Latest news with #TheNextConversation:ArgueLess
Dublin Live
21-05-2025
- Dublin Live
Lawyer says there's a word people always use when they lie
Our community members are treated to special offers, promotions and adverts from us and our partners. You can check out at any time. More info A legal expert and communication specialist has revealed a crucial keyword that he claims is often used by liars, which could help you spot deceit in seconds. On the latest episode of the podcast Diary of a CEO, Jefferson Fisher offered up some insights into the kinds of language to watch out for as clear indicators of lying, reports the Mirror. Jefferson, who's not only a trial lawyer but also a guru in communication, hosts his own show, The Jefferson Fisher Podcast. There, he shares tips on how to communicate with confidence. Plus, he's penned the much-anticipated book The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, queuing up for release. In their chat, he shared various speaking tricks that exude authority, and even courtroom-proven methods that can tip the scales in legal disputes or day-to-day chit-chat. Importantly, he called attention to a certain word that fibbers seem attached to. He let on that using 'extremes' is a big red flag. Words such as 'never' and 'always' are case in point. To drive his point home, he had Steven ask him: "Were you texting while you were driving that day?" To which Jefferson answered: "No, I never text. Never text when I drive." He went on to explain: "Notice I said a big word. I said 'never'. Never is an extreme. Extremes are a dead giveaway that they're usually not telling the truth. Everybody texts when they drive at some point in time, even in your car. Never and always. It's always or never true. So that's a big one." Delving into the tell-tale signs of dishonesty, Jefferson noted: "Second of all, I answered really quickly. I didn't breathe, think about it or try to actually show you that I was trying to remember in time. I gave you a really immediate response." He further advised Steven on how to handle liars by slowly repeating their questions, asking: "You never text while driving?" Jefferson explained the discomfort this causes for liars, saying: "So what they'll do most often is they'll say, 'well, I mean sometimes I do', because now they hinge on that word 'never'. "And then they realise, 'oh, that's a risk word'. And they'll sort of backtrack and say, 'I mean, sometimes I do, I mean, maybe, but hardly ever'." Jefferson added: "When that happens, what you typically want to do is give them an out. Now they've put themselves into a corner and they're looking for an out. And a way to do that is to say, 'if you were texting, it's OK'." Jefferson highlights the importance of being cautious with definitive words like 'never' and 'always', and points out that silence can be a powerful tool in conversations, especially when dealing with dishonest or manipulative individuals. A pause can force the other person to rethink their words, potentially exposing inconsistencies. He explained: "Silence is the ultimate nemesis of liars because they create dialogues in their minds for you." He pointed out that silence can cause unease, leading people to try and fill the void, often betraying their deceit or uncertainty. He further advised: "When somebody is belittling you or being rude or being disrespectful, what we typically want to do is throw it right back because now we got to win. Instead of that, here's what I would want you to do: one, you're going to have five to seven seconds of silence; two, you're going to ask them to say it again because a lot of time in arguments people take it back." In addition to spotting potential liars, Jefferson offers advice on how to communicate effectively during conflicts. He emphasises the influence of our word choices on our interactions and the shaping of relationships and experiences. He cautions against the urge to simply win an argument, which can harm relationships, and suggests viewing disagreements as chances to understand and resolve issues. He stresses the need to regulate breathing and remain calm in confrontational situations, preventing the fight-or-flight response. "I teach that you never want to win an argument. When you look to win an argument, you will often lose the relationship," he added. Join our Dublin Live breaking news service on WhatsApp. Click this link to receive your daily dose of Dublin Live content. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice .
Time Magazine
16-05-2025
- General
- Time Magazine
The Best Way to Interrupt Someone
If you're the type of person who cares about conversational etiquette, the idea of interrupting someone might make you cringe. But sometimes, cutting in is necessary. However, you should only do it if your conversation partner is 'saying something factually inaccurate,' says Jefferson Fisher, a Texas-based lawyer and author of The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More. 'It's not that you're arguing with their opinion; you're arguing an actual issue of legitimate fact.' With the right words, you can do it in a way that (probably) won't irritate whoever is on the receiving end. Be upfront The best way to interrupt someone is to acknowledge what you're doing. Start with the words 'I know I'm interrupting' or 'I need to interrupt.' With this preamble, 'people don't get defensive, because it's you acknowledging what you're doing,' Fisher says. 'If you're talking and you said something inaccurate, I would say, 'Angela, I need to interrupt you,' or 'I know I'm interrupting you.' You won't see it as an affront or as me just assuming that what I'm saying is more important than what you're saying.' Read More: How to Say 'I Told You So' in a More Effective Way The same philosophy applies to social gatherings. If you want to steal someone away who is already in conversation with another guest, announce what you're doing instead of grabbing the person's arm and pulling them away. 'If somebody comes up and says, 'I need to take Angela for a minute,' and then pulls you, now I understand the dynamic,' Fisher says. 'It's like giving a roadmap for what needs to happen.' Voicing what you're doing is almost always useful, he adds. If you're in an argument with someone and you suddenly slam the door shut and leave the room, for example, it probably won't go over well. If you explicitly state that you need to leave the room, however, you're at least making your intentions clear and setting expectations. 'When you claim it, you control it,' Fisher says. 'When you say something out loud, it shows your confidence in what you're doing, which is powerful in communication.' Use the person's name People like to hear the sound of their own name—which makes it one of the best ways to capture their attention, even when they're busy steamrolling a conversation. If you're in a meeting with a grade-A dominator, and no one can manage to squeeze in, say the person's name: 'I might say 'Angela,' and if you keep on talking, I'll say 'Angela'—and maybe I have to say it again—but eventually you will stop,' Fisher says. 'You'll stop for your name, rather than me trying to fight for the mic.' Pass the mic Sometimes, you'll be caught in a meeting with someone who's been yammering on for 6 minutes and counting. Rather than trying to talk over them—which is akin to 'grabbing for control, which looks desperate'—try to turn things over to someone else. Fisher's favorite way to tactfully do this is to first acknowledge what the person is saying: 'I hear you on X, Y, and Z, and I'm going to follow-up on your points. Now I'd really like to hear from Jessica on this topic.' 'It's a gracious way of trying to pass it on to somebody else, because sometimes people start talking, and they just don't know how to land the plane,' he says. 'They don't know how to exit the stage, so you have to metaphorically get out that hook and pull them from it.'
Yahoo
14-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
8 Things to Say When Someone Interrupts You
Credit - Photo-Illustration by Chloe Dowling for TIME (Source Images: Pencho Chukov—Getty Images, Agustin Vai—Getty Images) Interruptions are one of the most egregious communication violations—but not all stem from the same place. It's possible someone's cutting in because they're neurodivergent, for example, and 'have a difficult time focusing without speaking,' says Jefferson Fisher, a Texas-based lawyer and author of The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More. In that case? Let them get their words out; they don't mean any offense. Other times, your conversation partner will clearly be making the intentional choice to talk over you. 'What they're saying is, 'What I have to say is more important than what you have to say,'' Fisher points out. 'In some sense, they've stomped on your self-esteem. They've put themselves above you.' What should you do about it? We asked experts exactly what to say when someone interrupts you. The first time someone talks over you, continue speaking as though you haven't been interrupted. 'If you take a pause, you allow the other person to intervene,' says Jamila Musayeva, an etiquette expert who posts educational videos on YouTube. 'It might sound like it's rude to continue what you're saying, but it establishes power. You're not allowing them to cut into your message.' The key, she adds, is maintaining the same tone: Don't raise your voice or start to mumble. 'You're not showing them that you're being triggered by it, and you're not giving them the emotions or attention they're looking for,' she says. That may be all it takes to ensure they allow you to speak. If the person interrupting you continues to do so beyond that initial transgression, it's time to take action. Address them by name: 'Names get people's attention,' Fisher says. Plus, when you use the phrasing he suggests, 'It's not me saying anything about you. It's me saying it about me: 'I can't hear you.'' That, he's found, usually puts an end to the interruptions. Read More: 8 Ways to Respond to an Apology Besides 'It's OK' People often make the mistake of apologizing when they're the ones being interrupted: 'Sorry, can I continue?' Avoid that—you didn't do anything wrong, says Elise Powers, who runs a global communications training firm and frequently coaches clients on how to handle interruptions. Instead, she suggests asking if you can finish what you were saying. 'Do it in a confident way, where almost no one is going to say, 'No, you may not finish,'' she says. 'It's polite, tactful, and professional—you're not trying to alienate them.' Plus, by steering clear of more aggressive retorts, you'll spare the other people in the room from an awkward exchange. This is another example of how starting with someone's first name instantly grabs their attention. Once you have it, 'You're being really clear and setting their expectations,' Powers says. 'You're putting yourself in control of the situation and giving them peace of mind: 'I care about what you have to say, John. I want to hear it, so don't worry about me not valuing your perspective.'' You're simply following the optimal order of operations—you'll finish your thought, and then they can share theirs. Even when you tell someone you'll wrap up your last points, they may continue interrupting you. That's why it's important to pair your verbal cues with body language, Musayeva says. She's noticed that, when interrupted, people tend to retract—they roll their shoulders inwards and tuck their necks in, almost like they're trying to hide or minimize themselves. Instead, 'Make sure you roll your shoulders backwards and drop them down, so it's almost like an exaggerated movement,' she advises. Your chest should be out—not in slouched form—and your neck should be elongated and open, with palms open and visible. 'We want to show that we have command of the room,' Musayeva says. There are levels to how you respond to an interruption—and this certainly isn't step one. But if it's happening over and over again, Fisher likes this pointed way of calling out the offense. 'It tends to take care of it,' he says. If you're dealing with a repeat offender—maybe a colleague who interjects every time you start to share an idea—address the issue in a one-on-one conversation, Powers suggests. Pull the person aside after the meeting, and tell them you feel like they aren't receptive to your thoughts, because whenever you speak, they jump in. 'It's worth having a conversation to understand why this is happening, and how you could both make efforts to reduce the likelihood of it happening again,' she says. A bonus tip: What should you do if you see a colleague being talked over? The short answer is that it depends on the context. Perhaps the person you want to advocate for would rather defend themselves, so consider the dynamics at play. 'There are some women who would feel like, 'OK, is this guy just trying to be the quarterback for me? I don't need a hero; I can handle this on my own,'' Powers says. In that case, you might approach your colleague privately: 'I noticed you weren't able to finish your thoughts in the meeting today. Would it be helpful in the future if I jumped in?' Or you could pass along your favorite strategy for responding to interruptions: 'Here's something I've done when I've been cut off. I don't know if it'll be helpful for you, but I wanted to share it because I do want to hear what you have to say.' Read More: 8 Things to Say During a Fight With Your Partner Generally, though, if you see someone being interrupted, there's no harm in finding a way to pass the microphone back to them. Asking them to elaborate on what they had been saying is a graceful way to express genuine interest and ensure they're heard, Powers says, without disempowering them. Wondering what to say in a tricky social situation? Email timetotalk@ Contact us at letters@
Time Magazine
14-05-2025
- General
- Time Magazine
8 Ways to Respond When Someone Interrupts You
Interruptions are one of the most egregious communication violations—but not all stem from the same place. It's possible someone's cutting in because they're neurodivergent, for example, and 'have a difficult time focusing without speaking,' says Jefferson Fisher, a Texas-based lawyer and author of The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More. In that case? Let them get their words out; they don't mean any offense. Other times, your conversation partner will clearly be making the intentional choice to talk over you. 'What they're saying is, 'What I have to say is more important than what you have to say,'' Fisher points out. 'In some sense, they've stomped on your self-esteem. They've put themselves above you.' What should you do about it? We asked experts exactly what to say when someone interrupts you. Just keep talking. The first time someone talks over you, continue speaking as though you haven't been interrupted. 'If you take a pause, you allow the other person to intervene,' says Jamila Musayeva, an etiquette expert who posts educational videos on YouTube. 'It might sound like it's rude to continue what you're saying, but it establishes power. You're not allowing them to cut into your message.' The key, she adds, is maintaining the same tone: Don't raise your voice or start to mumble. 'You're not showing them that you're being triggered by it, and you're not giving them the emotions or attention they're looking for,' she says. That may be all it takes to ensure they allow you to speak. 'Bob, I can't hear you when you interrupt me.' If the person interrupting you continues to do so beyond that initial transgression, it's time to take action. Address them by name: 'Names get people's attention,' Fisher says. Plus, when you use the phrasing he suggests, 'It's not me saying anything about you. It's me saying it about me: 'I can't hear you.'' That, he's found, usually puts an end to the interruptions. 'May I finish?' People often make the mistake of apologizing when they're the ones being interrupted: 'Sorry, can I continue?' Avoid that—you didn't do anything wrong, says Elise Powers, who runs a global communications training firm and frequently coaches clients on how to handle interruptions. Instead, she suggests asking if you can finish what you were saying. 'Do it in a confident way, where almost no one is going to say, 'No, you may not finish,'' she says. 'It's polite, tactful, and professional—you're not trying to alienate them.' Plus, by steering clear of more aggressive retorts, you'll spare the other people in the room from an awkward exchange. 'John, I'll turn it over to you when I finish my thought.' This is another example of how starting with someone's first name instantly grabs their attention. Once you have it, 'You're being really clear and setting their expectations,' Powers says. 'You're putting yourself in control of the situation and giving them peace of mind: 'I care about what you have to say, John. I want to hear it, so don't worry about me not valuing your perspective.'' You're simply following the optimal order of operations—you'll finish your thought, and then they can share theirs. 'I'd like to finish my thoughts—thanks for your patience.' Even when you tell someone you'll wrap up your last points, they may continue interrupting you. That's why it's important to pair your verbal cues with body language, Musayeva says. She's noticed that, when interrupted, people tend to retract—they roll their shoulders inwards and tuck their necks in, almost like they're trying to hide or minimize themselves. Instead, 'Make sure you roll your shoulders backwards and drop them down, so it's almost like an exaggerated movement,' she advises. Your chest should be out—not in slouched form—and your neck should be elongated and open, with palms open and visible. 'We want to show that we have command of the room,' Musayeva says. 'I want to make sure: Is this a conversation, or do you need me here only to listen?' There are levels to how you respond to an interruption—and this certainly isn't step one. But if it's happening over and over again, Fisher likes this pointed way of calling out the offense. 'It tends to take care of it,' he says. 'There have been a few times lately, today included, where I've felt like I haven't been able to share my thoughts completely.' If you're dealing with a repeat offender—maybe a colleague who interjects every time you start to share an idea—address the issue in a one-on-one conversation, Powers suggests. Pull the person aside after the meeting, and tell them you feel like they aren't receptive to your thoughts, because whenever you speak, they jump in. 'It's worth having a conversation to understand why this is happening, and how you could both make efforts to reduce the likelihood of it happening again,' she says. 'Sarah, you were mentioning something about X, Y, or Z. Could you elaborate more on that?' A bonus tip: What should you do if you see a colleague being talked over? The short answer is that it depends on the context. Perhaps the person you want to advocate for would rather defend themselves, so consider the dynamics at play. 'There are some women who would feel like, 'OK, is this guy just trying to be the quarterback for me? I don't need a hero; I can handle this on my own,'' Powers says. In that case, you might approach your colleague privately: 'I noticed you weren't able to finish your thoughts in the meeting today. Would it be helpful in the future if I jumped in?' Or you could pass along your favorite strategy for responding to interruptions: 'Here's something I've done when I've been cut off. I don't know if it'll be helpful for you, but I wanted to share it because I do want to hear what you have to say.' Generally, though, if you see someone being interrupted, there's no harm in finding a way to pass the microphone back to them. Asking them to elaborate on what they had been saying is a graceful way to express genuine interest and ensure they're heard, Powers says, without disempowering them.
Daily Mirror
29-04-2025
- Daily Mirror
Lawyer says there's one word liars always use and it's a 'huge giveaway'
Communication expert Jefferson Fisher shared his top tips for spotting when someone is not telling the truth A legal expert and communication specialist has disclosed a keyword that he says liars tend to use, which can assist you in detecting dishonesty in mere seconds. In a recent episode of the podcast Diary of a CEO, Jefferson Fisher shared insights on the type of language to be cautious of, which can serve as a clear indicator of untruthfulness. Jefferson, a trial lawyer and communication authority, also hosts The Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where he imparts strategies for confident communication. He is the acclaimed author of the forthcoming book The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More. During the discussion, he unveiled various speaking strategies that command authority and several courtroom-proven techniques that can sway legal cases and everyday conversations. He pointed out that liars often resort to a specific word when it comes to dishonesty. He explained that the use of 'extremes' serves as a 'dead giveaway' that someone is probably lying. Words like 'never' and 'always' are prime examples. To illustrate, he invited Steven to pose the question: "Were you texting while you were driving that day?" Jefferson responded: "No, I never text. Never text when I drive." He elaborated on this by saying: "Notice I said a big word. I said 'never'. Never is an extreme. Extremes are a dead giveaway that they're usually not telling the truth. Everybody texts when they drive at some point in time, even in your car. Never and always. It's always or never true. So that's a big one." Exploring the communication patterns that liars tend to exhibit, Jefferson remarked: "Second of all, I answered really quickly. I didn't breathe, think about it or try to actually show you that I was trying to remember in time. I gave you a really immediate response." He then explained to Steven the effectiveness of slowly repeating the questions liars are asked, prompting him to inquire: "You never text while driving?" Jefferson elaborated on why liars might dislike this question, stating: "So what they'll do most often is they'll say, 'well, I mean sometimes I do', because now they hinge on that word 'never'. "So now they know, 'oh, that's a risk word'. And they'll kind of come out of it and go, 'I mean, sometimes I do, I mean, maybe, but hardly ever'." Jefferson continued: "When that happens, what you typically want to do is give them an out. Now they've put themselves into a corner and they're looking for an out. And a way to do that is to say, 'if you were texting, it's OK'." In addition to questioning the use of words like 'never' and 'always', Jefferson emphasises that silence can be a powerful conversational tool, particularly when engaging with dishonest or manipulative people. A moment of silence can compel the other person to reconsider their statements, often leading to the unearthing of contradictions. He said: "Silence is the ultimate nemesis of liars because they create dialogues in their minds for you." He elaborated that silence can induce discomfort, prompting individuals to fill the gap, frequently revealing their dishonesty or doubt. He added: "When somebody is belittling you or being rude or being disrespectful, what we typically want to do is throw it right back because now we got to win. Instead of that, here's what I would want you to do: one, you're going to have five to seven seconds of silence; two, you're going to ask them to say it again because a lot of time in arguments people take it back." Beyond identifying the signs of a potential liar, Jefferson also provided valuable tips for effective communication during conflicts. He noted that chosen words can significantly impact our interactions, shaping relationships and personal experiences. He warns against focusing solely on winning an argument, which often damages relationships. Instead, he advocates for viewing disagreements as opportunities to gain understanding and resolve issues. He highlights the necessity of controlling your breathing and maintaining composure during confrontations to prevent triggering the fight-or-flight response. "I teach that you never want to win an argument. When you look to win an argument, you will often lose the relationship," he said.
