoying creative workshops, attending a fitness class or simply spending time in familiar spaces with friends, these places offer opportunities for both self-expression and creativity. The shared experience of doing something enjoyable together enhances the bond between individuals, providing a foundation for lasting friendships and community ties. Ultimately, third places allow supportive social networks and individual well-being to thrive. In these settings, people often engage in meaningful conversations that offer emotional support and motivation. These interactions can be incredibly valuable, especially in times of stress or uncertainty. A third place serves as an essential refuge, providing individuals with a much-needed break from the demands of daily life. These spaces are intentionally designed to offer a sense of comfort and detachment from routine pressures of work, home or other responsibilities, encouraging people to unwind and recharge. Oldenburg's The Great Good Place (1989) highlights how third places function as 'neutral ground,' where people can socialize informally and experience a sense of belonging. By engaging in relaxed conversations and communal activities, individuals can enjoy moments of reprieve from life's stresses. This is especially important for emotional well-being, as social support and interpersonal connections play a vital role in relieving feelings of anxiety and tension. The relaxed nature of third places provides a sanctuary where people can be their authentic selves without fear of judgment or expectations. Whether it's through casual chats with familiar faces or engaging in group activities that spark creativity and joy, these spaces encourage a sense of emotional relief. This sense of emotional support, paired with the physical act of relaxing in a comfortable setting, can significantly reduce stress and promote mental clarity. Finding a third place that suits your needs can significantly enhance your social connectedness and overall well-being. Here's how you can find your own: By intentionally finding a third place that resonates with you, you cultivate a space that nurtures both your social and mental health. Wondering how connected you are to those around you? Take this science-backed test to find out: Social Connectedness Scale
