Latest news with #arguments
Yahoo
a day ago
- General
- Yahoo
15 Things Couples Argue About That Aren't Really About The Topic
Navigating the ups and downs of a relationship can feel like a roller coaster at times, with arguments that seem to pop up out of nowhere. It's easy to think you're fighting about one thing when really, there's a deeper issue at play. Maybe it's not actually about the dishes or who forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. Often, these squabbles are just the tip of the iceberg, concealing underlying emotions and unmet needs. Let's uncover 15 common arguments couples have that aren't really about the topic at hand. 1. The Temperature Of The Room Arguing about whether it's too hot or too cold might seem trivial, but it often signifies deeper issues around control and comfort in the relationship. When you or your partner feels unheard or disregarded in these small matters, it might be a sign of larger communication problems. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, these minor disagreements can snowball into significant conflicts if they aren't addressed with empathy and understanding. It's essential to recognize when you're digging in over the thermostat and ask yourself if there's a bigger issue at play. Addressing how decisions are made together can have a lasting, positive impact on your relationship. The temperature debate might also highlight differences in personal preferences that aren't being respected. It's not just about the room being too hot or too cold; it's about feeling secure and comfortable in your shared space. When one partner consistently feels like their needs are less important, resentment can build over time. Discussing how to compromise effectively can prevent this resentment and help both partners feel valued. Openly communicating about these seemingly minor preferences can lead to a more harmonious living situation and a stronger relationship. 2. Household Chores Arguments over chores are rarely just about who did or didn't do the dishes. More often than not, they're about feeling unappreciated, overwhelmed, or unsupported. When one partner feels like they're carrying an unequal load, it can create tension and fuel feelings of resentment. Rather than focusing solely on the task, it's crucial to talk about how you both view responsibilities and how they're shared. This conversation can lead to a more equitable distribution of chores and a greater sense of teamwork. Discussing chores can also bring up different standards of cleanliness and organization, which can be rooted in each partner's upbringing. These differences can cause friction if not openly discussed and understood. When you take the time to understand your partner's perspective, it helps build empathy and reduce conflict. It's important to acknowledge each other's efforts and come up with a plan that works for both of you. This can help reduce the frequency of arguments and improve overall satisfaction in the relationship. 3. Spending Habits Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships, but arguments about spending are rarely just about the money itself. Often, they're about trust, power dynamics, and differing values around financial security. A study published by the American Psychological Association found that financial disagreements are a significant predictor of divorce. This highlights the importance of addressing the underlying emotions that come up when discussing finances. Talking openly about money, setting joint financial goals, and creating a budget can help prevent these conflicts. Differences in spending habits can also stem from how each partner perceives money based on their personal history. One partner might see spending as a way to enjoy life, while the other views saving as a path to security. Understanding each other's financial mindset can help bridge the gap and reduce tension. It's crucial to find common ground and foster a sense of partnership when it comes to finances. Working together on a financial plan can build trust and strengthen your relationship. 4. Social Media Usage Arguments about social media aren't really about Instagram or Facebook; they're often about attention, boundaries, and validation. When one partner feels that their significant other is more focused on their phone than on them, it can lead to feelings of neglect and insecurity. Social media can also bring up issues of trust, especially if one partner is uncomfortable with who the other is interacting with online. These feelings can be exacerbated if social media is being used as an escape from relationship issues. The key to navigating social media usage is clear communication about boundaries and expectations. Discussing what makes each of you uncomfortable and finding a balance that respects both your needs is crucial. It's also important to ensure that social media doesn't replace meaningful interactions between you. Prioritizing face-to-face communication and quality time can help mitigate the negative impact of social media on your relationship. By setting clear boundaries and focusing on each other, you can reduce the potential for conflict. 5. Time Management Arguments about how time is spent often revolve around feelings of neglect and imbalance. When one partner feels that the other isn't prioritizing the relationship, it can lead to feelings of resentment and disappointment. Research from the Journal of Marriage and Family indicates that couples who spend more quality time together report higher relationship satisfaction. This highlights the importance of consciously making time for each other amid busy schedules. Discussing how to balance work, hobbies, and relationship time can help prevent these conflicts. Time management issues can also reflect different priorities and values that need to be discussed openly. What one partner considers important might not align with the other's expectations. Understanding and respecting each other's needs can help in finding a compromise that satisfies both partners. Setting aside dedicated time for each other can strengthen your connection and ensure that both partners feel valued. This proactive approach can lead to more harmony and less conflict over time. 6. In-Laws And Family Disagreements about family often aren't really about the in-laws, but about boundaries and respect. When one partner feels their boundaries are being ignored or they're being put in uncomfortable situations with family members, it can create tension. It's crucial for both partners to feel supported and that their boundaries are respected when it comes to family involvement. Discussing and setting clear boundaries together can help mitigate these conflicts. Family dynamics can also highlight differences in how each partner was raised, which can bring up unresolved issues and expectations. It's important to recognize how these backgrounds influence your relationship and communicate openly about them. Prioritizing each other's comfort and supporting one another in family interactions can build trust and solidarity. By approaching family issues as a team, you can create a united front that strengthens your relationship. This can lead to more understanding and less conflict over time. 7. Frequency Of Intimacy Arguments about intimacy often mask deeper issues around connection, self-esteem, and unmet needs within the relationship. When one partner feels their needs aren't being met, it can create feelings of rejection and insecurity. According to Dr. Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and researcher, understanding the context of each partner's needs is crucial for a healthy intimate relationship. Open communication about desires and concerns can bridge this gap and foster a stronger connection. It's important to approach these conversations with empathy and patience to ensure both partners feel heard. Intimacy issues can also highlight differences in love languages and how each partner expresses affection. Understanding how you and your partner give and receive love can shed light on why these conflicts arise. By discussing each other's needs and finding a compromise, you can create a fulfilling, intimate relationship that satisfies both partners. It's crucial to prioritize emotional connection and understanding, which can enhance physical intimacy. Addressing these issues thoughtfully can lead to a more supportive and loving relationship. 8. Personal Space And Alone Time Arguments about personal space often boil down to a need for independence and autonomy within the relationship. When one partner feels suffocated or the other feels neglected, it can lead to tension and conflict. It's important to discuss how much alone time each of you needs and respect those boundaries. Finding a balance between togetherness and independence is crucial for a healthy relationship. Personal space issues can also highlight differences in personality and social needs. Some people recharge through solitude, while others need social interaction to feel fulfilled. Understanding these differences and respecting each other's needs can help minimize conflict. It's important to communicate openly about how you can both feel supported without sacrificing your individuality. By respecting each other's need for space, you can create a more harmonious and understanding relationship. 9. Decision Making Arguments about decision-making often stem from power dynamics and feeling undervalued in the relationship. When one partner feels their input isn't considered, it can lead to resentment and feelings of inequality. It's crucial to ensure both partners feel they have an equal say in decisions that affect the relationship. Open communication and mutual respect are key to navigating these conflicts. Decision-making conflicts can also reflect differences in priorities and values. Each partner might have a different approach to what they consider important, which can lead to disagreements. By discussing each other's perspectives and finding common ground, you can make decisions together more effectively. It's important to ensure that both partners feel heard and respected in the decision-making process. This can lead to a more balanced and harmonious relationship over time. 10. Pet Peeves And Annoyances Pet peeves might seem trivial, but they often symbolize deeper issues around respect and compromise. When one partner feels their boundaries aren't being respected, it can lead to resentment and frustration. It's important to address these annoyances before they escalate into larger conflicts. Discussing how to respect each other's boundaries can help mitigate these issues. Pet peeves can also bring up differences in habits and routines that need to be openly discussed. What one partner finds annoying might be completely normal for the other, which can lead to misunderstandings. By understanding each other's perspectives and finding a compromise, you can reduce tension in the relationship. It's important to be patient and respectful in addressing these annoyances. This can lead to a more harmonious and understanding relationship over time. 11. Future Plans And Goals Arguments about future plans often highlight differences in priorities and values around long-term goals. When one partner feels their dreams and aspirations aren't supported, it can create tension and resentment. It's crucial to discuss your individual and joint goals and find common ground. Open communication about the future can strengthen your connection and ensure both partners feel valued. Future plans can also bring up fears and insecurities about the relationship's direction. It's important to address these concerns and support each other's dreams and ambitions. By discussing your hopes for the future and finding a balance that satisfies both partners, you can create a shared vision for your relationship. It's crucial to prioritize each other's growth and support each other's aspirations. This can lead to a more fulfilling and supportive relationship over time. 12. Communication Styles Differences in communication styles often lead to misunderstandings and conflict in relationships. When one partner feels their communication needs aren't being met, it can create tension and frustration. It's important to discuss how you both communicate and find ways to improve understanding. Open communication and empathy are key to navigating these conflicts. Communication style differences can also highlight underlying issues like insecurity or fear of conflict. It's crucial to address these concerns and ensure both partners feel comfortable expressing themselves. By understanding each other's communication styles and finding ways to bridge the gap, you can reduce misunderstandings and improve your connection. It's important to prioritize empathy and active listening in your conversations. This can lead to a more harmonious and understanding relationship over time. 13. Lifestyle Choices Arguments about lifestyle choices often revolve around differences in values and priorities. When one partner feels their lifestyle isn't respected or supported, it can create tension and resentment. It's important to discuss how your lifestyles align and find common ground. Open communication about lifestyle choices can strengthen your connection and ensure both partners feel valued. Lifestyle conflicts can also highlight differences in upbringing and personal values. It's crucial to address these differences and find ways to support each other's choices. By discussing how your lifestyles can blend and finding a compromise, you can reduce tension in the relationship. It's important to respect each other's choices and prioritize understanding in addressing these conflicts. This can lead to a more harmonious and supportive relationship over time. 14. Jealousy And Trust Issues Jealousy and trust issues often mask deeper insecurities and fears within the relationship. When one partner feels insecure or threatened, it can lead to conflict and tension. It's crucial to address these insecurities and work on building trust and confidence. Open communication and reassurance can help alleviate these issues. Trust issues can also highlight past experiences and fears that need to be addressed. It's important to discuss how these experiences influence your relationship and find ways to build trust and security. By understanding each other's perspectives and finding ways to support each other, you can reduce jealousy and trust issues. It's crucial to prioritize honesty and transparency in your relationship. This can lead to a more fulfilling and trusting relationship over time. 15. Health And Wellness Arguments about health and wellness often revolve around differences in priorities and values. When one partner feels their health needs aren't respected or supported, it can create tension and resentment. It's important to discuss how your health and wellness goals align and find common ground. Open communication about health and wellness can strengthen your connection and ensure both partners feel valued. Health and wellness conflicts can also highlight differences in lifestyle choices and personal values. It's crucial to address these differences and find ways to support each other's health and wellness goals. By discussing how your health and wellness choices can coexist and finding a compromise, you can reduce tension in the relationship. It's important to respect each other's choices and prioritize understanding in addressing these conflicts. This can lead to a more harmonious and supportive relationship over time. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
4 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
Man Asks Wife to Stop Sharing Their Arguments with Her Sister and Giving a ‘Front-Row Seat to Every Flaw I Have'
'She said I was 'trying to isolate her' and being controlling,' the husband recalledNEED TO KNOW A Reddit user explained that he would like his wife to keep their private life, including arguments, between the two of them The husband said his sister-in-law 'has been getting a running commentary of our marriage from my wife's side only' His wife said he is ' 'trying to isolate her' and being controlling,' he recalled after he requested her to stopA husband is uncomfortable with his wife's sister seemingly having 'a front-row seat to every flaw' he has in his marriage. The 38-year-old man explained on Reddit's 'Am I the A------' forum that his 35-year-old spouse has been sharing 'basically every argument we have, big or small,' with her sibling whenever he's not around to defend himself. 'We're not constantly fighting or anything, but like any couple, we have our moments — stuff like me forgetting to take out the trash, getting the wrong cereal or spacing out during a conversation,' he wrote. 'Her sister used to be super warm with me, but lately, she's been cold, even passive-aggressive, and it didn't click until I realized she's been getting a running commentary of our marriage from my wife's side only,' he added. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. He then asked his wife to keep their private life between the two of them. 'I wasn't yelling or accusing, just trying to express how it feels to be seen as the 'bad guy' over minor stuff that gets retold out of context,' he said. 'She said I was 'trying to isolate her' and being controlling.' 'To be clear: I don't care if she vents now and then, or leans on her sister during tough times. I just feel like there's a difference between support and giving someone a front-row seat to every flaw I have,' he continued. The husband admitted that he is getting anxious at gatherings for feeling judged by someone — his sister-in-law — who he didn't marry. Pondering if he's being unreasonable, he asked Redditors, 'Am I the a------ for asking her to keep our relationship a little more private?' One reader replied, 'Your wife is weaponizing therapy language here. It's completely reasonable to ask your partner to keep private disagreements private. We all need outside advice now and then, but some privacy in a relationship is also warranted. It's also unfair that your wife was sharing all these presumed-private interactions without you knowing about it.' 'Again, she doesn't need to clear her conversation topics with you, but it feels like she at least should have been upfront with the fact that her sister hears absolutely everything,' the Redditor continued. Another person commented, 'Ask your wife how she would feel if you were relaying every disagreement the two of you have to your family's group chat. Let her know going forward you will not engage with her family ever again while she continues to poison them against you.' Still, a third commenter offered a different perspective. "Generally speaking if someone is happy in their marriage they may vent occasionally about their partner but they don't discuss every single interaction outside the home," they wrote. "If even small things are angering your wife enough that she feels the need to have a running diatribe about you to her sister then she is not happy at all." "It's not wrong to ask for some aspects of your relationship to be private but you should really try to find out why she is so unhappy. Maybe marriage counseling would be a good start," they concluded. Read the original article on People Solve the daily Crossword
The Sun
17-07-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
Freddy Brazier splits from new girlfriend after huge row rocks whirlwind romance
FREDDY Brazier has split from his girlfriend Holly Swinburn after a whirlwind romance. The 20-year-old called it quits after a string of arguments - just weeks after getting a puppy together. 3 3 3 Friends close to Jade Goody 's son Freddy have told The Sun that it's over between them after one particularly upsetting row. The Race Across The World star was living with Holly and had even gone on holiday with her during their short-lived relationship. They decided to get a dog - a bully called Pablo - and set up an Instagram account for him. Within days, Freddy candidly admitted he had upset Holly by staying out to the 'early hours with the boys', while she stayed at home with the dog. He is now thought to be living back with his nan Jackiey and is concentrating on his health and happiness after a very tricky few months. It comes just weeks after his TV presenter dad Jeff Brazier launched legal action to block Jackiey from seeing him. Freddy had been staying with her at her home in Bermondsey despite his dad's concerns for his welfare. A source close to the Brazier family previously told us: "This is something Jeff and anyone who cares about Freddy hopes will help keep Freddy safe from a relationship that has been incredibly detrimental to his well being for a long time now. "The fact that he is going down this route shows how concerned we all our and how our efforts to keep Fred safe are being grossly undermined by other people." Freddy was just four-years-old and his EastEnders actor brother Bobby, was five when their mother Jade Goody died from cervical cancer in 2009. The Big Brother legend passed away at the age of 27 after a seven month battle with cancer and he has since been raised by his dad.
Daily Mail
03-06-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
How I was was conned out of £62k by a Facebook scammer posing as a French single mother
It was a cold January afternoon in 2019 when Arthur Jackson finally left his wife. After 25 years of marriage he'd had enough of the arguments. 'I'd just got home and she started shouting,' recalls Arthur, 63. 'My Collie, Patch, doesn't like confrontation, so we sat at the bottom of the garden. He looked at me as if to say, 'Let's go'. So we did.'
Telegraph
29-05-2025
- General
- Telegraph
What I call a chat, he calls an argument: How blazing rows almost broke our eight-year relationship
At the time of writing this at 2.30pm, my partner Mike* and I have already had an argument. He thinks I cause arguments for the sake of it. I think I'm simply asking for something, I don't even see it as an argument. I sit firmly in the camp of raising issues and talking them through. Small things, like asking for confirmation of holiday dates or needing to leave for an event on time, can go from zero to 60 in seconds, and before you know it, names are being called or slammed doors. We're both prone to becoming heated, things escalate, and then he loses his temper, sometimes saying things he doesn't mean. Today's argument was about the neighbours asking us to cut our trees back. He wants to leave it, I want to address it, cue: he said, she said, and we're off. Whenever my two grown-up kids are around, they leave the house somewhat messier than when they arrived. What kids don't? Their clothes get strewn across their bedrooms, and dirty dishes pile up. I come from a chaotic, busy family, so for me, the detritus is expected, although not unnoticed. My partner grew up living with his mum and no one else, and things were very ordered, so I understand why it causes him distress. Last time they visited, there was an argument. We try not to argue in front of the kids, so we have our angry conversations in desperate whispers, which makes everything more tense. In the end, he said he felt it was better that he went to his mum's for a while, to avoid being around the disruption. It isn't ideal, but at least he felt comfortable voicing his concerns, and it didn't end up shouty and awful, or with bubbling resentment and silent treatment. We've been together nearly eight years now. It does upset me that we can't argue constructively after all these years together. And he gets upset and frustrated too. It's definitely a problem. What I see as a discussion, he sees as an argument, and then tempers flare. We don't seem to be able to talk things through calmly. We actually split up at Christmas because we'd come to a place where it didn't feel workable any more. The straw that broke the camel's back was my family coming for a few days, and he said he didn't want a load of strangers ransacking the house. We split up for a while, but there's still a lot to fight for in the relationship. We're trying to make it work. The arguments are different now than a couple of years ago. Not talking afterwards doesn't last as long, and the heat seems to leave the situation more quickly. I would prefer it if he was open to raising issues and talking them through – even difficult ones, you know, can get heated. I've always been OK about getting things out in the open. There's something cathartic and just healthy about being honest and laying everything out. Maybe it's because I grew up in the 1970s, seeing my parents having some blinders when I was little. Proper shouting wasn't unusual, and the argument often ended with my dad slamming the door and going out to the pub. That's not my style at all, and is what has probably made me want to face issues. I've always been someone who prefers to bring grievances, rather than let them fester, but the types of arguments have been different in every one of my relationships. There was one relationship where there were very few cross words. Another where we'd get on like a house on fire, and then immediately, it would feel like we were the house on fire. Shouting, raging, walking off, slamming doors; we couldn't seem to find a good balance. Then, we were both dealing with teenage children and pressures from work. It sometimes felt like I was nailing jelly to the wall and couldn't get to the root of what the problem actually was. Mike and I are currently in 'discussions' about how we can argue better. And I'm noticing a difference. The other day, an argument arose about the kids drinking the beers in the fridge and not replacing them. Historically, this would have ended in raging and days of silent treatment, but when it came up, I stopped the conversation, said I needed a few minutes, then I typed a text instead to try and reduce the heat out of the situation. Brilliantly, it actually worked. It would really help if we knew how to deal with the conflict better and talk it through, but we're not all as equipped as we could be. Dr Monika Wieliczko, a chartered clinical psychologist believes that if couples were taught how to handle arguments, it would have saved many marriages. 'Conflicts in relationships are normal and unavoidable since we are dealing with two people with different sets of needs and expectations. Therefore, being in a relationship requires reaching a compromise. Argument is nothing but a process we go through to reach the middle ground.' One of the biggest problems I've had in relationships is that we both feel like we're being attacked by the other. For instance, Mike might bring up that I didn't stay in the garden long enough to help him do the weeding. I would say that I did some time out there, then went to prepare dinner, or else we would have both been in the garden until 6pm with nothing to eat. Both of us think we are right, and that the other is 'having a go' unnecessarily. Reassuringly, Dr Wieliczko says this breakdown of communication is common. 'Often, we perceive partners asserting their needs as an attack. Then that triggers a defensive response, which might feel dismissive to the side that raised an issue. This leads to a gradual withdrawal. As time goes by, the build-up of resentment erodes trust and closeness.' Dr Wieliczko also points out that – as with most psychological matters – how you argue as a couple is closely linked to the differences in how you were brought up. That certainly rings true in my current relationship. While my family were never afraid to bring up an issue, I think my partner's family tended to push things down and expect it would sort itself out, often leaving everyone dissatisfied. 'Some people avoid communicating their needs because they learnt as children that adults rarely make them feel safe and secure, and are more likely to avoid arguments in their relationships. Their aloofness is likely to make the other side feel insecure. Stereotypically, we're more likely to see this among men.' My ex-boyfriend often wouldn't say how uncomfortable he felt with me going out with a certain group of people. Or if I wanted to stay over a few nights, he would just say it was fine, when he didn't really feel that way. Then he would give me the silent treatment or not be very nice when I got back. I felt alone and misunderstood, and this just pushed us further apart. This is why I utterly believe that facing issues, even with disagreements, is a necessary part of a relationship, and that shying away from them is a bad sign. It's not a coincidence that several times I've had to look at the back of partners' heads as they walk away from the relationship, slamming the door because they've not asked for what they want. Dr Wieliczko says: 'What we often see behind the mask of a conflict-free relationship is an avoidance of real emotional intimacy. Both sides do not understand each other's points of view and think that the only way to maintain the relationship is to protect it from conflicts. But this comes at a cost to the quality of their relationship and leads to emotional detachment and eventual collapse of the relationship. If you can't argue properly, you are also likely to struggle to experience passion and emotional closeness.' Mike and I are really working on how uncomfortable it is at times and seeing how we can make it better. Bringing what we need, however difficult, is going to be a part of that process. And there are probably going to be a few arguments. As Dr Wieliczko says: 'Arguments are healthy and a necessary part of any relationship; however, the problem is that many couples don't know how to have constructive arguments that bring them closer rather than driving them apart.' So, if you recognise any of the above, it's not the end of the world, and there are ways we can get to a better place.
