Latest news with #redFlags
Yahoo
06-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Woman Refuses to Move into Boyfriend's Apartment Because He Still Has Handwritten Notes From His Ex on the Fridge
A woman on Reddit is wondering if she's overreacting for no longer wanting to move in with her boyfriend because his apartment still has handwritten notes from his ex-girlfriend Though the user suggested they look for a new place together, he claims he can't afford to move and insists she's "reading too much into it" Other Reddit users agree that the personal items from his last relationship are a red flag and she shouldn't move in with himA woman on Reddit is rethinking her decision to move in with her boyfriend after taking a good look at his apartment. In a post on Reddit's r/AmIOverreacting, the user explains that she and her boyfriend, "Leo," have been together for just over a year and are considering taking the next step in their relationship together. "He recently asked me to move in. We've talked about it before, but now that it's real, I'm hesitating and it's mostly because of his place," she explains. According to the user, his apartment is still decorated with remnants of his last relationship, which makes her a bit uncomfortable. "He still lives in the apartment he used to share with his ex. They lived there for over three years, and it shows," she writes. "The furniture, the art on the walls, the tiny post-it notes still on the fridge with her handwriting… it's like she never really left." She's tried to approach the subject with her partner, who brushes off her concerns as her "reading too much into it." He claims he "just hasn't bothered to redecorate and that none of it 'means anything.' " "It feels like I'd be walking into a space that was never made for me, just trying to squeeze myself in," she explains. "I offered to look for a new place together. He says we can't afford it right now, and that I should be more flexible." Though the poster wonders if she's being "sensitive," other users are firmly in agreement with her, noting that it's odd he still has personal items, such as handwritten notes, around the apartment. "Furniture is one thing that s--- is expensive to replace but the art and hand written notes??? it definitely means something to him," one user chimed in. Another user noted that the boyfriend "needs to de-ex" the apartment "so there's nothing personal left from when he was with her." "I get that furniture may not change - a new bed would be nice - but artwork and knick-knacks can definitely be personal to you rather than to her," they wrote. "And there should be absolutely nothing with her handwriting on." Read the original article on People
Yahoo
05-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
People Are Sharing The Biggest Red Flags They Ignored Because Their Partner Was Hot, And I Guess Rose-Colored Glasses Really Are A Thing
Recently, Reddit user u/Tuckeygaming asked, "What is the biggest red flag you ignored because they were hot?" Here's a look at some of the top-voted responses: 1."He literally said, 'Fuck, I'm probably going to wind up seriously hurting you' the first time we got drunk together. A year and some change later, he started an affair with his best friend's fiancée! He called it!" —drunky_crowette Related: 2."She was married, but told me that her marriage had been purely platonic for years and that she was allowed to have lovers. I didn't question it. I should have." —Bravemount 3."He got into a car wreck because he installed a PlayStation in his car and he and his friend were playing it while he was driving." —Rustmutt 4."What I thought was confidence in him slowly became toxic narcissism." —AlbinoGiraffes "In my opinion, learning the difference between confidence, arrogance, and narcissism is one of the most helpful lessons you could learn." —smygartofflor 5."He was dumber than a rock. I swear to Christ, he was the walking inspiration for Derek Zoolander. Walking and screwing were about the only things he could do without breaking something or causing something to go wrong. He attempted to wash (my) dishes with laundry soap, he could not remember where I lived or what apartment I was in (even after coming over five times), and he confused the 4th of July with Presidents Day. He assumed his work schedule was incorrect for scheduling him on Presidents Day, as they must be closed, and he simply did not go in." "I made it through three weeks. If I'd have stayed with him, I'd have had to develop a heroic drinking problem just to cope. Good lord, was he hot though, I seriously didn't want to admit he was also profoundly dumb." —silversatire Related: 6."Said she thought cheating could be used as a power move." —mightybjorn 7."She was always on her phone, but never replied to my texts." —teslatank0 8."He was really attractive and charismatic. He was also a pathological liar, but my friends and I never suspected a thing for months." —Any_Field_8184 Related: 9."Whenever I did something pleasant, romantic, sweet, or loving, he would would treat me like shit. When I would show zero interest in him for being such a dickhead, he would treat me like royalty. Pull out every stop, every trick in the book to romance me and make me forget about it. When I would be sweet back, it turned him off. The more I ignored him and rejected him for being a total asshole, the more he wanted me. It was this weird game. After a while, I grew tired. I didn't want to play anymore." —JizuzCrust 10."I ignored the biggest flashing neon sign warning about my ex that came from a friend of his. She told me, quote, 'He is going to be very hard to love because he is always looking for a fight and thinks he has something to prove.' She said I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I'm just warning you about it. If you think you're up to the task, then go for it, but I just wanted to let you know. I wish I had heeded her warning." —Babyhandgrenade 11."She had cheated on all her exes, but she told me I was special lol." —AdorableProcedure268 12."The complete lack of emotional regulation skills." —None 13."He believed the Necronomicon was real and claimed to have done several incantations from it." —Cthulia Related: 14."Interestingly enough, his ex cornered me at my place of work right as I started hanging out with him, and she WARNED me about him. I brushed it off and wrote her off as crazy. Sure enough, literally everything she said came true. Her warning always lived in the back of my mind and eventually helped me get the nerve to kick him out. I've always wanted to run into her again and thank her and apologize for calling her crazy." —Sassquapadelia 15."Manipulating me into buying things for him, and the way he generally used me for my kindness and generosity." —JasonDomber 16."She was perfectly fine manipulating other guys and bragging about it in front of me. But I was different. I'm an idiot." —lulpwned finally, "I might win this one. He had just been released from prison for the attempted murder of his own mother. Yes, he was that cute." —themonicastone Have you ever dated someone who was SO HOT that you ignored every red flag? Tell us about them in the comments! Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity. Also in BuzzFeed: Also in BuzzFeed: Also in BuzzFeed:
The Sun
26-05-2025
- The Sun
Dark side of ‘Are We Dating the Same Guy' Facebook groups where ‘cheaters' are unmasked – but who are the REAL victims?
DOZENS of groups using a variation of the name 'Are We Dating the Same Guy' have been popping up on social media in recent years. Initially a US invention starting on Facebook, private and public versions have been emerging across the world, including in the UK since 2022 - but they could pose major legal issues, experts warn. 9 9 9 They say some of the content has led to a surge in legal claims, with 'victims' seeking compensation. The initial purpose was for women to post photos of men they're currently dating or talking to, and allow for others in their local area to raise any potential red flags. Perhaps the man is already seeing someone else, has lied about being married - or worse, has a criminal record for domestic abuse. While many of the groups still serve an important purpose - a barrier to protect women - the posting of unproven allegations is continuing to cause issues. The Sun has seen posts showing men's photos, names and rough location, alongside unverified claims they've previously been in trouble with police, have cheated or are generally of bad character - but there is not accountability. One man - who did not wish to be named - told us his life has been turned upside down with vicious trolls targeting him on X (formally Twitter) after he was posted about on his local Are We Dating page. Seen by The Sun, his face and name were posted in a private group with over 56,000 members, with the anonymous poster asking if they were any red flags she should be aware of. They claimed to have been dating him for a few weeks - though he says he's actually been single for months. An anonymous responder told them he was "abusive", while another advised they apply for Clare's Law. Clare's Law, also known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme, is a policy which affords people the right to know if their current partner or ex has any previous history of violence or abuse. A string of anonymous comments - possibly all made by one person - then made further damaging allegations, none of which included any proof. Some included how they'd met him on a dating app, and he'd stopped messaging them, with the implication he must be steered clear of because of it. The next day the original poster then claimed she'd "done a Clare's law", adding: "Turns out he's very dangerous, abusive, harassing and threatening." She added he also said he had a current wife and kids. He told the Sun: "It's impossible to get a Clare's Law done in 24 hours for a start, so I know it's a lie." He said he also does not have a criminal record - which the scheme would flag up rather than simply claims of him being "dangerous" or his marital status. He does, however, have an ex-wife and kids from a previous relationship. He said: "It's causing me massive amounts of anxiety at the moment, I can't get the post taken down, I've been to the police and told them who I think it might be. I think it's one of two ex-girlfriends over the last few months. "Because it's posted anonymously they can't do anything about it. It's caused me huge stress, people are out there spreading lies about me." 9 9 Referring to the breakdown of relationships, he said: "There's a very good chance that both of you have been hurt by each other as well." He added: "Those groups are designed to protect women and keep women safe. But at the moment, I fear it's at the detriment of the safety of men. We have got emotions as well, and feelings, and it does impact us." He said he's had multiple video calls with police who are taking no further action. "The police officer told me the force is having hundreds of calls about this from men having this sort of information shared about them online, often it's either misinformation or completely false," he said. "It's just a hate crime, it's done out of malice." The Sun contacted the police force, asking whether it had received a surge in reports but has not had a response. 'This group is dangerous' In a comment on one of the groups, which is public and has over 600,000 members, a female user posted: "How do I block this group? "I didn't join it but it shows up constantly. The way yall violate the privacy of total strangers is so completely creepy." Another woman said: "This group is DANGEROUS. The fact people can post in this group anonymously and hide their identity is the most dangerous." The Sun has spoken to a number of digital and legal experts about the popularity of such groups and the possibility of poster's being at risk of legal action. Joe Davies, digital expert at fatjoe, said: "The growing popularity of 'Are We Dating the Same Guy?' Facebook groups reflects a significant shift in how people use social media for crowd-sourced vetting and accountability in dating. "These communities are often formed with the intention of protecting women from deceitful or harmful dating experiences by sharing warnings and comparing notes. "However, while the motivation may be rooted in safety, the execution raises serious legal and ethical concerns. "Posting identifiable photos and accusations about someone's behaviour, without evidence or consent, can open the door to defamation claims, particularly if the information shared is false or misleading. "We've seen a notable uptick in men filing police reports, citing reputational damage, harassment, and emotional distress as consequences of being named in these groups. "From a social media governance perspective, platforms like Facebook face increasing pressure to balance free expression with safeguarding individuals from targeted abuse. "These groups often operate in grey areas administered by private users with varying moderation standards, which makes consistency and accountability difficult to enforce. "While these groups may provide a sense of community and vigilance, they can also fuel digital vigilantism and reputational harm. "Users must be cautious about what they post, and administrators should enforce strict guidelines to prevent potential legal repercussions. "The line between support and slander is thin, and without proper oversight, these groups risk doing more harm than good." These kinds of pages and websites pose significant risks for those who use them, particularly if what they are posting is false and damaging Rory LynchGateley Legal Rory Lynch, of Gateley Legal, agreed: 'These kinds of pages and websites pose significant risks for those who use them, particularly if what they are posting is false and damaging. "Under English defamation law, the claimant (who, in this case, would be the subject of the post in question) could sue the author if they can prove that the post has caused them to suffer 'serious harm'. "This may be where the author has made a false allegation that is of a serious criminal nature, which has then been shared and viewed widely (i.e. 'gone viral'). "Users of these sites cannot rely on an anonymous profile for protection either, as it is often possible for specialist cyber firms to identify the author. Unless the author is confident that they can prove what they are saying is true, it is safer to avoid using such sites altogether." Kishan Pattni, of law firm Freeths, added: "A breach of libel and privacy will depend on what is said exactly and the size of the Facebook audience. "If a serious allegation in the group, say sexual assault, is factually put to a lot of people but cannot be proven, that could expose the discloser to a libel claim because it will have caused serious harm to her date's reputation." Libel and slander are the written and spoken forms of defamation, a broad legal term referring to false statement's that harm a person's reputation. Privacy damages refer to the financial compensation a person can claim for harm caused by a breach of their privacy, which can include loss of control over their information, distress, and other forms of harm. Put simply, if such false or non-provable claims are made in a group and are seen by enough people then the poster could be successfully sued. Mr Pattni said: "In libel especially, the compensation will help to vindicate an injured reputation but for the date who sues and loses, that reputation could be irreparably damaged under the glare of a public court process." Mark Hodgson, a seasoned private investigator who heads Tremark, warned those using such groups must "tread carefully", adding: "Not every post is credible. 'Misinformation can spread like wildfire in online communities. It's crucial to verify claims and think twice before jumping to conclusions. "Remember, you have no idea what drives other posters; their motives are often shrouded in mystery. "Some might be venting their frustrations, while others could be spreading rumours without a shred of evidence. "This kind of sensationalism can spark unnecessary drama and lead to misunderstandings in your own relationship. While these groups may seem helpful, always take their advice with a grain of salt and keep the lines of communication open with your partner." If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please call the Samaritans for free on 116123. Bailyn Fields, Registered Nurse, Boomer Benefits, also spoke to us about the impact such misinformation can have on someone's mental health. She said: "Being wrongly accused or targeted in online groups can obviously seriously affect a man's mental health. "It can lead to feelings of shame, anxiety, and helplessness, especially since information like this spreads quickly and publicly. "Men may find it hard to speak out due to stigma, which can worsen isolation and stress - and if they do speak out about this kind of thing, it's unlikely that people will believe them. "This kind of online harassment can also impact sleep, concentration, and overall wellbeing. "It's important that men know support is available, whether through counselling, trusted friends, or mental health services that understand the specific pressures caused by online reputational attacks. "Addressing these issues openly can help reduce stigma and encourage men to seek help sooner." The Sun contacted the National Police Chief's Council, asking for a comment on whether UK forces are receiving reports about such groups. A spokesperson said: "We don't have have any national data to show this as an issue and I think each report would require individual assessment as to whether it constitutes a crime." We have also contacted Facebook owner Meta for comment. You're Not Alone EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers. It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes. And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women. Yet it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now. That is why The Sun launched the You're Not Alone campaign. The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives. Let's all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You're Not Alone. If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support: CALM, 0800 585 858 Heads Together, HUMEN Mind, 0300 123 3393 Papyrus, 0800 068 41 41 Samaritans, 116 123 9 9 9
Forbes
16-05-2025
- General
- Forbes
3 Ways To Uproot Entitlement From Your Relationship, By A Psychologist
Caring should be voluntary, not owed. If you find yourself keeping score, these three mindset shifts ... More will help you step into a healthier love. In the process of choosing a partner or deciding if what you're getting in a relationship is truly what you deserve, it's natural to reflect on your needs and expectations. Knowing your worth helps you recognize red flags and avoid 'settling for less.' But there's a fine line between having healthy standards and feeling entitled to someone else's time, energy or emotional labor without considering their perspective or capacity. To be clear, wanting a partner who respects you and makes you feel valued is not entitlement. The trouble begins when those wants quietly shift into assumptions, like believing that because you're a good partner, the other person should act a certain way, or that effort should always be equal and immediate. Relationships aren't transactional. Sometimes, feeling that you're owed something just because of what you bring to the table can block genuine connection and growth. This is exactly what 'entitlement' in relationships can look like. It can usually be disguised as fairness or reciprocity and may not seem harmful at first. But over time, it creates a dynamic where love and care become conditions rather than choices. You might find yourself thinking, 'If I'm doing all this, why aren't they matching it?' or 'They should know how I feel without me having to say it.' It's important to recognize entitlement in your relationships, whether it's something you're experiencing or noticing in your partner. Here are three ways you can actively work to disrupt this pattern in your relationship. Sometimes, entitlement in relationships stems from a deep-rooted focus on getting one's needs met, often at the expense of mutual understanding. Shifting toward a more caring, collaborative mindset starts with recognizing that relationships thrive when both partners feel seen and supported. Rather than approaching your partner with a sense of emotional, physical or material expectation, it helps to ask, 'Am I expecting too much? Are my needs the only ones being prioritized here?' A 2023 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that individuals who endorsed self-transcendence values like benevolence (care for close others) and universalism (concern for the broader good) tended to report higher-quality romantic relationships. This is largely because these values promote pro-relational attitudes, which are mindsets that prioritize the well-being of both the relationship and the partners involved. People with pro-relational attitudes tend to demonstrate more empathy, actively nurture the relationship and approach conflicts with a focus on collaboration rather than personal gain. While it's important to acknowledge when things may not be going well in a relationship, take a step back to assess if your expectations are coming from a place of entitlement. Rather than solely focusing on what's lacking, try to understand if your needs are rooted in a desire for fairness and mutual respect rather than a sense of being owed something. Balancing this awareness with gratitude can help cultivate a healthier, more cooperative relationship dynamic. In relationships, it's common to fall into the trap of a 'Quid pro quo' mentality where you expect every action should be reciprocated. This mindset operates on the assumption that for every emotional, physical or material effort you make, there should be an equal response from your partner. However, relationships based on this transactional approach often lead to disappointment and resentment when expectations aren't met. Instead of looking at your relationship like a balance sheet where every favor must be accounted for, consider shifting toward a more unconditional mindset. Research on competitive behavior in young couples highlights the negative impact of this mindset. Researchers found that individuals with lower self-esteem were more likely to engage in competitive behaviors within their romantic relationships. This competition, driven by a need to prove one's value, often manifests as one-upmanship, whether it's in achieving goals, receiving affection or managing household tasks. However, this behavior tends to lead to conflict rather than strengthening the relationship, as it creates a divide instead of inviting collaboration. Breaking free from this mentality requires more than just shifting your mindset. You need to begin embracing the joy of giving without the pressure of receiving. Try to focus on moments of pure selflessness in your relationship. For example, surprise your partner with something meaningful to them without any expectation of getting something in return. This doesn't mean never expecting anything from them — the goal is to cultivate a sense of fulfillment that doesn't rely on reciprocity and to reinforce the unconditional nature of your bond. In a relationship, it's easy to fall into the belief that your partner should always know how to comfort you or perhaps that they're somehow responsible for making you feel better. This subtle sense of entitlement can show up as frustration or disappointment when they don't respond the way you expect. You may even find yourself thinking, 'If I'm upset, you should fix it.' But your partner isn't a mind-reader or an emotional problem-solver. They're human, and sometimes they won't have the right answer or energy to help. Instead of depending on them to constantly carry your emotional weight, focus on building your emotional steadiness. This allows your partner's support to feel like a natural expression of care, given without any underlying pressure. A 2024 study reveals that individuals who regulate their emotions better are more likely to have positive relationships. For example, those who can manage their emotions tend to communicate more effectively, leading to healthier expressions of feelings within the relationship. Additionally, emotional regulation encourages empathy and support, both of which contribute positively to relationship satisfaction. On the other hand, difficulties in emotional regulation can lead to conflicts, misunderstandings and dissatisfaction. So, it's crucial to focus on building emotional resilience for both your well-being and your partner's. Start by processing your emotions independently, finding ways to soothe and regulate yourself. This self-awareness will help you communicate better and stay calm when challenges arise. When you do need support, approach your partner with openness rather than expectation. Remember, it's okay to lean on each other, but it's essential to also cultivate the ability to comfort and steady yourself. This balanced approach enhances intimacy and long-term relationship satisfaction. To truly break the cycle of entitlement in relationships, it's crucial to shift your focus from what you feel you're owed to what you can offer. This means moving beyond the idea of love as a transaction and embracing it as a choice that both partners willingly make. Instead of assuming your partner should meet every need or fulfill specific roles, focus on contributing to the relationship without expecting a direct exchange. True connection thrives when both partners bring their whole selves to the relationship, free from a sense of obligation or entitlement. Is your relationship mindset rooted in connection or entitlement? Take this science-backed test to find out: Sense Of Relational Entitlement Scale
