Latest news with #familyDynamics
Washington Post
21 hours ago
- General
- Washington Post
Carolyn Hax: Sorry, Mother, I like our dog sitter too much to share the number
Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: Lowish-stakes question: My new spouse and I have a wonderful dog sitter, whom we cherish and don't want to lose. My parents live about 20 miles away and have two purebred dogs. My mother has always been a difficult, rigid person and has lost a lot of friends over the years because of her anger and difficult personality. (Managing that aspect of my relationship with her is the subject of a different letter.) Their previous dog sitter, for whatever reason, is no longer available to take care of my parents' dogs according to my mother's increasingly rigid and prescribed rules during their increasingly frequent vacations. My mother keeps asking for our sitter's contact information. I do not want to give it to her — even if the sitter figures out right away what a no-win situation that is, I worry that I will be tarred with the brush of Mom's Unreasonableness and that may affect our relationship with our sitter. I need a script for refusing my mother's escalating requests for the contact information, something other than 'no,' or ignoring her, or finally telling her the truth about how difficult she is and how giving out that information will have a serious negative impact on me. — Doghouse Doghouse: This is a lowish-stakes offshoot to the high-stakes issue, so this minor one will vanish once you find a way to stand up to your mom that is both scalable and allows you to sleep at night. You said it was another letter, but why not economize. We've been here before. Be calm and civil; say yes and no when you want to, not when you think you're supposed to; don't let anyone treat your 'no' as an opening to negotiations; and don't engage with any tantrums you set off with a 'no' someone doesn't like. If that's easier read than done, then therapy is a good place to learn boundaries, or try the endearingly basic 'Lifeskills for Adult Children' by Janet Woititz and Alan Garner. For the minor issue, though? You can hand the dog sitter your mother's information and let them work it out. Your sitter might shoot down the gig as too far away. Or really want the business, with a steep high-maintenance upcharge … because with the contact information, you will of course also pass along the intel that your mother has 'increasingly rigid and prescribed rules' for her animals' care. But do be clear that 'if you're not taking new clients, I'll let her know.' Ahem. Or just not taking this one, which is also okay. We're not even talking about the best reason to say 'Sorry, Mom, state secret': Your parents take frequent vacations. I'm not giving away my dog care if that means the sitter won't be available for my shmoof. Readers' thoughts: · The dog sitter question isn't low-stakes, but it is easy. Or was easy, until you continued to dodge your mother forever. All you had to do was say, 'She isn't accepting new clients.' Or, like Carolyn said, give the scoop and let your dog sitter decide. This isn't a situation you need to manage for either of them. It would only tarnish your reputation if you sprang your mother on the dog sitter without any warning. · Yes, ask the dog sitter, BUT be clear they have your permission to say no up-front or after giving it a try, and that it will NOT affect your desire to hire/keep them.
Yahoo
6 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
What Your Birth Order Says About You (& Why It's Not Set in Stone)
Birth order may play a bigger role in shaping who you are than you even realize. From the stereotypical elder, middle, and youngest sibling traits to the unique qualifications that shake things up, birth order theory is just one way to explain what makes you, you! Explore the phenomenon and see how it lines up with you and your family's personalities. Psychotherapist Alfred Adler was the first to propose a theory on how birth order impacted personality. Birth order theory suggests that birth order can affect the developing personality of a child. Eldest children, youngest children, middle children, and only children all fall into statistical groups with similar personality traits. That's not to say that every child will display every trait (or even any trait) associated with their place in the birth order; only that there's a statistical correlation that seems to suggest the probability that a child's ranking in birth order may result in certain traits that are common to other children of the same ranking. The sections below list characteristics of birth order that are often common to children of the same rank in birth order. It's important to note that these characteristics aren't set in stone and that just because your child falls into a certain rank in the birth order doesn't mean that he or she will display all, or even any, of the characteristics outlined. The unique position of the only child in a household of adults often results in a number of common personality traits: Close relationship with parents Natural born leaders Possess a high level of self-control Communicate and get along well with adults Can be demanding Can be spoiled and self-absorbed May feel a sense of "specialness" May feel they are being treated unfairly if they don't get their own way May be quite sensitive Often mature and dependable Often very private in nature Likes being the center of attention Will often "divide and conquer" parents in order to get what they want May relate better to adults than peers Famous only children include Robin Williams, Natalie Portman, Tipper Gore, Rudy Giuliani, Alan Greenspan, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Kareem-Abdul Jabbar. The oldest child is the only child for a period of time and can often show similar traits to only children; however, being the oldest of a group of siblings also may bring about other personality traits including the following: People pleasers Natural leaders High achievers Conformist Might be bossy or a know-it-all Are often very organized and prompt Might be overachievers They may behave in a very authoritarian manner, especially towards younger siblings May seek attention - in both positive and negative ways Often controlling May become compliant and nurturing Famous first borns include Oprah Winfrey, Walter Cronkite, Dan Rather, and Arsenio Hall. More than half of the American presidents have been first born children. Related: Middle children generally display similar personality characteristics, although middle child traits are more likely to appear in children who are in the middle of three than in middle children of larger families. Some middle child characteristics include the following: Flexible Easy-going Independent May be an excellent mediator or negotiator May feel that life is unfair May feel unloved or squeezed out by siblings Can be highly adaptable Often generous and sociable May try to differentiate themselves from the eldest sibling through behaviors and interests May perceive that the oldest and youngest child as the parents' "favorites" Might be rebellious Engage in attention-seeking behaviors May be extremely competitive Famous middle-born children include Donald Trump, Tim Allen, Rosie O'Donnell, and Julia Roberts. The baby of the family is often looked on as a carefree and spoiled position in the family. Characteristics of youngest children include: Often silly or funny Can display risk-taking behaviors Are often creative Can be very self-centered Often feels inferior as if everyone else is bigger and more capable Is highly competitive Can become bored easily Are usually friendly and outgoing with a terrific sense of humor Expect others to care for them and take responsibility for them Will often ally with the oldest sibling against the middle sibling (if three children) Can be equal parts charming and manipulative May be very idealistic Famous youngest children include Howard Stern, Ralph Nadar, and Jay Leno. There's psychological reasoning behind birth order and the different personality traits of siblings, but certain scenarios and situations could change these characteristics, including: Gender can throw off the typical birth order structure if the first two children born are different genders. When this happens, they often both have the personality traits of the oldest child. As for a large family, if there is one boy (or one girl) in the family, that child will not be in their typical birth order role. Or if a family displays favoritism or places more value on one gender over another, the dynamic will be different as well. If there are five or more years between siblings, the birth order role will not apply. Since the age between siblings is so great, it is considered a new start or 'new family' with a 'new firstborn'. When siblings are born one to two years apart, there may be more conflict and competition especially if they are the same gender. The ideal age difference between siblings tends to be three to four years. They are still close in age but can still have their own identity and interests. The older sibling naturally tends to be domineering and bossy towards their younger siblings. But if they are close in age and the younger sibling eventually outgrows or outsmarts the older sibling, the dynamic can change. When a younger sibling has a stronger, more confident disposition or temperament than their older sibling, this may throw off the birth order role. If a younger sibling is an overachiever in school or excels exponentially in sports or music, they tend to get special, even priority treatment, and birth order tends to shift. Another scenario is a sibling who has a disability and needs special care. Often these situations will alter the birth order role as well. The birth order role doesn't typically apply to twins. They have a special position in the family and tend to operate independently of the traditional birth order roles. When families are blended due to remarriage, the sibling dynamic can be incredibly confusing and complicated depending on the ages of the children. It's not unusual for the children to need some time to establish themselves in their new family hierarchy. From astrology to birth order, there are so many ways we can explain how we were quite literally born this way. While these characteristics might align with who you are, don't let them define you! Birth order might have had an influence on shaping you, but there's more to who you are then the position you were born in.
Yahoo
26-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Expert Shares the Amount of Screen Time Within 'Healthy' Limits
Screen time is a big concern for parents. How much is too much? Is it harming our kids? Is it harming us? Because as we all know, parents are just as guilty of spending too much time online. Is it destroying the family dynamic and our relationships? Neuroscientist and author of The DOSE Effect (which is all about balancing your brain chemistry), TJ Power spoke to HuffPost about the concern over screen time. He shared that "screens overload the brain with dopamine and over time, that dulls our motivation, attention, and even our sense of joy.' Related: We know this. How often do we as adults spend what we think is 10 minutes scrolling cat videos on social media only to realize that it's been over an hour and past the time we were supposed to start cooking dinner. It's a time suck. A mindless, sometimes needed, yet oftentimes not, activity so many of us are guilty in partaking in. And we worry about our kids, too. We wonder what they are being exposed to and how long they've been aimlessly scrolling TikTok. With this in mind, it's fascinating to learn the max screen time neuroscientist Power felt was okay for the human brain. How much time does he spend online? Power said, "I personally aim for a maximum of three hours a day, and I stick to it pretty religiously." Three hours. I think a lot of us feel shame right now. But he shares more. 'The key isn't just how much screen time you have,' he adds. 'It's when and why you are using it. If the screen is draining your energy, stealing your attention, or replacing real connection, something needs to shift.' Okay. So some of the screen time isn't all terrible. There are learning apps, news articles, and yes, the cat videos aren't all garbage — some are fun and give you a chuckle and you send them to friends who send a laugh emoji back and maybe that counts for connectivity. Related: We still should monitor ourselves and we need to be aware about how much screen time our kids get. Overuse can affect their focus and social skills, and do a number on their self esteem. For all of us, no matter our age, too much time online can make you lose interest in things in the real world and make you lonely. "We are more connected than ever, but less socially fulfilled,' Power shared. 'Screens can create the illusion of connection without the chemistry of it.' The key is not only to pay attention to how many hours you or your kids are online, but to look at overall activity (or inactivity) in the real world. Healthy sleep patterns, being well rested, socializing, and being able to feel relaxed and present are important things to look at for yourself and your kids. If there are issues in those areas, too much screen time may be the culprit. Up Next:Expert Shares the Amount of Screen Time Within 'Healthy' Limits first appeared on WeHaveKids on May 26, 2025
ABC News
19-05-2025
- General
- ABC News
When is it OK to cut off your parents and go 'no contact'?
Have you ever considered cutting a family member off? It's called going "no contact" and social media is filled with stories from people who've done just that. But how do you know you're making the right choice? And can fractured relationships be saved? Guest: Bec Cushway, producer on Radio National's God Forbid program. ------ If you want to find out more about what it means to go 'no contact' or 'low contact' with family, read this ABC article, or listen to the God Forbid episode exploring the ethics of it all. If you're into complicated family dynamics, you might like our episode on why people are starting a family with sperm from a Facebook group. If you liked this episode, let us know at Family and domestic violence support services: 1800 RESPECT national helpline: 1800 737 732 Men's Referral Service: 1300 766 491 Lifeline (24-hour crisis line): 131 114 Relationships Australia: 1300 364 277
RNZ News
14-05-2025
- Lifestyle
- RNZ News
Feature interview: how your siblings shape your life
Parents unleash the arrow of ambition in their children, but siblings are often the ones who help guide its direction says Pulitzer Prize winning New York Times staff writer Susan Dominus. After a lifetime of curiosity about the ecosystems of families, Dominus set out to discover what families of high-achieving siblings had in common including the values, habits, and everyday rituals, like dinnertime conversations that influenced their children to hit the bullseye in their lives and work. Her book is called The Family Dynamic: A Journey into the Mystery of Sibling Success. To embed this content on your own webpage, cut and paste the following: See terms of use.
